Monday Night Raw
June 23, 2014
As usual we eschew the opening (is there even an opening anymore) and head right into the Verizon Center for the start of our show, #1,100. We begin with heel heat magnet Stephanie McMahon. She doesn’t look green like she did last week. Her boobs look more massive than normal, maybe it’s the Austin Powers skirt she has on. The arena is strewn with ladders, pumping us up for Sunday. Stephanie says she can’t handle gross negligence. She runs Vickie Guerrero down for what happened and then calls her to the ring. Wait, its heel vs. heel here. We know she’s going to be fired, so let’s not belabor the show with a long-winded promo and just get it done. Vickie kisses Stephanie’s ass and tries to throw Roman Reigns under the bus. Stephanie then paints the picture about Reigns. Vickie says it won’t happen again. Stephanie says what we all knew, and that’s she rode her late husband’s coattails. She says Eddie deserves the respect, but Vickie doesn’t. Stephanie is about to drop the hammer but Vickie says she wants another chance and she will beg. Vickie gets on her knees. Stephanie really knows how to be cruel. Stephanie decides to make Vickie a competitor tonight, against her. After some hemming and hawing, Vickie accepts and says Guerrero is a more respected name than McMahon. Then for the first time, “EXCUSE ME” gets a face pop. So Stephanie will wrestle for the first time since what, 2003?
MATCH: Jimmy Uso vs. Luke Harper
A prelude to Sunday’s Tag Title match against the Wyatts. Rowan and Harper come out to a creepy version of “He’s got the Whole World in His Hand” using a broken down accordion. Kind of cool to be honest. In what is a surprising quickie, Harper wins easily. WINNER: Luke Harper
Jey Uso baits Erick Rowan into the ring for a match.
MATCH: Jey Uso vs. Erick Rowan
Why was this “impromptu”? Figured this half of the two teams would be later in the show. Another quick match that Jey wins to even the odds. WINNER: Jey Uso
The Wyatts beat the champions down and then Bray Wyatt comes on the screen and says he’s proud, and after Money in the Bank they will walk the earth like giants. Follow…the Buzzards.
Sunday on the MITB pre-show, Daniel Bryan will come on to talk about being stripped of the titles.
Lana and Rusev are outside the Capitol building running the country down and pumping up Putin. I love this gimmick as it gives that old school heel that Triple H is definitely behind.
Paige, our hard-working Divas Champion comes down to the ring for commentary on this match.
MATCH: Alicia Fox vs. Naomi
Vince doesn’t like Paige, probably because she’s pasty and doesn’t have DD cups. Season one of Total Divas will be on the WWE Network starting Thursday. Tears of sorrow become tears of joy for Ben Morse. Cameron joins the table and she and the champ are jaw jacking. Seems like Cole is trying to stir the pots with the Funkadactyls as Cameron says it’s all about her. Cameron should be paying attention to her idol Alicia Fox. Where’s Melina? The match in the ring is average and Naomi wins. WINNER: Naomi
Cole says Cameron isn’t happy her fellow Funkadactyl won. Paige gets on the apron and raises the belt to Naomi, then extends her hand. Naomi shakes it. It’s good that they’re spinning Cameron as the heel, as she is the much bitchier one.
Backstage Sheamus and Roman Reigns are having a “Cock of the Walk” discussion, as to who will win Sunday and their 4-on-3 handicap match tonight.
MATCH: Titus O’Neil vs. Bo Dallas
Does this mean Titus is a babyface? Or is this just another piece of meat for Bo Dallas to fumble around with in the ring. I’m going to say the same thing every week: This gimmick is atrocious. So is Bo Dallas. He’s sporting a shiner. I wonder if that is a receipt backstage for being a douche? I don’t know, but Jerry acknowledged it. Another quick match and another win for the douche. WINNER: Bo Dallas
I will clarify that I liked this gimmick in NXT, but it still doesn’t look right on a bigger stage.
Time to get ON YOUR KNEES DOG. Out comes COO Triple H to announce who will join Seth Rollins in the contract ladder match Sunday in Boston. He says in a city where officials continue to be voted into office and screw things up, he’s still the bad guy. The MITB briefcase is gold, since there’s only one winner now instead of two. Seth Rollins is the first entrant into that match. He now announces the other participants: Kofi Kingston, Jack Swagger, Dolph Ziggler, Rob Van Dam and Bad News Barrett. Wow, that’s a pretty weak field. Although he thinks the favorite is, Rob Van…hahaha Triple H faked everybody out. I agree. He says the favorite is Seth Rollins, and that terrible entrance music. Rollins comes out in an Authority t-shirt. That’s a nice touch. The YOU SOLD OUT chants keep coming, and Rollins whines that the fans haven’t moved on. He says he’s over it, and the fans should be thanking Rollins for making Ambrose and Reigns what they are. Rollins says he created the Shield and he had the right to destroy the Shield. After Sunday Rollins will be Mr. Money in the Bank, and he’s interrupted by the former Mr. Money in the Bank Rob Van Dam. Rollins says RVD was important in 2005, then RVD brings up when RVD drove his knee into Triple H’s knee at the 2002 Survivor Series. That was wild, I can’t believe he brought that up. RVD would like a shot at the golden boy right now.
MATCH: Rob Van Dam vs. Seth Rollins
RVD dominates the action early with flips and kicks. Seth hits the “Three Amigos”, an homage to Eddie. Ironic since Vickie’s wrestling later tonight. The match starts to even out and it’s pretty solid. Even though the group for the contract match is kind of weak, it doesn’t show a clear favorite. So the unpredictability makes for some intrigue. The match ends when Ambrose runs into the ring to attack Rollins. WINNER: Seth Rollins by disqualification
Rollins chases Ambrose off and says he will go to Boston and screw up the PPV, and take the briefcase even if he’s not in the match, after he bashes Seth Rollins’ face in. Ambrose’s theme is awesome, it has a Van Halen-esque feel. It’s certainly better than that epileptic mess Rollins has.
Backstage Rollins wants Ambrose in the ladder match Sunday so he can see him and control him. Triple H says he’s got it, but its on Rollins if this fails.
INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPIONSHIP: Bad News Barrett © vs. Dolph Ziggler
Barrett’s bad news is that Dolph is going to have to change his name after this match like “the Washington football team will have to”. So, the Redskins (OH NO I TYPED IT!!!!) are babyfaces now? Cole had to point out that the team lost their trademark last week. Didn’t know we were a news program too. These two work pretty well together and this match has been fun. Ziggler beat Barrett on Smackdown to earn this title shot. We get a THIS IS AWESOME chant and it is indeed well deserved. Wow ZIggler hit a Zig Zag after ducking the Bull Hammer and I thought it was over but Barrett kicked out. Ziggler charges and Barrett hits the Bull Hammer out of nowhere for the win. Best Raw match in months. WINNER: Bad News Barrett
Vickie is walking backstage when Renee catches up to her, and Vickie says she knows she’s not everybody’s favorite but she is nobody’s doormat and she will keep her dignity. Randy Orton comes in run her down and says he could say it was nice knowing her, but that would be a lie.
MATCH: Vickie Guerrero vs. Stephanie McMahon
Vickie comes out to Eddie’s music. WE LIE, WE CHEAT, WE STEAL. A tear just rolled down my cheek. Eight and a half years have passed and I still miss “Latino Heat”. Stephanie comes out still in her skirt. She says their match will be in a pool of, chocolate pudding? Oh Jesus this was definitely Vince’s idea. Stephanie says it stinks, so I guess it’s supposed to be…something else. The loser will get thrown into the pool, which is off the side of the stage. Stephanie then brings out three heel divas: Alicia Fox, Layla and Rosa Mendes. They get in the ring and Vickie escapes up the ramp. The girls start getting Vickie towards the pool but eventually Vickie throws all of them in. She celebrates but Stephanie comes from behind and throws her into the pool, then she fires her. WINNER: Stephanie McMahon
Stephanie starts singing the Nah Nah Nah song, so Vickie (who has nothing to lose) throws Stephanie in the pool. What a way to go.
Byron Saxton is with Goldust, and he says he didn’t see Cody he saw…..STARDUST. Then Cody starts singing “When You Wish upon a Star”. So awesome.
Ugh I’m so done with Zeb Colter.
MATCH: Jack Swagger vs. Kofi Kingston
A decent battle that sees Kofi throw himself everywhere, but Swagger cranks the Patriot Lock for the win. WINNER: Jack Swagger
It’s announced that Paige will defend the Divas Title against Naomi. That’s where Cameron turns heel.
Renee is with Alberto Del Rio, who’s undefeated in MITB and cashed it in successfully (2011). We know he’s not winning. There’s Paul Heyman with Cesaro and Paul goes through the 21-1 spiel. Without Brock Lesnar on camera this is getting very old.
Damien Sandow is dressed as Abe Lincoln. He rips the crowd for dictating his career. With that out comes Big E.
MATCH: Damien Sandow vs. Big E
This wasn’t much. WINNER: Big E
Big E takes the mike from Tom Phillips and rips Rusev and Lana for the earlier promo and he defends our proud country. Out comes Lana who distracts Big E while Rusev ambushes him from behind.
Renee is with John Cena, and he cuts his usual stuff.
MATCH: John Cena, Sheamus & Roman Reigns vs. Bray Wyatt, Randy Orton, Cesaro & Alberto Del Rio
This is actually a rematch from Smackdown. Wow if Cena wins the title Sunday it would put him just one behind Ric Flair for all time total world championships. Will everybody bitch, or was that only when Triple H was threatened to break it? Lots of restholds in this match, which makes sense since they will be in a ladder match in six days. Why is Randy Orton standing on the floor when the rest of his team is on the apron? The match picks up at about the 10 minute mark when Sheamus gets a hot tag from Reigns and he lays into Cesaro. Finishers fly around when Sheamus pins Cesaro with a Brogue Kick. WINNERS: Cena, Sheamus & Reigns
Right as the match ends out comes Kane, who chucks Reigns, then beats down all the guys. I truly don’t get this. Well out comes Triple H, who adds Kane to the ladder match. Orton went safely up the ramp. So we come full circle and it’s all about Orton again. Reigns ends it by spearing Kane. Great ending as we go off the air.
SCOTT’S TAKE: The Barrett/Ziggler match was definitely one of the best TV matches of the year. Other than that it was a lot of fluff to prepare for Sunday in Boston. I will be there en masse with Place to Be Nation. Sadly one who won’t be in Boston will be the purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com, Graham Cawthon. Follow him on Twitter @thehistoryofwwe. Here’s Graham’s Raw Tweet of the Night!
Listen to Cena now. Now think Rock in 2000. Veeeerry similar overall tone, just with less transvestite one-liners