The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania X-Seven

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

astrodome
Planet Houston

HOUSTON TEXAS – APRIL 1ST 2001

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. Chris Jericho (c) d. William Regal – Intercontinental Title

2. Tazz & The APA d. The RTC

3. Kane d. Raven (c) and The Big Show – WWF Hardcore Title Triple Threat

4. Eddie Guerrero d. Test (c) – WWF European Title

5. Kurt Angle d. Chris Benoit

6. Chyna d. Ivory (c) – WWF Women’s Title

7. Shane McMahon d. Mr. McMahon – Street Fight with Mick Foley as Referee

8. Edge & Christian d. The Dudley Boyz (c) and The Hardy Boyz – WWF Tag Team Titles TLC Match

9. The Iron Sheik d. 19 Men – Gimmick Battle Royale

10. The Undertaker d. Triple H

11. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. The Rock (c) – WWF Title No DQ Match

JUSTIN ROZZERO

michaelsrock
Oh! Written in the Stars…

1. Kane d. Rhyno

2. Eddie Guerrero d. William Regal – Submission Match

3. Raven d. Steve Blackman – WWF Hardcore Title

4. Palubmo & O’Haire d. Dudley Boys vs. Hardy Boys vs. Kidman & Storm – TLC #1 Contenders Match WWF vs. WCW *

5. Natural Disasters, Akeem, Repo Man & Nikolai Volkoff d. Doink, Sgt. Slaughter, Hillbilly Jim & Bushwhackers – Gimmick Ten Man

6. Mick Foley d. Vince McMahon

7. Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit d. Edge & Christian (c) – WWF Tag Titles

8. Booker T. d. Kurt Angle – WWF vs. WCW

9. Steve Austin d. Triple H – Street Fight

10. Undertaker & Vince McMahon d. Diamond Dallas Page & Shane McMahon – WCW vs. WWF

11. The Rock (c) d. Shawn Michaels – WWF Title **

* Shane McMahon used his power to orchestrate multiple interpromotional matches into the card after purchasing WCW
** Shawn Michaels showed up on Raw in March and issued a challenge to the Rock so he could prove he had one match left; The night after Mania, Michaels showed up to Raw drunk and was sent home

AARON GEORGE

kamaladoink
Ohhhhh. Sometimes, I get a good feeling!

1. Chris Jericho (c) d. Lance Storm – Intercontinental Title

2. Triple H d. Shane McMahon
The second “Love Her Or Leave Her” match is substantially better than the first.

3. Kurt Angle d. William Regal
They stay on the mat and it’s glorious.

4. Shane Helms d. Crash Holly (c), Taka Michinoku, X-Pac, Dean Malenko and Jerry Lynn – WWF Light Heavyweight Title TLC Match

One TLC swapped for another, with quicker guys.

5. The Undertaker d. Haku

6. Raven d. Vince McMahon – No Holds Barred
Vince picks on Raven for being different. Typical bully stuff, Vince wants him out of the WWF for how he looks. Raven DDTs him with a chair to end the bloody brawl. Mick Foley is YOUR special referee.

7. The Gimmick Brawl for All Tournament
Bobby Heenan and Joe Rogan are on commentary. With the advent of UFC submissions are now allowed.

Round 1
a. The Gobbledy Gooker chokes out Bushwhaker Luke and gives him permanent brain damage.
b. Earthquake jumps on Typhoon’s head until he is dead.
c. Kamala eats Repo Man
d. Brother Love loves Sgt. Slaughter into submission
e. Doink beats Kim Chee on points.
f. Hillbilly Jim knocks out Michael Hayes with a swift punch in the god damned mouth.
g. Nikolai Volkoff crushes the Goon with his “bread line” finisher.
h. The Iron Sheik humbles Bushwhacker Butch

Quarter Finals
i. The Gobbledy Gooker rope-a-dopes Earthquake until he passes out for the ten count/heart attack.
j. Kamala eats Brother Love
k. Doink catches Hillbilly Jim in the gogoplatta for the submission.
l. Nikolai Volkoff scores three takedowns on Sheik to advance.

Semi-Finals
m. Kamala eats the Gobbledy Gooker w/dressing and gravy.
n. Doink knocks out Nikolai Volkoff in the third round.

Brawl for All Final
o. Kamala breaks Doink’s fucking arm with a Kimura for the tournament victory. He then eats him.

8. The Dudley Boyz (c) d. The APA and Edge & Christian – Triple Threat Street Fight

9. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Eddie Guerrero

10. Mark Jindrak & Shawn O’Haire d. The Hardy Boyz

11. The Rock (c) d. Chris Benoit – WWF Title

STEVEN GRAHAM

takerrock
We gonna celebrate! Yeah, yeah , yeah!

I will make this statement now, but applies to every WrestleMania going forward. We are at a point where long term story lines start at the Royal Rumble. There are few feuds that go back further than that. How does that apply to this project? That means that you are not locked in to trying to match up certain guys. It’s time to re-imagine WrestleMania X-7!

1. Jerry Lynn d. Crash Holly (c), Taka Michinoku & Essa Rios – WWF Light Heavyweight Title Fatal Four-Way
The Fatal Four-Way for the Intercontinental Title got over so well at No Way Out, might as well open this show up with something similar but with more high spots to pop the crowd!

2. The Dudley Boyz (c) d. Val Venis & Steven Richards – WWF Tag Team Titles
Right to Censor are trying to censor table spots. Steven and Val would make themselves look foolish to make The Dudleys look great.

3. Haku d. Raven (c) – WWF Hardcore Title
The final WCW Hardcore champion destroys the current WWF Hardcore champion.

4. X-Pac d. Test (c) – WWF European Title
X-Pac could bump all over to make Test look good. X-Pac was on a role in 2001, let’s keep it alive.

5. William Regal d. Chris Benoit
An all-time classic? How could it not be?

6. Chyna d. Ivory (c) & Molly Holly – WWF Women’s Title Triple Threat
Molly was having a lot of matches with Ivory at this period and she would be added to this to be align with the rules and to help keep the match together.

7. Chris Jericho (c) d. Eddie Guerrero – Intercontinental Title
Two great wrestlers having a great match.

8. Edge & Christian d. The Hardy Boyz – TLC Match
To finally end this epic feud.

9. Kurt Angle d. Sgt. Slaughter – Boot Camp Match
Angle is a true American hero in his mind, but a real true hero disagrees. Whether this is a short bloody brawl or a fun comedy hardcore type match it would be great to see.

10. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Triple H – I Quit
This two had the most heated feud in the WWF at the time and here they can blow it off with a definitive winner. Playing off WrestleMania 13 as well with the stipulation.

11. The Undertaker d. The Rock (c) – WWF Title
If Austin can’t face The Rock in Texas due to the rules, then The Undertaker is the next best thing.

NICK DUKE

jerichobenoit
I’m coming home, I’m coming home…

1. Bradshaw d. Raven (c) and Faarooq – WWF Hardcore Title, Triple Threat

2. Tazz d. The Big Show

3. Jeff Hardy d. Crash Holly (c) – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

4. Eddie Guerrero d. William Regal

5. Matt Hardy d. Test (c) – WWF European Title

6. Shane McMahon & Trish Stratus d. Vince & Stephanie McMahon
Trish turns on Vince and Steph two weeks before Mania, setting up this tag team match

7. Lita d. Ivory (c) – WWF Women’s Title

8. Chris Jericho (c) d. Chris Benoit – WWF Intercontinental Title

9. The Dudley Boyz (c) d. Edge & Christian – WWF Tag Team Titles, Ladder Match

10. The Undertaker d. Kurt Angle

11. Stone Cold Steve Austin (c) d. The Rock and Triple H – WWF Title, Triple Threat

BRIAN BAYLESS

eddiechris
I hear voices in the air, hear them loud and clear. Telling me to listen…

1. Tazz d. X-Pac

2. Rhyno d. Test (c) – WWF European Title

3. Kane d. Big Show

4. Chris Jericho (c) d. Eddie Guerrero – WWF Intercontinental Title

5. Hardy Boyz d. Dudley Boys (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles

6. Jackie d. Ivory (c) – WWF Women’s Title

7. Chris Benoit d. William Regal

8. Edge & Christian d. Val Venis & Goodfather

9. Raven (c) d. Perry Saturn d. Steven Richards – WWF Hardcore Title

10. Undertaker d. Kurt Angle

11. Steve Austin d. Rock (c) d. HHH – WWF Title

TRENT WILLIAMS

austinhhh
Keep rollin’ rollin’ rollin’

1. Chris Jericho (c) d. Eddie Guerrero – Intercontinental Title
Now this is a match that could kick the show off with a bang and perhaps even be a candidate for match of the night.

2. Tazz, The APA, & Spike Dudley w/Jacqueline d. The Right to Censor (Steven Richards, Bull Buchanan, Goodfather, & Val Venis)

3. Rhyno d. Raven (c) – WWF Hardcore Title
These two would have a match a month later at Backlash that was really good , so I figure if your going to have a hardcore title match you might as well have two of the best that do that style of wrestling.

4. Perry Saturn d. Test (c) – WWF European Title

5. Chris Benoit d. William Regal
Another match that could really steal the show they had a match at the Brian Pillman memorial show the year before that was really good and I have no doubt this would be just as good.

6. Lita def Ivory (c) & Chyna (WWE Women’s Championship)
Lita was so over with the fans at this time and it’s a shame she didn’t get a WrestleMania match so I put her in and have her win the belt.

7. Booker T & DDP w/ Shane McMahon d. Kurt Angle & The Big Show w/ Vince McMahon
So I wouldn’t have waited until June to start the Invasion I would have had Shane come out on the Smackdown after he “bought” WCW and tell Vince that he had changed his mind and instead of them facing each other at WrestleMania he wants to do something that will hurt Vince more than any physical violence and that is a shot at his pride and he plans to fire that shot at WrestleMania as he will showcase the stars of WCW on the WWF’s biggest show of the year and he wants Vince to pick two guys from the WWF and he will pick two WCW guys for a tag match.

8. The Brothers of Destruction d. Edge & Christian, The Dudley Boyz (c), & The Hardyz – WWF Tag Team Title TLC Match
Just like the previous year it’s hard to change such a great match so I just added another team to it. I chose The Undertaker & Kane since at both the PPV before and after WrestleMania they would team up so why not just put them in this match for the tag team championship.

9. Tajiri d. Crash Holly (c), Dean Malenko, Essa Rios, X-Pac, & Taka Michinoku – WWF Light Heavyweight Title six-way elimination match.
I decided to do away with the gimmick battle royal so I could have a defense of the only championship not on the line at this WrestleMania. I feel showcasing the Light Heavyweights would be way more of an exciting match than the battle royal was.

10. Steve Austin d. Triple H w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley – Hell In A Cell Match, Mick Foley Special Referee.
The only feud at this time that was as hot as Austin vs. Rock was Austin v.s. Triple H. So after the brutal and amazing 3 stages of hell match at No Way Out the two would still want at each other as they hate each other that much, and they would brawl at every moment even interrupting matches. Vince who would be so fed up with them fighting and screwing up things so he says they are going to have one last match and that will be it and it’s going to be inside a structure that they can truly take out their aggression out on each other Hell in a Cell. Foley would come out and ask if he heard Vince right and he said if there is going to be a Hell in a Cell match then no ordinary referee can handle the match and it needs someone who has been inside hell and survived and he then states he will be the special referee and promises Vince that this will be over between those two after this match.

11. Shawn Michaels d. The Rock (c) – WWF Title
I would have The Rock come out all cocky and saying he is the WWF Champion, but he has nobody to challenge him so he guesses there will be no WWF Championship match at WrestleMania and he will take some time off since he has other movie offers and is so sought after his amazing performance in The Scorpion King. He would start to leave the ring when Vince’s music hits.Vince would tell him he does have an opponent for The Rock that will be making his long awaited WWE return. He then announces The Rock’s WrestleMania opponent is Gillberg, this is all a joke between Vince & The Rock and they are in it together. Then Linda would come out and tells them she is glad they are having fun, but now it’s time to get serious because she does have an opponent for The Rock and Vince was right when he said the challenger was making a long awaited return and she then introduces Rock’s opponent “The Heartbreak Kid” Shawn Michaels. The feud would consist of Shawn telling The Rock that he thinks he is the cock of the walk and is all cocky now, but he was the same way just a few short years ago, but once he had the back injury it put things in perspective for him and it humbled him and knocked his ego down a few notches, so at WrestleMania he is going to be the one to knock The Rock’s ego down a few notches by taking the WWF Championship from around his waist.

GLENN BUTLER

vinceaustin
Fighting to survive. Just Like that. Just like that!!!

1. Shane McMahon def. HHH
The new owner of WCW defeats a big WWF stalwart. What remains of WCW walks out to the ring mid-match to make it a de facto lumberjack match.

2. Eddie Guerrero & Perry Saturn def. Steve Blackman & Grandmaster Sexay

3. Lita def. Ivory (c) – WWF Women’s Title

4. Crash Holly (c) def. X-Pac – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

5. Edge & Christian def. The APA

6. William Regal def. Test (c) – WWF European Title

7. Raven (c) def. nineteen men – WWF Hardcore Title Gimmick Battle Royal
Hardcore Champion Raven announces shortly before WrestleMania that he’s going to defend his title against all of history, including all the people who made up the real-life battle royal. Raven brings a shopping cart full of weapons to the ring and begins the match by clobbering the Gobbledy Gooker with a stop sign. During the match, new hardcore champions include Kamala, Iron Sheik, Hillbilly Jim, Jim Cornette (by dint of hanging around in one corner waiting for just the right time to hit someone with the tennis racket), Nikolai Volkoff, Sergeant Slaughter, Kamala again, and Earthquake, but a quick whack of a trash can by Raven gets him the title back just as time expires.

8. The Hardy Boyz def. The Dudleyz (c) – WWF Tag Titles, TLC

9. Undertaker def. Big Show & Kane – Triple Threat Match

10. Kurt Angle def. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title, Submission Match

11. Steve Austin def. Vince McMahon – Street Fight, special guest referee Mick Foley

12. Chris Benoit def. The Rock (c) – WWF World Title

Whose WrestleMania X-Seven card is your favorite?

View Results

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XVIII! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
WrestleMania VIII
WrestleMania IX
WrestleMania X
WrestleMania XI
WrestleMania XII
WrestleMania 13
WrestleMania 14
WrestleMania XV
WrestleMania 2000
 

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.