A Christmas Story Christmas (2022)
Dir: Clay Kaytis
Writer: Peter Billingsley; Jean Shepherd (book); Nick Schenk
Starring: Peter Billingsley; Erinn Hayes; River Drosche; Scott Schwartz; Julie Hagerty; R.D. Robb.
So Jean Shepherd wrote the book on which the original movie was based upon. These are his character and his concept and idea and all that. Now the original movie came out in 1983 and has been a yearly staple ever since. Jean did the narration as Ralphie as an adult as well.
Peter works with Vince Vaughn in his Wild West Picture Show Productions company, which has been crazy successful. Most of Vince’s movies were done using his company, Four Christmases, Couples Retreat, Break Up, Internship, etc. So Vince has got some money to throw behind Peter for this idea. I am guessing it was Peter’s idea. They needed a director so they grabbed this guy, Clay Katyis. Clay is an animation guy. He directed Angry Birds and some Snoopy projects. So I’m guessing Clay wanted to switch over to real life and Peter thought it was a good cheap idea. Clay won’t boss him around, and Clay will get to direct live people in return.
Well it didn’t work out.
I would take a guess that Peter and Vince looked at this script that Peter wrote and said – dude – this really sucks. Like you suck as a writer. Sorry I love you, but seriously – I’m not putting this out. So they hired Nick Schenk. Nick is a very respected script doctor / writer that Clint Eastwood loves. Nick wrote Mule, Cry Macho, Gran Torino and The Judge starring Robert Downey Jr.. So Vince called him up and prayed for help. I think Nick did all he could to help things – which didn’t help. You know some projects are just not right and don’t fit. Well this is one of them. Peter Billingsley really wanted this thing to work, and everyone on Earth wanted this thing to work – but it just fails so miserable, you just wish they were all dead. I mean you wish the city was swallowed by a sinkhole to not see your beloved characters end up here in this situation.
The scenes are not only NOT funny – they are awkward. Well Clay never directed people!! So what do you want from the guy! No jokes work in here, if there are any. I didn’t spot any jokes – I spotted tired writing. I saw uninspired writing, cliché writing. Just bad. Like 8th grade bad writing.
Peter was in way over his head. It’s clear he never understood what the first one was all about. It’s a shame because we love these guys. I mean we LOVE these guys. Dickie getting his tongue stuck – we love him. The other guy with the goofy hat – we love him. Now we see them all grown up – and it’s so great to see. I mean you smile without effort seeing the people you grew up with together again.
So that lasts for 10 minutes. Then you look at the clock and see what else is streaming. I mean it’s that bad. Nothing is here to keep you watching. No jokes, no good performances, no interesting scenarios. Nothing. Imagine what this would have been without Nick’s help? I mean, Nick is not a comedy writer, so I don’t know why they wanted from in the first place. Asking a writer for Clint Eastwood to fix your comedy script is like asking your plumber to remove your spleen. I don’t exactly put on an Eastwood movie when I want to laugh my ass off. So hey – you wanna see the kids you adore all grown up? Turn it on, fast forward to that spot and revel in it. Then go watch something else. I hate to say it – but yea, they made me. I don’t want to be a grinch at Christmas, I love Christmas! That’s why I’m trying to spare you from ruining yours. Happy Holidayz! See you next week!