The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania VIII

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We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

hoosier
Wait… Where?

INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA APRIL 5TH 1992

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. Shawn Michaels d. El Matador

2. The Undertaker d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts

3. Bret “Hitman” Hart d. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper – Intercontinental Title

4. Big Boss Man, Virgil, Sgt. Slaughter & Jim Duggan d. The Nasty Boys, The Mountie & Repo Man

5. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Ric Flair (c) – WWF Title

6. Tatanka d. Rick Martel

7. The Natural Disasters d. Money Inc. by countout – WWF Tag Team Title

8. Owen Hart d. Skinner

9. Hulk Hogan d. Sid Justice by DQ

JUSTIN ROZZERO

hoganflair
Like this… but you know… actually performed properly…

1. British Bulldog, Tatanka, Crush & Big Boss Man d. Berzerker, Repo Man, Mountie & Rick Martel

2. Undertaker d. Jim Duggan *

3. Shawn Michaels d. Roddy Piper (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title

4. Natural Disasters d. Nasty Boys

5. Ultimate Warrior d. Sid – #1 Contenders Match

6. Money, Inc (c) d. Bret & Owen Hart – WWF Tag Titles

7. Randy Savage d. Jake Roberts – Texas Death Match

8. Hulk Hogan d. Ric Flair (c) – WWF Heavyweight Title **

* Undertaker had not yet turned face
** Hulk Hogan won a battle royal on The Main Event to earn this title match

AARON GEORGE

hoganhart
Like this… but you know… when it would have mattered…

1. Bret “Hitman” Hart d. Hulk Hogan
As per Jack Tunney Hogan, had to earn his shot at WWF Champion Ric Flair by winning a match against “suitable competition.” Flair successfully argued that he hadn’t won the Rumble or done anything else to earn the shot. Of course this is in no way legal, but Flair goads Hogan into accepting the stipulations by calling his manhood into question. With Hogan’s loss the main event was put up in the air and speculation ran rampant over who would challenge the Nature Boy. This is, of course, huge for Bret Hart.

2. The Undertaker d. Papa Shango

3. Money Inc. d. Strike Force – WWF Tag Team Titles
Martel and Santana bury the hatchet before the show and try for one last run. They come up just short. After the match they tease the breakup, but instead hug. Everyone cries.

4. The Big Boss Man d. The Repo Man
Boss Man brings this crook to justice.

5.”Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts – Steel Cage Retirement Match
The only way Jake would agree to fight Savage was if he put his career on the line. Again. Savage quickly agreed and they have a bloody personal war.

6. Owen Hart d. The British Bulldog

7. Shawn Michaels d. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (c) – Intercontinental Title
A dream match we never really got to see.

8. Sid Justice d. Virgil
After a payoff from DiBiase Sid was happy to keep power-bombing Virgil until he was dead. Virgil was never seen again.

9. The Ultimate Warrior d. Ric Flair (c) – WWF Title
Ric Flair comes out first, still uncertain over who his opponent would be. The familiar music hits and the place goes wild. warrior is a total surprise but Flair takes him to the limit. Reminiscent of Savage/Warrior, Flair takes him to the limit but Warrior defeats him to send the crowd home happy. Flair, Heenan and Perfect complain for the next weeks about how they were “Pearl Harbored.”

STEVEN GRAHAM

flairpiper
Like this…but you know… with more appropriate shorts…

1. Tito Santana, Davey Boy Smith & High Energy d. Skinner, The Mountie & The Nasty Boys
A high up tempo match to get the crowd going.

2. “Macho Man” Randy Savage d. Jake “The Snake” Roberts – Snake Pit Match
Savage finally gets his revenge on Roberts in a no DQ situation.

3. Bret “Hitman” Hart d. Rick “The Model” Martel
Bret delivers a great match and starts his ascent up the card.

4. The Undertaker d. The Berzerker
Push this feud forward from the summer.

5. Ric Flair (c) d. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper (c) – WWF-Intercontinental Title
The Ultimate Challenge II! I’m not running Hogan-Flair, because Hogan was leaving for a year and it seems wrong for Flair to beat Hogan. Savage is out due to the rules, so who does that leave? Tito, Bret and Piper. Tito seems too low, while Bret is not quite there yet. Piper is the biggest star left, so it’s title for title!

6. Tatanka d. The Repo Man
Seems like a natural feud.

7. Sgt. Slaughter & Jim Duggan d. Money Inc. (c) – WWF Tag Team Title
Slaughter & Duggan were a pretty hot team at this time. Them getting the titles would be pretty heated.

8. Shawn Michaels d. Big Boss Man
Shawn gets a big win to keep his heel turn hot. Boss Man would be a great opponent for him.

9. Hulk Hogan & a mystery partner d. Sid Justice & Papa Shango
Sid turns on Hogan, but this time he aligns himself with Papa Shango to be the most evil tag team ever. Hogan wants revenge and challenges them to a tag match with Beefcake as his partner. Sid & Shango destroy Brutus though. This leads to Hogan announcing a mystery partner. This is where you return the Ultimate Warrior as he teams with Hogan to win this main event!

NICK DUKE

bossmanmountie
Like this…but you know…without the post match prison rape…

1. The Natural Disasters d. The Nasty Boys w/ Jimmy Hart

2. The Big Boss Man d. The Mountie w/ Jimmy Hart – Pole Match
Both a nighstick and a cattle prod are hung on poles in opposite corners

3. Davey Boy Smith d. Roddy Piper (c) – Intercontinental Title
Davey Boy Smith and Roddy Piper is face-face, essentially taking the place of Bret vs Piper.

4. Shawn Michaels d. Marty Janetty

5. Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth d. Sid Justice w/ Harvey Whippleman

6. Jake Roberts d. Tatanka
Thus ends the Native American’s winning streak.

7. Owen & Bret Hart d. Money Inc. (c) – WWF Tag Team Titles

8. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. Sgt. Slaughter

9. Hulk Hogan d. Ric Flair (c) w/ Mr. Perfect & Bobby Heenan – WWF Title
Perfect has knocked the referee down, and he and Flair are double teaming Hogan when The Ultimate Warrior makes his return, helping to turn the tide and allowing Hogan to hit Flair with the leg drop as the referee comes to.

BRIAN BAYLESS

hartsavage
Like this… but you know… in a promotion that respects both of them…

1. Shawn Michaels d. Owen Hart
A 15-minute long match to open the show featuring two of the best in-ring performers in the company.

2. Money Inc. w/ Jimmy Hart d. Sgt. Slaughter & Jim Duggan – WWF Tag Team Titles
Money Inc retains over the Patriotic Duo due to outside interference from Jimmy Hart

3. Undertaker DCO Sid Justice
These two giants fight until they are both counted-out.

4. Tatanka d. The Mountie
Tatanka wins clean to keep his streak going.

5. Bret Hart TLD Randy Savage
Match ends in a 20 minute draw as both competitors shake hands afterwards. Match is designed to put over Bret

6. Natural Disasters d. Beverly Brothers
The Disasters become the Number #1 Contenders to the Tag Team Titles as a result

7. Jake Roberts d. Roddy Piper (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title
Jake wins the IC Belt after inference from HBK, setting up a HBK/Piper feud.

8. Big Boss Man d. Rick Martel
Clean win for Boss Man in a short match

9. Ric Flair w/ Mr. Perfect d. Hulk Hogan – WWF World Heavyweight Title
Flair whacks Hogan with the belt as Perfect distracts the referee then covers Hogan as he grabs on to his tights and retains the title, setting up for future matches.

TRENT WILLIAMS

savageroberts
Like this… but you know… with a proper blow off…

1. Shawn Michaels w/ Sensational Sherri d. Owen Hart
I think this would be an awesome way to kick off the show and it would also put Owen Hart in a more high profile match which he more than deserved with his talents.

2. The Undertaker w/ Paul Bearer d. Papa Shango

3. Roddy Piper (c) d. Sid Justice by DQ – Intercontinental Title

4. Randy Savage w/ Miss Elizabeth d. Jake Roberts
This Tuesday in Texas would have never happened and this would be the long awaited match between the two since Savage had been bitten by the snake.

5. The Natural Disasters & The Beverly Brothers w/ Jimmy Hart d. Jim Duggan, Sgt Slaughter, The Big Boss Man, & Virgil

6. Bret Hart d. Rick Martel

7. The Nasty Boys d. Money Inc (c) w/ Jimmy Hart – WWF Tag Titles

8. Tatanka d. The Berzerker

9. Hulk Hogan d. Ric Flair (c) by DQ – WWF Title
Flair is DQ’d when Sid runs in to attack Hogan and this brings back The Ultimate Warrior to help Hogan.
I don’t care what anyone says and no matter how little they drew on house shows before this show, the match should have been at WrestleMania and I guarantee you if built it the right way, the fans would be anticipating this match. I would have Flair somewhat shoot on Hogan and ask him what kind of World Champion are you when majority of the time the only place you defend your title is here in the WWF, while Flair who is the real World Champion does what a real World Champion does and defends it all over the world against any challenger and have an amazing match no matter who his opponent is.

GLENN BUTLER

warriorjustice
Like this… but you know… with an actual referee…

1. Bret Hart def. Repo Man

2. Money, Inc. (c) def. The Bushwhackers – WWF Tag Titles

3. Undertaker def. The Mountie
Mountie’s cattle prod accomplishes nothing, because Undertaker is already dead. Jimmy Hart tries to scream at Paul Bearer, but the power of the urn chastens him.

Sid Justice comes out complaining about not winning the Royal Rumble, not getting a world title match, and not even getting Hulk Hogan in the ring at all. He goes on whining for a couple minutes, saying he can beat anyone in the World Wrestling Federation, leading to our surprise return…

4. Ultimate Warrior def. Sid Justice

5. Shawn Michaels def. Roddy Piper (c) – WWF Intercontinental Title

6. Randy Savage def. The Genius

7. El Matador def. Rick Martel
Following the breakup of Strike Force, it’s The War to Settle the Score!

8. Hacksaw Jim Duggan def. Jake Roberts
After the match, Duggan hits Damien with his 2×4.

9. Hulk Hogan def. Ric Flair (c) – WWF Title
It was Hulk’s before it was Flair’s.

Whose WrestleMania VIII card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next week for a better show than the actual WrestleMania IX! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
 

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.