Monday Night Raw
October 21, 2013
We begin by going back to last week on Raw when the Rhodes Brothers won the World Tag Team Titles thanks to the Big Show. We now head live in the Fed Ex Forum in Memphis and we are immediately joined by the KING OF KINGS and his Queen. ON YOUR KNEES DOG. I love how they are all smoochie smoochie and it’s nauseating. We then head back to Friday on Smackdown when Big Show knocked out Brad Maddox. He has a concussion and isn’t here tonight. Stephanie runs down the card for Sunday in Miami, with the Orton/Bryan match card last and Shawn Michaels as the guest referee. Triple H has no problem with Shawn Michaels as the special referee. Hunter is cut off by the Big Show who is live via satellite. He rips into Triple H for being disrespectful and power hungry. Triple H calls Big Show a loser who lost everything because he was careless. Big Show says Triple H is hostile because Show is suing him and the company for a myriad of reasons. Great line here as Show said Triple H woke up on the wrong side of the bed, but then again with who he shares the bed with, there’s no right side of the bed. Stephanie counts down from five and cuts the feed off. With that Triple H announces the first match tonight and asks for US Champion Dean Ambrose, but instead Dean’s opponent Daniel Bryan comes out, further embarrassing management.
MATCH: Dean Ambrose vs. Daniel Bryan
Later tonight we do have the contract signing for the WWE Title match at Hell in a Cell. The crowd’s kinda quiet so far in the match but it is early on. As Stephanie was running down the matches, it looks like AJ will face Brie Bella for the Divas Title again. I hope they don’t try to force us to see Brie as Divas Champion. They are concerned she’s not getting over as a babyface. Maybe because, oh I don’t know, she’s terrible? This match has been good TV quality. Bryan does a sick bow and arrow submission to Ambrose. This match is going longer than I thought it would but its going back and forth. Why does WWE continue to use the word “abeyance”? Is “vacant” too stupid a word? Daniel Bryan just did a ‘nip up’. Coincidence? Bryan hooks the Yes Lock and Ambrose actually taps out. Wow, I’m surprised. That was a great match and a clean win for our co-#1 contender. WINNER: Daniel Bryan
Back from break and we’re joined by the great CM Punk to a raucous ovation. Punk faces Ryback and Paul Heyman inside Hell in the Cell Sunday. Punk says this Sunday he will be in the Cell with two men. Punk says the Cell makes legacies and ends careers. Punk says his legacy will be dictated by what he does to Heyman Sunday. Punk says Sunday isn’t about winning or losing. Punk says it’s not about submissions. It’s about putting Ryback to sleep and having Paul Heyman wiggling like a worm on a hook. Punk says he will smash Heyman’s face into every steel inch of the Cell. Punk says you bet everything the Best in the World will walk out of Hell in the Cell.
Backstage and Triple H and Stephanie are telling Vickie Guerrero she has to run things tonight. They walk into their office and Shawn Michaels is waiting for them. They hug and there’s pleasantries but its clear the ol’ DX running buddies aren’t as warm and fuzzy as they used to be. Shawn asks Hunter why Daniel Bryan can’t be champion. Triple H says look at him. Shawn says well that’s true but they said the same things about both of them too. Stephanie is still pissed about Big Show interrupting the feed earlier. Shawn says Hunter and he did that to big Vince all the time and it was funny. Stephanie says that was different. Triple H says to Shawn that this place isn’t the same. HBK knows that but he didn’t believe it. He’s going to find some fun.
MATCH: Santino Marella vs. Heath Slater
Santino is dressed at Elvis. This is funny. Lots of posturing and one-liners but not much else. Santino wins with a Cobra. WINNER: Santino Marella
Santino honors Lawler who gets on the announce table. How do they not get Honky Tonk Man for this segment? Or Jimmy Hart?
MATCH: Dolph Ziggler vs. Randy Orton
This will be a future World Title feud. The Elvis Cobra is trending on Twitter. Yeah right. Typical TV match between the two, with Orton dominating most of the action. Ziggler almost wins with a drop kick but Orton kicks out and hits an RKO for the victory. Why is Ziggler beating Orton an “upset”? Ziggler was a former World Champion? Way to bury Dolph assholes. WINNER: Randy Orton
Oh god this horrendous John Cena vignette. They’re making a swollen elbow seem like he got hit by a friggin train.
Is it sad that Stone Temple Pilots have a song for a PPV?
MATCH: AJ Lee & Tamina Snuka vs. The Bellas
Fast…Forward. Even if AJ is in the match. So Brie got Sunday’s title match because she beat AJ in a non-title match Friday on Smackdown. Brie pins AJ with an X-Factor again. AJ wins Sunday, thank God. WINNERS: Bellas
We go back to Friday on Smackdown when Big E. Langston turned babyface and helped Punk beat down Curtis Axel & Ryback. Renee Young is with Paul Heyman and his guys. Heyman goes on a great rant about executions and lava killing villagers and some other crazy shit but it’s an awesome promo. However Ryback shouldn’t be wearing a pink t-shirt. Big E. Langston comes over and gets in Curtis Axel’s face and they will meet later.
We go back to last week when Shawn Michaels talked about training Daniel Bryan, followed by a video piece of back when Shawn’s wrestling academy was cranking and Bryan was there.
The Wyatt Family comes down the aisle. We have some tag team action.
MATCH: Rowan & Harper vs. The Miz & Kofi Kingston
Wow Miz & Kofi relegated to commercial entrances. The family dominates and Harper crushes Kofi with a clothesline for the victory. WINNER: Rowan & Harper
The cousins tie Miz to the ropes and Bray Wyatt waxes eloquently about believing in the creator? FOLLOW THE BUZZARDS.
MATCH: Curtis Axel vs. Big E. Langston
The match doesn’t even start when Ryback comes in and it’s a two-on-one battle. WINNER: No-Contest
They brawl around the ring and Big E holds his own until the numbers game catches up. CM Punk comes in to even the odds. Out comes Interim GM Vickie Guerrero comes out and…GUESS WHAT?
MATCH: CM Punk & Big E. Langston vs. Ryback & Curtis Axel
I like this Big E. babyface push. I think it might work. Punk is wearing pink tights. Big E. is looking dominant in this match and he drops Axel with the Big Ending for the win. I think we have our future IC Champion. WINNER: CM Punk & Big E Langston
Punk chases after Heyman who runs away through the crowd.
R-Truth is doing a WWEShop.com commercial. Seriously? I guess it’s better than being unemployed, or working for TNA.
MATCH: Tons of Funk vs. Real Americans
We have an inset interview with #midgetmantaur. He speaks Spanish, so I have no clue what he said. Zeb Colter is on commentary and the interaction with the other guys is hilarious. He keeps ripping Los Matadores names. Swagger makes Brodus tap out to the Patriot Lock. WINNERS: Real Americans
Zeb Colter pulls out a bull whip so he can attack #midgetmantaur.
The Hell in the Cell kickoff match will be Curtis Axel defending the IC Title against Big E. I think Big E wins.
We have a video retrospective on John Cena’s career. What the fuck? Is he dying or something? HE HAD FRIGGIN ELBOW SURGERY! Both JBL and Lawler think he’s coming back too early. I agree.
The Tag Team Champions, The Rhodes Brothers join commentary for our next match.
#1 CONTENDERS MATCH: The Usos vs. Rollins & Reigns
The winners get the Rhodes Brothers Sunday for the Tag straps. Good point by Cole as the Usos have won about 3 or 4 #1 contenders matches and have never been able to cash in. Cody is on his game as he tells JBL as for brother tag teams, they’re definitely better than the Briscos. These two teams have wrestled so much they have great chemistry so the match is solid as always. Ambrose gets in Cody’s face and Goldust attacks. There’s a full scale brawl with all three teams attacking outside. I see a three-way on Sunday. WINNER: No Contest
Back from break and sure enough, it will be a triple threat tag team title match Sunday.
The power couple are in the ring, which is set up in contract signing mode. Out comes Randy Orton, followed by Daniel Bryan, followed by Shawn Michaels. Orton speaks first, and he gives credit to Daniel Bryan for getting right back up after constantly getting beaten down. Orton says after Sunday he will not get right back up. Orton says he has survived the Undertaker and beat both Sheamus and John Cena inside a Cell, so Orton says he’s confident and Bryan has no idea what he’s getting into. Orton signs the contract. Bryan says he expects threats from Orton all the time. Bryan says if it wasn’t for all the people in this ring (except Shawn) he’d be WWE Champion. Bryan says he’s more than capable of smashing that “face of WWE” into a cell. He thanks Orton for pushing him and he calls Triple H and Stephanie narcissistic and selfish. Triple H says Bryan is like Jericho, Edge and Rob Van Dam. If they were the face of WWE, Ted Turner would be running things. He says in that Cell, he would be just a B+ player. Bryan says Triple H should ditch the suit and put on tights to prove he’s a B+ player. Triple H says he will get into the ring with fellow A+ players, and Bryan isn’t. Triple H says Shawn Michaels wasted his time training him. HBK cuts Hunter off and says the kid is good and he didn’t waste his time. Orton says HBK has an agenda against him. Triple H says Shawn will do the right thing. Shawn says Triple H is pissed because Daniel Bryan is still standing after everything that’s happened. Suddenly Big Show comes rolling in on a truck. He gets out and starts the YES chants. Orton turns around and Bryan drills him with a knee to the head. With that we’re out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: I’m honestly not sure what’s going to happen. We may have seen the beginnings of an eventual Daniel Bryan/Triple H match down the road. As for Sunday, Bryan should win, but we’ll see.