We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
HARTFORD APRIL 2ND 1995
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. The Allied Powers d. The Blu Brothers
2. Razor Ramon d. Jeff Jarrett (c) by DQ – Intercontinental Title
3. The Undertaker d. King Kong Bundy
4. Owen Hart & Yokozuna d. The Smoking Gunns (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles
5. Bret “Hitman” Hart d. Bob Backlund – I Quit Match
6. Diesel w/Pamela Anderson d. Shawn Michaels w/ Jenny McCarthy – WWF Title
7. Lawrence Taylor d. Bam Bam Bigelow
1. Allied Powers d. Smoking Gunns (c) – WWF Tag Titles
2. Undertaker d. Jeff Jarrett (c) by disqualification – WWF Intercontinental Title
3. Shawn Michaels d. Razor Ramon – #1 Contenders Match
4. Diesel (c) d. Bob Backlund – WWF Mini-Title Tournament Semifinals *
5. Bret Hart d. Owen Hart – WWF Mini-Title Tournament Semifinals
6. Roddy Piper, Lawrence Taylor & Steve McMichael d. Jerry Lawler, Bam Bam Bigelow & Yokozuna **
7. Diesel (c) d. Bret Hart – WWF Title Mini-Tournament Finals
* Owen Hart & Bob Backlund were both eliminated unfairly by Bret Hart at the Royal Rumble; Hart claimed he deserved a title match as well after wrestling Diesel to a draw at the Rumble, so he entered and won the Rumble match by last eliminating Hart and Backlund, however President Jack Tunney deemed all three men deserved a chance at the title at WrestleMania
** Yokozuna’s surprise return
1. 1-2-3 Kid d. Jeff Jarrett (c) – Intercontinental Title
Easily goes down as one of the best openers in Mania history.
2. Jerry “The King” Lawler d. Bob Backlund
Lawler mocks Backlund’s short title run which prompts a face turn for the crazy old man.
3. The Allied Powers d. The Smoking Gunns (c) – WWF Tag Titles
4.Bret “Hitman” Hart d. Owen Hart – I Quit Match
Roddy Piper is the guest ref but he’s instructed not to speak. He complies.
5. The Undertaker d. Hakushi
6. Razor Ramon d. Diesel (c) – WWF Title
Ramon goes heel to finally get his world title. Crowd isn’t buying though and cheer him regardless.
7. Lawrence Taylor d. Shawn Michaels
Shawn makes LT look like a seasoned pro and Sid punches McMichael so hard he can never speak again.
1. Owen Hart d. Davey Boy Smith
The Hart Family feud spills over to here. Think of their 1997 Raw match placed here. A great opener.
2. The 1-2-3 Kid d. Jeff Jarrett (c) – Intercontinental Title
Kid was one of the best wrestlers in the USA at the time and he should have got a IC Title reign.
3. The Undertaker d. Jerry “The King” Lawler
Lawler will continue to be focused on my shows, because he was great all the way up to his heart attack. The King could have got a more heated feud with The Undertaker than DiBiase’s gang did.
4. The Smoking Gunns (c) d. The Heavenly Bodies – WWF Tag Team Titles
They had a bunch of house show matches that would had been really good. A nice strong win for the Gunns here.
5. Shawn Michaels d. Razor Ramon – Top Contenders Match
A rematch from WrestleMania X this time to become the challenger at the first In Your House.
6. Lex Luger & Lawrence Taylor d. Bam Bam Bigelow & Tatanka
The celebrity rule makes this game difficult, especially if you assume the Bigelow angle happened at the Royal Rumble. After that, in my version, Luger trains L.T. for a tag match.
7. Bret “Hitman” Hart w/ Pamela Anderson d. Diesel (c) w/ Jenny McCarthy – WWF Title No Holds Barred
Just assume this is the Survivor Series match here. It will save us from the shitty Diesel run and give an all-time great WrestleMania main event.
1. Smoking Gunns (c) d. King Kong Bundy & Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Ted DiBiase – WWF Tag Team Titles
2. Lex Luger d. Jeff Jarrett (c) via disqualification – Intercontinental Title
The Roadie low blows Luger.
3. The British Bulldog d. Yokozuna w/ Mr. Fuji and James E. Cornette
4. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. Shawn Michaels
5. Owen Hart d. Bret Hart – I Quit Match
With Roddy Piper as the special guest referee when Owen threatens to hit Stu with a chair at ringside, prompting Bret to quit.
6. Sid d. Lawrence Taylor
After powerbombing him 20 consecutive times in the match’s first 3 minutes
7. Razor Ramon w/ Pamela Anderson d. Diesel (c) w/ Jenny McCarthy – WWF Title
Razor Ramon wins the Royal Rumble, setting up a face vs face encounter for WrestleMania. It is revealed on screen that Diesel and Ramon are close friends in real life and both
1. 1-2-3 Kid d. Jeff Jarrett w/ Roadie – WWF Intercontinental Title Match
2. Bam Bam Bigelow d. Duke Droese
3. Undertaker d. Yokozuna
4. Owen Hart d. Bret Hart
5. Smoking Gunns (c) d. Allied Powers – WWF Tag Team Titles
6. Shawn Michaels w/ Sid d. Diesel (c) w/ Razor Ramon – WWF World Title Match
7. Lawrence Taylor d. King Kong Bundy
1. The Allied Powers d. Kama & IRS w/ Ted Dibiase
2. The 1-2-3 Kid w/Razor Ramon d. Jeff Jarrett (c) w/ The Roadie by DQ – Intercontinental Title
I would have it where this match was the originally scheduled Razor vs. Jarrett match, but leading up to the show Jarrett & The Roadie attack Razor and injure his leg really bad to where he is on crutches. At WrestleMania I would have Tunney come out and say that due to injury Razor would have to forfeit the match, but then Razor comes out with Kid and tells Tunney he is right that he can’t compete, but he knows someone else who deserves a chance and points to Kid and Tunney makes the match for right then.
3. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. Tatanka w/ Ted Dibiase
4. Owen Hart & Shawn Michaels w/ Sycho Sid & Jenny McCarthy d. The Smoking Gunns (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles
5. Bret Hart d. Hakushi w/ Bob Backlund
6. Bam Bam Bigelow w/ Ted Dibiase d. Diesel (c) – WWF Title
Bam Bam would complete his journey to the WWF Championship that started at WrestleMania X and I would actually have him undefeated that whole year.
7. Lawrence Taylor d. Yokozuna w/ Mr Fuji & Jim Cornette
1. The Allied Powers def. The Smoking Gunns – WWF Tag Titles
2. 1-2-3 Kid def. King Kong Bundy
Even at his advanced age in 1995, Bundy should be able to do enough for some good ol’ big-vs-little action. A couple of good avalanches, that’s all we really need. Certainly the Kid can fly and spin and run enough to make it exciting before pulling off the upset.
3. Undertaker def. Jeff Jarrett (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title
Jarrett promises to melt down the urn and use it to make his gold records. He doesn’t.
4. Owen Hart def. Razor Ramon
5. Bam Bam Bigelow def. Yokozuna – Sumo Battle
6. Bret Hart def. Shawn Michaels
Had to happen sometime, right?
7. Bob Holly def. Jerry Lawler
8. Bull Nakano (c) def. Alundra Blayze – WWF Women’s Title
9. Mr. Bob Backlund def. Fatu
“Make a difference?? I, Bob Backlund, know the difference our country REALLY needs!”
10. Lawrence Taylor def. Diesel – WWF World Title
LT’s gaggle of football players leaves with Pamela Anderson, Burt Reynolds, Nicholas Turturro, Jenny McCarthy, and Jonathan Taylor-Thomas. It’s going to be a wild afterparty.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XII! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: