Monday Night Raw
September 16, 2013
We open with a montage of last night’s Night of Champions, including CM Punk’s shocking loss to Paul Heyman and Daniel Bryan’s WWE Championship victory. We then head live into the arena in Cleveland and we start immediately with our NEW WWE Champion, and out comes Daniel Bryan to a raucous ovation and his WWE Title with its own metal plates that say YES YES YES! The YES chants to the crowd is awesome. The chants are rampant tonight and Bryan is overwhelmed. Bryan calls the crowd awesome. Bryan has so much to say, but the best thing to say is YES YES YES YES! However we are joined by the COO of WWE who doesn’t look happy. Triple H gets into the ring. Triple H says enough congratulating, there’s the 800 lb gorilla in the room and that’s last night’s fast count. He says everybody is talking about it on social media, so out comes referee Scott Armstrong. He was the second referee in last night title match. Triple H says he wants to get to the bottom of this. So we see a video of last night’s match, where we see Armstrong give a count earlier in the match where he counted a two count of Orton. We then go to the end of the match where Armstrong appeared to go a little quickly. Triple H actually put the two counts side by side and its clear Bryan’s 3 count was brisk. Armstrong says he made a mistake. Triple H says there’s more to this than meets the eye. Armstrong tells Daniel “They’re on to us.” Bryan is stunned, and Triple H throws Armstrong out of the ring. Triple H is disgusted that Daniel Bryan stooped so low as to conspire with a WWE official. Triple H says the title is vacant and that Bryan needs to give the title to him. Bryan and Triple H goes back and forth, and HHH even mentions Shawn Michaels. Bryan refuses to give the belt back. Out comes former champion Randy Orton who’s ready to fight. Triple H holds Orton back and tells Bryan again to give the belt back. Bryan says no, Triple H tries to grab it and Orton RKO’s Bryan. Triple H grabs the belt and walks out. Orton stands over a prone Daniel Bryan as the crowd chants RANDY SUCKS. I was not a fan of this. Screwing Bryan once is fine, but if it becomes a habit and the crowd may start giving up.
Back from break and Triple H and Stephanie are backstage “surprised” about Daniel Bryan’s actions. In comes Randy Orton who is incensed that he didn’t have the WWE Title handed back to him. Stephanie gets in his face and tells Orton he’s pretty much a loser and that they may need to find a new “face of the WWE”.
MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler
They had a pretty good match last night. JBL is playing the heel roll perfectly here saying he’s disgusted by what Daniel Bryan did. Of course no one’s mentioning that Triple H concocted the whole scheme which he clearly did. That’s why Lawler sucks at his job. This announcing is incomplete. Finally after the commercial break Lawler acknowledges that it was Scott Armstrong and Triple H that concocted the scheme. JBL ignores it. The match is good incidentally, I’m not ignoring it. Ambrose is a beast and clearly separating himself from the other two Shield members. Ziggler is going to hang in the mid-card until 2014, then go after the World Title again. Ziggler hits a stretch of punches and crazy elbows. As he’s hitting the elbows JBL makes a “heartstopping” comment to Lawler about them. Why are we making jokes about it? This has been a fairly long match for the first of the night. Ambrose recovers and tries to hit his finisher but unlike last night Ziggler reverses into a Zig Zag and gets the three count. That’s huge. First singles pinfall loss for Ambrose I believe. WINNER: Dolph Ziggler
Justin Roberts says Dean Ambrose is still US Champion. Why? The crowd’s not that dumb.
Backstage Big Show and GM Brad Maddox are waiting for Triple H and Stephanie. We return from break, and Stephanie talks about Friday night on Smackdown when Show was suspended without pay. Stephanie hopes that hurts. This storyline is stupid.
The guys talk about last night with CM Punk, Heyman and Ryback.
MATCH: Fandango vs. R-Truth
I love watching my goddaughter “Fandangoing”. Incidentally her favorite superstar is Triple H, so she’s learning quickly. JBL is awesome tonight, ripping Cole and Lawler for being terrible announcers. Ah, art imitating life. Daniel Bryan later tonight will face Roman Reigns. Fandango wins with the Tennessee Jam. Typical TV fare. WINNER: Fandango
Backstage and the American Dream Dusty Rhodes is here. Obviously about Cody.
Triple H: Thy Kingdom Come, out next Tuesday.
Back from break and out comes the WWE Hall of Famer and the American Dream, BIG DUST! YEAHHHHH!!!!! Dusty Rhodes comes out, and he looks like he lost a lot of weight. Dusty is happy to be here, but he’s not here as Dusty. He says he’s here as Virgil Runnells, and he talks about going down a bad road. He cuts his old school promo about being poor, but you have the love of your sons and you do it. He says he’s here tonight about Cody’s job. He says Triple H and Stephanie broke his son’s heart and he’s here to hope Cody can earn his job back. He tells Steph to “drag her long legs out here”. Stephanie comes out clapping. She’s such a bitch, maybe she can be worth something on camera. Her theme song is terrible incidentally. She puts over the promo condescendingly. She feels bad the wedding was this weekend so she gives Dusty a gift card to Bed, Bath and Beyond. She says she can give the job back to Cody or to Dustin. Dusty won’t make that choice, but Stephanie won’t let him walk away. Dusty tries to compare this to Stephanie’s kids. This promo is terrible. Dusty eventually tells Stephanie to go to Hell. He tries to leave but Stephanie gets the Shield to surround the ring. Stephanie stops them and asks Big Show to come out. Stephanie decides that Dusty will either be dismembered by the Shield or knocked out by Big Show. Dusty doesn’t answer so Stephanie tells Show to knock Dusty out. Show cries and whines, and knocks Dusty out, but places him to the ground. Paramedics take the Dream out. This entire storyline is stupid.
Back from break and Dusty is taken out in an ambulance.
MATCH: Brie Bella, Naomi, and Cameron vs. Alicia Fox, Layla & Aksana
Natalya and AJ is at the broadcast table. I’m not fast-forwarding the match because I want to hear AJ trash these girls. Natalya is trying to talk but AJ says she hears a cat getting hit by a car. So it seems like Big E Langston is out of the picture now, as AJ says she only needs herself. Oh Brie Bella pinned somebody, or something. WINNERS: Who cares
Backstage Brad Maddox is talking with The Miz. Maybe its about vacation.
MATCH: Damien Sandow vs. Rob Van Dam
RVD won by DQ last night and then handed World Champion Alberto Del Rio the Van Terminator. RVD wins relatively easily. WINNER: Rob Van Dam
Sandow puts himself over as Mr. MITB, but he should sell the briefcase back to Staples. He used to be awesome, now he’s pathetic.
Back from break and Triple H is with Scott Armstrong. What is he calling the WWE Title? In abeyance or something? He puts over integrity and the WWE Title. He’s offering a severance package, but he will be fired. Triple H just paid off Scott Armstrong to keep his mouth shut.
MATCH: Randy Orton vs. The Miz
Miz’s dad is in the front row, since we’re in his hometown of Cleveland. Maybe Orton will give him a homecoming beating. Sure enough as Miz is with his dad Orton jumps him and beats him down. We go to commercial and the Miz is being pushed up the ramp with a bad shoulder from being thrown into the steps. The match only lasts a few minutes before Orton chucks Miz into the announce table. The match is over, and I guess it’s a no-contest. WINNER: No Contest
Orton and Miz brawl right in front of Miz’s parents. Orton drapes Miz over the barricade and DDT”s Miz on the floor. Miz’s mother sells it like her boy was hit by a bus. Orton drags Miz’s lifeless body up to the ring. He grabs a steel chair. Orton puts Miz’s head through the folding chair. He’s about to step on the chair but he stops. Instead he drives a knee into Miz’s back. Wow I’ve actually gotten what I wanted. We got rid of sugary babyface Sheamus, and now are we possibly getting rid of sugary babyface Miz?
Back from break and out comes Ryback, Curtis Axel and Paul Heyman, in a wheelchair! This is excellent! Paul Heyman says he is now, the Best in the World! Paul says the fans can boo it all they want, and envy is one of the seven deadly sins, because he says Cleveland is nothing but heathens. He says “I can say over and over again that I beat CM Punk and it will always be true.” He calls CM Punk a loser, everyone’s hero. Heyman goes on about his accomplishment, then he says “One man took it upon himself to do what no other ‘Heyman guys” would do.” He puts over Ryback, and says he owes his life to Ryback. Ryback says he can’t stand bullies. I’ll ask the question that I always ask. WHY IS RYBACK TALKING? It’s the whole “Everyone is a bully except me” storyline. Ryback says no one will ever touch Heyman again as long as he’s around. Paul kisses his cheek. This is so awesome. Heyman in a wheelchair is incredible.
We get a Los Matadores vignette.
MATCH: Real American vs. Tons of Funk vs. The Usos
This is a #1 contenders elimination match. Winner gets a future title shot against Reigns/Rollins. The match isn’t bad, as Cesaro pins Brodus Clay to eliminate the big guys. During the commercial Cesaro did that airplane spin move to one of the Usos. Can you believe Jack Swagger was in one of the main events at Wrestlemania? Swagger puts Jimmy Uso in the Patriot Lock but the Samoan reverses it and hits a thrust kick. Jimmy goes to the top rope but Cesaro distracts Jimmy and Swagger suplexes him off the top rope. However Jimmy tagged Jey and after the suplex Swagger was prone on the mat and Jey splashes him off the top for the win and a future tag title shot. WINNERS: The Usos
Back from the break and we get a vignette from the Wyatt Family. I hope they stay hot, because I feel we’re losing them. Some bad matches will do that.
Daniel Bryan is walking to the ring for his match as superstars give him support. His girlfriend hugs him. How nice.
Another quick promo for Triple H: Thy Kingdom Come. Next week.
MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Roman Reigns
Randy Orton comes out before the match starts. He is sitting in a chair near the broadcast table. The commentating is fascinating tonight. Cole is saying that Daniel Bryan has had integrity from the moment he’s been at WWE. Yet Cole ripped Daniel Bryan back in 2010-11. Oh sorry, will there be repercussions from Stephanie for saying that? The announcers keep replaying the quick count, but none of them are alluding that Triple H concocted the entire thing. The debate at the table is fractured and incomplete. It’s irritating. Meanwhile the match has been pretty solid. Bryan misses a throw to the floor and a splash from the top rope but he’s still in the match. Bryan hits a bevy of kicks but Reigns recovers to hit a Samoan Drop for a two count. Reigns goes for a power bomb but Bryan reverses into a roll up for two. Bryan with a boot to the head for two. This has been a great match for Reigns, his first real singles opportunity. Bryan cranks the Yes Lock, until Randy Orton comes in to interfere and the bell rings forcing the DQ. WINNER: Daniel Bryan
The Shield and Randy Orton are beating Daniel Bryan down. Orton grabs a chair and is about to put it over Bryan’s neck like he did to the Miz earlier. Then out of nowhere the entire WWE roster runs down to the ring and starts beating the hell out of the Shield. Eventually all three of them get tossed to the floor. The crowd goes crazy as the Prime Time Players hold Bryan up on their shoulders. Incidentally Orton ran away through the crowd. With that we’re out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: I hope dicking Daniel Bryan around with these mini-title reigns doesn’t ruin him. I don’t think it will, but I’m just being proactive in that assessment. The Triple H stuff is great, but Stephanie needs to go away. She’s just overkill. Also, when was the last time we didn’t have CM Punk or John Cena on a Raw?