The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania XII

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So at WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre, because we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

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ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA MARCH 31ST 1996

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. Vader, Owen Hart & The British Bulldog d. Ahmed Johnson, Jake Roberts & Yokozuna

2. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. Goldust – Hollywood Backlot Brawl

3. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Savio Vega

4. The Ultimate Warrior d. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

5. The Undertaker d. Diesel

6. Shawn Michaels d. Bret “Hitman” Hart – WWF Title 60 Minute Iron Man Match, 1-0

JUSTIN ROZZERO

warriorlawler
Somebody’s gonna get their ass kicked,

1. Jake Roberts & Marc Mero d. Tatanka & 1-2-3 Kid *

2. Ahmed Johnson d. Hunter Hearst-Helmsley

3. Owen Hart & British Bulldog d. Smoking Gunns – WWF Tag Team Title Tournament Finals

4. Vader d. Yokozuna

5. Steve Austin d. Roddy Piper

6. Razor Ramon d. Goldust (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title

7. Ultimate Warrior d. Jerry Lawler

8. Undertaker d. Shawn Michaels

9. Bret Hart (c) d. Diesel – WWF Title Loser Leaves Town Match **

* Mero’s surprise debut
** Diesel won 1996 Royal Rumble; Diesel leaves company after this show

AARON GEORGE

vaderbret
Somebody’s gonna get their wig split,

1. “Wildman” Marc Marrow d. 1-2-3 Kid

2. Diesel d. Goldust – Street Fight
Diesel steps up to defend his friend Razor, who Goldust slapped a restraining order on. It’s non-title so he brutalizes Dustin.

3. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog d. Razor Ramon & Savio Vega – WWF Tag Title Tournament Final

4. The Ultimate Warrior d. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Jerry doesn’t get any time to stall/ruin the match. He runs his mouth, Warrior attacks, no-sells piledriver, press slam, slpash, knees on chest, done. After the match Helmsley runs in and Warrior humbles him too. (Make that mean whatever you want it to.)

5. Shawn Michaels d. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin – Number One Contender’s Match

6. The Undertaker d. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper
Piper wants to see if he’s still got it. He doesn’t.

7. Vader d. Bret “Hitman” Hart (c) – WWF Title 30 Minute Iron Man Match 3-0
Vader shocks the world by beating Hart. It’s a closely contested and Bret fights with courage but Vader is too much.

STEVEN GRAHAM

ahmedjohn
Somebody’s gonna get their head licked,

1. Razor Ramon d. The 1-2-3 Kid
Razor gets his revenge on The Kid here.

2. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
Without the Savio feud Austin is not left with much to do. Also there isn’t too many quality baby faces at this time, so let’s do the King of the Ring deal here.

3. Owen Hart & Davey Boy Smith d. The Godwinns – WWF Tag Titles Title Tournament Final
Owen & Davey were the best tag team of the late 1990’s in the WWF. Might as well jump start them early here. This was a semi-final match in the real time line.

4. Ahmed Johnson d. Hunter Hearst Helmsley
Ahmed replaces Warrior in this match.

5. The Undertaker d. Goldust – Hollywood Backlot Brawl
A feud that waged on all summer. Undertaker would be best suited for an awesome brawl with Goldust here. The Streak continues.

6. The Ultimate Warrior d. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Lawler would make The Warrior’s return even more heated.

7. Shawn Michaels d. Diesel – No Holds Barred
The In Your House match displaced to here. Diesel is leaving, Shawn goes over. This can lead to Shawn being built up for getting the title at SummerSlam.

8. Vader d. Bret Hart (c) – WWF Title
Vader wins the Royal Rumble on his debut and stream rolls everyone on his way to the title. These two had a few TV matches that looked like they might gel well. I would love to see them in a long main event.

NICK DUKE

warriorgoldust
Somebody’s gonna get their chest touched,

1. Owen Hart & The British Bulldog d. Jake Roberts & Savio Vega – WWF Tag Team Titles Tournament Final

2. Vader w/ James E. Cornette d. Yokozuna w/ Mr. Fuji

3. The Ultimate Warrior d. Goldust w/ Marlena
The Ultimate Warrior has returned to the WWF, and has set his sights on Goldust as his first opponent. There’s something about the bizarre one he doesn’t like. In his opinion, Goldust’s lifestyle don’t make the world work

4. Ahmed Johnson d. Hunter Hearst Helmsley w/ Sable

5. Stone Cold Steve Austin w/ Ted Dibiase d. Roddy Piper
After the match, DiBiase and Austin celebrate in the ring. Out of nowhere, Austin stuns DiBiase. When Piper gets to his feet, Austin stuns him again as well. Both legends are left lying as Austin makes his exit.

6. Shawn Michaels d. Diesel

7. The Undertaker defeats Bret Hart (c) – WWF Title

BRIAN BAYLESS

ahmedjohns
Beat em up, beat em up,

1. Owen Hart & British Bulldog w/ Jim Cornette d. The Godwinns w/ Hillbilly Jim – WWF Tag Team Titles

2. Steve Austin w/ Ted DiBiase d. Ultimate Warrior

3. Ahmed Johnson d. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

4. Undertaker d. Goldust

5. Razor Ramon d. 1-2-3 Kid

6. Shawn Michaels d. Diesel

7. Vader d. Bret Hart (c)

TRENT WILLIAMS

takergold
Break his neck, break his neck!

1. Diesel, Vader, & The British Bulldog w/ Jim Cornette d. Yokozuna, Ahmed Johnson, & Shawn Michaels w/ Mr Fuji

2. Hakushi d. Savio Vega

3. Steve Austin d. Roddy Piper – Street Fight

I wouldn’t have Austin come in under that stupid Ringmaster gimmick, he would start out as Stone Cold. He would be pissed that Piper would put Owen in the WWE Championship match when he is the one who deserved it and would come out week after week calling Piper out and begging him to fight, but Piper would keep telling Austin no and that his days in the ring were over. Austin would then tell Piper that he was no longer the rebel that he used to be and had gotten soft, so Piper would make a match to shut Austin up and prove he was still just as much of a bad ass then as he was in 1985.

4. The Smoking Gunns (c) d. The Godwinns – WWF Tag Team Titles

5. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. Goldust w/ Marlena

6. Bret Hart (c) d. Owen Hart – WWF Title 30 Minute Iron Man Match
So by this time Owen and Bret would have never feuded but they would both be gaining momentum and I chose this Mania to put them against each other so that they are both more onsame level instead of Owen being a little bit below Bret. I would do the same build where Owen is still jealous of all the success that Bret has had and he wants to show he is the better Hart brother.

GLENN BUTLER

razrkid
Beat em up, beat em up. Break his neck, break his neck!

1. Yokozuna def. Diesel

2. Vader def. Ahmed Johnson

3. Owen Hart & British Bulldog (w/Cornette) def. The Godwinns (w/Hillbilly Jim) – WWF Tag Titles (vacant)

4. Undertaker def. Hunter Hearst Helmsley

5. Goldust (c) def. Jake Roberts – WWF Intercontinental Title
It’s the ambiguously-gay Goldust against the Bible-thumping Jake…oh dear. Perhaps this was not thought through quite enough. Welp, at least it’ll get over with the bigots.

6. Shawn Michaels def. Steve Austin

7. 1-2-3 Kid def. Razor Ramon

8. Roddy Piper def. Jerry Lawler
Lawler gets a lot of comeuppance on these cards.

9. Ultimate Warrior def. Bret Hart (c) – WWF World Title

Whose WrestleMania XII card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XIII! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
WrestleMania VIII
WrestleMania IX
WrestleMania X
WrestleMania XI

henry
Hall of Pain. TM 1996

 

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.