We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
PONTIAC, MICHIGAN – MARCH 29TH 1987
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. The Can-Am Connection d. Bob Orton & The Magnificent Muraco
2. Billy Jack Haynes and Hercules wrestle to a double count out.
3. Hillbilly Jim, Haiti Kid and Little Beaver d. King Kong Bundy, Little Tokyo and Lord Littlebrook DQ
4. “King” Harley Race d. The Junk Yard Dog – Loser must bow
5. The Dream Team d. The Rougeau Brothers
6. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. “Adorable” Adrian Adonis – Hair vs Hair Match
7. The Hart Foundation & Danny Davis d. The British Bulldogs & Tito Santana
8. Butch Reed d. Koko B. Ware
9. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat d. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (c) – Intercontinental Title
10. The Honky Tonk Man d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
11. The Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff d. The Killer Bees
12. Hulk Hogan d. Andre The Giant – WWF Title
1. Rougeau Brothers d. Volkoff & Sheik
2. Jim Duggan NC Harley Race
3. Junkyard Dog d. Hercules
4. Hart Foundation (c) d. Can-Am Connection – Tag Titles
5. Ricky Steamboat d. Bob Orton
6. Butch Reed d. Tito Santana
7. Roddy Piper d. Magnificent Muraco w/ Bob Orton – No DQ – Piper’s Retirement Match
8. British Bulldogs d. Dream Team w/ Dino Bravo *
9. Jake Roberts d. Randy Savage (c) – IC Title
10. Honky Tonk Man d. Billy Jack Haynes
11. Andre the Giant d. King Kong Bundy – Bodyslam Match **
12. Demolition d. Killer Bees
13. Hulk Hogan (c) d. Paul Orndorff – WWF Title
* Dino Bravo & Greg Valentine turn on Brutus Beefcake
** Andre the Giant had not yet turned heel
1. The Islanders, Hercules &
Bobby Heenan King Kong Bundy d. The Young Stallions & The Killer Bees
Bundy replaces Heenan in a surprise. The Stallions and Bees would have had 5 minutes with Heenan had they won. Bundy beats up some midgets at ringside after the match.
2. Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat d. “King” Harley Race
3. The Hart Foundation (c) d. The Rougeau Brothers – WWF Tag Titles
4. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine d. Brutus Beefcake
The break up at the last SNME before. After the match Dino Bravo and Valentine shave Beefcake’s head.
5. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. The Iron Sheik – Boot Camp Match
6. Andre The Giant d. “Dangerous” Danny Davis
Andre doesn’t turn and Davis screws over the wrong guy. A healthy, satisfying crushing follows.
7.The Honky Tonk Man d. The Junk Yard Dog
8. The British Bulldogs d. Bob Orton & The Magnificent Muraco
9. Tito Santana d. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (c) – Intercontinental Title Steel Cage Match
Santana finally gets revenge in a brutal bloody brawl.
10.Jake “The Snake” Roberts w/ Alice Cooper d. “Adorable” Adrian Adonis w/ Boy George
Pay him whatever he wants, it’s a match made in Heaven.
11. Demolition d. The Can-Am Connection
12. Hulk Hogan d. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper – WWF Title
Face Piper needed to know if he still had it. He vowed to retire if he couldn’t dethrone Hogan. After the match they shake hands. Hogan leaves Piper in the ring to say his last goodbyes.
1. The Can-Am Connection & Rougeau Brothers d. Demolition, Bob Orton & The Magnificent Muraco
Just the guys left over that I didn’t have a spot for.
2. Jake Roberts d. Butch Reed
Mid South history is all I have. Just wanted them on the show.
3. Junkyard Dog, Haiti Kid and Little Beaver d. Adrian Adonis, Little Tokyo and Lord Littlebrook
I think JYD is better here than Hillbilly and Adonis fits in better than Bundy in comedy. This would rule!
4. Ricky Steamboat d. “King” Harley Race – Loser must bow match
JYD is not the only proud wrestler around. This might be alright.
5. The Dream Team d. The Islanders
Just trying to get some good matches on the show.
6. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. Paul Orndorff – Hair Vs Hair Match
Orndorff might had been a more logical opponent for Piper.
7. The Hart Foundation (c) d. The British Bulldogs – WWF Tag Team Titles
I don’t need to protect house shows for this project, so run this into the ground.
8. The Honky Tonk Man d. Koko B. Ware
Honky needs a win more than a fluke thing over the Snake.
9. Tito Santana d. “Macho Man” Randy Savage (c) – Intercontinental Title
You really need to run with the Dragon here, but there are rules! Tito got screwed out of the title a year ago and was the next best babyface worker in the company. A great match would be had.
10. Jim Duggan d. The Iron Sheik
This was being built to if not for the drug issues.
11. Andre the Giant & Billy Jack Haynes d. King Kong Bundy & Hercules
Andre needed a big match, Billy Jack was hot with his feud with Hercules. Bundy was with Heenan, it all makes sense. This is where you turn Andre heel though as he destroys Jack post match and takes Heenan’s money. You can even have Heenan dump the other two bumps he brought into this match.
12. Hulk Hogan d. Kamala – WWF Title
A very hot house show feud at the time and another big man for Hogan to slam in front of 900,000 people or however many people were in attendance.
1. The British Bulldogs d. Demolition – WWF Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
The Danny Davis crooked ref storyline is ongoing, with this caveat: The Hart Foundation’s most recent victory over The British Bulldogs thanks to Davis’ fast count has earned the ire of President Jack Tunney, and he has forced the Harts to defend the tag titles in a tournament at Wrestlemania.
2. Hillbilly Jim d. “Dangerous” Danny Davis
Davis, meanwhile, has been told he can referee The Hart Foundation’s tournament matches if he defeats a mystery opponent at WrestleMania.
3. The Hart Foundation d. The Rougeau Brothers – WWF Tag Team Tournament Semi-Finals
4. Koko B. Ware, Haiti Kid & Little Beaver d. Adrian Adonis, Little Tokyo & Lord Littlebrook
5. Ricky Steamboat d. Butch Reed
6. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. George “The Animal” Steele – Intercontinental Title
7. Tito Santana d. Harley Race
8. Andre the Giant d. King Kong Bundy
Andre’s heel turn has not happened. The storyline I’ve gone with is that Heenan attempted to sway Andre, but was rebuffed, leading Heenan to order King Kong Bundy to jump Andre from behind, thus beginning a feud.
9. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. The Honk Tonk Man – Hair Vs. Hair Match
10. The British Bulldogs d. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Team Tournament Final
11. The Junkyard Dog d. Nikolai Volkoff
12. Hulk Hogan (c) d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts – WWF Title
This gets into a little bit of the butterfly effect here, but I’ve gone with the idea that Jake Roberts defeated Bruno Sammartino at Wrestlemania 2 and has yet to lose a match in the WWF. He’s a complete heel and has set his sights on Hulk Hogan and the WWF Title.
1. Can-Am Connection d. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff w/ Slick
Giving the rapidly popular Can-Am Connection a win over a credible opponent as they become the #1 contenders for the Tag Team Titles
2. Jim Duggan d. Kamala w/ Kim Chee
The original plans for Duggan, according to Dave Meltzer of the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, was for this match to take place at the show so why not go for it here
3. Honky Tonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart d. Koko B. Ware
Honky gets a clean win as his heel push continues. Koko was a lower card guy at the time anyway, despite how much the crowd loved him
4. Tito Santana d. Butch Reed w/ Slick
Tito wins by interference after Slick whacks him with his cane but that leads to Reed destroying him after the match.
5. Hart Foundation w/ Jimmy Hart & Danny Davis d. British Bulldogs – WWF Tag Team Titles
The Harts retain due to interference as they end this feud once and for all.
6. Roddy Piper d. Randy Savage
Piper wins in his retirement match but Savage does not defend his Intercontinental Title. The crowd gives Piper a standing ovation after the match.
7. Killer Bees d. Dream Team w/ Johnny V & Dino Bravo
Bees get the win as the Dream Team ditches Beefcake after the match, blaming him for the loss.
8. Ricky Steamboat d. Adrian Adonis – Hair vs. Hair Match
Beefcake runs in for the save after Hart and his guys attempt to screw with Steamboat so he can still become “The Barber” afterwards.
9. King Harley Race d. George Steele – Loser Must Bow Match
Race wins but Steele is unable to comprehend the rules and attacks Race. He ends up taking the crown scepter before chasing away Race and Heenan. Steele then bites open the turnbuckle with the crown on his head.
10. Jake Roberts DCO Hercules
Both guys were getting good pushes so a double count out is a good call here.
11. Demolition d. Islanders
Quick Match to put over Demolition, who had made their debut a couple of months prior. The Islanders were turning heel soon anyway so they could afford to lose here.
12. Hulk Hogan d. Paul Orndorff w/ Bobby Heenan and Andre the Giant – WWF World Heavyweight Championship
Hogan wins clean to end this feud then spends the rest of the Spring and Summer feuding with Andre. They can use the buildup from SNME when Heenan claimed that Orndorff’s foot touched the ground first in their cage match, saying he should be the champ.
1. The Can-Am Connection d. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers
I would have Can-Am be pretty boy heels instead of white meat babyfaces.
2. Brutus Beefcake d. Adrian Adonis w/ Jimmy Hart – Hair Vs. Hair
I would have Beefcake turn babyface months earlier and use this match to launch his Barber gimmick.
3. Haiti Kid & Little Beaver d. Lord Littlebrook & Little Tokyo
I would just have this as a normal midget tag match since they were fun to watch, but the big guys are better used in other matches.
4. King Kong Bundy, Hercules, & Harley Race d. Hillbilly Jim, Billy Jack Haynes, & Andre the Giant
Since Andre was starting to wear down and in his last few years I feel he would be best suited in a tag match so I would have just kept him babyface and have him continue his feud with The Heenan Family.
5. The British Bull Dogs & Tito Santana d. The New Dream Team & Danny Davis
6. The Honkytonk Man w/ Jimmy Hart d. The Junkyard Dog
7. Ricky Steamboat vs Bret Hart w/ Jimmy Hart
This match would go to a 15 minute time limit draw and be the work rate match of the night.
8. The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, & Butch Reed w/ Slick d. The Killer Bees & Jim Duggan
Instead of this ending in a DQ due to Duggan, I would just put him in the match and put Reed with Sheik & Volkoff. Also this could be a call back to Reed and Duggan’s feud in Mid-South.
9. Randy Savage (c) w/ Miss Elizabeth d. Roddy Piper – Intercontinental Title vs. Career
I wouldn’t say anyhing about Piper leaving. I can just imagine the promos between the two leading into the match.
10. Hulk Hogan (c) def Jake Roberts – WWF Title
I wouldn’t have Roberts turn face and continue being the diabolical villain that he was, I would have him actually DDT Hogan on the floor like he did Steamboat and injure Hogan’s neck and have the announcers play up whether Hogan will be able to retain his championship at WrestleMania against Jake with his neck being messed up.
1. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff def. Can-Am Connection
Following the win, Iron Sheik holds on to the camel clutch on Martel. He lucky that Hacksaw come save him, leading right into…
2. Hacksaw Jim Duggan def. Butch Reed
3. Jake Roberts w/Alice Cooper def. Brutus Beefcake
4. The Fabulous Moolah (c) def. Velvet McIntyre – WWF Women’s Title
5. Andre the Giant & King Kong Bundy (w/Bobby Heenan) def. The Killer Bees
The Andre heel turn is here regardless of card changes, so Heenan calls up The Condominium with Legs to form the biggest, baddest tag team around. The Bees do their best with their speed advantage, but ultimately they’re here to flop around for the two monsters.
6. Adrian Adonis def. Koko B. Ware
7. The Hart Foundation def. The British Bulldogs – WWF Tag Titles
8. Ricky Steamboat def. Magnificent Muraco
9. Roddy Piper def. Bob Orton
For Roddy Piper’s retirement match, it’s The War to Settle the Score!
10. Honky Tonk Man def. Hillbilly Jim
11. Tito Santana def. Greg Valentine
After years of feuding over many championships, it’s The War to Settle the Score!
12. Haiti Kid & Little Beaver def. Little Tokyo & Lord Littlebrook
13. Hulk Hogan (c) def. Randy Savage (c) – WWF Title vs. Intercontinental Title
It’s champion versus champion, title for title! Hulk Who? Hulk the champion, that’s who.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time to see if we can improve on WrestleMania IV! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: