We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
ORLANDO, FLORIDA – MARCH 30TH 2008
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. John Bradshaw Layfield d. Finlay – Belfast Brawl
2. CM Punk d. Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho, Carlito, MVP, Mr. Kennedy and John Morrison – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
3. Batista d. Umaga
4. Kane d. Chavo Guerrero (c) – ECW Title
5. Shawn Michaels d. Ric Flair – Career Threatening Match
6. Beth Phoenix & Melina d. Maria & Ashley – Playboy Bunnymania Lumberjill Match
7. Randy Orton (c) d. John Cena and Triple H – WWE Title Triple Threat Match
8. Floyd Mayweather Jr. d. The Big Show – No DQ Match
9. The Undertaker d. Edge (c) – World Heavyweight Title
1. Miz & Morrison (c) d. World’s Greatest Tag Team – World Tag Team Titles
2. Kofi Kingston d. Kane, Elijah Burke, Cody Rhodes, Umaga, Brian Kendrick & Mark Henry – Money in the Bank
3. Finlay d. Chavo Guerrero (c) & Elijah Burke – ECW Title Triple Threat
4. CM Punk d. Chris Jericho
5. Beth Phoenix (c) d. Mickie James – Women’s Title
6. Floyd Mayweather d. MVP – Boxer vs. Wrestler
7. Randy Orton (c) d. Triple H
8. John Cena d. Batista
9. Edge (c) d. Ric Flair – World Title vs. Career *
10. Undertaker d. Shawn Michaels
* Flair retires with loss; Flair had won 2008 Royal Rumble
1. CM Punk d. Chris Jericho (c) – Intercontinental Title
Tear it down boys!
2. Shelton Benjamin d. John Morrison, The Miz, Mr. Kennedy, Carlito, MVP and Finlay – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Come on, Shelton’s got to win one of these things, right?
3. Kofi Kingston d. Chavo Guerrero (c) – ECW Title
You know an actual match. Perhaps a breakout showcase for Kofi.
4. Jeff Hardy d. Shawn Michaels
5. The Undertaker d. Umaga – No DQ Match
Umaga could always go. I bet he and Taker could do great things.
6. Randy Orton (c) d. John Cena and Batista – WWE Title Triple Threat Match
The three guys who define the era fight for the gold.
7. Floyd Mayweather d. Triple H – No Holds Barred
He trained him, let him fight him. Maybe Floyd puts him out of wrestling? A guy can dream right?
8. Edge (c) d. Ric Flair – World Heavyweight Title Career Threatening Match
Flair keaps winning until he’s given a title shot. His obsession over the big gold belt and the nostalgia he feels for it force him to choose to fight Edge. He loses a heartbreaker and gets to say goodbye to end the show.
1. Chris Jericho (c) d. Umaga – Intercontinental Title
Jericho faces a huge challenge in a match I would love to see.
2. John Morrison & The Miz d. Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes – Interpromotional Match
A battle of the two tag team champions to see which brand is better.
3. Shawn Michaels d. Finlay
I don’t care a lot for Michaels, but I would love to see what Finlay could do with him. I would love to think that Finlay could eliminate a lot of HBK’s bad tenancies and turn this into the epic that Shawn wanted so much.
4. CM Punk d. Chavo Guerrero (c) – ECW Title Hardcore Match
Why didn’t Punk get a longer ECW Title run?
5. Matt Hardy d. Montel Vontavious Porter (c) – United States Ladder Match
Their long feud comes to a conclusion here as Hardy grabs the US Title from on top of the ladder. Show stealing match!
6. Mickie James d. Beth Phoenix (c) – Women’s TitleThe two best women at the time.
7. Edge (c) d. Ric Flair – World Heavyweight Title
Flair vowed to retire upon his next loss. He wins the Rumble and comes into this show with his career on the line. A great way to go out, too bad there wasn’t better champions at the time to do this though. Edge will have to do.
8. The Undertaker d. Floyd Mayweather Jr. – No Holds Barred
The Undertaker has his toughen challenge to the streak ever! This can have a real shoot fight feel to it and what drama!
9. John Cena d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title
Cena returned to take the title back that he never lost.
1. CM Punk d. Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, John Morrison and Umaga – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
2. Matt Hardy d. Montel Vontavious Porter (c) – WWE US Title
3. Big Show d. Chavo Guerrero (c) – ECW Title
Remember the actual Kane vs Chavo match? Replace a chokeslam with the awesome Cobra Clutch backbreaker from Show’s ECW run, and you’ve got essentially the same thing.
4. The Undertaker d. Kane – Streak Vs. Career
Kane is never seen or heard from again.
5. Triple H d. Batista
Little bit of butterfly effect here, as Triple H wants revenge for forcing Ric Flair to retire a year earlier.
6. Chris Jericho d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title
In my universe, JBL never came back to the ring to interfere in the Orton/Jericho title match at Armageddon. Instead, the two have been swapping the title since December, with a final showdown set for Mania.
7. Shawn Michaels d. Floyd Mayweather Jr.
Hey, if we can’t do the spectacle of Big Show vs Floyd, Shawn’s probably the guy most likely to carry him to a good match.
8. John Cena d. Edge (c) – World Heavyweight Title Ladder Match
Cena opts to face Edge after winning the Rumble, with Edge choosing a ladder match to avenge his previous defeat to Cena back in 2006.
9. CM Punk d. John Cena (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Punk appears after the Edge/Cena confrontation, turning heel in the process and capturing the World Heavwyweight Title
1. CM Punk d. Chavo Guerrero (c) – ECW Title
2. Chris Jericho d. John Morrison d. Kofi Kingston d. Umaga d. Ken Kennedy d. Finlay – Money in the Bank Ladder Match
3. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch d. Hardcore Holly & Cody Rhodes – WWE World Tag Titles
4. Matt Hardy d. MVP (c) – WWE United States Title
5. HHH d. Ric Flair – Loser Must Retire
6. Floyd Mayweather d. The Miz
7. Edge (c) d. Batista – World Heavyweight Title
8. Undertaker d. Shawn Michaels
9. John Cena d. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title
1. CM Punk d. Shelton Benjamin, Chris Jericho, Carlito, Kofi Kingston, & JBL – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
2. Mr Kennedy w/ Vince McMahon d. Finlay w/ Hornswoggle
I would have done the same story that actually happened, except for after JBL tells Vince that Hornswoggle is not his son and it was all a joke and they hired an actor to act as the invesigator, I would then have him say that Vince really does have a bastard son and he has taken money out of his own pocket to pay a real investigator to find out who it is. He then would allude to it could be JBL himself since they both have a love for money, both are good looking men, and if JBL does say so himself they both have a giant set of grapefruits. Over the next few weeks the announcers would play up who could be Mr. McMahon’s real bastard son. A couple of weeks later JBL and Vince would come out with the investigator JBL hired and would reveal that Mr. McMahon’s real bastard son is Mr. Ken Kennedy. Mr Kennedy would come out and it would be a love fest between he and Vince as JBL would leave the ring pissed it wasn’t him. Mr Kennedy had a feeling it was him and knew that his name was Ken Kennedy for a reason, b/c his mom named him after his father. Mr Kennedy would tell Mr McMahon the first present he is going to give him for all those missed father’s days is to take out the two men who played such a cruel joke on his father and maybe with his father’s permission he can induct both of them into the Mr. McMahon kiss my ass club.
3. Shawn Michaels d. John Morrison
At this time John Morrison was being compared to Shawn Michaels a lot, so I would have Shawn come out and say he keeps hearing about a certain superstar being compared to the Heartbreak Kid. He would admit that Morrison was good, but he is no Shawn Michaels. Morrison would come out and Shawn would ask him if he thinks he is as good as Shawn Michaels to which Morrison would say no, he is better than Shawn. Shawn would say that if that’s so then he would be able to beat him where it counts at WrestleMania. Morrison accepts and tells Shawn to be prepared because after WrestleMania he will be the one being called Mr WrestleMania.
4. John Cena d. Triple H – WWE Title #1 Contender’s Match
5. The Undertaker d. Umaga
This was a match I always wanted to happen at WrestleMania, but unfortunately it never did. I would have Umaga eliminate The Undertaker from the Royal Rumble match and then immediately have Umaga get eliminated right after him. Umaga and Undertaker would brawl all the way to the back. In the weeks leading up to the match I would just have them getting into brawls and having to be separated not only by the agents and referees, but also the other wrestlers. They would keep attacking each other every time the other has a match and would force both the Raw and Smackdown GM to make a match between the two.
6. Beth Phoenix (c) w/ Santino Marella d. Mickie James w/Maria – WWE Women’s Title
7. MVP & Floyd Mayweather d. The Big Show & Shane McMahon
So I would have the No Way Out segment where Mayweather breaks his nose and The Big Show is pissed at Mayweather, the next night MVP would host his VIP Lounge with Mayweather as his special guest they would start making jokes about how a guy Mayweather’s size broke the nose of a guy The Big Show’s size. This would bring The Big Show out who is accompanied by Shane McMahon who is trying to calm Big Show down so Mayweather don’t sue the WWE. Big Show gets in the ring and Mayweather backs up a little bit b/c he knows now that Big Show is really pissed and he is no match for him. MVP gets in The Big Show’s face and tells him if he is going to pick a fight at least do it with someone who is a WWE superstar and furthermore Mayweather would have never had the chance to break his nose if Show hadn’t been so cocky and got down on his knees to where Mayweather could reach his big nose. Show is getting more and more furious as Shane tries to calm him down, to which MVP asks him if he is scared that his big giant isn’t as tough as Shane hypes him up to be. Shane would laugh at that statement and tell MVP that Big Show could whoop both MVP and Mayweather with no problem and if he did need some backup then he could more than handle the two of them. MVP tells him to prove it, he’s got stroke around here make the match for WrestleMania, Shane agrees and the match is set.
8. Edge (c) d. Batista – World Heavyweight Title
9. Randy Orton d. Ric Flair – WWE Title Vs. Career
So after No Way Out I would come out and say he had a heck of a match last night against Mr. Kennedy and it got him to thinking that this winning streak he is on to keep his career can’t last forever and if it’s going to end he wants to be the top guy, or at least a chance at being the top guy so that’s why he wants a match at WrestleMania against the WWE Champion Randy Orton. Orton would come out and say it’s a good thing the next match Ric loses he has to retire because he thinks Ric is getting a touch of alzheimers thinking he can hang in the ring with the future of the WWE, he tells Flair to face it he is washed up and there is a retirement home just waiting for him. FLair asks him if he is saying all that just to hide the truth from himself that even on Orton’s best day he will never be Ric Flair and as fire as being to old, he then slops Orton and starts chopping away at him and gets ready to put on the figure four, but Orton pushes him off and sends him chest first into the corner and as he bounces back Orton hits him the RKO. He then teases a punt kick, but as he charges at Flair the referees run in and cut him off and tell him to get out of the ring. We then would see a backstage segment where Vince and Orton are laughting at what happened and McMahon tells him the match is signed for WrestleMania.
1. Hornswoggle (Cruiserweight Champion Emeritus) w/Finlay def. JBL – Belfast Brawl
Tadpole splashes from here to the other end of the rainbow, laddie.
2. Cade & Murdoch def. Cody Rhodes & Hardcore Holly (c) – World Tag Titles
3. Chris Jericho (c) def. Umaga – WWE Intercontinental Title
4. Mickie James def. Melina (c) – WWE Women’s Title
5. Batista def. Ric Flair
The Nature Boy’s career has come to an end, and he chose his friend and protégé to be the one to end it.
6. Floyd Mayweather def. Chavo Guerrero by TKO – ECW Title
Punch, punch, gone. Money.
7. Matt Hardy def. MVP (c) – WWE United States Title
After months and months, including time when Hardy was out injured at the hands of MVP, he’s finally back for revenge. It’s the War to Settle the Score!
8. John Morrison & The Miz (c) def. Jesse & Festus – WWE Tag Titles
9. Jeff Hardy def. HHH
The first win could be dismissed as a fluke; this can’t. Jeff Hardy is for real.
10. CM Punk def. Edge (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Punk started looking for revenge in January when Edge cost him the ECW Title to Chavo. He earned his shot in the Elimination Chamber, and he’s here to take from Edge even more than Edge took from him.
11. John Cena def. Randy Orton (c) – WWE Title
Forget all the crap about taking the Rumble shot at No Way Out; forget all the crap about the triple-threat. John Cena made a superhuman recovery to return and win the Royal Rumble, and he’s here to take back the title he never lost, simple as that.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XXV! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: