We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) JT Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
MIAMI, FLORIDA – APRIL 1ST 2012
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. Sheamus d. Daniel Bryan (c) – World Heavyweight Title
2. Kane d. Randy Orton
3. The Big Show d. Cody Rhodes (c) – Intercontinental Title
4. Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos d. Beth Phoenix & Eve Torres
5. The Undertaker d. Triple H – Hell In A Cell
6. Team Johnny d. Team Teddy
7. CM Punk (c) d. Chris Jericho – WWE Title
8. The Rock d. John Cena
1. Dolph Ziggler & Drew McIntyre d. Primo & Epico (c) & Justin Gabriel & Tyson Kidd – WWE Tag Titles Triple Threat
2. Beth Phoenix d. Maria Menounos & Kelly Kelly – Handicap Match
3. The Miz d. Booker T.
4. Mark Henry d. Kane
5. John Laurinaitis d. Teddy Long – Brand Flag Match
6.. Cody Rhodes (c) d. Randy Orton – IC Title
7. The Rock d. Triple H
8. Sheamus d. Chris Jericho
9. CM Punk (c) d. Daniel Bryan (c) – Title Unification 2/3 Falls
10. Undertaker d. John Cena
Again, after removing the concerts I felt it was fair to add one match.
1. Cody Rhodes (c) d. Randy Orton – Intercontinental Title
2. Alex Riley d. The Miz – Steel Cage Match
Instead of punishing a guy who was getting over, they push him. What a crazy idea.
3. Maria Menunos d. Beth Phoenix (c) – WWE Diva’s Title
It’s the Diva’s division. Give her the current Brock Lesnar schedule and we’ll have fewer diva’s matches.
4. Dolph Ziggler d. John Cena
5. Zack Ryder d. Kane
Ryder gets his revenge and Eve comes out to celebrate. She DOESN’T kick him in the balls and he gets the big win and the girl.
6. The Rock d. Sheamus
I always wish the part timers would work with more varied guys.
7. Daniel Bryan (c) d. William Regal – World Heavyweight Title Retirement Match
Regal challenges his old student after a miracle run at the Rumble. They give us way more than 18 seconds.
8. The Undertaker d. Chris Jericho
After getting eliminated from the Rumble Jericho sets his sights on the streak.
9. CM Punk (c) d. Triple H – WWE Title No DQ
In a perfect world their original match doesn’t happen so Punk doesn’t have to job/apologize to the Game. This then becomes their Austin/McMahon match which sees HHH put over Punk clean as a sheet and legitimize him as a top guy forever. Ya know, fantasy booking.
1. The Usos d. Primo & Epico (c) – WWE Tag Team Titles
Why haven’t The Usos been tag champions for years now?
2. Jack Swagger (c) d. Booker T – United States Title
The Swagger push needed a big win and here you go.
3. Cody Rhodes (c) d. Randy Orton – Intercontinental Title
Former Legacy partners square off here.
4. Sheamus d. Mark Henry
I love these two against each other.
5. Daniel Bryan (c) d. Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Title
Jericho is used here to have an awesome match and to get Bryan over.
6. The Undertaker d. Dolph Ziggler
Dolph was with Vickie Guerrero as an upper heel. This is a case of the cocky guy thinking he is the best and wants to show The Undertaker that he truly is.
7. The Rock d. Alberto del Rio
Who better to call out The Rock then Alberto Del Rio? This guy was over and was a mega heel.
8. CM Punk (c) d. John Cena – WWE Title 2/3 Falls
Why didn’t Punk wrestle Cena at WrestleMania at some point? Great chemistry, great feud and a great main event.
1. Dolph Ziggler d. Jack Swagger (c), Santino Marella and Kofi Kingston – WWE US Title Fatal 4 Way Elimination
2. Beth Phoenix (c) d. Maria Menounos – Diva’s Title
3. Big Show d. Mark Henry
4. Cody Rhodes (c) d. Booker T – Intercontinental Title
5. The Undertaker d. Sheamus
6. Daniel Bryan (c) d. Chris Jericho – World Heavyweight Title
Jericho returns as a face, wins the Rumble and challenges Bryan
7. The Rock d. Triple H
8. CM Punk (c) d. John Cena and Randy Orton – WWE Title Triple Threat Match
1. Usos d. Primo & Epico (c) – WWE Tag Team Titles
Usos claim the gold for the first time ever
2. Maria Menounos d. Eve Torres
Let’s get the celebrity match out of the way quick.
3. Dolph Ziggler d. Kofi Kingston
Competitive match between two guys that have had many in the past.
4. Undertaker d. Chris Jericho
Jericho comes back in an attempt to end the Undertaker’s streak.
5. Daniel Bryan (c) d. Randy Orton d. Sheamus – World Heavyweight Title
Solid match that sees Bryan retain the belt.
6. Rock d. HHH – #1 Contender’s Match for the WWE Title
Rock comes back looking for gold.
7. Cody Rhodes (c) d. Zack Ryder – WWE Intercontinental Title
A brief match to kill time before the main event
8. John Cena (c) d. CM Punk (c) – WWE World Title
Cena wins, Rock comes out to stare down Cena, and Punk uses this to start his alignment with Heyman and eventual heel turn.
1. Zack Ryder d. Cody Rhodes (c) – Intercontinental Title
2. Kelly Kelly & Maria Menounos d. The Bella Twins
3. Randy Orton d. Chris Jericho
4. John Cena d. Mark Henry
5. Kharma d. Beth Phoenix (c) – WWE Diva’s Title
6. Daniel Bryan (c) w/ AJ Lee d. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero – World Heavyweight Title
7. The Rock d. Triple H
8. The Undertaker d. CM Punk (c) by DQ – WWE Title
1. Primo & Epico (c) def. R-Truth & Kofi Kingston – WWE Tag Titles
Some decent quick-paced action to set the pace for the show.
2. Hornswoggle def. Cody Rhodes (c) – WWE Intercontinental Title
3. Beth Phoenix def. Kelly Kelly (c) & Maria Menounos & AJ Lee – WWE Divas Title Four-Way Elimination
Kelly Kelly and Maria Menounos are eliminated quickly, before AJ has a star-making performance coming just short against Phoenix.
4. Zack Ryder def. Jack Swagger (c) – WWE United States Title
There’s got to be SOME universe where the guy got pushed.
5. Daniel Bryan (c) def. Santino Marella – World Heavyweight Title
Santino had a ton of momentum coming off of the Rumble, and had great chemistry with Bryan in the Elimination Chamber, so what the hell.
6. Mark Henry def. HHH
HHH put his career on the line in this match. His career, like his body, is now in the Hall of Pain.
7. Undertaker def. Sheamus
8. John Cena def. CM Punk (c) – WWE Title
Punk finally gets to main-event one of these things, the Punk-Cena rivalry gets a proper WrestleMania match, and because most of the other matches are running a little short these two get plenty of time.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania 29! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: