Monday Night Raw
June 16, 2014
As usual, we eschew the open and head directly into the Quicken Loans Arena with the entire WWE roster on the stage, and of course it is time to get ON YOUR KNEES DOG. Out comes the Authority, and before heading down the ramp he pats Rollins on the back. We get the message from Dr. Maroon about Daniel Bryan’s neck condition, and him not being at Money in the Bank. Stephanie looks like a hooker from the 1960s with this weird red lipstick thing and a low cut top. She tells the roster it’s tough to not have a champion, and Triple H says seven days a week the superstars prove they are the best. Stephanie puts over Triple H, and says a company is as strong as its champion. She says the roster should feel terrible they have been represented by a B+ player like Daniel Bryan. Triple H says it’s not his ability it’s his heart. Daniel Bryan refused to be a fighting champion and that is disappointing. So somewhere on that stage is the next WWE World Heavyweight Champion. Five guys are set: Alberto Del Rio, Sheamus, Bray Wyatt, Cesaro and Randy Orton. Tonight will be a battle royal for another spot in the MITB match for the title. Triple H says some will not be in the battle royal because they haven’t complied with the Authority. Those people are Roman Reigns, Dean Ambrose…and John Cena. Cena is laughing. Triple H says John likes to help people, like Daniel Bryan and the Shield. But Triple H says Cena will get his chance, if he defeats Kane in a stretcher match. With that an ambulance comes rolling out. So Cena is officially part of the Authority storyline now. Does that mean he wins the title? We will see.
MATCH: Dolph Ziggler vs. Seth Rollins
We go back to Seth’s heel turn two weeks ago. He’s wrestling in all black still, but without the vest. His theme music is atrocious. This turn does give Rollins a chance to shine on a solo stage. These two have already wrestled twice in the last week on Main Event and SmackDown. Discussion backstage has been Ziggler hasn’t been pushed again because he’s injury-prone. That may be a problem, but he should get one more chance to prove himself. There are tweets saying in capital letters: WE WANT DANIEL BRYAN. Hasn’t anyone been listening? HE IS HURT PEOPLE! GET A FRIGGEN GRIP! This is getting ridiculous, how overblown kayfabe can be when not executed properly. The match has been fun as Ziggler is definitely doing his hardest to put Rollins over and really give the match some excitement. Rollins reverses a Zig Zag into a corner powerbomb before hitting a Curb Stomp but, before getting the pin, Dean Ambrose runs in and causes the DQ. WINNER: Seth Rollins by disqualification
Ambrose wants a fight now, but Triple H talks from the Titantron and tells Ambrose he’s got some bad news. With that, Intercontinental Champion Bad News Barrett comes out for a match.
MATCH: Bad News Barrett vs. Dean Ambrose
Ambrose is wrestling in street clothes here. I’m liking Ambrose as a babyface, it’s kind of like Roddy Piper in 1992. Apparently Ambrose hurt his shoulder against Bray Wyatt Friday and Barrett has aggravated it by clotheslining him off the top rope to the floor. Nice move. Ambrose works the match with one arm and then even when Rollins returns to get involved Ambrose takes both guys out. Ambrose and Rollins brawl into the crowd and Ambrose gets counted out. WINNER: Wade Barrett by countout
Ambrose goes back in the ring and attacks Barrett after the match.
Backstage Vickie Guerrero is with beverages when Roman Reigns catches her and tries to work mind games with her about being the Authority’s bitch. She runs off to get sweetener for the iced coffee which gives Reigns a chance to doctor them somehow. So her new gimmick is sneezing on beverages?
We will get a lot of montages about this weekend’s Special Olympics World Games in New Jersey.
In the ring, there’s a ladder and the titles over the ring. Out comes one of the participants, Bray Wyatt. In a nutshell, his promo talks about power and how it lifts humanity up and then takes them all down. He says power is about influence and how to use it. He puts over his brothers Harper and Rowan, who will get a tag title shot against the Usos at MITB. He says the World Titles they will win are his absolution. With Cena out of the way, his promos are getting back to being ingenious and introspective. Sheer genius. His opponent tonight comes out and says enough talking, it’s time to fight.
MATCH: Sheamus vs. Bray Wyatt
Jerry Lawler tells a story of how a four-year old fan started singing “He’s got the whole world, in his hands” to him when he asked who her favorite superstar was. I think that’s cool, but the announcers don’t know how to react to this. All they keep doing is bashing the WWE Universe for liking him. So bad, they really have no clue. Honestly it’s the fans that have taken this whole character to a new level. Harper and Rowan were going to rough Sheamus up outside but the Usos come down to even the odds. Eventually the brawling with everybody heads outside and the match is thrown out. WINNER: No Contest
The Wyatts get the upper hand but the Usos thrust kick the ladder into their chests. Sheamus gives Bray a rolling Senton on the outside. Sheamus gives them a ramp with the ladder and the Usos give Harper & Rowan a plancha.
Vickie delivers the iced coffees (without ice) to Triple H and Stephanie but Triple H knocks his into Vickie and he blames her. God she’s stupid. Stephanie is drinking it, and don’t forget it’s spiked by Reigns.
Stephanie talks to Renee about tonight’s battle royal but she runs off. Paul Heyman sneaks in to talk about the MITB Title match. He says Cesaro will win because he’s the only one who has a strategist.
MATCH: Heath Slater vs. Rusev
So the poor bastard loses his running buddies and now he gets squashed. I love the big pictures of Putin. Such a worm. Of course he has people who can kill me in my sleep, so I will…change the subject. Quick squash. WINNER: Rusev
So Stephanie is blowing chunks, and (in a skit that Vince clearly wanted) Vickie opens the door to the bathroom and Stephanie pukes all over her. Good grief, that went out in 1999.
Reigns finds Vickie and tells her since she’s probably going to get fired, go out on a good note and put him in the battle royal and she says yes.
We get a trailer for Kevin Hart’s new movie, “Think Like a Man 2”.
Renee is with Kevin Hart, and he puts the movie over. Suddenly Adam Rose and the Rosebuds come over, and Rose puts the movie over as well. Kevin would rather be a lemon.
Kevin Hart comes out after the break and it looks like he will be on commentary, which means since he probably doesn’t know anything about wrestling (even though Cole says he’s a big fan) this will be torture to listen to.
MATCH: Fandango & Layla vs. Adam Rose & Summer Rae
We get some funny cracks from Hart on his shirt, then we have a quickie squash. WINNERS: Adam Rose & Summer Rae
Kevin Hart gets in the ring and dances with the Rosebuds.
MITB QUALIFYING BATTLE ROYAL
I won’t list everybody, but its most of the roster that matters, including Roman Reigns. He got to keep the Shield theme, and still come through the crowd. He definitely has that “it” that makes him a star. Damien Sandow has a LeBron Heat jersey for the Cleveland crowd. He’s eliminated first, quickly. Let’s see, I will list eliminations to let you know who’s in this. Rusev is in it, I wonder how he will be eliminated. One of Los Matadores, then the other is eliminated. Reigns eliminates Titus O’Neil. Sin Cara is eliminated by Jack Swagger. Later Swagger is eliminated by Kofi Kingston. We go to break so I’m not sure if I’ll miss any. When we return, we find out that Kofi was eliminated by RybAxel, who then eliminated Ziggler. Reigns gives Rusev the Superman Punch. He Superman Punches Fandango out of the match. Then he eliminates Ryback as Barrett eliminates Axel. Why is Bo Dallas still in this match? Dallas eliminates RVD when RVD tries the springboard on Barrett. Reigns eliminates Barrett, as Dallas eliminates Big E. He’s eliminated by Reigns. It’s down to the big hosses, Reigns and Rusev. This is awesome. They battle and Rusev is teetering on the apron, and Reigns Superman Punches him to the floor. WINNER: Roman Reigns
The place goes crazy, and Reigns is in the MITB Ladder match for the WWE World Title.
Renee is with John Cena, who’s battling Kane in a stretcher match for the last MITB spot. He does his usual stuff.
MATCH: Cameron vs. Paige
Apparently Vince isn’t impressed with Paige. Why, because she not talentless with huge puppies? She has literally wrestled every single week against this entire roster. Solid match, and the champ wins with that great submission move. WINNER: Paige
MATCH: Rybaxel vs. Goldust & Stardust
Stardust is Cody dressed like Goldust with a gold face and black star. This is pretty cool actually. So, their dad is…DustyDust? YEAH BABY! Their mom was…SapphireDust? They work well together and get the victory. WINNERS: The Dusts
We get a piece on the Special Olympics USA games.
MITB QUALIFYING STRETCHER MATCH: John Cena vs. Kane
Should I start typing “THE DEMON KANE”? Nah. Stretcher matches are just as frustrating as First Blood or Last Man Standing. There’s a lot of stalling and standing around. Cena puts Kane through the announce table with an AA. Cena amazingly is going to carry Kane on his shoulders all the way around the ring to the stretcher halfway up the ramp. He doesn’t make it and both guys are on the ramp. Out of nowhere Seth Rollins and Randy Orton come out to attack Cena. Orton hits an RKO in the ring. Ambrose comes down to clean out Orton and Rollins but Kane chokeslams him and we are back to square one. Cena does his new thing of throwing the steel steps at people from the ring, and he does it to Kane here. Cena wheels him up ALMOST to the finish line when Kane sits up and goes for a chokeslam, but Cena blocks it and dumps Kane with an AA on the stretcher and pushes through the line. WINNER: John Cena
So Cena is the final guy and all seven slots are filled. With that we are out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: Not a bad show, with a lot of wrestling and a focus on Rollins being Triple H’s new hired gun. There’s a lot of interesting choices as to who wins here. One guys who’s always a winner is Graham Cawthon, purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com. Follow him on Twitter @thehistoryofwwe. Here’s Graham’s Raw Tweet of the Night!
How I end the match: Ambulance reveals it’s a Transformer. Ambulance is added to MITB. Michael Bay tie-in
Really? Putting Michael Bay on the booking team…well it can’t get any worse.