We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
TORONTO, ONTARIO, CANADA APRIL 1ST 1990
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. Rick Martel d. Koko B Ware
2. Demolition d. The Colossal Connection (c) – WWF Tag Titles
3. Earthquake d. Hercules
4. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake d. Mr. Perfect
5. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper fought Bad News Brown to a double count out.
6. The Hart Foundation d. The Bolsheviks
7. The Barbarian d. Tito Santana
8. Dusty Rhodes & Sapphire d. “Macho King: Randy Savage & Queen Sherri
9. The Orient Express d. The Rockers
10. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. Dino Bravo
11. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts by Count Out
12. The Big Boss Man d. Akeem
13. “Ravishing” Rick Rude d. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka
14. The Ultimate Warrior(c) d. Hulk Hogan (c) – WWF/Intercontinental Title
1. Barbarian d. Koko B. Ware
2. Rick Martel d. Tito Santana
3. Demolition (c) d. Twin Towers – WWF Tag Titles *
4. Jake Roberts d. Honky Tonk Man
5. Earthquake d. Jim Duggan
6. Roddy Piper d. Rick Rude – Street Fight
7. Brutus Beefcake d. Dino Bravo
8. Mr. Perfect d. Bret Hart
9. Dusty Rhodes d. Bad News Brown
10. Al Perez d. Haku
11. Ultimate Warrior (c) d. Ted DiBiase – WWF Intercontinental Title
12. Orient Express d. Paul Roma & Hercules **
13. Warlord d. Jimmy Snuka
14. Hulk Hogan (c) d. Randy Savage – WWF Title
* Andre the Giant retired in 1989, so Colossal Connection never won the Tag Titles
** Roma & Hercules attack Jimmy Snuka at ringside after their match to turn heel
*** Rematch from SummerSlam 1989, where Hogan defeated Savage for the Title
1. The Rockers d. The Powers of Pain
2. Tito Santana d. Rick Martel – Submission Match
3. The Sensational Sherri d. Sapphire – Loser Leaves The WWF Match
And she never comes back.
4.The Big Boss Man d. The Brooklyn Brawler
Boss man is mad at the brawler because he looks like a “common thug” . I just don’t want Dino Bravo on the card.
5. The Genuis d. The Ultimate Warrior (c) – Intercontinental Title
Obviously with a lot of cheating, probably the most cheating that has ever happened in anything ever, but the celebration is fabulous!
6. Bad News Brown d. Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake
Bad News beats him into retirement.
7. Dusty Rhodes d. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBase (c) – Million Dollar Championship
8. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. Koko B Ware
Frankie shits on the flag, Duggan gets mad, Koko goes to the hospital. This thing writes itself
9.Demolition d. The Orient Express
10. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. “Ravishing” Rick Rude – Steel Cage Match
11. Earthquake d. “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka
12. “Macho King” Randy Savage d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts
13. The Hart Foundation d The Colossal Connection (c) – WWF Tag
The Canadian fans deserve some happiness on this night.
14. Mr. Perfect d. Hulk Hogan (c) – WWF Title
Clean as a sheet. The Perfect Geniuses stand tall as the WWF is never welcome in Toronto again.
1. Greg Valentine d. Koko B. Ware
Koko getting squashed is always a fun way to start the show.
2. The Rockers d. The Colossal Connection (c) – WWF Tag Titles
The storyline was really set up for Demolition, however The Rockers had a cool MSG match with the Connection before this. It was probably time for them to win the titles too.
3. Tito Santana d. Rick Martel
Tito finally gets his revenge on “The Model”.
4. Earthquake d. The Ultimate Warrior (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title
Quake debuted by squashing Warrior. Might as well continue this here. You can have Bravo interfere if you really want to keep Warrior strong, but that is up to you.
5. Jake “The Snake” Roberts d. Bad News Brown
Do the SummerSlam feud here.
6. The Hart Foundation d. Demolition
They had a real fun feud in 1988 and later in 1990. Always a good match up between these two teams.
7. The Barbarian d. The Red Rooster
I love the Tito match, but things need to change for this project. Do the same match but add more clucking.
8. Dusty Rhodes d. Randy Savage
Leave the girls out of this and do a singles blow off instead.
9. The Orient Express d. The Young Stallions
The Express actually get a show case win?
10. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. Honky Tonk Man
Hopefully Duggan knows what country he is in this one, but even Canadians wouldn’t boo him against Honky.
11. The Big Boss Man d. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibiase
Boss Man gets his revenge for bribery!
12. Ron Garvin d. Akeem
Just give me one wobbly sell to the hands of stone and I will be happy.
13. Mr. Perfect d. Hulk Hogan (c) – WWF World Title
Hogan had to go film a movie and was feuding with Perfect already. I figure at SummerSlam Warrior beats Perfect for the belt.
14. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper d. “Ravishing” Rick Rude – Cage Match
Since it’s 1990 the cage match needs to go on last due to set up and take down times. Which fits well since we want the crowd to go home happy. This feud was great and the cage matches were amazing. Would had been a great WrestleMania main event.
1. Jim Duggan d. Nikolai Volkoff
2. The Warlord d. Jimmy Snuka
3. Bad News Brown d. Koko B. Ware
4. Hercules d. The Barbarian w/Bobby Heenan
5. Jake Roberts d. Akeem w/ Slick
6. Demolition d. The Bolsheviks
7. Tito Santana d. Rick Martel
8. The Big Boss Man d. Earthquakew/ Jimmy Hart
9. Mr. Perfect w/ The Genius d. Roddy Piper
10. The Rockers d. The Colossal Connection (c) w/ Bobby Heenan – WWF Tag Team Titles
11. Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan d. Dusty Rhodes w/ Sapphire
12. The Ultimate Warrior (c) d. Ted DiBiase (c) w/ Virgil – Intercontinental/Million Dollar Titles
13. The Hart Foundation d. The Orient Express w/ Mr. Fuji
14. Hulk Hogan (c) w/ Miss Elizabeth d. Randy Savage w/ Queen Sherri – WWF Title
1. Jim Duggan & Tito Santana d. Dino Bravo & Rick Martel
These teams make sense and having the faces win to start off the show is always a good idea.
2. Jake Roberts d. Akeem
Akeem was being phased out here so giving Roberts a win on the show works for me.
3. The Rockers d. Colossal Connection (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles
The underdog Rockers pull off the upset win. I’d still include Haku accidentally super-kicking Andre as the reason the Colossal Connection lost then Andre can retire as a babyface.
4. The Warlord d. Jimmy Snuka
After splitting away from the Barbarian, the Warlord needed a singles win to establish himself.
5.Mr. Perfect d. Ultimate Warrior (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title
Heenan comes out to distract Warrior then the referee as Rick Rude attacks Warrior from behind then Perfect hits the Perfect Plex for the win as Heenan then comes in and celebrates with Perfect as he announces himself as his new manager.
6. Big Boss Man d. Bad News Brown
Easy choice for a feud between law enforcement and someone who does not care about any rules whatsoever.
7. The Barbarian d. Koko B. Ware
Like his former partner, Barbarian gets a quick win to jump start is singles push.
8. Earthquake d. Brutus Beefcake
Earthquake beats Beefcake then hits him with another Earthquake Splash after the match as he then calls out everyone else in the locker room, including Hogan.
9. Demolition d. The Bolsheviks
Demolition get a quick win here.
10. Roddy Piper d. Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan
Warrior gets his revenge on Heenan and Rude as he helps Piper get the win. Rude and Warrior still feud after the show too.
11. Hart Foundation d. Orient Express
A good in-ring match to fill out the card.
12. Ted DiBiase d. Dusty Rhodes w/ Sapphire – Million Dollar Belt
Sapphire turns on Dusty to cost him the match as it is revealed that DiBiase paid her off.
13. Tugboat d. Honky Tonk Man
Seeing Tugboat was getting a push, a win here makes sense. Honky was about done with the company anyway at this point.
14. Hulk Hogan (c) d. Randy Savage – WWF World Heavyweight Title
The Mega Powers Explode here a year later. They have a long, competitive match that ends with Hogan winning cleanly.
1. Rick Martel d. Tito Santana
I have no clue why they didn’t book this match for WrestleMania, the story tells itself coming off of WrestleMania V.
2. Hercules d. The Barbarian w/ Bobby Heenan
3. The Hart Foundatin d. The Colossal Connection (c) w/ Bobby Heenan – WWF Tag Titles
4. Jake Roberts d. The Warlord w/ Slick
5. Brutus Beefcake d. Dino Bravo w/ Frenchy Martin by DQ
6. The Rockers & Koko B Ware d. The Orient Express & Paul Roma w/ Mr Fuji
7. Demolition d. The Rougeau Brothers
8. Earthquake d. Jimmy Snuka
9. The Bushwhackers d. The Bolsheviks
10. Akeem w/ Slick d. Jim Duggan
11. Dusty Rhodes w/ Sapphire & Miss Elizabeth d. Randy Savage w/ Sensational Sherri
12. Roddy Piper d. Mr Perfect w/ Bobby Heenan
13. The Ultimate Warrior (c) d. Ted Dibiase w/ VIrgil – Intercontinental Title
14. The Big Bossman d. Bad News Brown match is a double countout
15. Hulk Hogan (c) d. Rick Rude w/ Bobby Heenan – WWF Title
1. The Hart Foundation def. The Orient Express
2. Bad News Brown def. Jimmy Snuka
3. Earthquake def. Koko B. Ware
I always get a kick out of Jimmy Hart yelling at Frankie.
4. Jim Duggan def. The Genius
5. Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake def. The Colossal Connection (c) – WWF Tag Titles
Andre gets tied up in the ropes and winds up never actually tagging in, as Haku falls to the mighty legdrop. After the match, Bobby Heenan slaps Andre and the Giant has finally had enough. He’s earned his place in another match later on tonight, and Heenan is useless to him.
6. The Twin Towers def. The Rockers
Let’s see if we can hold off the Bossman face turn for a little while yet.
7. Demolition def. The Bolsheviks
And how is your sister tonight?
8. The Ultimate Warrior (c) def. Randy Savage – WWF Intercontinental Title
Warrior is accompanied on this night by the lovely Elizabeth, who rubs the champ’s big win in Savage and Sherri’s faces by running around the ring with him. Gorilla Monsoon has never seen Elizabeth so happy!
9. Dusty Rhodes def. Ted DiBiase (c) – Million Dollar Title
Sapphire slaps Virgil and scolds him harshly.
10. Rick Rude def. Jake Roberts
11. Roddy Piper def. Mr. Perfect
12. Tito Santana def. Rick Martel
Following the breakup of Strike Force, it’s The War to Settle the Score!
13. Hulk Hogan (c) def. Andre the Giant – WWF Title
At long last, unable to have the greatest match in the history of wrestling at WrestleMania III, nor even the followup at IV, we have arrived at the end of the road for the Giant. Bobby Heenan promised him world title matches since the day he turned to join the Family, yet it’s only come now, years later. Andre retires here, but he does so as a beloved figure in the WWF, and once again Hogan’s friend. It’s the final reversal — Hulk’s hated rival has become his best friend in pursuit of the championship.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania VII! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: