Scott: Place to Be Nation, welcome to what we hope will be a very entertaining weekly column. With the WWE Network now almost two months old, we have seen so much great programming. Most of it has been flashbacks to old shows, or in this past week’s case to honor the great legends like the Ultimate Warrior. Well one of the most highly anticipated shows has finally debuted, and that is the complete entertainment disaster known as “Legends House”. We have a myriad of former wrestler, managers and ring announcers living under a single roof. It’s pretty much “Big Brother” without the hot chicks or that annoying Julie Chen. I will not be doing this alone, but alas my first project with the yeoman of Place to Be Nation, the great Dan McGinn!
Dan: Well thank you Scott. It’s truly a pleasure to be collaborating with a true legend of the Nation. Perhaps when our site blows up and we make our own network, you and I will be asked to live under the same roof for our viewers’ amusement. I get the bottom bunk though because I’m not a fan of heights. Anyway, I may take a sip of wine anytime I hear Tony Atlas laugh so hopefully I’ll be able to make it to the end of the first show. Odds are definitely stacked against me!
Scott: Dan, knowing I may possibly see Jim Duggan in his underwear, I’ve already guzzled a liter of Johnny Walker Blue, so we are just fine. Ok Nation we are about to start Episode #1, of WWE Legends House. So we get a sneak preview with Mean Gene Okerlund and some clips from throughout the season. Seeing Pat Patterson dressed in a Chippendales outfit is already making me uncomfortable. When Roddy Piper is the voice of reason, that’s scary.
Dan: I’m uncomfortable just seeing Mean Gene cry in that opener. My man Atlas starts us off and he’s alone so chances are he won’t laugh at himself. Am I immature for giggling every time Gene says “Holy Balls?” Probably. Guys are going in one at a time so we are going to get some bios out of the way. Funny to think that even though all these guys are Legends in the same company, some of them hardly ever spoke to each other until they entered the house. This is going to be great!
Scott: It seems we are seeing the more stable guys first, like Hillbilly Jim and Pat Patterson, then get to the more insane lunatics. Tony Atlas looks legitimately happy to be there, like he’s had nothing better to do with his life at this moment. I would love a coffee table with the WWE logo on it. I’d prefer a coffee table with the PTBN logo on it. I will also love hearing Pat Patterson ignore letters in words while he talks.
Dan: Jimmy Hart is easily my favorite so far. He is just going to talk and talk and you know it’s going to be golden. He likened himself to a “pimple on prom night” and that he’s “hard to get rid of.” Awesome stuff! So many over-the-top personalities, how can this possibly go wrong? Oh and Jimmy is nervous about the bathroom situation. DRAAAAMA!!
Scott: Wow Jim Duggan is in the house two minutes and already he thinks there are guys he won’t get along with. God I feel bad for Piper who has to share the room with him. If it was me I’d put a pillow over that oaf’s face (Editor’s note: Place to Be Nation does not condone pre-meditated murder). I want those soda cans with the logo on it. They’re already busting the bar open too, which means we may already see some sparks fly early on. I like how Piper is the only one who actually knocks on the door. Piper considers himself the “outcast”. Haha see Piper already doesn’t want to share Duggan’s room!
Dan: Piper is going to be trouble and it started when he first walked in. I loved him and Duggan interacting. Duggan’s crack about them rooming together and sharing a king-sized bed that led to Hot Rod flipping the bird was priceless. Whoa! Scott! A lady is on the show. I look down for one minute and boom! Instant eye candy. I wonder if she’ll read this and want to grab a coffee sometime. Try to hook me up! She says the fellas have to go out and meet their neighbors by presenting them with cakes. I hope Fink doesn’t eat his before he makes it out the door.
Scott: Wow I hope there’s some exercising on this show because a few guys need to have a salad. Thank god for Ashley because eventually seeing these guys in bathing suits will be….let’s just say uncomfortable. Ashley can be your intern, Dan. Jimmy Hart is definitely high maintenance, and he may be the biggest problem. Tony Atlas will do nothing but eat on this show. Duggan has three dogs. That speaks volumes.
Dan: Couple points to hit on… 1) Piper vs. The Blender has better workrate than the 3MB matches I’ve been reviewing lately on Superstars. 2) Jimmy Hart not knowing what cilantro was also gave me a chuckle. I’m not sure how I would react if one of those guys came to my door. I’d take the old school WWE gear that all these guys seem to be wearing. It looks like Pat is going to be shoehorned into the role of master chef. I can barely cook for just me at the palatial one-bedroom palace so I can only imagine trying to feed a house full of legends.
Scott: Oh man should these guys all be eating cabbage on night #1? Howard needs to hit the tennis court, amongst some other physical activities. Piper is definitely not getting accustomed to being with other people and he’s not easing into the role quite yet. Maybe by the next episode of PTBN’s Main Event, Steve Wille can eat the cabbage. Poor Pat, at least he tried. Duggan and Atlas will be the lazy bastards of the bunch.
Dan: Ooooo Gary Busey is here! Talk about a legend! And did Atlas just say “Dong Show?” Okay, I’m still immature and quite a bit more tipsy now that Tony has started laughing. I am not an expert but should someone as unstable as Busey be acting as the spiritual adviser for this group? That’s like Duggan being our fashionista. Scott, did you notice that Pat needed a good stretch after cooking that meal? That’s actually what I’m going to do once this recap is over.
Scott: Yes, and according to Pat it’s “Gary Busick”. Wow we’re getting our first bit of tension as Tony Atlas is talking about working with kids, and Duggan says not all families have issues with their kids. Sadly I have to agree with him for the most part. Then again, I agree with Pat that this is all a bunch of crap anyway. Piper now challenges Busey, I’m liking this. Haha he called Busey “Yoda”. If a gong woke me up that early, I’d crush it over Busey’s head.
Dan: Great point by Piper about wrestlers not being able to turn off their characters. Never thought about it that way. And now it’s time for the boozing portion of the program. Patterson is hitting the sauce pretty hard says Gene but we also learn that Piper is clean so this definitely could get sticky. Great little bit there with Hillbilly Jim and Piper comparing their battle scars in the kitchen. Ironically, this is what Justin and I did after the first pickup basketball game we had this season. Needless to say, I never made it to the second game.
Scott: My last war wound was the last “DAT” party, but we won’t go here this time. Piper is really struggling here and can’t really relax with the rest of the guys. He’s walking the streets aimlessly. Now he’s walking into the woods, just talking nonsense. Meanwhile Mean Gene is finishing all the vodka. Piper is standing in a field as we go off the air with Episode #1. Dan, thoughts on our first look into “the house”?
Dan: I thought we would go at least three episodes before we really started to see the crazy. Piper’s paranoia and quirkiness is making me a touch uneasy. I mean, he started honking at the moon because he was following the advice of Gary Busey. Like Piper knew what he was getting into when he signed up for this, right? It wasn’t going to be a sober house. Other thoughts: I want to live there, I want a pool with a WWE logo in the middle someday and Scott, how many drinks would it take for you to finally warm up to Duggan? Be honest!
Scott: Well Dan if Pat or Mean Gene is making the drinks I’d probably tag with him! Or die of a heart attack, one or the other. The other guys have their quirks but clearly Piper is not in his element here, and I agree Dan that maybe he wasn’t the best choice here if he already knew how this would work. Gary Busey was a terrible idea, as (except for Tony Atlas, who’s already nuts) nobody really paid attention and the segment kind of died. Dan, I will give you the honors of taking us out!
Dan: Well if Episode #1 is any indication of what we are in for over the next few weeks, I think this is going to be an absolute treat. These guys may come to blows. I would say there are a few things to watch for. First, will Jimmy whip Fink into shape? Piper’s eccentric behavior will require some monitoring and finally, I’m going to work like hell to make you see Duggan in a new light. He was great with the neighbor’s kids and was easily the most likable character so far. So with that said, thank you for joining us for the very first ever edition of Inside The Legends’ House and if you see Pat Patterson, be sure to offer him a large cabbage! Goodnight everybody!