WWE Tough Enough, Episode 5


So for those keeping track, this show punishes contestants for NOT knowing how to wrestle, and now for knowing TOO MUCH about wrestling. But if you can climb a rope, you’re golden! This season is escalating higher and higher on the failure meter with the elimination of Patrick, the only contestant on the show who seemed like they could fit in on WWE TV in any capacity right now.

If you’re looking for a recap of the episode, how about this? They climbed ropes and it didn’t matter at all. They bumped in the ring a little bit, and Patrick was cocky. Paige was more arrogant and obnoxious than ever before, and then the best guy got sent home. Happy?

I suppose I can go into some more details. Let’s look at this from a reality TV perspective. In shows like Survivor, when you are eliminated, it’s called your boot episode. Sometimes it’s obvious because a specific character gets a LOT more attention, and it’s usually negative. Their flaws are suddenly on display and we see genuine reasons why they lose the game. This was Patrick’s boot episode. He strangely transitioned to the voice of the fans to a cocky, arrogant heel – cutting promos on our beloved ZZ and letting everyone know how great he was. It was a clear reason why he should go home.

Except this is supposedly live fan voting and not a taped season where the editors show us why a person lost. That fact makes this hatchet job all the more confusing. Why did they decide to make Patrick look so bad? Why ruin all the good will built up? Unless they WANT him to be eliminated. I don’t have any idea why this would be the case, but it’s the only conclusion I can make from what I watched.

So besides the fact that the show decided to make one of the two favorites look like a major jerk, what else happened? GIORGIA CLIMBED ROPES! This is all important! Why? SHUT UP, THAT’S WHY! Chelsea got injured in a fun twist of fate since she’s only there as a replacement anyway. Patrick inexplicably targeted ZZ in an attempt to lose fan support, and it worked.


And they really amped up the manufactured drama. The fake, uninteresting drama. Don’t you want to see Sara Lee eliminate Amanda now? Well, you can’t, because it’s all a fan vote elimination. Do you want to see Tanner go toe-to-toe with Josh? Well, you won’t. Ever. I know I am beating a dead horse at this point, but it’s a whole lot of nothing happening. People argue and fight and are made to look negative – yet they are trying to get the viewers’ votes. The coaches ride people like ZZ for not being able to climb ropes, yet fans keep voting for him anyway. Really, this show is a nice little picture of WWE booking: They focus on stuff that doesn’t matter, don’t get who fans perceive as stars and put too many bells and whistles on things. And also, they feature Big Show in 2015.

Speaking of Big Show, he gave every male competitor his famous chest chop. This was both entertaining and annoying at the same time. Why was it annoying? Because of the five guys remaining, 60% of them didn’t even bother to SELL THE CHOP. ZZ and Patrick get about 200 bonus points for selling here, and ZZ probably had no choice as he had a red mark on his chest the size of a…what size are Big Show’s hands? Frying pan size? Typewriter? I can’t remember. Tanner walked away like he’d just been high fived. Josh wanted to hug Show. Mada was the worst aggressor, as he simply laughed in Show’s face.

You're no Ricky Morton.
You’re no Ricky Morton.

In the end, this was another hour of nothing as Josh was put in the bottom three. Why? No good reason. ZZ was put in as well. Why? Because he’s bad at obstacle courses. He’ll NEVER win the Intercontinental title now! Remember when Razor Ramon beat Rick Martel in that obstacle course on Raw? ZZ would have lost! Rope climbing and tire running are the very foundation of professional wrestling! Patrick was also nominated, but surely the best competitor of the season won’t get sent home because of one bad episode…right?

This show is the worst. Goodbye Patrick, you will be missed. Maybe hit the ropes and train for your next chance. And by ropes, I mean climbing ones of course, not ring ropes. Who cares about those?

Now, it’s power ranking time!

JD’s Power Rankings:

1. Patri….errr, Mada. I would put ZZ here if the votes are legit, but I think we’re getting worked.
2. Josh. Because if the work is in, tall dudes are the ones to bet on.
3. ZZ. If the voting is legit, I think he wins, and finishing second to Josh this episode was an anomaly.
4. Sara Lee. Still the lock on the female side. Who gets votes over her?
5. Chelsea. She’s come a long way since seducing Daniel Bryan!
6. Tanner. Early season attention seems to have faded.
7. Giorgia. She’s won five challenges! That means she will win!
8. Amanda. Totally forgettable, which is actually worse than bad.

Isaac’s Power Rankings:

1. Mada – He’s good at the challenges.
2. Sara Lee – I think she’s going to win even though she’s not very good.
3. ZZ – He’s got America on his side.
4. Josh – I think his hair is stupid.
5. Tanner – Cocky, but he wins a lot.
6. Chelsea – Her injury might get her out.
7. Gigi – Still don’t like her.
8. Amanda – She’s friggin’ terrible.