The Great WrestleMania Re-Book: WrestleMania 21

wrestlemania-21-logo

We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:

– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.

– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.

– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.

IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”

– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.

– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.

So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!

STAPLES
It’s Summersl…wait what?

LOS ANGELES APRIL 3RD 2005

THE ORIGINAL CARD

1. Rey Mysterio d. Eddie Guerrero

2. Edge d. Chris Jericho, Shelton Benjamin, Chris Benoit, Christian and Kane – Money In The Bank Ladder Match

3. The Undertaker d. Randy Orton

4. Trish Stratus d. Christy Hemme – WWE Women’s Title

5. Kurt Angle d. Shawn Michaels

6. Akebono d. The Big Show – Sumo Match

7. John Cena d. John Bradshaw Layfield (c) – WWE Title

8. Batista d. Triple H (c) – World Heavyweight Title

JUSTIN ROZZERO

cenahhh
Cena wins boo/yay?

1. Billy Kidman d. Paul London

2. Undertaker & Kane d. Snitsky & Heidenreich

3. Edge d. Chris Benoit – No Holds Barred

4. Shelton Benjamin d. Eddie Guerrero & Christian – Triple Threat Match

5. Batista d. Randy Orton

6. Kurt Angle & Hulk Hogan d. Muhammad Hassan & Daivari

7. Trish Stratus (c) d. Lita – WWE Women’s Title

8. Chris Jericho d. JBL (c) by disqualification – WWE Title

Hulk Hogan slams Akebono as part of Akebono’s open bodyslam challenge

9. Rey Mysterio d. Shawn Michaels

10. John Cena d. Triple H (c) – World Title *

* John Cena won 2005 Royal Rumble; Steve Austin was guest referee

AARON GEORGE

hhhregal
Sunshine?

In lieu of the interminable Piper’s Pit, I’ve added a match.

1. Paul London (c) d. Kidman and Tajiri – WWE Cruiserweight Title Triple Threat Match
Always use the cruiserweights. Always use the cruiserweights to open the show.

2. Hulk Hogan d. Muhammed Hassan
Instead of the Eugene stuff that ate up a ton of time on the original card, have Hassan make an open challenge, America, Leg drop, happiness.

3. Rey Mysterio d. Kane, Carlito, Chris Benoit, Christian and Randy Orton – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
Mysterio wins here and holds off challenging till next year’s WrestleMania. So much more believable he wins a ladder match to get a title shot than the Rumble.

4. Edge d. Chris Jericho

5. Shelton Benjamin (c) d. Kurt Angle – Intercontinental Title
Student faces teacher, in a match Angle is certain he will win.

6. John Cena d. Ric Flair
Since he can’t go after a title he fights a legend.

7. Eddie Guerrero d. Shawn Michaels
In place of Michaels/Angle this begins Eddie’s re-push up the card.

8. The Undertaker d. Akebono

9. Batista d. JBL (c) – WWE Title
Batista wants HHH, but steps aside and challenges JBL to make right the bullying he helped encourage in the summer. He destroys JBL.

10. William Regal d. Triple H (c) – World Heavyweight Title No Holds Barred
I know this seems out there, but there was a moment when Regal came to the aid of Eugene that he showed all the fire of a top flight babyface. This builds off that as HHH continues to bully Eugene all the while ducking Regal. It culminates here with a tremendous brawl. Just imagine the brawl that actually happened on Raw, now imagine it bigger, better and with more stakes.

STEVEN GRAHAM

regaltajiri
That’s just a legit kick to the face.

1. MNM d. Rey Mysterio & Eddie Guerrero (c) – WWE Tag Team Titles
The new team on the block defeat Eddie & Rey causing Eddie to snap.

2. Paul London (c) d. Nunzio – Cruiserweight Title
Nunzio gets his shot at the brand new champion.

3. Tajiri d. William Regal
The tag team champions square off in a friendly contest that gets heated, but ends in a hand shake.

4. Trish Stratus (c) d. Lita – WWE Women’s Title
Why would Lita be in the corner of someone else when she can get the title shot for herself?

5. The Undertaker d. Muhammad Hassan
The American Bad Ass returns for one night only.

6. Akebono d. Kurt Angle
The sumo star vs the amateur wrestling star. Sumo wins!

7. Batista d. John Bradshaw Layfield (c) – WWE Title

8. John Cena d. Triple H (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Flip the two contenders around. Triple H was trying to convince Batista to take on JBL instead, I guess he listens here. The two new stars are born anyway.

NICK DUKE

Orton does chinlocks?
Orton does chinlocks?

1. John Cena d. Orlando Jordan (c) – WWE US Title

2. MNM d. Rey Mysterio & Eddie Guerrero (c) – WWE Tag Team Titles
Guerrero turns on Mysterio, allowing MNM to win the titles.

3. The Hurricane d. Akebono – Sumo Match

4. The Undertaker d. Kurt Angle

5. Shelton Benjamin d. Edge, Chris Benoit, Christian, Kane and Booker T – Money In The Bank Ladder Match

6. Randy Orton d. Shawn Michaels

7. Batista d. Triple H (c) and Ric Flair – World Heavyweight Title Triple Threat

8. Hulk Hogan d. John “Bradshaw” Layfield (c) – WWE Title

BRIAN BAYLESS

How does it feel Jesus???
How does it feel Jesus???

1. William Regal & Tajiri d. La Resistance – WWE Tag Team Titles
Had to have a tag match somewhere on the card, so why not open the show with the face team getting the win?

2. John Cena d. Chris Benoit d. Randy Orton d. Rey Mysterio d. Booker T. d. Shelton Benjamin – Money in the Bank Ladder Match
The stipulation here is that the winner faces HHH for the belt in the main event because HHH himself does not feel as if anyone else is good enough to face him, so they have to earn that right. HHH then comes out after the match to try to sway Cena from taking the match but he instead cuts an insult rap on him, ending it by accepting the challenge.

3. Undertaker d. Akebono
Akebono is brought in to try and end the streak but fails. Best way to use him here, IMO.

4. Chris Jericho d. Christian
Jericho finally gets some revenge on Christian.

5. Shawn Michaels d. Edge
A chance for a classic match here. These two were having house show matches a month or so before this show took place.

6. Kurt Angle d. Eddie Guerrero
Another classic match, this time with Angle getting the win only when snapping Eddie’s ankle.

7. Batista d. JBL (c) – WWE World Title
Batista uses his title shot to go after JBL and wins.

8. John Cena d. HHH (c) – WWE Heavyweight Title
Cena wins the title in another classic that makes Cena into a star. After the match, Batista comes out with his belt to taunt HHH, who had persuaded Batista from facing off against him at this show. With Batista gone from Evolution and a champion you can continue the feud against HHH, with Batista winning that as HHH puts him over strong too. HHH can put over Cena and Batista from this show alone.

TRENT WILLIAMS

The Mega Chain Gang? The DoctorManiacs?  The Mega Nation? Ruff and Ready? Pipi and Caca?
The Mega Chain Gang?
The DoctorManiacs?
The Mega Nation?
Ruff and Ready?
Pipi and Caca?

1. Rey Mysterio d. Christian
A nice match to get the crowd hyped up, but nothing special.

2. Randy Orton d. Shelton Benjamin, Chris Benoit, Chris Jericho, Kane, Booker T, & Carlito – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
I would have Orton win the MITB because at this time he took a step down after his face turn and really wouldn’t be in the title picture for a while, so it would allow him to jump right back into the title scene any time he wanted.

3. John Cena & Hulk Hogan w/ Eugene d. Muhammad Hassan & Daivari
I would have this match be an unscheduled match, I would have the whole Eugene thing happen and have Hogan run down to save him, but Hogan also gets beat down until Cena makes the save. I would then have Bischoff come out and make the match right then and there. It wouldn’t be a long match, maybe like 8 minutes tops, enough for both Cena and Hogan to get all their stuff in. They would celebrate after the match and it would be another rub from a legend for Cena to make him look like an even bigger star.

4. The Undertaker d. Kurt Angle
These two would have a phenomenal match in February of the next year and I figured since I had nothing else for either of them to do, this would be a perfect match to tear down the house and have a classic, plus it could go down that one of Undertaker’s streak wins was against a Olympic Gold Medalist.

5. Trish Stratus (c) d. Victoria w/ Lita – WWE Women’s Title
Nobody and I mean nobody wanted to see Christy Hemme in the ring, much less fighting for the WWE Women’s Championship. So I would just have her as a special ring announcer for this match and have a more competitive opponent for Trish whom she had history with, and that’s why Lita would want her to face Trish if she couldn’t, because she knew Victoria was one of Trish’s rivals that actually gave her a run for her money.

6. Shawn Michaels d. Eddie Guerrero
This match is one match I always wanted to see that never happened, and it’s a shame it didn’t, although I heard it was going to happen at WrestleMania 22 had Eddie not passed away. I could see this easily being a 4 1/2 – 5 star match. I would have it where Shawn would come out and say that he had a amazing match with Kurt Angle last year (my WrestleMania XX Card) and he feels that in order to keep his status of Mr. WrestleMania he needs to do it again, and there is one person he has in mind that he knows can give him that amazing match: Eddie Guerrero.

7. Batista d. JBL (c) – WWE Title
I would have JBL come out after No Way Out 2005 and claim he has beaten everyone on Smackdown and there is nobody left for him to face so he might as well just retire now as WWE Champion, because he has done it all. This would bring out Teddy Long who would tell JBL not to be picking out a retirement community just yet, he had talked to Eric Bischoff and they made a trade of superstars where Smackdown would trade Eddie Guerrero for the man who will face JBL at WrestleMania, “The Animal” Batista. Batista would come out and say that he will give JBL credit that he has beaten everyone that has come in his path for the past 8 months, but they all pale in comparison to him and he will show JBL at WrestleMania just how much more vicious he is than anyone else he has faced and in the process he will take the WWE Championship from him.

8. Edge d. Triple H (c) w/ Ric Flair – World Heavyweight Title
I would have never turned Edge heel when he did turn. I would have Edge win the Royal Rumble and the night after he talks about his win and all that he had to go through to come back after his neck injury and after last night he can finally see his ultimate dream of being a World Champion, now it comes down to which Championship I want to choose for. Then Triple H would come out and tell Edge he better think twice about challenging for his championship, because he would beat him so bad that he will wish he had never even entered the Royal Rumble and that Edge is not even close to being in his league. Edge would say that since Triple H decided to open his big mouth and say all of that he has changed his decision that he was going to make originally and now he has chosen Triple H to be the one he faces at WrestleMania. He says that’s Triple H’s problem that unless your all jacked up then in his eyes you aren’t worthy of his time, but come WrestleMania he will show everyone he his more than worthy and after WrestleMania Triple H will be the one that’s not worthy because he will be the new World Heavyweight Champion and Triple H will be doing nothing but crying on the shoulder of the Nature Boy.

GLENN BUTLER

You should practice abstinence!
You should practice abstinence!

1. Eddie Guerrero & Rey Mysterio (c) def. MNM – WWE Tag Titles
There’s tension teased between the champs when Eddie thinks Rey stays in the match too long and takes too many beatdowns, but eventually Rey gets there for the hot tag and they retain.

2. Shelton Benjamin (c) def. Christian (w/Tomko) – WWE Intercontinental Title

3. Orlando Jordan (c) def. Akebono, Big Show, Hardcore Holly, Heidenreich & Carlito – WWE United States Title, Six-Man Ladder Match
Orlando Jordan wins a ladder match the way Jimmy Hart wins a battle royal — sneaky as hell. At one point, Big Show knocks Akebono over and celebrates like he’s won a sumo match.

4. Trish Stratus (c) def. Molly Holly – WWE Women’s Title

5. Paul London (c) def. Spike Dudley, Chavo Guerrero & Funaki – WWE Cruiserweight Title, Fatal Four-Way

6. William Regal & Tajiri (c) def. Chris Jericho & Booker T – World Tag Titles

7. Edge def. Chris Benoit

8. Undertaker def. Kurt Angle

9. Shawn Michaels def. HHH (c) – World Heavyweight Title, Guest Referee Steve Austin

10. John Cena def. Ric Flair – Interpromotional Match

11. Hulk Hogan def. JBL (c) – WWE Title

Whose WrestleMania 21 card is your favorite?

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Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania 22! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books:

WrestleMania
WrestleMania 2
WrestleMania III
WrestleMania IV
WrestleMania V
WrestleMania VI
WrestleMania VII
WrestleMania VIII
WrestleMania IX
WrestleMania X
WrestleMania XI
WrestleMania XII
WrestleMania 13
WrestleMania 14
WrestleMania XV
WrestleMania 2000
WrestleMania X-Seven
WrestleMania X8
WrestleMania XIX
WrestleMania XX
 

Author: Place to Be Nation Staff

Place to Be Nation Staff pieces feature any number of our contributors who are multifaceted when it comes to Pop Culture expertise.