Matt’s Smackdown Recap 3/21/14

WWE: Smackdown
March 21, 2014
Houston, TX
Toyota Center

The current WWE champs are as follows:
WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Randy Orton (12/15/2013)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Big E (11/18/2013)
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose (5/19/2013)
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Usos (3/3/2014)
WWE Divas Champion: AJ Lee (6/16/2013)

SIXTEEN DAYS UNTIL WRESTLEMANIA 30!

Your hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.

Out comes Corporate Kane to address the COOHHH’s killing of the YES Movement from This Past Week on Raw. They replay the entire assault on Daniel Bryan. For all the details, check out Scott’s Raw Recap. Kane confesses that Daniel Bryan got exactly what he deserves and he has only the people to blame. What Triple H did to Daniel Bryan on Raw should have been done months ago. Kane feels this is all a big lesson for everybody in WWE that “no one is bigger than the Authority”. He pulls a letter out of his jacket from COOHHH and begins to read it. The letter is all very corporate. It ends with COOHHH telling the WWE Universe that there must be “respect for authority”.

– Fandango vs. Fernando (w/Diego & El Torito)

Match is JIP. Fandango looks to put away Fernando with Beauty in Motion, but misses. Fernando starts a comeback with forearm smashes and headscissors takedowns. Summer Rae hops up on the apron and successfully distracts Fernando so that Fandango can catch him with a clothesline. When she gets back down the floor, El Torito notices Summer Rae is wearing a red dress, which obvs bulls charge at red things. As he chases her around the ring and up onto the apron, Fandango keeps her safe, but winds up getting rolled up by Fernando for the win. (2:30 shown) So stupid, it’s funny. Why does Fandango of all people have to be the butt of so many Los Matadores jokes? ½*

– Dolph Ziggler vs. Damien Sandow

Being on a slump and clearly having something to prove, Sandow controls most of the match. He gets a little violent/desperate with Ziggler throwing him into the steps and into the barricade. Back inside, Ziggler mounts his comeback with the jumping DDT and the punches over in the corner. Sandow fires back with the Edge-o-Matic, but only gets two. He looks for a running swinging neckbreaker, but Dolph avoids that and delivers the Famouser for the win. (6:00) No surprise. Ziggler continues his winning ways here. *

From the deepest and darkest places in the arena, the Wyatt family taunt John Cena. Luke Harper NEEDS to stop talking. Bray Wyatt says he has Cena’s fear right in the palm of his hand – right where he can control Cena. Everything this man says is brilliant.

– Fatal-Four Way #1 Contender’s Match for the WWE Tag Titles: Dean Ambrose & Seth Rollins (w/Roman Reigns) vs. Curtis Axel & Ryback vs. The Real Americans (w/Zeb Colter) vs. Jinder Mahal & Drew McIntyre (w/Heath Slater)

With the Shield now babyfaces, it’s better having Reigns as a second. The Shield rule the roost to start. They have no problems with Rybaxel here. In fact, they dump them out for Stereo Suicide Dives. That takes us into commercial. When we return, it’s a completely different story. Ambrose is caught in the Rybaxel corner until Ryback clotheslines him into the Real Americans corner. Swagger tags Ryback when he’s not looking and covers Ambrose, but can’t get the three-count. Cesaro and Swagger do their double-team splash ‘n stomp for two. Ambrose fights out of a chinlock and trades blows with Cesaro. When Cesaro knocks him through the ropes with a European uppercut, Ambrose channels Nigel McGuinness and drills Cesaro with the Jawbreaker Lariat. Swagger cuts off the hot tag, but gets caught with a DDT. Now comes the hot tag to Rollins. He owns 3MB and dumps out Ryback for a somersault plancha. Back inside, Heath Slater tries to trip Rollins, but then pays with a Spear from Reigns. Meanwhile, Rollins stuns Mahal with an enziguri kick and hits the Black Out for 1-2-NO! McIntyre makes the save. Now everybody spills out for a brawl on the floor when Shirtless Corporate Kane appears and beats the heck out of Roman Reigns for the DQ. (8:15 shown) Good match to establish the Shield as babyfaces now. Suddenly, the New Age Outlaws return to help Kane. Inside the ring though, the Real Americans and Rybaxel hit finishers on Rollins and Ambrose. Once Reigns is down and out, Kane and the NAO head to the ring to get their licks in on Ambrose and Rollins. Reigns starts crawling towards the ring. Gunn and Road Dogg help him a little by rolling him into the ring right into Kane’s goozle hand. Chokeslam to Reigns! Looks like we’ve got ourselves a WrestleMania match. **¾

Time for MizTV. More like ZzzTV, amirite? He hypes up the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal and enters himself into the match. He brings out Andre’s son the Big Show – the odds-on favorite to win. Miz pokes fun at the Big Show’s horrible win-loss record at WrestleMania, which is a stupid thing to do. Show says he was selling out arenas back when Miz was popping pimples on his face in high school. Miz brings out the other ATGMBR entrants. This results in a “battle royal” that comes down to Big Show and Sheamus. Miz tries to help toss out Show, but that’s ANOTHER mistake he’s made tonight. Show gets rid of Sheamus and then throws out Miz FTW. This was actually kind of fun to show you what the match could be like come WrestleMania.

– Non-title match: WWE Intercontinental Champion Big E vs. Alberto Del Rio

Showdown of two ATGMBR entrants here. Del Rio double stomps Big E in the corner and then gets the Cross Armbreaker while hanging on the ropes. Back inside, Big E hits the Belly to Belly Suplex. Del Rio avoids the Big Ending and delivers the backcracker for two. Big E runs his shoulder into the ringpost and then eats a superkick by Del Rio to give ADR the pinfall victory. (3:00) Strange that they would put over Del Rio so quickly at Big E’s expense. ¾*

Earlier today, Santino Marella complains to the makeup lady about how big of a screwup he is around a certain girl he digs. Next thing you know, Emma walks by and spooks him out of the makeup chair. We’ve all been there, right guys?!

JAKE THE SNAKE IS IN THE WWE HALL OF FAME. SO IS MR. T. Roddy Piper inducts him or it doesn’t count.

– The Bella Twins vs. Summer Rae & Natalya

WWE Divas champ AJ Lee (and Tamina, to a lesser extent) joins us for commentary. She makes fun of all the Divas and calls this a “trainwreck”, which is proper in every sense of the word. Nikki gives Natalya a facebreaker and scores a nearfall. Summer Rae tags herself in, which I guess is what everybody is doing now. Nikki gets away from Summer Rae and reaches Brie for a tag. Natalya and Summer Rae don’t get along and receive a double missile dropkick from Brie. It would have looked much better if Brie had fallen on her back Owen Hart-style instead of executing a regular missile dropkick. Instead, she just fell on top of Natalya and possibly kneed her in the face. Bella Buster (X-Factor) to Natalya gets the win. (2:15) Afterwards, Natalya confronts Summer Rae and kicks her around while the Bellas trade stares with AJ Lee and Tamina. ½*

They replay the Undertaker/Paul Heyman confrontation that took place on this week’s Main Event program. For the details, check out Ryan’s Main Event Recap.

Backstage: 3MB, the Real Americans, and Rybaxel crowd around Shirtless Corporate Kane looking for rewards for their services. Kane awards Rybaxel and the Real Americans with WWE tag team titles matches. As for 3MB (who just happened to be at ringside and didn’t offer him any real assistance with the Shield) receive spots in the ATGMBR. They all seem pretty stoked. Once they’re all gone, the New Age Outlaws appear and shake hands with Kane talking about how good it felt to put down the Shield.

Lana introduces Smackdown to Alexander Rusev. “Houston, we have a very big problem,” says Lana. He comes out and cuts a promo on a stage made of stairs in what I believe was Bulgarian. I say this because he’s Bulgarian, not because I know anything about the Bulgarian language.

Over to the desk, Michael Cole confirms that Daniel Bryan will not need surgery after Triple H’s attack, but will need significant rest. However, he will be making his live event dates this weekend and will be at Raw this coming Monday.

– John Cena vs. Luke Harper (w/Bray Wyatt & Erick Rowan)

Harper rips on Cena’s face and does the Gator Roll motion. Cena hits a back suplex and starts up with the shoulderblocks, but Harper catches him with an inverted atomic drop and superkick for two. STF is kicked away, but Cena gets the Protobomb and the Five Knuckle Shuffle anyways. AA is countered to a Big Boot for two. Harper misses a running boot in the corner and falls out to the floor. Back inside, Harper bites out of the STF and delivers a faceslam off the shoulders for two. Cena counters a powerbomb with a headscissors, but then Harper gets up and gives Cena a headscissors takedown as well. Whoa! With Cena staggered, he turns around into the Michinoku Driver for 1-2-NO! Discus Lariat misses and then Harper charges into the Attitude Adjustment to give Cena the three-count. (5:30) As Bray and Rowan hit the ring, Cena retreats up the aisle while the Wyatt family vow revenge. **

Final Thoughts: Check out the four-way with the Shield and the aftermath. All of that was tons of fun and the best part of the show. The Wyatt family segments were fine, but nothing must-see.