Steve: Glenn, could there be a Money in the Piggy Bank? Max Mini on a pole? For some reason, perhaps because I’m getting caught up in some friends’ excitement, I’m looking forward to this match. I watched the first two matches in the series, and there wasn’t anything blatantly offensive, outside of Michael Cole’s fake laughter and snorting. On this week’s PTBN’s Main Event, special guest Will from Wrestling with the Past (and host of PTBN’s PPV Reaction shows) talked a bit about El Torito’s history as Mascarita Dorada, a prominent, well-schooled mini out of Mexico. I’m also familiar with Hornswoggle’s history before entering the WWE, and he’s well-known throughout the Midwest for his series of ladder matches. Their combined efforts and skills could lead to a fun comedy match on the pre-show, or it could be an utter train wreck, which would be just as entertaining.
THIS JUST IN: Managing Editor of Place to Be Network and agent to the stars, Brad Woodling has sent the High Spot the following report: “Midget wrestler Short Sleeve Sampson will be appearing at this Sunday’s Extreme Rules event. He will most likely play a part in the ‘WeeLC’ match between El Torito and Hornswoggle” (credit: wrestlechat.net). Could this be a reboot of the mini’s division? If so, will Hornswoggle hit the gym? Can they find two more minis to form a basketball team to challenge Scott and Justin?
Finally, there’s a very important factoid that needs to be stressed. The WWE has a tradition of TLC matches going back over a decade. This is a weeLC match. In a TLC match, the T stands for tables. And, you see, T rhymes with wee. And wee is a word meaning little or tiny. BECAUSE THEY’RE SMALL PEOPLE, GET IT? WEE? No word to whether wee also stands for urine in regards to this bout, or if Will will take this paragraph seriously.
Glenn: Your keen sense of wordplay leaves me breathless yet again, Steve. Are you sure you’re not a literature professor?
Indeed, we’re finally getting another high-profile match featuring Hornswoggle, one of the most consistently entertaining wrestlers of the past eight years, and a man whose Cruiserweight Championship reign is not only the longest by far in that title’s history, but will in less than one year eclipse Bruno Sammartino’s first WWWF Championship reign. The diminutive grappler, formerly known as Hornswoggle McMahon, has many career highlights, but this may be the biggest match he’s had since his reign atop the Cruiserweight division in 2007, and it has the potential to be the most entertaining since his appearance in the 2011 Royal Rumble — or, alternatively, the 2008 mini Royal Rumble. His feud with Chavo Guerrero, which raged for years, provided some nice thrills and spills but petered out after it had come to envelop the Titus O’Neil-Darren Young rivalry on NXT Redemption, a show only I watched and only I remember. Still, any time you get to see a Tadpole Splash is a good time to be alive.
The exact rules of the bout have not been announced as of yet, but if there is any justice in this empty hole we call a universe, let alone the one we call the WWE Universe, it will be a ladder match. What will be hung high aloft, six feet above the mat, remains to be seen.
His opponent in this showdown, El Torito, has a far shorter career in WWE thus far, but has done much to impress in that time. While his appearance in the Royal Rumble does not match Hornswoggle’s turn in 2011, it does compare favorably with Hornswoggle’s Rumble appearance in 2008, and Torito’s antics with Los Matadores give him a leg up over Hornswoggle’s current run with 3MB. El Torito has also provided Hornswoggle with the first fellow little person he’s faced in singles competition since his matches with Little Boogeyman in 2006.
This is what makes this month’s $9.99 WWE Network fee worth it. This is what makes living worth it. This is my life and these are my choices.
And this is Extreme Rules. And this is Extreme Rules.
Now, let’s hit a couple more points from Professor Wille before running through other news of the week:
High Spot Addendum: Last week in the High Spot, we looked at the upcoming Impact Wrestling cards in Wisconsin and questioned their roster for the events. Since then, they have added both Kurt Angle and EC3 to the main event, making it a tag team match of Angle/MVP vs. Magnus/EC3. Though the presence of Angle is a welcome addition, you have to wonder why they would wait until a week before show time to announce perhaps their biggest draw.
CHIKARA Update: As documented in these pages, the merry month of May sees the return of family-favorite Chikara to the wrestling landscape. Though the first formal event launches on May 25th, this weekend marks the debut of the feature film “The Ashes of Chikara” created by Mike Quackenbush and company. It promises to tell more of the back story of what occurred to the Chikara characters between Aniversario: Never Compromise and National Pro Wrestling Day. Two days earlier, the offshoot promotion Wrestling is Fun! continues this year’s edition of the Tag World Grand Prix.
- The Network Era Has Begun! Right Click, Right Click: The end of WWE’s pay-per-view era, begun with the launch of the WWE Network and continued at WrestleMania when Michael Cole plugged the next “special,” is getting a boost from three PPV providers who are not carrying Extreme Rules this Sunday. DirecTV, Dish Network, and AT&T U-Verse are all refusing to offer Extreme Rules, narrowing the field of available buyers who either don’t want to subscribe to the Network or lack a way to view it on their televisions, and so may have been buying on pay-per-view. While the off-month events see a large dropoff in buys anyway, perhaps the Network is more of a gamble than it may have seemed in the winter, especially before it becomes available outside the US. Surely we’ll be hearing about what an incredible gamble it was around 2038 in an episode of Legends of Wrestling: The Next Generation, a roundtable discussion hosted by Josh Matthews and featuring input from retired legends Dean Ambrose, Alex Riley, CM Punk and, amazingly, Pat Patterson.
- I Have Been, and Always Shall Be, Making Announcements: Global Force Wrestling has made an announcement, and for once it’s not an announcement of an impending announcement about future announcements. GFW announced a partnership with Mexican wrestling promotion AAA, which will begin a talent exchange between the two companies. Many have tried to bring AAA stars to the mainstream of US wrestling and met with varying acceptance, but it never hurts to try to expose people to things they may not have seen before. GFW also…oh. GFW’s press release ends with an announcement that the company will have several more key announcements in the coming weeks. Of course it does. Announcements haven’t received this much ballyhoo since the era of the anonymous Raw General Manager.
- Wait, Which Show is About Wild Animals: TNA World Champion Eric Young is also appearing on his new Animal Planet show No Limits, premiering on Friday May 30th. After fishing in various exotic locales on his previous show, No Limits sees Young braving extreme outdoor environs. Instead of training for a lumberjack match in Smoky Mountain Wrestling, he’ll be training to be a lumberjack in the actual Smoky Mountains! How bout it??
- Pro Wrestling NOAH, hot off the blockbuster Darren Aronofsky film about the Japanese wrestling company that still managed to cast white people in every role, is losing one of its major stars as KENTA has announced his departure. As with any star who abruptly leaves his home promotion, rumors of a move to WWE are running hot and heavy. Without an announcement from either party, though, the future remains uncertain.