Monday Night Raw
June 2, 2014
We begin with highlights from Payback last night, when the Shield wiped out Evolution in a clean sweep. We then head live to Indianapolis and we begin with the broken down, very grumpy Evolution. Triple H has a shiner. The crowd is pretty much heckling them in the ring. I think a YOU GOT SWEPT chant just started. Triple H says it’s always darkest before the dawn. Triple H says everyone thinks the Shield won, and that everyone thinks this is over. I thought it was. Triple H says no one gets it. He says he never loses, he always wins. *GULP* He says this won’t end until the Shield exists no longer. We get a CM Punk chant going. Batista says he doesn’t care about the Shield anymore, he wants his title shot he was promised. Well here it goes. Triple H says there’s a reason he’s the leader and the boss. Triple H says there’s a bigger picture in play. Batista doesn’t care he wants his one on one match. Triple H says he can’t give the shot because of Daniel Bryan’s condition, but he says Dave would probably choke anyway. He apologizes and says things are kind of tense right now. Triple H says the plan is to end the Shield and everyone else’s priorities are on the backburner. Batista understands, and he quits. He drops the mike and leaves. Triple H berates him but the Animal just walks away. The announcers do their usual job – of not doing their job well.
MATCH: Sheamus & Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro & Bad News Barrett
I really think Sheamus should turn heel and there should be a European faction of studs run by Paul Heyman, kind of a new age Dangerous Alliance. Barrett does an interview insert about RVD and his win over him last night at Payback. Paul Heyman continues to mention “21-1” and I’m getting the feeling the company is maybe regretting it. Cole ignores Heyman whenever Lesnar is mentioned. I love how the announcers are trying to say Cesaro’s swing got him “in trouble” when Sheamus won cheap. If you haven’t watched that match from last night, please do. It was tremendous. This match hasn’t been bad but I’m just RVD’ed out, like I’m Rey Mysterio’ed out. It can be said that Barrett is slowly moving up the ladder of guys the fans like. Cesaro is saved from the Brogue Kick by Heyman and then they just leave. Barrett has to eat the Brogue Kick and the Froggie, which wins the match for the good guys. WINNERS: RVD & Sheamus
Damien Sandow comes out dressed in a Lance Stephenson jersey. He says he wishes there was a game, but the Pacers season ended. He says LeBron is the greatest player ever. He says the Pacers are a losing team from a losing city. Sandow says as an act of charity he will give a public display of his skills. He fumbles his way through some hijinks. Big Show comes in and knocks him out. That could have been for Main Event, not for this.
Hard sell for the WWE Network here.
MATCH: Kofi Kingston vs. Bo Dallas
There are a few people who think I’m not giving this gimmick a chance to flourish in WWE. It’s not going to. It was organically built for NXT, but that doesn’t mean a 20,000 seat arena will fall for this crap. I think it’s his voice. He sounds like a 13 year old girl. This match was supposed to happen last night but Kane, oh excuse me, the DEMON KANE came out to Tombstone Kofi as punishment for bad-mouthing the Authority. The crowd is flat and the announcers are acknowledging the “BOOORING” chant. Jerry Lawler loves the WWE Universe, except when they cheer Bray Wyatt, then they’re stupid. Bo wins with the Bo-dog. WINNER: Bo Dallas
We get the first of what will be four recaps of our opening segment, since we have about 25 minutes of dead space on these three hour Raws.
Renee is outside Triple H’s office when Stephanie comes out. She tells Renee Triple H is busy but she herself has a scoop on the WWE World Title.
We return from break and sure enough out comes Stephanie, who’s wearing black and white again after wearing Miami Marlin colors last night at Payback. She says Daniel Bryan proved he’s a selfish little man who didn’t do what was right for the company. She says Daniel Bryan is impotent for letting his wife fall on the sword. She says she was compassionate for them as a couple and she gets repaid with a slap to the face. The YES YES YES chants start. But on to bigger things. She says in four weeks in Boston at Money in the Bank, Daniel Bryan will defend the title against the DEMON KANE in a Stretcher match. If he can’t compete, it will be a ladder match for not the MITB briefcase, but the vacated title. Then out of nowhere Stephanie is interrupted by John Cena? He gets booed, which is shocking because that makes Stephanie a babyface? Steph says these people like him as much as they like her? She congratulates him on his win last night. You know, Cena is pretty much a heel already. He’s always patronizing the WWE Universe when he is getting vilified. Pretty funny. He says the situation with the title is out of hand. Cena says no one person is bigger than the WWE World Title, and then the promo gets out of hand as we talk about injuries and embarrassments but two things were finally mentioned: Daniel Bryan has passed the 30 day window of defending the title, and Triple H,like Bryan and Cena, has also had major injuries. Cena talks about job grades and other irrelevant crap. There’s also a lost forgotten Stephanie boob job joke. In the end Cena has to face the DEMON KANE right now. So, in essence this promo meant absolutely nothing. More stalling and posturing.
MATCH: Kane vs. John Cena
The match isn’t much and Kane is DQ’ed for passing a five count. WINNER: John Cena by disqualification
Cena is out of it and Kane grabs the steel steps, probably set to Tombstone Cena on them. Cena recovers and (like last night) throws the steps at Kane.
Opening Segment recap #2.
Randy Orton comments with Renee that things got heated and Batista took his ball and went home. Orton has been granted a match with Roman Reigns tonight, and he says he and Triple H are on the same page.
MATCH: Los Matadores (with #midgetmantaur) vs. Drew McIntyre & Heath Slater
Why is this feud continuing? Hornswoggle comes out in an afro wig. Does anybody care about this anymore? WINNERS: Los Matadores
The wig comes off and Horny looks like Jason Voorhees from Friday Part 2.
MATCH: Nikki Bella vs. Alicia Fox & Aksana
I definitely like Nikki better. Much better. This apparently is punishment from Stephanie for Nikki saying she wants her sister back. No contest. WINNERS: The crappy divas
We get the Wyatts graphic but the rocking chair is empty. Luke Harper cuts a great promo against the Usos as he and Rowan faces them later tonight.
We return from break in mid-Zeb Colter promo about Adam Rose and the gluten free hippies.
MATCH: Jack Swagger vs. Adam Rose
An actually very fun quickie with Rose horsing around in the ring but then getting down to business, throwing some nice uppercuts and then hitting the Party Favor for the win. WINNER: Adam Rose
Byron Saxton talks to the Usos about last night and their match tonight.
MATCH: Usos vs. Harper & Rowan
This is a non-title match, which means the Usos lose. No Daniel Bryan, no Bray Wyatt. Plenty of dead space. There’s scuttlebutt that Triple H thinks the Network is struggling because the TV product has no flow. He’s 100% correct. The match has a nice pace to it as it’s also cool to see these two in a legit tag team situation and not part of a sloppy brawl. Luke Harper is a tremendous worker and that has been well documented but as the centerpiece of a match it’s even that much clearer. This is definitely the highlight match of the night, probably more so than the main event. Rowan gets the pinfall, pinning one of the Usos with a Boss Man-esque Sidewalk Slam. WINNERS: Harper & Rowan
Tuesday night on Main Event, RVD gets another shot at BNB’s Intercontinental Title.
MITB QUALIFYING MATCH: Alberto Del Rio vs. Dolph Ziggler
Both men know MITB very well, as one cashed in on the other in 2013. That was Ziggler, but three years earlier Del Rio cashed in on CM Punk. Due to the stipulations earlier, this match is for a slot in the match for the briefcase, or the WWE World Title itself. Why do these announcers have jobs? JBL said that last year Dolph Ziggler cashed in on Del Rio, then two minutes laster Cole said “Dolph Ziggler cashed in A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO.” What planet is that asshole on? God these guys are terrible. Dolph with a nasty X-Factor off the top rope and he doesn’t get the three count. In what I think is an upset, Del Rio wins with the armbreaker. WINNER: Alberto Del Rio
We go back to last night, when Cody says he sucks and Goldust needs a better partner.
MATCH: Rybaxel vs. Goldust & ?
Cody Rhodes has handpicked his brother’s partner. It’s…Sin Cara. Oh, that’s it? Uh, ok. Sin Cara borrowed Batista’s arm sleeves. Decent match, but Sin Cara misses his finisher and is pinned. WINNER: Rybaxel
Out comes the voluptuous Lana who finally snaps at the USA chants. The WWE Universe just doesn’t get an Edward Snowden joke. VLADIMIR POOOOTIN. Out comes Rusev to some sort of ceremony, a Russian Medal ceremony. The Russian National Anthem is played. Where’s Drago? I feel Apollo Creed should be crumpled on the ground. Or Nikolai Volkoff should be singing. Is Cara Mia next?
Bray Wyatt will be back Friday night on Smackdown.
MATCH: Randy Orton vs. Roman Reigns
We get Opening Segment recap #3. Damn, off by one for the show. Shield comes out and Ambrose has the mic, saying they are bruised and beat up but they promised justice at Payback and they delivered on it. Rollins says Shield adapted, Evolution perished. Triple H comes out and says “There’s always a Plan B”. Then out of nowhere, Seth Rollins crushes his partners Reigns and Ambrose with chair shots. He boots Ambrose’s head into the steel chair. Rollins comes down to the floor and hands the steel chair to Orton, who punishes Reigns with it. WINNER: No Match
The beating continues. Orton, HHH and Rollins stand over the fallen Shield members while HHH mouths the words “I won”. With that we are out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: Interesting twist here. I didn’t think the Shield would break up but Rollins is more of a shocker as everyone thought it would be Ambrose that would have turned heel. There is still too much dead space on the show but we had some solid in-ring work. One guy who always has solid in-ring work is Graham Cawthon, the purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com. Buy up all his books and follow him on Twitter @thehistoryofwwe. Here’s Graham’s Raw tweet of the night!
Well, I’m ruined for the night. Can’t sleep after that #Raw. Seth might turn on me as I dream.