We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
HOUSTON, TEXAS – APRIL 5TH 2009
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. CM Punk d. Kane, Mark Henry, MVP, Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston, Christian and Finlay – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
2. Santina Marella d. 25 Divas – Miss WrestleMania Battle Royale
3. Chris Jericho d. Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka and Ricky Steamboat – Handicap Elimination Match
4. Matt Hardy d. Jeff Hardy – Extreme Rules Match
5. Rey Mysterio d. John Bradshaw Layfield (c) – Intercontinental Title
6. The Undertaker d. Shawn Michaels
7. John Cena d. Edge (c) and The Big Show – World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Match
8. Triple H (c) d. Randy Orton – WWE Title
1. Kofi Kingston d. John Bradshaw Layfield (c) – Intercontinental Title
2. Christian d. Finlay, Shelton Benjamin, Dolph Ziggler, MVP, Evan Bourne, Kane & Brian Kendrick – Money in the Bank
3. Chris Jericho d. Ricky Steamboat
4. Hardy Boys d. Miz & Morrison (c) – World Tag Titles
5. Randy Orton d. Roddy Piper w/ Mickey Rourke
6. Goldust d. Jack Swagger (c) – ECW Title
7. CM Punk d. Shawn Michaels
8. Melina (c) d. Beth Phoenix, Maryse, Gail Kim, Mickie James, Moly & Natalya – WWE Women’s Title Invitational
9. Undertaker d. Edge (c) – World Title
10. Rey Mysterio d. William Regal
11. John Cena d. Triple H (c) – WWE Title
There’s no Kid Rock concert in my world, he can kiss my ass. I think that would free up enough time for one more match. So that’s why there’s 9 here instead of the PTBN regulated 8.
1. Rey Mysterio d. MVP (c) – WWE US Title
2. Chris Jericho d. Ricky Steamboat
Even with whatever legends they can scrounge up at ringside to support Ricky he still falls to Jericho. Rourke still punches his way, into what is surely, a place in the WWE hall of fame. sigh.
3. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase d. The Miz & John Morrison (c), The Colons (c) and Kane & The Big Show – World Tag Team and WWE Tag Team Title Unification Match. Four-Team Elimination Rules.
Everyone teams up to eliminate the giants.
John Morrison does all the work and eliminates The Colons
Rhodes and Dibiase get the win and titles when Miz turns on Morrison.
4. Santino Marella d. JBL(c) – Intercontinental Title
It’s always great when Santino wins! The celebration is epic!
5. Randy Orton d. John Cena, Finlay, Kofi Kingston, Christian, Dolph Ziggler and Evan Bourne – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
I know it’s weird to put Cena and Orton in this thing but since I can’t really use them in the title matches they could totally legitimize this match. Plus it gives us crazy Orton holding the briefcase and the entire promotion hostage with a threat of a cash in.
6. The Undertaker d. William Regal
The King of the Ring gets pretty big for his britches and challenges Taker. Regal would get a totally different great match out of the Dead Man.
7. Jeff Hardy d. Edge (c) and Matt Hardy – World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat Match
8. CM Punk d. Shawn Michaels
Another dream match we never got to see. You get the added bonus of Punk calling Michaels’ bluff on being born again. It would be a great story that would lead to a greater match.
9. Shelton Benjamin d. Triple H (c) – WWE Title
It’s crazy Shelton never got a run with the belt. This would be a redemption storyline where he washes to gold out of his hair and gets back to wrestling. After winning the Rumble he defeats the first name he ever beat all those years ago on Raw.
1. Goldust d. WIlliam Regal
One of the better b-show feuds of that year was Goldust and Regal. This feud getting a big match on a big show would be a dream for me.
2. Chris Jericho d. Ricky Steamboat
One last match for Steamboat? The handicap match format was weird, but a singles would had been better served here than at Backlash.
3. Christian d. Jack Swagger (c) – ECW Title
They had a pretty awesome match at Backlash and it would had been a bigger deal here.
4. John Cena d. Mark Henry
I loved their match at Money in the Bank a few years after this and it turns out they don’t fit with anyone else on this show.
5. CM Punk d. Shawn Michaels
Punk starts his straight edge gimmick early and this would had been an ideal opponent for it.
6. The Undertaker d. Rey Mysterio
Let’s say Rey threw Undertaker out of the Rumble and now Taker wants revenge. I LOVE LOVE LOVE there match at the 2010 Royal Rumble, so just have the same match here.
7. Triple H, Vince McMahon & Shane McMahon d. Randy Orton, Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase – Street Fight
These feud was well built up and I think it is okay to sacrifice a WWE Title match for such a hot feud, especially when that title match bombed! They could, potentially, have a wild and crazy brawl here!
8. Jeff Hardy d. Edge (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Jeff Hardy was the hottest wrestler in the world at the time and should had been given a chance to run with the ball here. Let’s pretend Jeff won the Royal Rumble somehow.
1. CM Punk d. Rey Mysterio
2. Montel Vontavious Porter d. Kofi Kingston, Finlay, R-Truth, Jack Swagger and Dolph Ziggler – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
3. The World’s Greatest Tag Team d. The Colons (c) and John Morrison & The Miz (c) – Unified WWE Tag Team Titles Triple Threat Match
4. John Cena d. Mark Henry
5. Chris Jericho d. Triple H (c) – WWE Title
6. Shawn Michaels d. John “Bradshaw” Layfield
7. The Undertaker d. Randy Orton
8. Matt Hardy d. Edge (c), Christian and Jeff Hardy – World Heavyweight Title 4 Way TLC Match
1. Cody Rhodes & Ted DiBiase Jr. d. Carlito & Primo d. John Morrison & The Miz – World Tag Team & WWE Tag Team Championship Unification Match
Rhodes & Dibiase politic their way to get into the match and end up winning.
2. Jeff Hardy d. CM Punk d. Matt Hardy d. Evan Bourne d. Kofi Kingston d. MVP – Money in the Bank Match
3. Christian d. Jack Swagger – ECW Title
4. Beth Phoenix d. Melina (c) – WWE Women’s Title
5. Chris Jericho d. Rey Mysterio
6. Undertaker d. HHH
7. Edge d. Shawn Michaels – WWE World Heavyweight Title
8. John Cena d. Randy Orton – WWE Title
1. Jeff Hardy d. Matt Hardy, CM Punk, Shelton Benjamin, Kofi Kingston, Finlay, Kane, & R-Truth – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Jeff Hardy was super over at this time and for some reason they take the title off of him so he can feud with his brother which was stupid, so I decided if I can’t have him as my champion I will put him in a match so he can get right back in the title picture so I have him win MITB.
2. Beth Phoenix (c) d. Mickie James, Melina, Trish Stratus, Lita, Molly Holly, Victoria, Gail Kim, Natalya, Kelly Kelly, Maryse, Torrie Wilson, Maria, Michelle McCool, & Katie Lea Burchill – WWE Women’s Title Battle Royale
I would actually decrease the number of divas because with that many it’s hard to tell what’s going on. I would also make sure they are introduced b/c I hate battle royals where you can’t tell who half the participants are. Finally I would have only the best of the best of divas in the match there was alot of filler divas in the actual match and you can’t have a diva battle royal without the two top divas in the history of the WWE Trish & Lita.
3. Chris Jericho d. Ricky Steamboat – Legends Lumberjack Match
So this match should have just been Jericho v.s. Steamboat, because Snuka and Piper made the quality of the match terrible, if they wanted them to be apart of the match then have them and other legends as lumberjacks, and when Mickey Rourke comes in the ring have Jericho try to escape but the legends block his path.
4. Christian d. JBL (c) – Intercontinental Title
5. The Big Show d. MVP (c) – WWE US Title
6. Shawn Michaels d. Rey Mysterio
Another dream match I would have loved to seen at WrestleMania .
7. The Undertaker d. Edge (c) – World Heavyweight Title
8. Randy Orton d. Triple H (c) & John Cena – WWE Title
1. Evan Bourne def. William Regal
It’s always exciting when Bourne wins, and Regal can really put a guy over.
2. The Brian Kendrick & Ezekiel Jackson def. The Colons (c) – WWE Tag Titles
3. CM Punk def. JBL (c) – WWE Intercontinental Title
4. Matt Hardy def. MVP (c) – WWE United States Title
The tables have turned, since Hardy’s the heel now. The score is as yet unsettled.
5. Mickie James def. Maryse (c) – WWE Divas Title
6. Chris Jericho def. Ricky Steamboat (w/Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka, and Mickey Rourke)
7. Christian def. Jack Swagger (c) & Mark Henry – ECW Title Three-Way Dance
8. Finlay & Hornswoggle def. John Morrison & The Miz (c) – World Tag Titles
9. Rey Mysterio def. Edge (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Another in a series of definitive WrestleMania matches for rivalries that never got them.
10. Shawn Michaels def. Randy Orton
11. Beth Phoenix def. Melina (c) – WWE Women’s Title
12. Undertaker def. John Cena
People always expect Undertaker to win, but this one’s still a shocker.
13. Jeff Hardy def. HHH (c) – WWE Title
Jeff Hardy’s time has come, and he intends to make hay while the sun’s shining. Sorry, Greg Phillips.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XXVI! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: