Monday Night Raw
July 7, 2014
We begin with a walkthrough of last week, ending with the awesome Reigns/HHH staredown. We head inside the Bell Centre and it begins with the aforementioned Roman Reigns coming to the ring. No Triple H or Stephanie tonight, so maybe no long-winded promos tonight and we get just matches. Reigns does have a mic. He says he comes to this ring with a point. He says HHH put him in Battleground’s main event for a reason. He talks about being in the match to take care of everybody else so Randy Orton can win the titles. He’s no pawn. The fans are chanting CENA SUCKS, and Reigns says when he’s in the building Cena does suck. Out comes Kane, and Reigns starts taunting him by calling him HHH’s lapdog and Orton’s bitch. They meet in mid-ramp and start brawling outside the ring. They brawl to the crowd and then back to the outside of the ring. Referees come to break it up and Kane chokeslams one of them. Officials come down, including IRS, Finlay and I think Jamie Noble? Anyway he chucks one guy and spears Finlay. Nice solid opening brawl.
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I love Harper & Rowan’s theme. Creepy backwoods rock.
MATCH: Usos vs. Harper & Rowan
This isn’t a title match but it is a rematch from MITB. It’s amazing how Harper keeps that tank top so scuzzy. #RomanisRaw is the hashtag running right now. These two teams have good chemistry together, and for Rowan it’s giving him a chance to show some of his own abilities. The Usos’ comebacks have been the trademark of these matches as they’ve really gotten the crowd going. Looking at the live events ticker it seems the roster is in Japan at the end of the week, then at MSG on Saturday? Weird. These two teams have a great last five minutes of their matches. Harper clotheslines Jimmy for the three count, even though Jey says he was the legal man. WINNERS: Harper & Rowan
Backstage Randy Orton says that he has Kane’s back, and Kane says the Authority will have the WWE World Champion in their camp. Rollins comes in to stir the pot with his briefcase. Orton says he’s starting to hate him, and Kane says to Orton he’s starting to hate him.
MATCH: Nikki Bella vs. Alicia Fox
Both divas will have their hands tied behind their backs, as if the workrate was going to suffer enough. So now we can tell the difference between Nikki and Brie: Nikki’s boobs are bigger now. That’s very helpful. So Alicia Fox attacks Nikki after her hand was tied but before Alicia’s was. A CONSPIRACY! I’m already done with this Alicia Fox “crazy bitch” gimmick. Nobody cares that you’re tossing drinks around. I don’t think the match ever actually happened. What a waste. GRADE: No Contest
Rusev and Lana are in the ring and she tells Canada to accept Putin as its true world peacekeeper.
MATCH: Rob Van Dam vs. Rusev
Wow, talk about sacrificial lamb. RVD gets his early shots in but Rusev chucks him off the top rope and then tosses him around for a bit. We have an inset interview where Zeb Colter challenged Rusev to face Jack Swagger at Battleground. Rusev ends it with the Camel Clutch of Russia. WINNER: Rusev
The Big O is still standing in Montreal. I miss the Expos.
MATCH: Randy Orton vs. Dean Ambrose
This is a good chance to see fresh singles guy Ambrose in a one-on-one match with somebody. We really haven’t seen that yet. I mean we saw him in singles matches when he was the heel US Champion, but this is clearly a different role. Ambrose’s “face in peril” skills need some work but otherwise the match isn’t bad. Ambrose ramps a sweet Figure Four on Orton that’s broken by the ropes. Apparently this is a rematch from Smackdown. That’s the second straight week Raw matches are Smackdown rematches. How original. Ambrose throws five steel chairs into the ring. Awesome. Orton wins with an RKO. WINNER: Randy Orton
I’m sure people will be pissed at that, but Orton’s the main eventer, and Ambrose isn’t…yet.
Renee Young is with John Cena, who gets booed. He talks about the forty pound medallion around his neck and everybody that wants it. Roman Reigns comes out and wishes Cena luck. Cena says he doesn’t need luck, and Reigns says he’ll need it at Battleground.
MATCH: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Fandango is at ringside with the guys at the table. All three men will be in the IC Battle Royal at Battleground. I don’t care who wins, as long as it’s not Bo Dallas. Del Rio and Ziggler have wrestled each other at least 100 times in the last two years. Cole says one of these men will be #1 contender for Sheamus’ US Title. Nobody mentioned this was a #1 contender’s match. What the hell is going on here? Fandango starts dancing and it distracts Dolph who eats a boot to the head. WINNER: Alberto Del Rio
So Del Rio does get a US Title shot with Sheamus tomorrow night on Main Event.
We get a cool promo between the Dusts.
The Road to Paloma ends in the $5 bin at Walmart.
We get Fandango/Layla drama in the bank. ZZZZZZZZZ
Jerry is in the ring talking about the last time he was in Montreal, when he had his heart attack. We get JERRY chants. With that in comes Hall of Famer Bret Hart to a raucous ovation. They scan the crowd, and seeing Canadiens jerseys still makes me vomit. Bret is happy to be back in Montreal, and he said if he could lace up the boots one more time it would be here in Montreal. Bret particularly pumped up tonight until he’s interrupted by Damien Sandow dressed as Bret Hart. Of course Sandow had to bring up THAT Montreal show which elicits boos. Bret decks him in the mouth to end the segment. Out comes the US Champion to face the “Faux Bret”.
MATCH: Sheamus vs. Damien Sandow
Glorified Squash. Why is Sheamus in the IC Battle Royal too? Can’t he defend his own title at Battleground? WINNER: Sheamus
Renee is with The Miz, who reads a “fan letter” from little Johnny, who wants him to put Chris Jericho in his place.
Not only will there be a US Title match tomorrow, but also on Main Event Jericho will host a Highlight Reel with Bret Hart.
MATCH: The Miz vs. Chris Jericho
First Raw match for Y2J in over a year. I definitely like Miz more as a heel. Of course we’re still short of babyfaces, but that’s another issue. A solid back and forth match that Jericho wins with the Walls. WINNER: Chris Jericho
As expected, Bray Wyatt is in the aisle in his rocking chair. He says Jericho can’t save anybody when he can’t save himself. He continues on until Jericho does his “SHUT THE HELL UP”. He says actions speak louder than words. Jericho walks up the ramp and the noise hits again, only now Rowan and Harper are behind Bray’s rocking chair.
MATCH: Funkadactyls vs. Paige & AJ
Paige introduces AJ to the ring. Does this precipitate either the Cameron or Paige heel turn? Let’s see. Cameron looks completely uninterested on the apron. Cameron tags herself in and gets “Paige turned” for the loss. WINNERS: Paige & AJ
The Funkadactyls start arguing and finally just start brawling in the ring. Cameron doesn’t belong here. She was the first one eliminated from Tough Enough because she sucks at this, and they hire her anyway.
Back from break and Cesaro is in the ring with Paul Heyman, who introduces himself and does the whole “21-1” jazz. Cesaro rips the French-Canadians.
MATCH: Cesaro vs. Kofi Kingston
Cesaro beats the snot out of him but for the second straight week Kofi steals the win. WINNER: Kofi Kingston
Cesaro attacks Kofi after the match but Big E comes in to protect his friend. They need to rebuild Big E back up after Rusev buried him at MITB.
John Cena is backstage when Seth Rollins walks in. He says tonight isn’t about the briefcase, it’s about who’s the best. Or is tonight about the briefcase? Cena does his blah blah blah. He was cool for exactly one week, and now he’s back to being a dork.
Roman Reigns vs. Rusev Friday on Smackdown. Really? Really? With no build?
MATCH: Bo Dallas vs. #midgetmantaur
Why does Bo Dallas talk? He sounds like he’s still fighting puberty. They dance around and goof off, but then Bo hits a forearm and his finisher for the win. WINNER: Bo Dallas
If he wins the battle royal at Battleground I may shoot myself. His gimmick is trash, pure and simple. Want a reason? It’s corny and just doesn’t fit on a large stage. This was fine for little NXT but not for the big time.
MATCH: John Cena vs. Seth Rollins
At least Triple H can’t get shit on for trying to pass Ric Flair’s record. Raw seems kind of herky jerky tonight. Commercial breaks coming at weird times, matches going either too short or too long. Even this match feels like it’s been 20 minutes long when as I’m typing this it’s been about four minutes. Cena gets Rollins in the STF but then Kane comes down to the ring. Cena’s looking at him, so Randy Orton jumps Cena from behind. They combine to beat Cena down until Reigns comes down the ramp. He Superman punches both Kane and Orton but Rollins decks him with the briefcase. He then decks Cena with the briefcase. Rollins calls for a referee, and as he talks to the referee Ambrose comes from the crowd and beats Rollins up the ramp. Orton tries to sneak up on Cena but Cena FU’s him. Then Kane tries to chokeslam Cena but Reigns spears him. Reigns raises Cena’s hand but gives a sheepish grin in the process. With that we’re out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: This was a weird show in terms of formatics, as matches had weird lengths and commercial breaks at weird times. A few matches weren’t bad, but one guy who’s never bad is Graham Cawthon, purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com. Follow him on twitter @thehistoryofwwe. Here’s Graham’s Raw Tweet of the Night!
I don’t think Cameron is really a blonde…
Honestly Graham, she’s not very talented either.