April 11, 2014
The current WWE champs are as follows:
WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Daniel Bryan (4/6/2014)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Big E (11/18/2013)
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose (5/19/2013)
WWE Divas Champion: Paige (4/7/2014)
WWE Tag Team Champions: The Usos (3/3/2014)
In Memory of Warrior, 1959-2014. On behalf of WWE, Michael Cole sends their condolences to Warrior’s family, friends and fans. This coming Monday Night Raw will be dedicated to Warrior where they will pay tribute in honor to his memory.
Your hosts are Michael Cole & JBL.
Out comes John Cena to give us a “State of WWE” address. Cena declares if anybody wants their feet planted firmly on the top of the WWE mountain, they will have to go through him to do it. That’s when The Wyatt Family interrupts. Stop talking, Luke Harper. Bray Wyatt tells Cena that he realized after WrestleMania XXX that he is going to have to go to extremes to get him to unleash the monster inside him. This party is far from over. “He’s got the whole world in his hands, he’s got the whole world in his… hands.”
– Cesaro (w/Paul Heyman) vs. The Big Show
Paul Heyman introduces himself as the advocate of the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal winner, the King of Swing: Cesaro. No entrance music for Cesaro, just Heyman’s mouth, which is better than most sounds you hear in WWE. Cesaro tries to overpower the Big Show like he did at WrestleMania and isn’t quite as successful. When he gets in trouble, Heyman tells Cesaro to “take his air.” We’ll find out more about what that means after a commercial break. When we return, Cesaro applies a sleeperhold on the Big Show. Now we all understand what Heyman meant! Show finally throws Cesaro away and starts clotheslining him down. He wants the Chokeslam, but Cesaro slips out and jumps on Show’s back for another sleeperhold. Show falls back on Cesaro to break the hold and comes off the second rope for an elbow drop, but Cesaro moves out of the way. Cesaro wants to swing Show, but here comes Jack Swagger to put him in the Patriot Lock instead. DQ win for Cesaro. (6:00 shown) Show saves Cesaro from Swagger, but ends up taking a series of European uppercuts and a very impressive Neutralizer for his troubles. **
– Rybaxel vs. Los Matadores (w/El Torito)
Cole mentions how Rybaxel is serious about winning the WWE tag titles, so they’re starting with Los Matadores. I still would love to know how Michael Cole can tell Los Matadores apart. One of them gets dominated with clotheslines and chinlocks by Rybaxel. He eventually makes the tag to the fresh matador. He hits an Ultimo Dragon headscissors out of the corner, but doesn’t do much else of note. Ryback gets ambushed by El Torito out on the floor. I was hoping he would toss the guy into the fifth row, but one of Los Matadores dropkicks Ryback through the ropes. It doesn’t much matter though because inside the ring, Axel hits the Hangman’s Facebuster on the *legal* El Matador for the win. (5:00) Ehh. No one cares. *
The returning Rob Van Dam speaks with Renee Young. Can you feel the energy, Renee? Rob looks super duper stoned right here.
– Damien Sandow vs. Rob Van Dam
Rematch from Raw. Sandow is determined to beat RVD, I suppose. RVD hits Rolling Thunder, but then Sandow goes to work desperate to get a win. Elbow of Disdain only gets two. The rest of what he does is mostly chinlocks. Van Dam delivers the Stepover Heel Kick and heads up top. Sandow tries to stop him, but the Five Star Frog Splash is coming whether he wants it to happen or not. (4:20, man) Why is RVD back again? Hopefully Sandow will get him in the next rematch, because Van Dam should not be going over that much in 2014. Especially over someone who desperately needs a win. Who did Sandow piss off anyways? *
Adam Rose is coming soon. Is he supposed to be Russell Brand?
They bring out Hulk Hogan to introduce the *NEW* WWE World Heavyweight Champion Daniel Bryan to Smackdown. I’m sure that’s huge for Bryan. He ends up turning the whole segment around by paying respect to Hogan and fulfills a childhood dream of cupping his ear while listening to all four sides of the crowd and posing a whole bunch. Cole – “It’s like the cover of Muscle and Fitness meets the National Geographic!” Oh geez. To be fair, Hulk attempts to try and put the attention back onto Bryan an acceptable number of times.
– Bad News Barrett vs. Kofi Kingston
Barrett got a HUGE response from the crowd on Raw, but it doesn’t seem this crowd is quite as “smart.” Wink wink, nod nod. In a cool bit, Barrett tells everyone that he’s got some bad news on the mic and has to punch down Kingston to finish his sentence. Kingston hits the Boom Drop and tries for Trouble in Paradise, but Barrett wisely rolls out to the floor. Kingston chases Barrett back inside and attempts Trouble in Paradise once more, but Barrett manages to catch him with the Bull Hammer for the win. (2:00) So they fire Chris Hero and give his finish to Barrett. Yeah, that seems fair. ¾*
– Fandango (w/Layla) vs. Santino Marella (w/Emma)
It appears Fandango has split up with Summer Rae via text message and Twitter on Tuesday. After being together for almost a YEAR, you would think a “face-to-face” break up was in order. I mean, that’s got to be more than seven dates. However, if moving on from Summer Rae meant moving onto Layla, who cares. I know that sounds terrible, but goodness gracious it’s LAYLA. When Santino pulls out his cobra sock, Layla grabs it away from him, allowing Fandango to roll up Santino for the 1-2-3. (1:30) She’s already paying off in spades. Instead of keeping the stupid sock, Fandango throws it back to Santino. If this were the 1980s WWF though, Fandango and Layla would have stolen the cobra leading to a six-month feud until Santino finally gets his sock back in a cage match. ½*
They take us back to Raw where Paige became the *NEW* Divas champion. So much for breaking Bruno’s record, AJ. Not that you ever said you were trying to do that.
In the back, Orton, Batista and Kane can’t decide who will tear off Daniel Bryan’s head. Kane realizes that he answers to a higher authority. Batista doesn’t feel that way and Orton tells Batista that he doesn’t either, but then has a worried look on his face once Batista walks away.
– The Usos & Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton, Batista & Kane
Batista corners Jey to start, but Jey fires back on Bats and brings him over to Jimmy Uso for a tag. After what happened on Raw this past week when he received a Batista Bomb on the steps, Jimmy has his ribs taped. Batista takes advantage with a spinebuster and tags in Orton to stomp the ribs. The Authority see an opportunity to do some damage, and they take it. Time for commercials. When we return, Jimmy’s ribs are no longer wrapped and he is in some real trouble here. Orton and Kane appear to be doing most of the work as they punish Jimmy’s ribs further with a Side Slam from Kane and a powerslam by Orton. Of course, a body scissors is in order. Jey gets knocked off the apron, leaving Daniel Bryan to get the hot tag. You know the drill. Bryan cleans house and hits Kane with the suicide dive, while Orton and Bats are wiped out with Stereo Somersault Planchas by the Usos. This leads to a six-man brawl on the floor until both teams are counted out. (9:00 shown) In the ring, Orton and Batista destroy the Usos with their finishers. Meanwhile on the floor, Kane clears off the announce table to lay a hurting on Bryan with a Chokeslam when the Shield appear from the crowd and make the save. Once Kane is down, the Shield scare Orton and Bats out of the ring. Kane tries to attack the Shield from behind with a chair, but Bryan appears and drills him with the Busaiku Knee Kick. With Kane hurt, the Shield give him the Triple Powerbomb! On Raw, it was COOHHH who received a Triple Powerbomb from the Shield. On Smackdown, it’s Corporate Kane. That’s sending a message if I’ve ever seen one. The match was okay. Standard tag-team procedure. **½
Until next week, so long for now!