We’ve all done this. We’ve all sat around the campfire, water-cooler, sacrifice pit and meticulously tried to re-book the Granddaddy of the all. Brilliant idea after brilliant idea has flowed from the minds of countless brilliant people which made us at Place To Be Nation sit up and say, “We’re somewhat brilliant. We can piece together two or three coherent sentences. Surely we can book an all time classic like WrestleMania IX.” So welcome To the Great WrestleMania Re-Book. For each of the 30 celebrations of life (TM WWF 1999) Justin Rozzero, Aaron George, Steven Graham, Nick Duke, Brian Bayless, Trent Williams, and Glenn Butler, give you their versions of each showcase of the immortals. In order to ensue a different spin with this thing here’s a few rules we’ve all sworn a blood-oath to uphold:
– For any given year you can have NO MATCHES THAT WERE ON THE ORIGINAL CARD. So WrestleMania III say goodbye to Savage/Steamboat and Hogan/Andre cause we have to come up with something completely different.
– For every year YOU MUST RESPECT THE CURRENT CHAMPIONS GOING INTO THE EVENT. So even if it hurts our hearts Miz is still champ going into 27, Triple H still has his reign of terror at XIX and Cena is still champ going into 36.
– As much as we are sticklers for the given circumstances and champions we may CHANGE THE WINNER OF THE ROYAL RUMBLE. Otherwise we’d be unable to follow rule number one from 1993-2003. Imagine we’re booking the show as of January 1st.
IF A CELEBRITY WRESTLES/BOXES A PHYSICAL MATCH AT A GIVEN SHOW, HE/SHE MUST HAVE A MATCH AT THE SHOWS WE BOOK. Sorry, no getting out of seeing Snooki “compete.”
– Aside from that we are free to USE ANY MEMBER OF THE ROSTER AT THE TIME THAT WAS HEALTHY OR SCRATCH SOMEONE FROM THE CURRENT CARD IF WE FEEL THEY DON’T FIT AND/OR HATE THEM.
– Unless it’s specified by the given author EVERY ONE OF THESE CARDS LIVES IN IT’S OWN UNIVERSE. Otherwise this could very quick descend into 30 years of fantasy booking instead of seeing what we could each make with the given circumstances. If a butterfly effect is enacted it will be mentioned but I think we’ll keep it to a respectable minimum.
So there’re our awful, rigid, back-breaking rules. Without further ado, here’s the Great WrestleMania Re-Book!
DETROIT – APRIL 1ST 2007
THE ORIGINAL CARD
1. Mr. Kennedy d. CM Punk, Randy Orton, Finlay, Matt Hardy, King Booker, Jeff Hardy and Edge – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
2. The Great Khali d. Kane
3. Chris Benoit d. Montel Vontavious Porter – WWE US Title
4. The Undertaker d. Batista (c) – World Heavyweight Title
5. The ECW Originals d. The New Breed
6. Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump d. Umaga w/Mr. McMahon – Hair Vs. Hair Battle of The Billionaires
7. Melina (c) d. Ashley – WWE Women’s Title Lumberjill Match
8. John Cena (c) d. Shawn Michaels – WWE Title
1. Chris Benoit (c) d. Ric Flair & Finlay – US TItle
2. Hardy Boys d. Rob Van Dam & Sabu, London & Kendrick (c) and World’s Greatest Tag Team – Tag Titles
3. MVP d. King Booker, Kane, Mr. Kennedy, Elijah Burke, Marcus Cor Von & Kofi Kingston – Money in the Bank
4. CM Punk d. William Regal
5. Shawn Michaels & Donald Trump d. Bobby Lashley & Mr. McMahon – Haircut Match *
6. Batista (c) d. Umaga – World Title Street Fight
7. Edge d. Randy Orton
8. Undertaker d. John Cena (c) – WWE Title
* Bobby Lashley turned heel and joined McMahon on Raw
1. William Regal d. Finlay and Dave Taylor – Triple Threat Tough Motherfucker Challenge
Are they fighting for real? Can’t tell through all the stiffness.
2. Edge d. Randy Orton
Rated RKO explodes in THE WAR TO SETTLE THE SCORE (TM Glenn Butler 2015) Edge stays undefeated for next year’s showdown with Taker.
3. The Hardy Boyz d. Paul London & Brian Kendrick, The Worlds Greatest Tag Team and MNM – WWE Tag Team Titles TLC Match
This replaces MITB this year. Haas and Benjamin re-united for the match and the Hardys finally win one of these things.
4. The Undertaker d. MVP
5. Shawn Michaels w/ Donald Trump d. Umaga w/ Vince McMahon – Battle Of The Billionaires Hair Vs. Hair Match.
Michaels was always great against monsters. He sells like a madman for Umaga and squeaks out the underdog win. He also bleeds a lot.
6. CM Punk d. Batista(c) – World Heavyweight Title
Punk wins a huge upset after his huge upset at the Royal Rumble. His reactions were super strong at this point, had they pushed him hard I think this could have worked.
7. King Booker d. Jerry “The King” Lawler – Winner is King of The WWE.
Booker shocks the plebians by dismantling the legend.
8. John Cena (c) d. Chris Benoit – WWE Title
If you can’t give Cena Michaels let’s give him Benoit to have a classic with. Strong title defense for the champ.
1. Paul London & Brian Kendrick (c) d. William Regal & Dave Taylor – WWE Tag Team Titles
A highlight for London & Kendrick over the great Blue Bloods!
2. Umaga (c) d. Jim Duggan – Intercontinental Title
The legend gets squashed by the monster!
3. Fit Finlay d. Chris Benoit (c) – WWE US Title
These two have great chemistry and always produce a great match.
4. Mark Henry d. Batista (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Henry was/is the man and should had been given an opportunity like this.
5. CM Punk d. Bobby Lashley (c) – ECW Title
Punk getting the ECW Title felt natural.
6. The Hardy Boyz d. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch, Ric Flair & Carlito – #1 Contenders TLC Match
Bringing back the old tag team TLC match to figure out who will get the titles frown Michaels & Cena.
7. The Undertaker w/ Donald Trump d. Sabu w/ Mr. McMahon – Hardcore Match with McMahon & Trump’s Hair on the line!
How cool would this be?
8. John Cena (c) d. Shawn Michaels, Edge & Randy Orton – WWE Title Four Corners Elimination Match
This feud waged on all year and this could be the culmination. Michaels & Cena would be the final two and could do their awesome match.
1. Marcus Cor Von d. Mr. Kennedy, King Booker, Tommy Dreamer, Kane and The Sandman – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
2. Rob Van Dam & Sabu d. Elijah Burke & Matt Striker – Hardcore Match
3. Chris Benoit (c) d. Umaga – WWE US Title
4. Montel Vontavious Porter d. Shawn Michaels – Interpromotional Match
5. CM Punk d. Bobby Lashley (c) – ECW Title Extreme Rules
6. Batista (c) d. Ric Flair – World Heavyweight Title Tilte Vs. Career
7. The Hardy Boyz d. Rated RKO
8. The Undertaker d. John Cena (c) – WWE Title
1. Hardy Boyz d. MNM w/ Melina
2. CM Punk d. RVD d. Carlito d. Booker T d. Marcus Cor Von d. MVP – Money in the Bank Ladder Match
3. Chris Benoit d. Finlay – WWE United States Title
4. Ric Flair d. Shawn Michaels – Cage Match
5. Bobby Lashley w/ Donald Trump d. Ken Kennedy w/ Vince McMahon – Hair vs. Hair (The Manager’s Hair is at stake)
6. John Cena d. Umaga w/ Armando Alejandro Estrada – WWE World Title
7. Chavo Guerrero d. Jimmy Wang Yang – WWE Cruiserweight Title
8. Undertaker d. Batista (c) d. Great Khali – WWE World Heavyweight Title
1. Mr Kennedy d. Finlay, King Booker, Chris Masters, MVP, Elijah Burke, Shelton Benjamin, & Carlito – Money In The Bank Ladder Match
2. CM Punk d. Chris Benoit (c) – WWE US Title
So this match was suppose to happen later this year Vengeance: Night of Champions, but somebody had to ruin it by killing his family and then himself (thanks alot Benoit). I was really looking forward to that match so I decided to put it on the WrestleMaia card and have Punk go over and win his first championship at WrestleMania from a well respected (at the time) veteran.
3. The Hardy Boyz d. Rob Van Dam & Sabu – Extreme Rules Match
So RVD & Sabu would come out and say “There are two guys over on Raw called The Hardy Boyz that claim they are extreme, but the truth is they don’t know crap about extreme because even though they may dive off ladders and go through tables they only do it like what once every 6 months? Me and Sabu used to do this kind of stuff every single night and put all our heart and soul into it. Sabu here he don’t even believe in going to doctors no matter how cut up and beaten he may be (the camera would zoom in on Sabu’s scars) now that’s extreme.” The Hardyz come out and actually agree with RVD & Sabu, but say they just took what RVD & Sabu did and made it look better. RVD would come back with “No you ripped off what we did and just brought it to a bigger stage and made more money doing it.” Jeff would reply with “Look why don’t we just settle this at WrestleMania and find out who is more extreme.” RVD & Sabu would accept the challenge.
4. Batista (c) d. Randy Orton – World Heavyweight Title
5. The Undertaker d. Bobby Lashley
6. Shawn Michaels w/ Donald Trump d. Edge w/ Mr. McMahon – Battle of the Billionaries: Hair vs. Hair Match – Special Ref: Steve Austin
I would keep everything the same except for this actual participants, even though there was this big spectacle and hype about this match it wasn’t because of the actual two men in the match, and if you watch it back it’s not that great of a match. So why not have an actual match that could be good enough to match up to the rest of the hype around this match.
7. Mickie James d. Melina (c) – WWE Women’s Title
Just like at WrestleMania 21 nobody wanted to see Ashley Massaro go for the Women’s Championship at WrestleMania, so when you need a good opponent for Melina you don’t have to look no further than my girl Mickie James.
8. John Cena (c) d. Umaga w/ Armando Estrada – WWE Title
I would have Umaga win the Royal Rumble and beat Kane’s record of most eliminations and look like a total unstoppable monster to the point where even Estrada has a hard time handling him. This would be a brutal and bloody match with Cena busted open at the hands of the Samoan Bulldozer, but somehow miraculously like he always does Cena would make a comeback and as Umaga would go up to the top rope to deliver a splash Cena would cut him off and deliver a F-U off the top rope and immediately lock in the STFU for the win.
1. Paul London & Brian Kendrick (c) def. William Regal & Dave Taylor – WWE Tag Titles
Give Londrick some quality time on WrestleMania with a pair of game opponents and they’ll get the crowd properly fluffed for sure.
2. Chavo Guerrero (c) def. Vito – WWE Cruiserweight Title
3. Rated RKO def. John Cena & Shawn Michaels (c) – World Tag Titles
Much like he did the following night in real life, Shawn Michaels decides he’s just plain sick of being tag champs with Cena. Since he obviously can’t fight Cena for the title, he’s setting things up for Backlash instead — IF Cena manages to retain against his opponent tonight.
4. MVP def. Shelton Benjamin, Sabu, Johnny Nitro, Elijah Burke, Kane – Money in the Bank Ladder Match
5. Finlay def. Batista (c) – World Heavyweight Title
Finding a challenger for Batista here was HARD, since Batista-Undertaker is an all-time classic. I gave up Finlay-Benoit, which would’ve had a good chance at being the best match on the card, for this, the best match any option could probably have with Batista. Here’s hoping being this low on the card is still a big motivating factor for Batista and that he works his ass off, because you know Finlay will.
6. Chris Benoit (c) def. Mr. Kennedy – WWE United States Title
7. Ric Flair & Carlito def. Cade & Murdoch
8. Mickie James def. Melina (c) – WWE Women’s Title
9. RVD def. Bobby Lashley (c) & CM Punk – ECW World Title, Three-Way Dance
10. Jeff Hardy def. Umaga (c) – WWE Intercontinental Title
Give Jeff Hardy one of his best opponents, since the guy’s going places. Not next year, of course, but in the fullness of time.
11. John Cena (c) def. Undertaker – WWE Title
Had to be done.
Thanks for joining us for this installment of The Great WrestleMania Re-Book. Feel free to keep the discussion going at the Place To Be Nation Facebook page. Tune in next time for WrestleMania XXIV! In the meantime, catch up on our previous re-books: