The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania V

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

trump
Fuck You! That’s why.

ATLANTIC CITY, NEW JERSEY – APRIL 2ND 1989

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. Hercules d. King Haku

2. The Twin Towers d. The Rockers

3. Ted DiBiase fought Brutus Beefcake to a double countout

4. The Bushwhackers d. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

5. Mr. Perfect d. The Blue Blazer

6. Demolition (c) d. The Powers of Pain & Mr. Fuji – WWF Tag Title Handicap Match

7. Dino Bravo d. Ronnie Garvin

8. The Brain Busters d. Strike Force

9. Jake “The Snake” Roberts d. Andre The Giant by DQ – Big John Studd Special Referee

10. The Hart Foundation d. The Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine

11. “Ravishing” Rick Rude d. The Ultimate Warrior (c) – Intercontinental Title

12. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan fought Bad News Brown to a double DQ

13. The Red Rooster d. Bobby “The Brain” Heenan

14. Hulk Hogan d. “Macho Man” Randy Savage – WWF Title

JUSTIN ROZZERO

demosbrain
Wait. What’s happening here?

1. Blue Blazer d. Haku

2. Rockers d. Strike Force – Special Challenge Match *

3. Brutus Beefcake NC Bad News Brown

4. Demolition (c) d. Brain Busters – WWF Tag Titles

5. Jimmy Snuka d. Dino Bravo – Open Strongman Challenge **

6. Greg Valentine d. Ronnie Garvin

7. Jim Duggan d. King Haku (c) – King of WWF ***

8. Twin Towers & Powers of Pain d. Bushwhackers, Hercules & Big John Studd

9. Mr. Perfect d. Ultimate Warrior (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title

10. Jake Roberts d. Rick Rude – Special Referee Roddy Piper ****

11. Fabulous Rougeau Brothers d. Hart Foundation – #1 Contenders Match

12. Hulk Hogan d. Andre the Giant – Retirement Match *****

13. Red Rooster d. Brooklyn Brawler

14. Randy Savage (c) d. Ted DiBiase – WWF Title vs. $100,000 Challenge ******

* Rick Martel attacks Tito Santana during the match
** Jimmy Snuka’s surprise return

*** Jim Duggan wins the crown to become King of WWF
**** Roddy Piper’s surprise return
***** Culminates year long storyline that started at WrestleMania IV; Andre officially retires
****** Randy Savage had won WWF Title at SummerSlam 1988 from Ted DiBiase

AARON GEORGE

demosmartel
TABARNAK!!!

1. The Brain Busters d. The Rockers – 2/3 Falls
Let em’ rip.

2. Hercules d. “Ravishing” Rick Rude – Hercules gets 5 minutes with Heenan

3. Raymond Rougeau d. Jacques Rougeau
The Rougeaus explode as face Raymond schools his brash brother in a classic.

4. The Hart Foundation d. The Powers Of Pain

5. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase d. The Ultimate Warrior (c) – Intercontinental Title
Obviously he cheats. I’m more interested to see that after all the complaining can Dibiase who lauds himself as a great worker get a good match out of Warrior.

6, “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine

7. King Haku (c) d. The Blue Blazer – WWF Kingship Match

8. Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka d. The Honk Tonk Man
Honky calls out “Anyone” and Snuka makes a surprise comeback. Gorilla: “He hasn’t learned his lesson!”

9. Demolition (c) d. Strike Force – WWF Tag Titles
The Cinderella story ends as Santana and Martel are defeated again after an inspirational build focusing on Martel’s comeback. Martel obliterates Santana after the match.

10. Mr. Perfect d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

11. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. Ronnie Garvin
Garvin Turned heel and had been calling out Piper for weeks over something Piper said about his father.

12. Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake d. The Twin Towers

13. Bad News Brown d. Big John Studd
Bad News pummels the old man into retirement.

14. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Andre The Giant – WWF Title
The crowd goes crazy as Savage hits axe handle after axe handle until the giant falls. One elbow later Savage stands tall.

STEVEN GRAHAM

DEMOSROUGEAU
All Hamerican Boys!

1. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine d. The Blue Blazer
A really strong opener.

2. The Rockers d. The Brain Busters
One of the best feuds on the house shows in 1989. It’s a shame it never got on pay-per-view.

3. Sensational Sherri d. Rockin’ Robin (c) – WWF Women’s Title
The title was getting close to dead here. Putting it on Sherri would keep it alive a little longer.

4. Mr. Perfect d. Ron Garvin
They had some house show matches and this one would had ruled. This keeps Perfect strong and undefeated.

5. “Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase d. Bret “Hitman” Hart
They had some awesome house show matches in ’89, we need some good matches on this show.

6. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers d. Demolition (c) – WWF Tag Titles
The Roueaus were the team that thought their deserved the tag titles in ’89, not The Brain Busters. Might as well pull the trigger here.

7. Jake Roberts d. “Ravishing” Rick Rude
Their ’88 feud can end here.

8. Big John Studd d. Akeem
This feud was set up and it’s a battle of the monsters. A nice farewell celebration for Studd.

9. The Powers of Pain d. Strike Force
The same as the Brain Busters-Strike Force match only with The Barbarian doing all the work.

10. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. The Honky Tonk Man
Duggan wins the battle of the guitar vs the 2×4.

11. The Ultimate Warrior (c) d. King Haku – Intercontinental Title
Warrior’s feud with The Heenan Family can lead to a Haku match instead of a Rude match. I guess, since I can’t do Rude-Warrior.

12. Hercules d. Bobby Heenan
Heenan sold him to DiBiase like a slave, Hercules can get his revenge here.

13. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Andre the Giant – WWF Title
Savage doesn’t go heel, because there is no Hogan match. Andre is heel so this is the big match. Savage wins, Andre goes down the card. I always enjoyed the few matches these two had.

14. Hulk Hogan d. Big Boss Man – Cage Match
Pull it from Saturday Night’s Main Event and put it on WrestleMania. The WWF still has to have cage matches last due to how long it takes to set up/take down. A fitting main event though.

NICK DUKE

Finally...
Finally…

1. Hercules def. The Brooklyn Brawler (w/Bobby Heenan)

2. The Powers of Pain (w/Mr. Fuji) def. The Red Rooster & Koko B. Ware

3. Bad News Brown def. Brutus Beefcake

4. Big John Studd & Jim Duggan def. The Fabulous Rougeaus (w/Jimmy Hart)

5. The Ultimate Warrior (c) def. King Haku (w/Bobby Heenan) – WWF Intercontinental Title

6. Strike Force def. The Honky Tonk Man & Greg Valentine

7. Rick Rude (w/Bobby Heenan) def. Tito Santana

8. The Twin Towers (w/Slick) def. The Bushwhackers

9. Mr. Perfect def. Jake Roberts

10. Rockin’ Robin (c) def. Sensational Sherri – WWF Women’s Title

11. The Rockers def. The Hart Foundation
This is a face vs face matchup, so no turns are necessary.

12. Randy Savage (c) def. Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil) – WWF Title

13. The Brain Busters (w/Bobby Heenan) def. Demolition (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles

14. Hulk Hogan def. Andre the Giant (w/Bobby Heenan)

BRIAN BAYLESS

rougeaurockers
What a sincere man!

1. The Rockers d. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers w/ Jimmy Hart
Solid bout to kickoff the show.

2. Curt Hennig d. Bret Hart
Decided to spilt up the Hart Foundation to fill out this card. It also gives us a great match that ends with Hennig winning by holding the tights on a rollup, similar to their house show matches at the time.

3. Powers of Pain d. Strike Force
I would still have Martel walk out on Santana here, just like what took place at the actual event.

4. Red Rooster d. Brooklyn Brawler w/ Bobby Heenan
Rooster finally gets revenge on Heenan after the match too when he grabs a hold of him after a failed run-in and knocks him down

5. Dino Bravo w / Frenchy Martin d. Jim Neidhart
Bravo needs the win more than Neidhart, who was never much of a singles act to begin with. Anyway, Frenchy helps Bravo get the win here when he uses his flag.

6. Andre the Giant w/ Bobby Heenan d. Big John Studd – Retirement Match
Andre pins Studd to end this feud and the in-ring career of Studd. Its a win-win situation.

7. Ultimate Warrior d. Haku – WWF Intercontinental Title
Heenan interferes after breaking up a pin as Warrior gets the win by DQ then clears the ring by himself until Rick Rude attacks him from behind to set up their feud.

8. Big Bossman d. Hercules
Bossman gets a clean win here to put him over strong.

9. Brainbusters d. Demolition (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles
The title switch happens here instead of a few months down the road at “Saturday Night’s Main Event.”

10. Brutus Beefcake d. Akeem w/ Slick
Beefcake wins the match by countout and almost cuts the hair of Slick, who is saved by Akeem.

11. Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan d. Jim Duggan

Rude gets a clean win here to establish him as a top threat.

12. Hulk Hogan d. Bad News Brown

Hogan wins clean but afterwards he gets ambushed by the Twin Towers.

13. Rhythm & Blues d. Bushwhackers

Just filler to cool the crowd. Honky whacks one of the Bushwhackers with his guitar for the win

14. Ted DiBiase w/ Virgil d. Randy Savage (c) – WWF World Heavyweight Title

I am booking this as if the Mega Powers are still together. DiBiase wins the gold. After a ref bump, the Twin Towers come out and destroy Savage then roll him in the ring. When the ref wakes up, DiBiase has Savage in the Million Dollar Dream and declares victory when Savage is unable to wake up. Hogan comes out too late as he checks on Savage, who then pushes Hogan for not having his back and blaming him for his title loss. This will be the start of the Mega Powers breakup.

TRENT WILLIAMS

rockersharts
SUPERKICK PARTY!!!

1. The Hart Foundation d. The Rockers

2. Dino Bravo w/ Frenchy Martin d. Jim Duggan

3. Jake Roberts d. King Haku w/ Bobby Heenan

4. The Bushwhackers d. Greg Valentine & The Honkytonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart

5. The Powes of Pain d. Strike Force
I would still have Martel walk out on Santana.

6. Demolition (c) d. The Brain Busters w/ Bobby Heenan – WWF Tag Titles

7. Big John Studd d. Bad News Brown fought to a double DQ

8. Ronnie Garvin d. Nikolai Volkoff

9. Ted Dibiase w/ Virgil d. Hercules

10. The Ultimate Warrior (c) d. Mr. Perfect w/ Bobby Heenan – Intercontinental Title
Heenan at this time had nobody in his Family with a championship so he thought it would be wise to go after the Intercontinental Championship, but the problem is the current champion seemed unstoppable and was running through everyone at a high rate of speed. It would take someone special to be able to overcome The Ultimate Warrior and bring gold into the Heenan Family, so Heenan decided to get the best of the best, he decided to get the perfect contender for the Intercontinental Championship and he knew that gold would soon be his, because nobody beats Mr. Perfect.

11. Hulk Hogan d. The Twin Towers w/ Slick & Bobby Heenan – 2 on 1 Handicap Match
Heenan would pay off Slick to be able to manage the Twin Towers for just one night so that he can finally end Hulkamania once and for all courtesy of two of the biggest men in the WWF and two major threats to Hogan. Would Hogan be able to overcome the size and power of The Twin Towers or would Bobby Heenan finally succeed in ending Hulkamania.

12. Andre the Giant w/ Bobby Heenan d. The Red Rooster
Andre had gotten even worse at this time and shouldn’t have been in the ring for an extended amount of time so Bobby Heenan uses his giant to squash the man who turned on him.

13. Brutus Beefcake d. Bobby Heenan w/ Brooklyn Brawler – Hair Vs. Hair Match

14. Randy Savage (c) w/ Miss Elizabeth d. Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan – WWF Title
Rude would start trying to seduce Elizabeth and telling Savage that if he wasn’t WWE Champion then Elizabeth wouldn’t be with him when she could be with someone as Ravishing as Rick Rude. So come WrestleMania he will take the WWE Championship from Savage so that it makes it an easy choice for Elizabeth to come be with him and Savage will be left with nothing.

GLENN BUTLER

POWERSBUSH
Just kill them already…

1. Rick Martel def. Honky Tonk Man

2. Greg Valentine def. Ronnie Garvin

3. The Powers of Pain def. The Bushwhackers

4. Demolition (c) def. The Brain Busters – WWF Tag Titles

5. Jim Duggan def. King Haku
We have a new King of the World Wrestling Federation!

6. Rockin’ Robin def. Judy Martin – WWF Women’s Title

7. Jake Roberts def. Mr. Perfect

8. Andre the Giant & Ted DiBiase def. The Hart Foundation

9. The Ultimate Warrior def. Bad News Brown – WWF Intercontinental Title
Imagine the promos leading up to this. Imagine how amazing they are.

10. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers def. The Rockers

11. Rick Rude def. The Blue Blazer

12. Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake def. The Twin Towers

13. Tito Santana def. Randy Savage (c) – WWF Title
After more than ten years of wrestling, after having great matches all over the country, after claiming the tag-team and Intercontinental Titles, Tito Santana has reached this crowning achievement.

Whose WrestleMania V card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time when we head up to the great white North for a bastardized version of WrestleMania VI! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.