Scott: Welcome once again Place to Be Nation to another installment of “Inside the Legends’ House,” where we head to Palm Springs to check in on our drunks, vagabonds and certifiable lunatics, otherwise known as our WWE Legends. Of course, I never would do this alone. Joining me is a guy who may have had as many cocktails tonight as Mean Gene and Pat Patterson combined! The silent partner, Dan McGinn!
Dan: Why thank you Scott and yes it has been a “Mean Gene” sort of night for me and I have the Bruins victory over Detroit to thank for that! My apologies now to any Red Wings fans who might read this later. Thankfully this show wasn’t canceled after week one so you and I still have a job to do. Unless you were living under a rock, you probably know by now that Legends’ House was the #1 most watched show on the WWE Network last week. I think we should both take a collective bow for pumping up those numbers and we are expecting a handsome reward for that WWE! So without further ado, let’s get started!
Scott: Well to all Red Wings out there, sorry Hockey Town but it’s all about the Hub. Anyway to the business at hand. When Dan and I left the house, Roddy Piper was walking around aimlessly in a field down the street from the house. He’s not adapting to the other lunatics in the building. Piper is still standing outside clueless. Piper really is an eccentric, more than I ever thought. I really don’t understand what his problem is. Does he really not like any of these guys? “There’s no handbook” he says. Handbook for living with other people? Strange.
Dan: Piper can’t handle the evening hours but it’s a good thing he has Hacksaw to set him straight. He says that he has “more issues than TV Guide.” But I do like his motivation for doing the show though as he explains that this is a way of changing people’s perception of his character and create a more positive image of himself. On the flip side, we also find out that Hillbilly Jim is the loudest snorer in this history of mankind. How would you like to wake up next to that every morning? Oh boy, that’s the sound of my Chinese food coming up!
Scott: Run Dan Run!!! Right now it’s clear Tony Atlas is going to be very opinionated and could be a problem. I wonder if there’s extra Survivor Series t-shirts like Jimmy Hart has on right now. Seems like Tony and Hacksaw have moved on to the next day. Duggan, believe it or not, is the one I’m relating the most to. Repeat that to anyone Dan and YOU’RE FIRED. I like how the maid just walked in and started vacuuming while Hillbilly Jim is asleep. Hell he could have been Commando under those sheets. UGH.
Dan: Oh lord I’m going to wretch! So Piper and Duggan are buddies. True story. When I was a kid, I thought they were tag partners because they both wore blue trunks. And now they are roommates!! I love seeing them together as they look like they are having an absolute blast. Oh hey! Ashley! This is awkward since I asked her out this week and she proceeded to send me into the Friend Zone. No getting out of that one so let’s move on. Tony Atlas is also afraid of horses though if I were a horse and Tony was about to mount me, I’d probably head for the hills. The catch to this upcoming polo match they have been tasked with is that the boys will be riding in golf carts and not actual on horses and the losing team will be sorry. Oh boy, I can’t wait for this!
Scott: Wow I feel like I’m working with Sandman tonight. This is actually hilarious, as it’s like bumper cars with Hall of Famers and Legends. I would have been worried about which horse the Fink was going to get on. Holy shit is he huge. Of course of all guy’s carts that breaks down, it’s Tony’s. So Jimmy Hart freaks out because his team was down a player. Is this show going to be Tony Atlas whining for 45 minutes? I’d rather be Dan’s Chinese food than listening to him bitch and moan! Piper should smack Jimmy with the mallet. That would make the show top-notch!
Dan: This is pretty intense! Drivers and players are hitting the deck! It is like the “Do Not Try This At Home” ads when Michael Cole yells, “Trainers, EMT’s, referees down!” I also appreciate them using flash backs to 20 years ago when these fellas were young and less legendary. Tony, who is slowly becoming everyone’s whipping boy, just scored the goal that tied up the score just before the end of regulation. It comes down to a shootout and Hillbilly missed horribly! Like Mike Vanderjagt ugly. But Hacksaw put the final nail in the red team’s coffin with a perfect strike and the fat lady has sung! Eat that Scotty! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
Scott: Ah crap. Honestly the Blue team was better anyway. Wow Fink looked like a beached whale. Ashley is annoying me now. They should have got like Maryse or AJ, or somebody with personality. Why is Tony Atlas STILL WHINING? So they’re telling their stories. Those stories are for US, THE VIEWERS! Miserable pricks. So the Red team has to go shovel the shit in the stalls. Hillbilly Jim is taking it all in stride but of course the rest of those dough boys are bitching and moaning. Mike Vanderjagt! Haha that’s a good one. Tony feels bad for whining about the horses, so he goes back to apologize. The horse didn’t kick him. Our day is over, and Dan what smells worse, the horseshit or the Kung Pao Chicken?
Dan: Haha, I won’t answer that. In our next scene, Jimmy shows us how he preps his money-making hair each and every day. I would have thought that segment interesting if Hart had just kept his Survivor Series shirt on. Now I see his man boobs every time I close my eyes. Also, Tony is that friend of yours that you do still like and all, but you need to take him in small doses. Like, you will have a beer with him in January and then forget to call him until sometime in October. He means well I’m sure but he is becoming the villian of the house. Before I wrap up, thank God Piper has been married for almost 30 years. I’m not sure how he would have made it if he had to go it alone. Between the blender and his issues with the freezer, its little wonder how the Hot Scot isn’t face down in a ditch somewhere!
Scott: In other words Dan, Tony is the Legends House version of Leroux? Anyway Ashley returns and she challenges the guys to zumba! I’m proud of the Fink trying to lose weight because he looks abysmal. Ashley almost looks like Carrie Underwood, without the personality. This Zumba class is looking like those dances at senior centers where the dirty old men pinch the nurses’ asses. Wow that chick with the yellow tank top looks like Sammy, the man-chick that was felt up by Mark Henry. Mean Gene is going back to his Nitro days when he was hitting on the Nitro Girls. What a fun hot mess.
Dan: Oh I am so happy that this timed perfectly that you got the Zumba scene. Funny how you didn’t mention Duggan’s involvement once and he was actually trying to learn some moves. I hope you see that image every time you sleep, brother! For the second straight show, we get kitchen drama and Gene resorts to drinking! I think we need an intervention y’all! Goodness it must be great being old and rich. You don’t have to know things like thawing steaks and preheating ovens. I challenge any of our readers to try to eat like Jimmy Hart for a whole year. Better stock up on beans and baked potatoes friend. Oh and be sure to pack a hair dryer!
Scott: At least Jimmy Hart will be regular for the duration of the show. Piper and Duggan have become the most normal pair of the bunch, and that’s quite frightening. Mean Gene and Pat have turned into the old guys at Dunkin’ Donuts on a Saturday morning. Milking their coffee for four hours. Tony is making some weird chicken and barbecue sauce disaster. Have these guys ever bought take out before? Seriously? This episode is where you are clearly seeing the factions forming: Mean Gene/Pat, Duggan/Piper, and everybody else is pretty much on their own. Could Tony Leroux save the day?
Dan: Yes he can! Tony saves the day! He sacked up and put on quite the feast for his fellow legends. Here we thought he was about to get evicted Big Brother style and now he is king of the day. It actually was kind of refreshing to see because most of these shows focus on the drama and controversy and shy away from the Hallmark moments. I’m sure fights are coming and the heat will be turned up to a fever pitch, but not today. This show definitely left you with a better taste in your mouth at the end than Piper’s moon howling from last week!
Scott: Episode two didn’t have as much drama as the opener did, even with the polo match and the Zumba show, but I agree Dan we saw the guys bond more than I expected this early on. I do think storm clouds will be brewing over the rest of the season but definitely it was nice to see them work together and get dinner on the table. Honestly Ashley is a waste of time and nothing more than a glorified tour guide. They can easily get the former Raw General Manager laptop to give them instructions and tasks. I liked the episode because of the feelgood ending but looking forward to possible fireworks. Dan, take us out (if you’re still breathing).
Dan: Well Gene did just offer me a some Jack so I’ll keep this short. It wouldn’t be a reality show without bickering and drama much like the 4th of July would be rather dull without fireworks and my uncle’s steak tips. Too many egos will spoil this little party but I smiled when Tony and Duggan buried their short-lived hatchet. I get the feeling Gene and Pat are on vacation and it could get ugly when they actually have to do some work. At least we got our first official “holy balls” reference tonight. With that said, Gene is about to do a keg stand and I’m tasked with holding up the legs so for Scott, I’m Dan and thank you for joining us Inside the Legends’ House!