WWE Main Event
September 25, 2013
We are taped from my former home office of Milwaukee, Wisconsin! Smell the beer, leather and shame!
Match #1: Fandango (with Summer Rae) and Big E. Langston (with Corn Starch) vs. The Usos
Summer Rae gets caught up in a streamer during her entrance and effortlessly saves herself from certain doom. Alex Riley back for the second week in a row, because the fates are on my side. Josh Matthews describes Big E. as “rejuvenated and refocused” after separating from Dolph and A.J. Quick dance off to start. This is the first time that Fandango and Langston have teamed, and Fandango frequently tags in and out by chopping the big man’s chest the second momentum swings against him. The announcers put over Jey’s pinfall on Roman Reigns during the handicap match on Raw, noting that it’s the first time Reigns has been pinned. In their first show of teamwork, Big E. rolls Fandango out of the ring as Jimmy attempts his corner hip attack. Jey then flings himself at Langston, who catches him, but gets dumped by a Jimmy Uso tope.
The Usos try to chop Big E. down to no avail, as Langston takes one of the Usos down (couldn’t tell which side the Tomax and Xamot makeup was on) with a massive clothesline, triggering Papa Rikishi’s classic flip sell. Warrior Splash follows for two. Alex Riley compares Langston to William Perry, which is dumbfounding if you were alive during the 1985 Bears Super Bowl run. Fandango gets knocked off the top rope into the barrier and is thrown back in by Langston, who tags himself in. Jey nails both opponents with kicks and forearms, sending Fandango to the outside, feigning a knee injury. This allows the Usos to block the Big Ending, and a superkick and top-rope splash win it for the number one contenders to the tag belts in twelve minutes.
Winners: The Usos
We get a quick highlight of HHH’s exclusive WWE.com interview with Michael Cole, with HHH badmouthing the Miz. When Cole laughs at the hypocrisy of the leader of DX calling out the Miz for being a smartass, HHH states that he could always back it up. If somebody could explain the point of these interviews, I’d greatly appreciate it.
Match #2: Big Show vs. Damien Sandow
Our first Raw Rebound of the night reviews the Miz TV segment ending in the Big Show punching out the host. If Sandow can’t beat R-Truth on this show, there’s no way he gets past the Big Show. Today’s emotion from the Big Show looks to be “troubled.” Sandow gets tossed to the floor for trash talking and stalls. Show fights off Sandow with his father’s butt smash and some brutal chops in the corner. After an eye poke, Sandow briefly gets some kicks in, followed by an Elbow of Disdain, but Big Show knocks him out with a punch for the victory. Nothing but a four-minute squash.
Winner: The Big Show
Post match, Big Show yanks the swank leather briefcase, handcuffs and all, from the corner post and deposits it on Sandow.
Our second Raw Rebound of the evening showcases CM Punk and the most beautiful sports jersey in North America. Scott Criscuolo shed a tear for his beloved Bruins during his recap of Raw.
Match #3: Curtis Axel (with Paul Heyman) vs. Justin Gabriel
Wow, this show is a snooze fest tonight. Matthews notes that Curtis Axel recently surpassed 100 days as Intercontinental Champion. Gabriel starts off hot with some arm drags and a La Majistral cradle for two. Riley relates a story of Paul E. sneaking into Madison Square Garden as a youngster. ARMBAR by Gabriel, as the crowd chants for CM Punk. Heyman scowls as Gabriel gets some unique pinning combinations here. Curtis Axel uses his smarts to frustrate Gabriel, pushing him to draw the South African’s ire, leading to a punch that floors Axel. On the outside, Axel, after some motivational talk from Heyman, dodges a baseball slide before break.
Continued offense by Axel when we return, including his rear clothesline and a double sledge on a prone Gabriel. Gabriel comes back with his RVD kick sequence and a springboard cross body. I’m really surprised that Gabriel hasn’t changed up his offense since Van Dam returned to the WWE. Gabriel misses his top rope quebrada, as per usual, but nails a twisting plancha over the top rope onto Axel on the outside. Alex Riley makes his third mention of Gabriel’s “volcano luging” as a hobby. Yeah. Axel gets back in the ring first and hits a neckbreaker after draping Gabriel on the ropes. Gabriel actually connects with his quebrada, as well as a modified Blue Thunder Bomb. Axel again shows his intelligence, rolling towards the rope after each of these moves to avoid a 450. He draws Gabriel in, snaps the rope into his jaw, then hits his “inverted neckbreaker DDT” for the three count in a nearly fifteen minute long match.
Winner: Curtis Axel
Not much commentary from me this week, and it’s really due to the nature of the episode. A little bit dull and nothing to get either excited or angry at. Even a disaster of a match might call from some snarkiness.
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