Scott’s Raw Recap 4/21/14

Being taken the buzzards. (Courtesy WWE)
Being taken over…by the buzzards. (Courtesy WWE)

Monday Night Raw
April 21, 2014
Baltimore, Maryland

We go back to last Monday to start when the Shield was beaten down by 11 guys, and then the great Evolution reformed. We then head into the arena where we are joined by the WWE World Heavyweight Champion (our condolences for the loss of his father), who was off last week due to being on his honeymoon. In fact his wife Brie is in the ring. We don’t even get a word out when Stephanie McMahon makes her way to the ring. She says she wants to congratulate Brie & Daniel. She talks about their wedding, and she wants to give them a wedding present. At Extreme Rules Daniel Bryan will defend the WWE World Heavyweight Title against Kane. Stephanie says that Brie should leave the ring for her safety. Kane’s pyro and music hit but Stephanie tells Kane to not come out and this isn’t the right time. Bryan and Brie back up towards the announce table, but Kane comes through the crowd in his tights and mask. They battle outside as Stephanie keeps yelling for Kane to stop as Brie runs off. Kane isn’t listening and he tombstones Bryan on the outside floor. Kane then grabs the metal steps and separates them. He drags Bryan over to them and he tombstones Bryan on the steps. This is a decent way to give the PPV match some juice. Kane walks off and the EMT’s come out to take care of Daniel Bryan. They put Bryan on the stretcher but Kane comes back and dumps the stretcher. He cleans off the announce table and then just starts throwing stuff. He drags Daniel Bryan onto the table and tombstones him on that too. Stephanie kept telling Kane to stop the entire time and she calls Kane a bastard. Kane walks off and we go to break.

We return from break and Daniel Bryan is being put on a stretcher, and we look back to what’s happened. Stephanie is holding the belts and heelishly asks for applause for Daniel Bryan.

MATCH: Bad News Barrett vs. Sheamus (Semifinal)

This is the #1 contender’s tournament to determine who will face Big E at Extreme Rules for the Intercontinental Title. Barrett gives some bad news about Sheamus and no Irish luck. The winner will face either Cesaro or Rob Van Dam in the finals. As expected the match is pretty stiff as they pummel each other with every strike imaginable. I’m guessing Sheamus is going to win here because he will face Cesaro, expected to win the other match. However this becomes a big upset as Sheamus eats a Bull Hammer while Barrett is standing outside. I’m shocked to be honest. WINNER: Bad News Barrett

Could Cesaro still win the other semifinal? I suppose it’s possible if they want Cesaro to get some face pops.

Another Bo Dallas vignette. Yuck.

Why are we going back to September 2011 when Hugh Jackman visited Raw? Oh because Hugh Jackman returns to Raw next week to bury the hatchet with the now-babyface Dolph Ziggler after Jackman decked him two and a half years ago.

The Wyatts show up at the top of the ramp. Bray Wyatt talks about free will being an illusion, and that we are a nation of mindless sheep. He says tonight would be a wonderful night for change. He rips into John Cena. Their match at Extreme Rules is in a steel cage. Tonight Cena’s opponent is part of a WWE App vote. Cena will face either Luke Harper, Harper and Rowan, or all three of them. “HE’S GOT THE WHOLE WORLD…IN HIS HANDS…”

MATCH: Los Matadores & #midgetmantaur vs. 3MB

Apparently this started on Main Event. So Hornswoggle is now a heel who still looks like some guy who owns a deli in Yonkers. Except he’s dressed in leather tights and a vest. Heath Slater is outside, so Mahal and McIntyre will be with Hornswoggle. The midgets start slapping each other around. Where’s King Kong Bundy when you need him? El Torito kicks McIntyre in the nards and Los Matadores snags the pin. This was nothing. WINNERS: Los Matadores & #midgetmantaur

A huge limo has pulled up backstage, and who comes out? Who else? EVOLUTION….

Back from break, and cue Motorhead…EVOLUTION IS A MYSTERY. I can’t wait to hear it live May 4 at the IZOD Center. Triple H laughs whenever he thinks that the Shield were the baddest guys on the planet, and then one day your daddy spanks you in front of the world. Orton says it takes a single spark to set the world on fire. We cue a vignette going back to old school Evolution from 2003-05. I smile. Back live and Batista says is it starting to sink in? He says there are 31 World Titles between the three of them. The Shield have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. The music then hits and the Shield come down the steps. I am looking forward to this alley fight at Extreme Rules. The Shield get into the ring and Evolution backs up the ramp. Dean Ambrose says last week wasn’t the first time they were beaten up, but he asks the “Cerebral Assassin” if they look humbled. Ambrose calls Orton a “creampuff”. Ambrose is Brian Pillman. Rollins says they are angry because they started this and now it’s time for reality. Rollins tries to stir the shit by saying in the end they (Evolution) will all look out for themselves. Reigns says last week was an ultimatum. This week they will give the ultimatum. They are running up the ramp but those eleven stiffs from last week come out to back Evolution up. Triple H says you adapt or perish. That is Evolution.

Let me correct myself. Ten stiffs and Alexander Rusev.

We go back to earlier to the Daniel Bryan/Kane stuff.

Another Adam Rose vignette. They really are cherry-picking NXT right now.

New show debuts this week on the Network, the best of the Hall of Fame. Has there ever been a better invention than the WWE Network? I think not. Don’t forget to check out my work with Dan on the first episode of Legends House.

MATCH: Usos vs. Rhodes Brothers

Rybaxel is at the announce table and JBL says he invented the name last week. I’ve been calling them Rybaxel for like two months! Thieves. Pretty standard match and the champs take it. WINNERS: Usos

Well it’s beginning. Cody shoved Goldust after the match and walked away. Then Rybaxel jumped the Usos from behind.

We get a bit for WWE Slam City.

MATCH: Layla vs. Emma

I’m still trying to figure out why Summer Rae was dumped by Fandango. This better not force me to watch Total Divas. DAMN YOU BEN MORSE! Turns out Emma has her own cobra, and she wins with it. WINNER: Emma

Emma needs to dump Santino. In the immortal words of Rick Martel: “He’s a looser”.

Renee Young is with John Cena. He says this vote decides who the WWE Universe listens to. The dueling Cena chants start, and Cena feels maybe Wyatt does have the whole world in his hands.

MATCH: Cesaro vs. Rob Van Dam (Semifinal)

Cesaro debuts a new theme song tonight, and honestly I’m not crazy about it. The music stops and Paul Heyman announces “The King of Swing”. Why haven’t they made that shirt yet? They went to break in the middle of Heyman’s promo. That must have been a mistake. When they come back he’s still talking. It’s mostly about Brock Lesnar and breaking the streak, which Heyman is beating into us every week over and over again. Eventually Brock Lesnar will have to come back and do something with this entire storyline. The match is pretty standard with the bigger Cesaro dominating the action. RVD makes his comeback but when he goes for the Froggie Cesaro dumps him off the top with an uppercut. RVD recovers and hits the split-legged Moonsault. Cesaro kicks out and this match continues with some great back and forth action. Jack Swagger and Zeb come down the ramp and eventually he throws Cesaro into the post outside. He gets counted out so it looks like we will have face/heel in next week’s finals. WINNER: Rob Van Dam by count-out.

Looks like Bad News Barrett may take it. Swagger and Cesaro brawl in the ring. So who’s the babyface? Or who’s the heel?

Another look back at the beginning of the show and Kane’s beatdown of Daniel Bryan.

Back from break, and Renee is with RVD but he is interrupted by Heyman and Cesaro who says the win was tainted. RVD tells Cesaro to keep your wallet, house and career away from Paul Heyman.

MATCH: Aksana vs. Paige

I love Paige with every match. She still has the NXT Women’s Title too. At Extreme Rules she will face Tamina. AJ is apparently on hiatus. This match will be nothing and the champ wins easily. WINNER: Paige

MATCH: Sin Cara vs. Alexander Rusev

Guess. WINNER: Alexander Rusev

Another Bo Dallas vignette.

Out comes John Cena. Let’s see what choice the WWE Universe made.

MATCH: John Cena vs. Wyatt Family

Cena spends almost the entire match getting pummeled by all three guys. He makes a comeback late with a DDT off the second rope to Harper. Bray would get his shots in on the guy who beat him at WrestleMania. The match (and the show) ends with Bray holding Cena’s head and singing “She’s Got the Whole World” into the microphone. WINNER: No Contest

With that we’re out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: Overall a decent show with some solid matches and great build to Extreme Rules May 4 in New Jersey. Does this vote bring a Cena heel turn? That the fans wanted to see him get beat up by three guys? This card is looking exceptional. Another guy that’s exceptional is Graham Cawthon, purveyor of Follow him on Twotter @historyofwwe. Here’s tonight’s Raw Tweet of the night!

@thehistoryofwwe Rusev is getting the handicap treatment at Extreme Rules? That’s very 2002 Brock Lesnar. Which means he could have gold soon