The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania XXX

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) JT Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

superdome
Great to be back in the Silverdome!

NEW ORLEANS, LOUISIANA APRIL 6TH 2014

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. Daniel Bryan d. Triple H

2. The Shield d. Kane & The New Age Outlaws

3. Cesaro d. 30 Men – Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale

4. John Cena d. Bray Wyatt

5. Brock Lesnar d. The Undertaker

6. AJ Lee (c) d. 12 Divas – WWE Diva’s Title Vickie Guerrero Invitational Match

7. Daniel Bryan d. Randy Orton (c) and Batista – WWE Title Triple Threat Match

JT ROZZERO

Just kick him in the face already.
Just kick him in the face already.

1. Sheamus wins Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

2. Cody Rhodes & Goldust d. The Usos (c) – Tag Team Titles

3. AJ Lee d. Stephanie McMahon

4. The Shield d. The Wyatt Family – Street Fight

5. Big E. Langston d. Big Show – IC Title

6. Dolph Ziggler d. Triple H

7. Undertaker d. Kane – Streak vs. Career

8. Brock Lesnar d. Batista

9. Cesaro d. John Cena

10. Daniel Bryan d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title

AARON GEORGE

I guess they don't like money. Or good matches...
I guess they don’t like money. Or good matches…

No long Hogan/Austin/Rock promo to start the show, so one match can be added.

1. Cesaro d. John Cena
Strange choice for an opener? Maybe? One of the best WM openers of all time? Absolutely.

2. Sin Cara d. Rey Mysterio
They always wanted to do this match, why not do it here?

3. Dolph Ziggler d. Alberto Del Rio – I Quit Match
Ziggler wins after kicking Del Rio in the head a million times. Del Rio is messed up and quits before permanent damaged is caused. This pays off their awesome Payback 2013 double turn that no one loves on the same level that I do.

4. William Regal wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale.
This continues my theme of William Regal being a focal point of every card. This is his farewell into the sunset. Until WrestleMania Play Button when he cripples Roman Reigns.

5. The Shield d. The Wyatt Family – Hell In A Cell
The Rematch. That is all.

6. Cody Rhodes d. Goldust
No Stardust, no bullshit. Just great wrestling.

7. Daniel Bryan d. Brock Lesnar – No Holds Barred
In a perfect world Lesnar hasn’t been beaten yet, and he’s the authority’s choice to take out that pesky Daniel Bryan.

8. CM Punk d. Randy Orton (c) and Batista – WWE Title Triple Threat
I’d wager that if he were offered the Main Event of Mania he may have stuck around. Not only is he the only acceptable challenger as Bryan is occupied elsewhere on the card, but it pays off his confrontations with The Authority and gives us a pretty great match to boot!

STEVEN GRAHAM

Finally...
Finally…

1. The Usos d. Cody Rhodes & Goldust – Tag Team Titles
The two best teams in the WWE really deserved a showcase match.

2. Cesaro d. Big E – Intercontinental Title
Maybe this could had been the start of re-building the IC Title and turning Cesaro into a star.

3. Brock Lesnar d. Batista
How awesome would this had been?

4. The Wyatt Family d. The Shield – TLC Match
These two were having the best feud ever, but it was cut short. A natural ending at WrestleMania would have been amazing!

5. John Cena d. The Undertaker
Turning heel and ending the streak would be an epic moment in the history of the WWE.

6. AJ Lee (c) d. Naomi – Divas Title
Naomi was being built up as the top challenger, until her injury anyway.

7. Daniel Bryan d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title
Adding Batista needlessly complicates the Daniel Bryan story.

NICK DUKE

Justice.
Justice.

1. The Usos (c) d. The New Age Outlaws, Rybaxel and Cody Rhodes & Goldust – WWE Tag Team Titles Elimination Match

2. Cesaro d. Jack Swagger

3. The Shield d. The Wyatt Family – Hardcore Elimination Match

4. AJ Lee (c) defeats Natalya – WWE Diva’s Title

5. The Undertaker d. Batista

6. Brock Lesnar (with Paul Heyman) d. John Cena

7. Daniel Bryan d. Randy Orton (c) and Triple H – WWE Title Triple Threat Match

BRIAN BAYLESS

Hello my friend we meet again, it's been a while where should we begiiiiiinnn....
Hello my friend we meet again, it’s been a while where should we begiiiiiinnn….

1. Daniel Bryan d. Batista

Winner here gets to face Orton for the strap to close the show. Bryan wins as HHH is pissed off at Batista for not finishing the job. This sets up for a future HHH vs. Batista feud

2. Cesaro d. Jack Swagger

Cesaro beats his ex-partner as he moves off to bigger and better things. 

3. The Shield d. Wyatt Family – TLC Match

A crazy brawl that sees the Shield stand strong. 

4. Alberto Del Rio & Sheamus / Ricardo d. Usos (c) – WWE Tag Team Titles

Sheamus turns heel by appearing as Alberto’s surprise partner as the new champs breathe life into the stale Tag Team Division

5. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman d. HHH

Lesnar was pissed about not getting a title shot so HHH challenges him to a match and if he beats him, he will get a shot at the champion. 

6. Undertaker d. John Cena

With Cena on the backburner here, he challenges the Undertaker and comes up short as Taker’s WM streak continues. Cena can easily afford a loss here too. 

7. Kane d. Big Show

Let the two big guys cool down the crowd before the main event. 

8. Daniel Bryan d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE World Heavyweight Title

Bryan finally wins after months worth of screw jobs from The Authority as the show closes on a high note. 

TRENT WILLIAMS

Just kick him in the face already.
Just kick him in the face already.

1. The Wyatt Family d. The Shield
They should have either never had the match at Elimination Chamber and have it here or make this the rematch, just get this match on the card to have a crazy opening WrestleMania match.

2. Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal – Winner: Dolph Ziggler
Winner gets trophy and is in the WWE Championship Match

3. Brock Lesnar w/ Paul Heyman d. Cesaro

4. Daniel Bryan d. Shawn Michaels
The match was rumored to happen and I really got excited for it and wanted it to happen, but it didn’t until now on my card. I would have Shawn be the heel and basically play the role Triple H did where he could say he knows how good Bryan is because he trained him, but he is not good enough to play with the big dogs because he will get ate up and he should just go back to where he is a big fish in a small pond instead of being in the WWE where he is a small fish in a ocean.

5. AJ Lee (c) d. Emma & Naomi – WWE Diva’s Title Triple Threat

6. Dolph Ziggler d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title
Dolph Ziggler would finally win the big one like he has deserved for years and I can imagine the pop being just as loud as when Bryan won the title.

7. The Undertaker d. John Cena
I feel this would be the ultimate main event for a WrestleMania the caliber of WrestleMania XXX and the great thing about it would be nobody would be sure who would win the match. I would have Cena say he has done everything there is to do in the WWE except for one thing and that is beating The Undertaker’s streak. Also at the end of the match while The Undertaker is celebrating I would have the cameras placed where you can see thing ring, but far in the background you can see like a corner of the arena and have their be a light there and Sting would just be standing there watching The Undertaker to set up for next year’s match.

GLENN BUTLER

We hate New Orleans too Glenn!
We hate New Orleans too Glenn!

In honor of Andre the Giant’s win in the 32-man tournament at WrestleMania 2, WrestleMania XXX will feature the first annual Andre the Giant Memorial Thirty-Two Man Tournament! Most of the opening round is broadcast live on the WWE Network throughout the afternoon before the pay-per-view portion of the show begins at 7 PM, with the last three matches of the first round kicking off the PPV.

Andre the Giant Memorial Tournament, Round One
1. El Torito def. Hornswoggle
2. Goldust def. Heath Slater
3. Big Show def. David Otunga
4. Tyson Kidd def. Diego
5. R-Truth def. Road Dogg
6. Mark Henry def. Ryback
7. Fernando def. Damien Sandow
8. Dolph Ziggler def. Billy Gunn – The Battle for the Fame-Asser
9. Jack Swagger def. Santino Marella
10. The Funkasaurus def. Titus O’Neil
11. Zack Ryder def. Curtis Axel
12. Cody Rhodes def. Jinder Mahal
13. The Great Khali def. Fandango
14. Antonio Cesaro def. Justin Gabriel
15. Kofi Kingston def. Yoshi Tatsu
16. Sheamus def. Darren Young

17. The Usos (c) def. Alberto Del Rio & Ricardo Rodriguez – WWE Tag Titles

18. Big E. Langston (c) def. Drew McIntyre – WWE Intercontinental Title

Andre the Giant Memorial Tournament, Round Two
19. Goldust def. El Torito
20. Big Show def. Tyson Kidd
21. Mark Henry def. R-Truth
22. Dolph Ziggler def. Fernando
23. Jack Swagger def. The Funkasaurus
24. Cody Rhodes def. Zack Ryder
25. Antonio Cesaro def. The Great Khali – Big Swing City!
26. Sheamus def. Kofi Kingston

27. Dean Ambrose (c) def. Kane – WWE United States Title
The Authority forces Ambrose to defend his title individually right before The Shield’s big match. Aren’t they dastardly?

28. The Shield def. The Wyatt Family – Six-Man Street Fight, Special Guest Referee Steve Austin
Tear the house down one more time, boys.

Andre the Giant Memorial Tournament, Quarterfinals
29. Big Show def. Goldust
30. Mark Henry def. Dolph Ziggler
31. Jack Swagger def. Cody Rhodes
32. Antonio Cesaro def. Sheamus
The crowd’s been open to Cesaro for the whole night, but now they’re starting to believe.

33. AJ Lee (c) def. Tamina Snuka – WWE Divas Title
After AJ spent a year mowing down the entire women’s division, her own friend and partner turned on her. So AJ mows her down too.

34. Undertaker def. Batista
If there’s any chance at Taker having a good match at the advanced state of decrepitude on display at the real-life XXX, it has to be with someone he has as much chemistry with as Batista.

Andre the Giant Memorial Tournament, Semifinals
35. Big Show def. Mark Henry
36. Antonio Cesaro def. Jack Swagger
Now that Cesaro’s face reactions have increased over the course of the evening, The Real Americans have their big breakup — Zeb Colter is beside himself — plus the great rivalry between Show and Henry from 2011-12 is renewed.

37. Rey Mysterio def. The Miz

Andre the Giant Memorial Tournament, Finals
38. Antonio Cesaro def. The Big Show
HE SLAMMED HIM! Big Show has to make it to the finals since it’s the Andre Memorial Tournament, and Cesaro puts both his strength and his endurance on display as he makes it all the way through five matches.

39. John Cena (w/Hulk Hogan) def. Brock Lesnar (w/Paul Heyman)

40. Daniel Bryan def. Randy Orton (c) – WWE World Heavyweight Title
D.Bryan is here for what’s been stolen from him so many times, and Orton taps the fuck out.

Whose WrestleMania XXX card is your favorite?

View Results

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Thanks for joining us on this epic fantasy journey! See? It’s easy to book the biggest show of the year!

Catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
WrestleMania VIII
WrestleMania IX
WrestleMania X
WrestleMania XI
WrestleMania XII
WrestleMania 13
WrestleMania 14
WrestleMania XV
WrestleMania 2000
WrestleMania X-Seven
WrestleMania X8
WrestleMania XIX
WrestleMania XX
WrestleMania 21
WrestleMania 22
WrestleMania 23
WrestleMania XXIV
WrestleMania XXV
WrestleMania XXVI
WrestleMania XXVII
WrestleMania XXVIII
WrestleMania 29

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.