The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania 2000

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

pond
We’re back here already?

ANAHEIM, CALIFORNIA – APRIL 2ND 2000

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. The Big Boss Man & Bull Buchanan d. The Godfather & D’Lo Brown

2. Hardcore Holly d. Crash Holly (c) and others – WWF Hardcore Title Hardcore Battle Royale

3. T&A d. Head Cheese

4. Edge & Christian d. The Dudley Boyz (c) and The Hardy Boyz – WWF Tag Team Titles Ladder

5. Terri Runnels d. The Kat

6. Too Cool & Chyna d. The Radicalz

7. Chris Benoit d. Kurt Angle(c) – Intercontinental Title 2 Fall Triple Threat
7.a Chris Jericho d. Kurt Angle (c) – WWF European Title 2 Fall Triple Threat

8. Rikishi & Kane d. Road Dogg & X-Pac

9. Triple H (c) d. The Rock, Mick Foley & The Big Show – WWF Title Four Way Elimination

JUSTIN ROZZERO

anglebenoit
You could have at least shaved.

1. Dean Malenko & Perry Saturn d. Hardy Boys

2. Steve Blackman d. Big Boss Man, Bull Buchanan, Albert, Test, Al Snow, Hardcore Holly, Thrasher, Mosh, Viscera & Crash Holly (c) – WWF Hardcore Title Battle Royal

3. Eddie Guerrero d. Chris Jericho – Best 2/3 Falls

4. Edge & Christian d. Dudley Boys (c) – WWF Tag Title Ladder Match

5. Tazz d. Kane

6. Rikishi & Too Cool d. Road Dogg, Billy Gunn & X-Pac *

7. Kurt Angle (c) d. Chris Benoit – WWF Intercontinental Title

8. Big Show d. Shane McMahon

9. The Rock d. Triple H (c) – WWF Heavyweight Title Fatal Four Way; Special Referee Mick Foley

* Billy Gunn was injured in February and never got in the match but was used to round out the teams

AARON GEORGE

anglejericho
You should probably start shaving your head.

The event is preceded with a special “ALL week” which consists of a 168 hour marathon that takes us from Buddy Rogers to Triple H. Hundreds die of exhaustion/suicide.

1. Dean Malenko (c) d. X-Pac – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

2. Kurt Angle (c) d. Tazz – WWF European Title
Kurt is forced to defend his title in two separate matches. This is the first. Kurt Gets a strong win over the man who ended his undefeated streak.

3. Hardcore Holly d. Crash Holly (c) – WWF Hardcore Title
The Family feud concludes here. We have about thirty or forty Holly family members at ringside. All with bleach blonde hair, all with rage in their hearts.

4. The Hardy Boyz d. The Dudley Boyz (c), Edge & Christian and The APA – WWF Tag Team Titles – First team to score two falls wins.
Everyone gets one and finally the Hardy’s pin Bradshaw to take the titles.

5. Chris Jericho wrestles Eddie Guerrero to a time limit draw.
The winner of this match goes on to fight Kurt Angle for the IC title. When Kurt sees the draw he rejoices not having to defend. He’s promptly informed he has to defend against both. RIGHT NOW!

6. Chris Jericho d. Kurt Angle (c) and Eddie Guerrero – Intercontinental Title Ladder Match
I think this will replace the tag title ladder match as best as I possibly can.

7. Chris Benoit d. Mick Foley
Foley’s match at No Way Out isn’t for his career. This one is, and he’s pissed that Benoit and company turned on him.

8. Rikishi d. Perry Saturn
Fat vs. phat.

9. The Rock d. Triple H (c) – WWF Title
No McMahons are involved and all is right with the world.

STEVEN GRAHAM

rocktriple h
You should probably go for a concussion test.

One of the weirdest booked WrestleManias in history. No singles matches, except involved The Kat? What a strange show.

1. Dean Malenko (c) d. Taka Michinoku – WWF Light Heavyweight Title
Yeah, this would had been a great start to the show. Look, it’s already a million times better than the original!

2. The Hardy Boyz d. The Acolytes
The Hardys need to be on the show and kept strong.

3. Tazz d. Big Boss Man
Revenge for No Way Out and the attempt to push Tazz.

4.Hadcore Holly d. Crash Holly (c) WWF Hardcore Title
The hardcore brothers can go at it to prove who is the most hardcore.

5. Edge & Christian d. The Dudley Boyz (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles Ladder Match
It would still be good without the Hardys.

6. Chris Jericho d. Kurt Angle (c) – WWF European Title

7. Chris Benoit d. Kurt Angle (c) – Intercontinental Title
I will talk about these two together. Basically continue the story line but don’t do the silly 2-fall Triple Threat. Two normal single matches would be way better.

8. Mick Foley, Kane, Rikishi & Too Cool d. Big Show, X-Pac, Road Dogg, Eddie Guerrero & Perry Saturn – Street Fight
In an attempt to play off that great 10-man tag on Raw you can do this match. Foley gets his big WrestleMania moment before retiring.

9. The Rock d. Triple H (c) – WWF Title
The match, I assume, everybody will pick. It was the most obvious. The Backlash main event should had been here.

NICK DUKE

You didn't bring the other guy, right?
You didn’t bring the other guy, right?

1. Christian def. Kurt Angle (c) – WWF European Title

2. Eddie Guerrero def. Kane

3. Tazz defeats Crash Holly (c) and Hardcore Holly – WWF Hardcore Title

4. Dean Malenko (c) defeats X-Pac, Taka Michinoku and Essa Rios – WWF Light Heavyweight Title, Elimination Match

5. Chris Benoit def. Chris Jericho – Submission Match

6. Edge def. Kurt Angle (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title

7. Mick Foley def. Big Show – Hell in a Cell, Mick Foley’s retirement match

8. The Hardy Boyz def. The Dudley Boyz (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles, Hardcore Match

9. The Rock def. Triple H (c) – WWF Title

BRIAN BAYLESS

anglesuplex
Time stood still for me. I started thinking: look how far I’ve come since the Olympics. Then the crushing realization hit that my neck was about to be broken into a million pieces. I remembered the sunshine coming up over the Pittsburgh skyline. I remembered Karen, looking at me with love a longing. I remembered my first bike ride, and then, surrounded by the sound and fury of all that was WWF, it went quiet, and I remembered no more.

1. Dean Malenko (c) d. Taka Michinoku – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

2. APA d. Too Cool

3. Chris Jericho TLD Chris Benoit
Match ends in a 20 minute time-limit draw

4. Edge & Christian d. Dudley Boys (c) d. Hardy Boyz d. Perry Saturn & Eddie Guerrero – Ladder Match for the WWF Tag Team Titles

5. Jackie d. Ivory – WWF Women’s Title

6. Tazz d. Kurt Angle (c) – WWF Intercontinental & European Titles

7. Mick Foley d. Big Show – Steel Cage Match

8. Kane & Rikishi & Big Bossman d. Acolytes & Viscera

9. Rock d. HHH (c) – WWF Heavyweight Title

TRENT WILLIAMS

eddiechyna
Looking back, you never would have guessed which one would be doing porn.

1. T&A d. The Acolytes

2. Tazz d. Crash Holly (c), The Big Boss Man, Al Snow, Steve Blackman, Viscera, & Hardcore Holly – WWF Hardcore Title 10 minute battle royale.

3. Eddie Guerrero d. Chyna
If Eddie won he would get to go on a date with Chyna. The main feud in that 6 person tag was this one so why not just have these two go one on one and if Eddie wins he gets to take out Chyna on a date which is the main objective of his in the storyline.

4. Chris Benoit d. Chris Jericho
Winner faces Kurt Angle later in the night. So I think the triple threat threat match would have been better in this format where the winner of the challengers match faces the champion.

5. Edge & Christian d. The Dudley Boyz (c), The Hardyz, & Dean Malenko & Perry Saturn WWF Tag Team Titles Ladder Match
It’s really hard to change such an awesome match except to make it better by adding another team so I chose a team that I think would fit good in the ladder match format and had nothing else going on.

6. Tori d. Jacqueline (c) – WWF Women’s Title

7. Chris Benoit d. Kurt Angle (c) – Intercontinental Title
So I decided to just put one title on the line and since the Intercontinental Championship is way more important I chose it. I would have Angle come out on the next night and gloat about still having a championship, but later in the night he would lose it as well to Jericho.

8. Kane, Rikishi, & Too Cool w/ Paul Bearer d. X-Pac, Road Dogg, The Big Show, & Shane McMahon w/ Tori
I just made this huge 8 man tag because all of these guys were feuding with each other anyway and if given enough time this could be really entertaining.

9. Triple H w/ Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley d. The Rock w/ Vince McMahon – WWF Title
There was no reason to make this a 4 way or a 3 way everything that needed acomplished could have just been done in a singles match.

GLENN BUTLER

rockangle
I don’t even want your title!

1. Chris Benoit def. Hardcore Holly
Picture lots of chops. Lots and lots of chops. And lots of stiff, hard-hitting action. Especially chops.

2. Dean Malenko (c) def. Taka Michinoku – WWF light Heavyweight Title
Structure it like a WCW Cruiserweight Title match, basically.

3. The Dudley Boys (c) def. The APA – WWF Tag Titles

4. Stephanie McMahon (c) def. The Kat – WWF Women’s Title, Hell in a Cell
The Mean Street Posse appears to help Stephanie win the match. Afterward, they hang The Kat from the roof of the cell.

5. Edge & Christian def. The Hardy Boyz – Ladder Match

6a. The Rock def. Kurt Angle (c) & Big Show – WWF Intercontinental Title
6b. Big Show def. Kurt Angle (c) & The Rock – WWF European Title
Kurt Angle’s EuroContinental reign still ends badly for him.

7. Eddie Guerrero & Perry Saturn def. Scotty 2 Hotty & Grandmaster Sexay

8. Crash Holly (c) def. Mick Foley & Al Snow – WWF Hardcore Title

9. Funaki def. X-Pac
Consider it a light heavyweight showcase.

10. Tazz def. HHH (c), Chris Jericho, & Steve Blackman – WWF World Title Fatal Four-Way

Whose WrestleMania 2000 card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania X-Seven! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
WrestleMania VIII
WrestleMania IX
WrestleMania X
WrestleMania XI
WrestleMania XII
WrestleMania 13
WrestleMania 14
WrestleMania XV
 

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.