We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
TORONTO, ONTARIO CANADA – MARCH 17TH 2002
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. Rob Van Dam d. William Regal (c) – Intercontinental Title
2. Diamond Dallas Page (c) d. Christian – WWF European Title
3. Maven (c) fought Goldust to a no contest – WWF Hardcore Title
4. Kurt Angle d. Kane
5. The Undertaker d. Ric Flair – No DQ Match
6. Edge d. Booker T
7. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Scott Hall
8. Billy & Chuck (c) d. The APA, The Dudley Boyz and The Hardy Boyz – WWF Tag Team Titles 4 Corners
9. The Rock d. Hulk Hogan
10. Jazz (c) d. Trish Stratus and Lita – WWF Women’s Title Triple Threat
11. Triple H d. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Title
1. Tajiri (c) d. Billy Kidman – WWF Cruiserweight Title
2. Brock Lesnar d. Test
3. Booker T. d. Diamond Dallas Page (c) – WWF European Title
4. William Regal (c) d. Mr. Perfect – WWF IC Title
5. The Rock d. Ric Flair
6. Outsiders d. Billy & Chuck (c), Hardy Boys & Dudley Boys – WWF Tag Titles
7. Undertaker d. Triple H
8. Big Boss Man d. Maven (c) – WWF Hardcore Title
9. Rob Van Dam d. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Title
10. Kurt Angle d. Edge
11. Trish Stratus d. Jazz (c) – WWF Women’s Title
12. Steve Austin d. Hulk Hogan
* RVD won the 2002 Royal Rumble Match
1. Kurt Angle d. Tajiri
Give em 20 minutes and watch them tear down the house.
2. Edge & Christian d. Billy & Chuck (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles
In a shocking reconciliation Edge teams with Christian to unseat the champs.
3. Brock Lesnar d. Mr. Perfect
Seeing as he was in developmental at the time, I see no harm in calling him up to have a squash match. Perfect makes him look like a million bucks.
4. The Undertaker d. The Hardy Boyz – Handicap Match
The seeds were planted for this feud going back to the Rumble. This is the logical conclusion. The logical conclusion being The Hardys leaving in an ambulance.
5. Booker T d. William Regal (c) and DDP (c) – Intercontinental and European Titles, 2/3 Falls
Booker pins them both to claim both titles.
6. Lance Storm d. Kidman, X-Pac, The Hurricane and Scotty Too Hotty – Cruiserweight Open
The Hurricane d. Scotty
The Hurricane d. X-Pac
Kidman d. The Hurricane
Lance Storm d. Kidman
7. The Outsiders d. The Rock & Triple H
The WWF’s best are tasked with taking down the NWO. Rock and HHH team well until interference from X-Pac leads to Rock being pinned. Post match they beat down Rock and strangely leave Hunter unscathed…hmmm.
8. Ric Flair d. Vince McMahon – Street Fight
Save this match for here and let the feud end with Flair getting revenge on McMahon for injecting his “poison.”
9. Rob Van Dam d. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Title
RVD wins the Rumble and gets the superstar treatment, leaving WrestleMania as a face with the title.
10. Trish Stratus d. Jazz (c) and Victoria – WWF Women’s Title Ladder Match
There’s never been a women’s ladder match, so why not?
11. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Hulk Hogan
The crowd doesn’t turn on Austin and we finally get the biggest dream match of all time.
1. Billy Kidman d. Tajiri (c) – Cruiserweight Title
A hot opener to start the show.
2. Diamond Dallas Page (c) d. Christian, Booker T & Jerry “The King” Lawler – WWF European Title Fatal Four Way
Christian was being mentored by DDP, but turned on him. Both Booker & Lawler want to return to old glory by grabbing the European Title and moving up the ranks.
3. The Undertaker d. Maven (c) – WWF Hardcore Title
Revenge for Maven tossing The Undertaker at the Rumble.
4. Rob Van Dam d. Kurt Angle
I guess they both need to be on the card.
5. Spike Dudley & Tommy Dreamer d. The Dudley Boyz – Dudleyville Street Fight
Spike & The Dudley’s were feuding leading into this and Spike can turn to only one man to be his partner.
6. William Regal (c) d. Goldust – Intercontinental Title
A straight up singles match between two all-timers.
7. The Rock & Triple H d. Kevin Nash & Scott Hall
The nWo come in to destroy The Rock. Who can The Rock turn to for help? None other than the returning Triple H who knows a little bit about The Outsiders.
8. Billy & Chuck (c) d. The Hardy Boyz – WWF Tag Team Titles
They can do some weird dynamic with Billy, Chuck and Lita. Straight up tags are always better than 4-ways anyway.
9. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin d. Hulk Hogan
The real legend vs legend match that should have happened.
10. Trish Stratus d. Jazz (c) – WWF Women’s Title
It’s Trish’s home town, she deserves the win.
11. Ric Flair d. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Title
Flair wins the Rumble and has one last miracle run. No Stephanie’s dog, just a battle of the former Man vs the new Man!
1. The Hurricane d. Tajiri (c) – WWF Cruiserweight Title
2. Booker T d. Diamond Dallas Page (c) – WWF European Title
3. Rob Van Dam d. Maven (c) and Jeff Hardy – WWF Hardcore Title, Triple Threat Match
4. Edge d. Christian
5. Matt Hardy d. William Regal (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title
6. The Undertaker d. Kurt Angle
7. The Outsiders d. Billy and Chuck (c), The APA and The Dudley Boyz – WWF Tag Team Titles, Fatal 4-Way Elimination Match
8. Triple H d. Ric Flair
HHH never returns as a face, but instead viciously attacks Flair at the Royal Rumble during Flair’s match against Vince.
9. The Rock d. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Title
10. Trish Stratus d. Jazz (c) – WWF Women’s Title
11. Hollywood Hulk Hogan d. Stone Cold Steve Austin
1. Hurricane w/ Molly Holly d. Tajiri (c) w/ Torrie Wilson – WWF Light Heavyweight Championship
2. RVD d. Christian
3. Trish Stratus d. Jazz (c) – WWF Women’s Title
4. Undertaker d. Scott Hall
5. Booker T d. William Regal (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title
6. Edge d. Ric Flair
7. Billy & Chuck (c) d. Hardy Boys w/ Lita – WWF Tag Team Titles
The Hardy Boys argue with each other after the loss
8. Tazz d. Maven – WWF Hardcore Title
9. Kurt Angle d. Chris Jericho (c) d. HHH – WWF Heavyweight Title
10. APA & Kane d. Dudley Boyz & Test
11. Steve Austin d. Hulk Hogan
Both men shake hands after the match and celebrate over a few Steveweisers
1. Goldust d. William Regal (c) – Intercontinental Title
2. Diamond Dallas Page (c) d. Booker T – WWF European Title
3. Edge & The Hardy Boyz d. Christian, Lance Storm, & Test
Nobody that is in this match had a memorable match at the actual WrestleMania X8, so I would make this match and have The UnAmericans accuse Edge of turning on his home country of Canada since he did not join them, but Edge’s explanation would be he didn’t turn his back on Canada he just turned his back on three crying and complaining little bitches.
4. Tajiri (c) d. The Hurricane & Billy Kidman – WWF Cruiserweight Title
5. Trish Stratus d. Jazz (c), Lita, & Mighty Molly – WWF Women’s Title
6. The Brothers of Destruction d. The Outsiders
So the set up to this match is basically everytime the NWO would try to attack Austin, Taker and Kane would come out and chase them off, because Undertaker isn’t going to allow them to run over their company and take it down like they did WCW.
7. Kurt Angle d. Mr Perfect
A technial wrestling dream match, I don’t see how they didn’t book Mr Perfect in a match after his big return at the Royal Rumble. These two would be a perfect fit for each other and would definitely have a 4 star match at the least.
8. The Rock d. Ric Flair
Two of the most iconic and charasmatic people in the history of wrestling and they never had a one on one match, which is a shame. These two would probbaly cut the most entertianing promos in the build up for this match.
9. Billy & Chuck (c) d. Tazz & Spike Dudley, The APA, & The Dudley Boyz – WWF Tag Team Title Elimination Match
10. Triple H d. Rob Van Dam & Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Title
At this time RVD was over big time and should have been in the title picture instead of the mid-card. I still would have Triple H go over since they had built him up big time after coming back from the quad injury, that it wouldn’t make sense not to have him win.
11. Steve Austin d. Hollywood Hogan
This would be the biggest match of all time and would probably have gave the WWE highest PPV buy rate if this match occured. Really the story tells itself both men would think they were the top guy and they are going to have a match to prove who really is the best. As big as The Rock v.s. Hogan was this I believe would be 10x bigger and more watched.
1. Rob Van Dam def. Maven (c) – WWF Hardcore Title
2. Diamond Dallas Page (c) def. Booker T – WWF European Title
It’s a battle of former WCW World Champions, now vying for the right to rule Europe!
3. The APA def. Rikishi & Scotty 2 Hotty
4. William Regal (c) def. Mr. Perfect – WWF Intercontinental Title
It’s Perfect’s best chance to have another great technical match so close to his firing/death.
5. The Brothers of Destruction def. The Dudleyz
6. Tajiri (c) def. Billy Kidman – WWF Cruiserweight Title
7. Kurt Angle def. Ric Flair
8. The Hardy Boyz def. Billy & Chuck (c) – WWF Tag Titles
9. Edge def. Christian
After their tag-team breakup angle, it’s The War to Settle the Score!
10. The Rock & Steve Austin def. Scott Hall & Kevin Nash – Street Fight
If at all possible, try to string out the Invasion until this match, with the WCW contingent bringing in the nWo as a measure of last resort when they seem to be overrun by the WWF loyalists.
11. Jazz (c) def. Trish Stratus – WWF Women’s Title
12. Hulk Hogan def. Chris Jericho (c) – WWF Undisputed Title
When it comes time for Hogan’s entrance, the world is shocked when the strains of Real American reverberate throughout the Skydome and the Hulkster appears in red & yellow! He’s home. Finally, finally, bah gawd finally, Hulk is home.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XIX! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: