WWE Main Event
October 2, 2013
Baton Rouge, Louisiana
Match #1: Santino Marella vs. Damien Sandow
“In the valley of the stupid, the half-wit is king,” so sayeth our intellectual savior. This is the first appearance of Santino on Main Event since I began recapping. Sandow also calls him a
“power-walking, puppet-wielding pest.” There’s a mixed crowd reaction at the start of the match, and our announcers, Alex Riley and Josh Matthews, call Sandow a fool, A FOOL I SAY, if he doesn’t cash in his Money in the Bank opportunity after the hardcore matchup at Battleground. Santino repeatedly going for the Cobra to no avail. Instead of running the ropes, Santino humorously power-walks, yet still runs into a kneelift. Santino has the gall to go for the Elbow of Disdain. Sandow is really fundamentally sound here, working on some vicious holds. The commentary mentions that Santino has his own school now before Riley starts complaining about iOS7. The comedy continues, as Santino “hulks up” after some headshots to the turnbuckle, turns around and does a Flair Flop. Elbow of Disdain follows for two. Santino makes a brief comeback and takes out his Cobra (gross!). Proving his intellectual superiority, Sandow steps on the cobra, pulls it off Santino, stunning him, then delivers the Silencer for the victory in ten minutes.
Winner: Damien Sandow
I have to be honest, that was a fun little match that was unique for this show. Sandow showed off his ability to adapt to a different style here, wrestling a completely different style match than his previous appearances.
Evidently the highlights of HHH’s fireside chats with Michael Cole will be a regular feature on Main Event. They talk about HHH mocking Big Show. All this is to setup a match on Smackdown with Big Show vs. all three members of the Shield.
Match #2: Prime Time Players vs. Luke Harper and Erik Rowan (with Bray Wyatt)
Here we go! This is a rematch from the Wyatt Family’s squash of the PTP a few weeks back. Harper and Young unleash a brief exchange of punches until Young tags in the big man. Rowan sporting the Jordan Duncan mask to start. Sadly, the HOSS-OFF between Rowan and O’Neill doesn’t last long and, OH MY GOD, El Torito has a Twitter account. SHAME! Riley informs us that he’s tweeted “Ole.” I’d like to take this time to inform my readers about El Generico’s endless crusade to help needy foster children in his native Tijuana. Harper, HE BE CLUBBERIN Darren Young in the corner. Gator roll front face lock is applied by Harper. Nice. Here comes Titus, who delivers a Stinger splash, some barks and a power slam. People start getting chucked from the ring right and left, which leaves Harper to deliver a discus clothesline on O’Neill for the win.
Winners: The Wyatt Family
Bray comes in to deliver Sister Abigail post-match. I can watch these four go at it every week and be pleased.
Match #3: Curtis Axel (with Paul Heyman) vs. Zack Ryder
Riley and Matthews foreshadow a possible breakup between Axel and Heyman by questioning Axel’s workload as Heyman’s right-hand man and possible jealousy over the new connection with Ryback. Ryder off to a quick start but is squashed down by a stiff reverse clothesline. Axel pays homage to his father, hitting a necksnap and a dropkick on a seated Ryder. This is a quicker pace than I’m used to seeing out of Axel. Ryder comes back with a second rope dropkick and a Broski boot, but Axel wraps himself around the bottom rope to prevent a pinfall. As Ryder backs away, Axel hits his “inverted neckbreaker DDT” for the swift victory.
Winner: Curtis Axel
Raw Rebound regarding the Facgime’s feud with the Rhodes’ Family. Haven’t they already telegraphed the finish in the NXT tapings with JBL replacing Dusty?
Match #4: Tons of Funk (with Naomi and Cameron) vs. Real Americans (with Zeb Colter)
The pink “We the People” t-shirts are unintentionally hysterical. Brodus has seriously slimmed down, good for him. Now he just needs to lose the bizarre fins on the back of his singlet. It looks like he’s been humped by thirty miniature Stegosauruses. Brodus starts with three body slams on Swagger, who clips his knee to bring in Cesaro. CESARO WITH THE GIANT SWING ON BRODUS! GOOD LORD! He got at least nine rotations on him. If he can do that to Khali, we should just declare him WWE champ. Swagger in with the, umm, Swagger Bomb. Cesaro leapfrogs over Swagger to deliver the double stomp! Tag into Albert, who hits a cannonball. Double shoulder block onto Cesaro. Tons of Funk looks to hit some type of double team move, but Swagger trips up Clay, leading to Cesaro nailing Albert with a vicious Neutralizer for the three-count.
Winners: Real Americans
Awesome feats of strength by Cesaro in that match. I’ll withhold my rebuttal to Riley and Matthew’s assertion that Swagger and Cesaro are doing better in their career with Colter by their side.
It was nice to see a little mix-up in the monotony of Main Event this week. Two decent, quick tag team matches, a comedy bout and a sprint between Axel and Ryder.
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