The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania VII

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

lasports
Oops

LOS ANGELES MARCH 24TH 1991

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. The Rockers d. The Barbarian & Haku

2. The Texas Tornado d. Dino Bravo

3. The British Bulldog d. The Warlord

4. The Nasty Boys d. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Titles

5. Jake Roberts d. Rick Martel – Blindfold Match

6. The Undertaker d. Jimmy Snuka

7. The Ultimate Warrior d. Randy Savage – Retirement Match

8. Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao d. Demolition

9. Big Bossman d. Mr. Perfect by DQ – Intercontinental Title

10. Earthquake d. Greg Valentine

11. The Legion of Doom d. Power and Glory

12. Virgil d. Ted DiBiase by countout

13. The Mountie d. Tito Santana

14. Hulk Hogan d. Sergeant Slaughter (c) – WWF Title

JUSTIN ROZZERO

hoganwarrior
What a great border!

1. Strike Force d. Orient Express *

2. Shane Douglas d. Dino Bravo

3. Mr. Perfect (c) d. British Bulldog – WWF Intercontinental Title

4. Jim Duggan d. General Adnan – Flag match

5. Undertaker d. Tugboat

6. Rockers d. Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Titles

7. Earthquake d. Jake Roberts

8. Nasty Boys d. Power & Glory **

9. Randy Savage d. Sgt. Slaughter (c) – WWF Heavyweight Title ***

10. Tenryu & Kitao d. Haku & Barbarian

11. Big Boss Man d. Ted DiBiase

12. Legion of Doom d. Demolition – Street Fight

13. Mountie d. Texas Tornado

14. Ultimate Warrior d. Hulk Hogan

* Strike Force reunited in January
** Nasty Boys arrived as faces in January
*** Randy Savage won the 1991 Royal Rumble and vowed to defend his country, turning face in the process

AARON GEORGE

savageliz
This happens in EVERY world.

1. The Legion of Doom d. Demolition

2. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan d. Dino Bravo
Bravo does something to the flag. Duggan goes nuts. This thing writes itself.

3. The Rockers d. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Titles 2/3 Falls

4.”Superfly” Jimmy Snuka d. Koko B Ware

5. The Undertaker d. Virgil
Ted Dibiase reminds The Undertaker that he brought him in to the WWF and calls in this favor. Undertaker is happy to repay said favor. Virgil leaves in a body bag full of cash.

6. The Ultimate Warrior d. Earthquake
Warrior does what Hogan could not and pins Quake.

7. The Barbarian & Haku d. The Bushwhackers
Bushwhackers get ZERO offence and are beaten to a bloody sardine pulp. They are never seen again.

8. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase d. The British Bulldog

9. Mr. Perfect (c) d. Tito Santana – Intercontinental Title

10. Tenryu & Fred Kitao d. The Orient Express
They all come out to the same music and tear down the house.

11. Hulk Hogan d. The Texas Tornado
Typical Hogan friend turning on him. Tornado goes heel during the build.

12. Rick Martel d. The Big Boss Man w/ Jake Roberts
Boss Man attempts to get justice for Roberts’ eye. Ends up getting blinded by arrogance during the match for the win. Heenan makes a “Blind leading the Blind” remark.

13. Power & Glory & The Warlord d. The Nasty Boys & The Mountie
Jimmy Hart claims to be a better dancer than Slick on Superstars. Slick takes offence and sends his boys.

14. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Sgt. Slaughter (c) – WWF Title
Macho gets his promised title shot but gets more and more annoyed with Slaughter’s antics during the build. Sherri tries to interject herself in the build and Savage says “I need to do this like a man. By myself.” Savage enters the match as a bit of a tweener, (the crowd is shocked as he comes out without Sherri) and wins by the skin of his teeth (as he was wont to do). Sherri tries to celebrate with the exhausted and beaten Savage, he rejects her, she attacks, Elizabeth saves, they reconcile, we all cry.

STEVEN GRAHAM

duggan
Champion? Hooooooooooooooooooooo!

1. The Rockers d. The Orient Express – 2/3 Falls
After the great match at the Rumble the feud continues on to its conclusion here.

2. The Berzerker d. Jimmy Snuka
A fun little squash which is won by count out.

3. The British Bulldog d. Rick “The Model” Martel
Martel can’t handle facing someone as ugly as a dog.

4. Power & Glory d. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Titles
Power & Glory win the battle royale to face The Harts here.

5. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Genichiro Tenryu
Two great all-time wrestlers. They had some fun matches in Japan.

6. The Undertaker d. Koko B. Ware
The streak begins.

7. Sgt. Slaughter (c) d. “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan – WWF Title Boot Camp Match
A bloody brawl that Slaughter uses help to win.

8. The Big Boss Man & Jake “The Snake” Roberts d. The Barbarian & Haku
Boss Man gets his revenge on Heenan enlisting the help of Roberts.

9. Mr. Perfect (c) d. Tito Santana – WWF Intercontinental Title
Perfect gets the win in an awesome match.

10. Earthquake d. Koji Kitao
A battle of two former sumos!

11. The Legion Of Doom d. The Nasty Boys
Two good brawling teams. Nasty Boys cost LOD the title shot in that tag battle royale.

12. Virgil & The Texas Tornado d. “The Million Dollar Man” Ted DiBiase & The Warlord
Piper recruits Tornado to be Virgil’s partner, while DiBiase pays off slick to use The Warlord.

13. The Mountie d. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine
The Hammer wants revenge on Hart and The Mountie is Hart’s new charge, a natural match up.

14. Hulk Hogan d. The Ultimate Warrior – Unsanctioned
The rematch from WrestleMania VI that we thought we would never see. It has to be unsanctioned, because these two men might take each other pasts the bounds of human ability.

NICK DUKE

hoganearthquake
Fuck Youuuuuuuuuuu!

1. Kerry Von Erich d. Greg Valentine

2. The Rockers d. Genichiro Tenryu and Koji Kitao

3. Mr. Perfect (c) w/ Bobby Heenan d. The British Bulldog – Intercontinental Title

4. Demolition d. The Nasty Boys w/Jimmy Hart – No Holds Barred

5. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. Roddy Piper

6. Tito Santana d. Rick Martel

7. Andre the Giant & Virgil d. Ted DiBiase & The Mountie
After Virgil finally turns against Ted DiBiase, DiBiase challenges him to a tag team match at WrestleMania. Each man is allowed to choose a partner, and Virgil brings back Andre the Giant, who has not been seen in months.

8. Randy Savage w/ Queen Sherri d. Big Boss Man

9. Jim Duggan d. Col. Mustafa w/Gen. Adnan

10. The Legion of Doom d. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles

11. Jake Roberts d. Jimmy Snuka

Jake Roberts turns heel in January, tired of not being in the main event picture. He goes after a recently returned Jimmy Snuka, promising to end his career.

12. Hulk Hogan d. Earthquake w/ Jimmy Hart

13. The Bushwhackers . Power & Glory

14. The Ultimate Warrior d. Sgt. Slaughter (c) w/ Gen. Adnan – WWF Title

BRIAN BAYLESS

hoganwarriorfriends
Besties!

1. The Rockers d. Power & Glory w/ Slick
A good, competitive match to open the show

2. The Mountie w/ Jimmy Hart d. Greg Valentine
A quick win for the Mountie, who gets to show off his shock stick after the match

3. Kerry Von Erich d. Rick Martel
Kerry gets the win to continue his singles push

4. Curt Hennig w/Bobby Heenan d. Jake Roberts – WWF Intercontinental Title Match
Jake loses after Hennig grabs a handful of tights on a rollup. After the match, Jake then yells at the ref and even pushes him. This will slowly lead into his heel turn that happened a few months down the road.

5. The Berzerker w/ Mr. Fuji d. Koko B. Ware
A quick win for the Berzerker. Not much more other than that.

6. Tenryu & Kitao d. Haku & Barbarian
A 10 minute long-match where these guys beat the crap out of each other.

7. Jim Duggan d. The Warlord
Duggan gets the win here in a competitive match to keep the patriotic theme of the show going strong

8. The Orient Express w/ Mr. Fuji d. The Bushwhackers
Fuji throws salt in the face of Luke to help his team get the win.

9. Ted DiBiase d. Tito Santana
Tough finding a spot for DiBiase here so I gave him a win against a quality wrestler so he can at least have a good match

10. Hart Foundation d. Demolition – WWF Tag Team Titles
Hart Foundation retains here.

11. Randy Savage w/ Sherri d. Big Boss Man
Savage gets the win as I keep him together with Sherri a bit longer

12. Legion of Doom d. Nasty Boys
LoD wins this bout clean.

13. Undertaker d. Tugboat
Taker impresses everyone by winning cleanly with the Tombstone

14. Hulk Hogan & Ultimate Warrior d. Sgt. Slaughter & Earthquake w/ Jimmy Hart & Col Mustafa & Gen. Adnan – Cage Match
The good guys overcome the odds in a bloodbath to win the match. After it is finished, Hogan and Warrior have a staredown.

TRENT WILLIAMS

savageosama
I love America!

1. The Nasty Boys w/ Jimmy Hart d. Tugboat & Jim Duggan

2. Texas Tornado d. The Warlord w/ Slick

3. Dino Bravo w/ Jimmy Hart d. Greg Valentine

4. The Rockers d. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles

5. Haku & The Barbarian w/ Bobby Heenan d. The Bushwhackers

6. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. The Big Boss Man

7. The Ultimate Warrior d. Jake Roberts

8. Demolition w/ Mr Fuji wrestles the Legion of Doom to a double countout

9. The British Bulldog d, Rick Martel by DQ

10. Mr Perfect (c) w/ Bobby Heenan d. Tito Santana – Intercontinental Title

11. The Berzerker d. Jimmy Snuka

12. Tenryu & KItao w/ Mr Fuji d. Power & Glory w/ Slick

13. Virgilw/ Roddy Piper d. The Mountie w/ Ted Dibiase

14. Hulk Hogan d. Earthquake w/ Jimmy Hart – Steel Cage Match

15. Randy Savage d. Sgt Slaughter (c) w/ Gen Adnan – WWF Title
Right after the Rumble I would slowly turn Savage back babyface, I would have it where Sgt Slaughter denies him the championship match he promised him and as Savage sees how Slaughter is talking crap about America and his actions against America, Savage starts to quesion himself and admits that he has made some bad choices, but even he will not stoop as low as Slaughter has and realizes the only way to make things right is to bring the WWE Championship back to America. Also in the lead up to this Sherri accuses Savage of getting soft and keeps bad mouthing and finally Savage gets enough and kicks her to the curb. After Savage wins the championship Sherri comes back out and tries to sweet talk Savage and get back with him since he is champion, but Savage tells her no and that’s when she goes crazy and starts slapping him until Elizabeth comes in just like the original WrestleMania VII and we still have that same moment between Savage and Elizabeth.

GLENN BUTLER

warriorslaughter
COBRAAAAAA!

1. Power & Glory def. The Rockers

2. Earthquake def. The British Bulldog

3. The Mountie def. Koko B. Ware

4. The Legion of Doom def. The Hart Foundation (c) – WWF Tag Titles
The Harts haven’t broken away from Jimmy Hart yet, and for the love of all that’s holy he hasn’t brought in the freakin’ Nasty Boys.

5. Barbarian & Haku def. The Orient Express

6. Undertaker def. Greg Valentine

7. Hulk Hogan def. Randy Savage
Late in the match, Andre the Giant comes out to take a swipe at Savage and prevent Sherri from hitting Hogan with a loaded purse. After the match, Hulk leaves with Andre and Savage tearfully reunites with Elizabeth, as was meant to be. It turns out that Andre punched Savage so hard that the head trauma turned him face: after the match is over Sherri is fanning the Macho King with his crown when he comes to, pushes her away, and starts yelling for Elizabeth. NOW we’ve never seen Elizabeth so happy.

8. Tito Santana def. Mr. Perfect (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title

9. Big Bossman def. Dino Bravo

10. Texas Tornado def. Rick Martel

11. Jake Roberts def. Ted DiBiase

12. Ultimate Warrior def. Sergeant Slaughter (c) – WWF Title

Whose WrestleMania VII card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania VIII! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.