WWE Main Event
October 16, 2013
Kansas City, Missouri
My final Main Event report begins with the unthinkable, a title match!
Match #1: Dolph Ziggler vs. Dean Ambrose for the United States Championship
Miz is back with Josh Matthews this week, and Dean Ambrose comes out alone. Ziggler’s pink shirt is one of the few limited edition outfits that fits his character. Dolph hits a dropkick at the bell for a quick two; a rollup follows for another two. Dean suckers him in to take over for a brief time. Ninety seconds in, and Dolph has five pin attempts. Unreal pace here. Ambrose attempts to slow the pace down, but Ziggler sends both guys flying over the top with a clothesline.
After a break, Dean has taken the advantage with a ground and pound style offense. A few weeks ago, I noted that I can tell the quality of these matches by whether or not I’m paying attention to the announcers. I’m not. Ziggler connects with a big dropkick from the top rope. He tries for the ten punches, which is countered into an exchange of pins. After fighting over a backslide, Ziggler flips backwards and nails a Famouser for a two count. Dean rolls away from a Zig Zag, and he nails a suplex on the floor. The Miz informs us that the floor is “no joke.” Dean up to the top rope to hit something, but Dolph pops up a la Kurt Angle to hit a top-rope X-Factor. He’s a one-man Degeneration X tribute! Will he hit a WIGGITY-WIGGITY-WOO knee drop next? Dolph goes up top, but Dean pulls him off the rope and hits him with his finisher for the win in thirteen minutes.
Winner: Dean Ambrose
Ambrose wins clean without any Shield backup tonight. I would have loved to see this go another ten minutes.
Match #2: Santino Marella and Tons of Funk (with Cameron and Naomi) vs. 3MB
Last week, Tons of Funk beat 3MB in a handicap match. Now, to rub it in, they add Santino to the mix to really squash them. Attempted triple team maneuvers in the corner, as Brodus atomic drops Santino into Slater, but Santino fails to do the same to Tensai because, well, he’s big. Sweet T with a monkey flip and delayed double underhook suplex. I know it’s cool to hate on the Miz, but I honestly zone out whenever he’s commentating. Alex Riley is more skilled and has tons of potential. 3MB works over Brodus until he snaps off a suplex. The ring gets crowded in a hurry, and Santino goes for the Cobra. Santino hits a stunner on Mahal, but Slater and McIntyre grab the Cobra. Tons of Funk squash them together, knocking the Cobra very, very lightly into Mahal. That’s enough for a three-count.
Winners: Santino and Tons of Funk
I don’t mind comedy matches, but that was a bit ridiculous. Needed more Beaker, for sure.
Raw Rebound with the Rhodes’ Family taking away the belts from the Shield.
Match #3: R-Truth vs. Damien Sandow
This is a rematch from a few weeks back, when Truth shockingly upset Sandow. Sandow starts with a fury of punches and kicks in the corner; R-Truth misses a scissors kick and gets nailed with a suplex. The announcers question when Sandow will cash in. It would be hilarious and the non-Scott Criscuolo/Alanis Morrisette definition of ironic if he forgets to do so before the year expires. Josh Matthews talks about R-Truth’s serious nature since Stephanie McMahon called him out on not being in the championship picture. Miz immediately turns the commentary around on himself for being called a utility player. Miz says that he and Truth “sold out Survivor Series as a tag team.” Sandow throws Truth into the barrier, and hits an Elbow of Disdain. R-Truth rallies with a scissors kick for two. Sandow kicks out Truth’s knee, then hits a full-nelson slam for the victory in five minutes.
Winner: Damien Sandow
Truth’s “more serious attitude” sadly gets away from what sets him apart from everyone else on the roster. If this continues, he becomes just another guy who happens to rap his entrance.
Raw Rebound #2 reviews the Punk/Heyman storyline, leading to a handicap Hell in the Cell match coming up on 10/27.
Match #4: Fandango vs. Great Khali (with Natalya and Hornswoggle)
Sweet Jesus, this is what I’m ending my run of recaps with? I was excited going into to tonight with a U.S. Championship match, but this is terrible.
Here is what constitutes Great Khali’s offense for this match: three chops, an elbow, a kick, and two clotheslines. That makes Lex Luger look like Ricky Steamboat.
Fandango tried to stick and move, hitting Khali with chops and dropkicks to the knee. Summer Rae tried to interfere, but Natalya thwarts her advances. Fandango eventually runs into what could mildly be considered a chop to the head for a Khali victory.
Winner: Great Khali
Fandango deserves a lot more than this. He’s ridiculously talented.
That’s a wrap, folks. Next week, I’ll be continuing my run of picking up Scott Criscuolo’s scraps as I began to recap Impact Wrestling.
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