WWE Main Event
October 9, 2013
Taped from the birthplace of Christopher Columbus and home to the district of the government shutdown!
Match #1: Tons of Funk (with Cameron and Naomi) vs. 3MB in a handicap match
Alex Riley, complete with a sling from a recent shoulder surgery, and Josh Matthews are on commentary. This is the first gimmick match on Main Event since I began to recap, and it’s never explained why it’s occurring. Heath Slater tries to duke it out with Brodus Clay to start, ending up with Clay body slamming Slater three consecutive times. I learn that RVD is out due to mental and spiritual exhaustion, not from any physical injuries. OK. Tensai with a monkey flip (?!?) and holds his opponent up a long time before dropping him with a double underhook suplex. Drew McIntyre with a couple of kicks, and the announcers are bringing the learning tonight. Did you know that Heath Slater is a three-time tag team champion and a former Golden Gloves contender? How bizarre!
Brodus Clay does his best Mallrats impression with a second rope splash. The 3MB’s numbers overwhelm Tensai, and Slater comes in with a twisting splash on Clay for the victory in six minutes. In every previous Main Event, there’s been a 13-15 minute opener over two segments. Strange that this went so short, but, to be honest, I don’t think that anyone would have realistically wanted this to go on much longer.
Match #2: Aksana vs. Tamina Snuka
A heel versus heel diva matchup is presented n our second consecutive odd choice of the evening. Alex Riley desperately tries to get over Aksana as Catwoman. She’s no Julie Newmar. Here’s where I attempt to say something nice about this matchup: Aksana is much, much improved over her stint in FCW. Tamina has a better look this time around. Backbreaker by Tamina, followed up by a big boot for the victory in four minutes. Needed some Awesome Kong.
Winner: Tamina Snuka
Raw Rebound: Stephanie slaps Big Show and fires him from his iron clad contract.
Match #3: Zack Ryder vs. Big E. Langston
Ryder with a hot start, but the big guy slows him down, just cranking on a side headlock for nearly a minute. If this was the NWA, Big E. would have made an awesome United States Champion. He’s really underrated in his technical ability. Vicious forearms by Langston, but Ryder utilizes his speed and agility with a dropkick and baseball slide to the floor.
We come back from a commercial break and Langston and Ryder are exchanging holds. Again, both are fundamentally sound, but it feels kind of dull this early in the matchup. Riley is trying to get over a hashtag gimmick when talking about Ryder’s social media savvy that Matthews hilariously no-sells. Big belly to belly suplex by Langston, but he misses the Warrior splash. Second rope dropkick, followed by a Broski boot that takes Langston to the outside. In an awesome spot, Langston chucks Ryder into the ringside barrier, catches him and launches him into the ropes decking him with a clothesline upon landing. Back in the ring, Ryder takes back over. It’s an interesting match, as no combatant as really had control for over a minute at a time. Ryder with a couple of avalanches, but Langston catches him on the third time with a STJoe. He hits a tremendous running clothesline and finishes him off with the Big Ending in ten minutes.
Winner: Big E. Langston
Raw Rebound #2: Ricardo Rodriguez is the recipient of the WWE’s weekly win by distraction over Alberto del Rio. Vickie Guerrero says “John Cena,” and the IWC becomes awash with gossip.
After break, we get an unprecedented third Raw Rebound, showing the entirety of the end of Raw, recapped earlier this week by Scott Criscuolo. So, they get Golddust to wear pink gloves, but nothing for the Shield? Can’t they wear pink ribbons on their flak jackets? Couldn’t Seth Rollins have one of those pink feather stripes in his two-toned hair?
Recap heavy edition this week, with some fairly original bouts. Nothing essential to see, however.
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