The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania 14

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

boston
Hey it’s the bridge from The Departed!

BOSTON – MARCH 29TH 1998

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. LOD 2000 d. 15 Teams – Tag Team Battle Royale

2. Taka Michinoku (c) d. Aguila – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

3. Triple H (c) d. Owen Hart – WWF European Title

4. Marc Mero & Sable d. Goldust & Luna

5. The Rock (c) d. Ken Shamrock by DQ – Intercontinental Title

6. Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie d. The New Age Outlaws (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles

7. The Undertaker d. Kane

8. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Shawn Michales (c) – WWF Title

JUSTIN ROZZERO

owenshawn 1
Right in his black heart face.

1. LOD 2000 d. New Age Outlaws (c) – WWF Tag Titles

2. Jeff Jarrett & Marc Mero d. Goldust & Terry Funk *

3. TAKA Michinoku (c) d. Brian Christopher, El Pantera & Aguila – WWF Light Heavyweight Title Four Way

4. Undertaker d. Cactus Jack – Hell in a Cell **

5. The Rock (c) d. Triple H – WWF Intercontinental Title

6. Kane d. Ken Shamrock

7. Shawn Michaels (c) d. Owen Hart – WWF Heavyweight Title

8. Steve Austin d. Mike Tyson – No Holds Barred

* Goldust said he would find someone even crazier than him to gain revenge after constant attacks by Mero and Jarrett
** Undertaker throws Cactus Jack off the top of the Cell to end the match

AARON GEORGE

owenchamp
Right in his black heart hand.

1. Taka Michinoku (c) d. Scott Taylor – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

2. The New Age Outlaws (c) d. LOD 2000 – WWF Tag Team Titles

3. The Undertaker d. “Marvelous” Marc Mero w/ Sable
Taker has had it with Mero’s treatment of Sable.

4. The Rock (c) d. Triple H- Intercontinental Title

5. Kane d. Terry Funk

6. Owen Hart d. Shawn Michaels (c) – WWF Title
With the right build and the story already in place this one writes itself and Owen gets his moment.

7. Stone Cold Steve Austin d. Cactus Jack – Street Fight
These guys could always be counted on to tear the house down. Let’s use Cactus as an impediment from McMahon for Austin to become number one contender or something of the such.

8. “Iron” Mike Tyson vs. Ken Shamrock – UFC vs. Boxer Shoot Fight
Since we’re almost all cheating by allowing Tyson to wrestle when he wasn’t legally allowed to do so, let’s have him in a straight up fight with old Kenny. No booked outcome just go at it. If it goes well the style of the WWF is probably altered forever. If it fails, at worst, we have an interesting fight.

STEVEN GRAHAM

takermichaels
Steven Graham: Rebel.

1. Taka Michinoku (c) d. Aguila, El Pantera & Brian Christopher – WWF Light Heavyweight Title Four Corners Elimination Match
It comes down to Christopher and Taka and Taka finally gets his revenge. Some crazy high spots in this one.

2.Ken Shamrock & Legion of Doom d. Kama, Mark Henry & D-Lo Brown
Nation takes out DOA on the Monday before, but Shamrock finds a replacement team.

3. Vader d. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Lawler keeps making fun of Vader for being a fat hog. Vader returns to take on his tormenter.

4. Goldust d. Marc Mero
These two former friends square off.

5. The Rock (c) d. Faarooq – Intercontinental Title
The leadership for the Nation of Domination is up for grabs. The feud was already building, anyway.

6. Owen Hart, Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie d. Triple H & The New Age Outlaws – Boston Street Fight
Let’s combine these two heated feuds into a crazy and wild brawl.

7. The Undertaker d. Shawn Michales (c) – WWF Title Hell in a Cell Lumberjack Match
After the wars these two had it is time to settle it and guarantee no interference.

8. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Mike Tyson – No Holds Barred
The rules of this project seem to dictate this match. There was a lot of buzz and it would had been huge if they delivered.

NICK DUKE

owenshawn 2
Across his black heart knee.

1. Taka Michinoku (c) d. Christopher Daniels – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

2. Kane w/ Paul Bearer d. Bradshaw

3. Triple H (c) w/ Chyna d. Ken Shamrock – WWFEuropean Title

4. The Undertaker d. Faarooq w/ Kama Mustafa, D’Lo Brown and Mark Henry

5. The New Age Outlaws (WWF c) . The Headbangers (NWA c) – WWF & NWA Tag Team Titles

6. Cactus Jack d. Chainsaw Charlie – Hell In A Cell

7. Stone Cold Steve Austin d. The Rock (c) – Intercontinental Title
Mike Tyson as the special guest referee

8. Owen Hart d. Shawn Michaels (c) w/ Triple H & Chyna – WWF Title

BRIAN BAYLESS

rockvader
Remember when we hated each other?

1. Taka Michinoku (c) d. Pantera – WWF Light Heavyweight Title
Solid match to open the show and establish Taka as the top of the Light Heavyweight Division

2. X-Pac d. Owen Hart
X-Pac makes his return to the WWF after answering an open challenge. He then retains when HHH and Chyna to assist him after a ref bump, as X-Pac becomes the newest member of D-X.

3. Vader DQ Rock w/ Nation of Domination
Rock loses the match but retains the title after NoD runs in to prevent Vader from hitting the Vader Bomb

4. New Age Outlaws (c) d. LoD 2000 w/ Sunny – WWF Tag Team Titles
The Outlaws retain cleanly here to put them further ahead of the weak Tag Team Division.

5. Ken Shamrock d. HHH w/ Chyna (c) – WWF European Title
Owen gets his revenge by running out and costing HHH the title. This show will further heat up the HHH/Owen feud.

6. Cactus Jack d. Chainsaw Charlie – Falls Count Anywhere
Without a match on the card, these two partners decide to have a crazy brawl all over the arena.

7. Headbangers d. New Midnight Express w/ Jim Cornette
The Headbangers win cleanly as Cornette then walks out on his team to finally end this ridiculous gimmick. This is the ultimate crowd-cooling match.

8. Shawn Michaels & Kane d. Steve Austin & Undertaker – Special Enforcer Mike Tyson
Austin ends up decking Tyson after trying to separate him from Michaels, who then rolls up Austin while Tyson fast-counts to three. Austin then goes after Tyson again and they brawl. Austin then challenges HBK for the belt the next night on RAW in a cage match, where he goes on to win the title.

TRENT WILLIAMS

owenshawn 3
Using his black heart hamstring.

1. The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Kama Mustafa, D’Lo Brown, & Mark Henry ) d. Team NWA (The Rock N Roll Express, Barry Windham, & Jeff Jarrett) w/ Jim Cornette

2. Taka Michinoku (c) d. Aguila & Pantera – WWF Light Heavyweight Title Triple Threat

3. Triple H (c) w/ Chyna d. Ken Shamrock – WWF European Title

4. Vader d. The Rock (c) by DQ – Intercontinental Title

5. The Undertaker & Kane w/ Paul Bearer d. New Age Outlaws (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles
Instead of Bearer bringing in Kane to face Undertaker, I would have it where Taker is on a steak of bad luck and Bearer is pissed that the man who once dominated the WWF seems like he don’t have the same viciousness he once did and decides to bring back someone from Taker’s past who is so evil that it can’t help but bring back the evil out of The Undertaker.

6. LOD 2000 d. Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie
I would have Cactus & Chainsaw going through tag teams very easily, until there is nobody left. They would then cut a promo where they would say they are getting bored and they want real competition. They issue an open challenge for WrestleMania and they want a team who is not afriad of a fight and don’t care about getting hurt and take pure enjoyment out of hurting others. A team that hits just as hard as they do and are a little bit crazy like them. Come WrestleMania the returning LOD 2000 answer the challenge and these two teams beat the living shit out of each other and are all bleeding.

7. Steve Austin d. Mike Tyson
First off nobody would know about Tyson leading up to Mania, so he wouldn’t be in the skybox at Royal Rumble. I woulnd’t have Austin win the Rumble due to him being thrown out by Owen thanks to a destraction from Vince. I would then have Vince tell Austin “Even though you didn’t win the Rumble I will still let you have a Championship match at the PPV after WrestleMania, but only if you beat the man I have chosen to face you at WrestleMania”. Austin wants to know who it is because he has beaten everyone already and he can be anyone Vince throws at him. Vince tells him” the man you will be facing at WrestleMania will be someone you have never stepped in the ring with before, but you do know who he is and in fact everyone knows who he is, he will be revealed next week.” The next week Austin comes out and demands he is not leaving the ring until he finds out who he is facing at WrestleMnaia. So Vince comes out with policemen. Vince tells Austin “These policemen are here not for my protection, but for yours because I want to make sure you make it to WrestleMania and when your opponent comes out here he could lay you out flat with one punch and so with no furthur ado Steve Austin’s opponent for WrestleMania is none other than “The Baddest Man on the Planet” Mike Tyson.” Then we would get the classic face off where Tyson pushes Austin and the big brawl occurs. This time because of what Austin was destined for in the future I couldn’t let the celebrity win.

8. Owen Hart d. Shawn Michaels (c) w/ Triple H & Chyna – WWF Title
So if Austin wasn’t going to get the title shot against Michaels at WrestleMania it could only go to one other deserving person. These two never had a match on PPV post Montreal Screwjob so this was the most logical main event to have, so that Owen could get revenge for his brother and show that even though one Hart may be gone, there is still another one there that will carry on that legacy. Also on WWE’s part what a better way at the time to somewhat cool off the heat the fans gave them for the screwjob than to give Owen the title.

GLENN BUTLER

terryfunk
Glenn did you not get the memo about Owen?

1. Undertaker, Steve Blackman, Goldust, and Flash Funk def. The Nation of Domination (Faarooq, Kama Mustafa, Mark Henry, D’Lo Brown)

2. Kane def. Owen Hart

3. Taka Michinoku (c) def. Scott Taylor – WWF Light Heavyweight Title

4. The Legion of Doom def. The New Age Outlaws (c) – WWF Tag Titles

5. Ken Shamrock def. HHH – WWF European Title

6. Cactus Jack def. The Rock – WWF Intercontinental Title

7. Steve Austin def. Mike Tyson

8. Terry Funk def. Shawn Michaels (c) – WWF World Title

Whose WrestleMania XIV card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for a catastrophe of a show that is WrestleMania XV! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
WrestleMania VIII
WrestleMania IX
WrestleMania X
WrestleMania XI
WrestleMania XII
WrestleMania 13
 

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.