Monday Night Raw
January 6, 2014
“Raw Old School”
We open with the ORIGINAL copyright from 1986, the perfect open to OLD SCHOOL RAW. We head inside Baltimore with the big RAW letter circa 1996-97 where Michael Cole welcomes us, and then to put me in an even better mood we open with the 16-time WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION. Ric Flair joins us fresh off the inspirational speech he gave to the 49ers before beating Green Bay Sunday. Why is Flair wearing sunglasses? Must be hung over. Flair says there’s always been old school fun in Baltimore. Remember the Crockett Cup story? Get the Four Horsemen DVD for that one. Flair says we have all the great legends tonight but we are here to style and profile. WHOOO! Out comes the WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton. Haven’t seen him in two weeks. Orton hugs Flair and gets a mike. Orton says he has the utmost respect for Flair. But that being said, Orton says tonight’s about more than the legends and hall of famers, it’s about him. He puts himself over as the greatest of all time and “kindly” asks Ric to step aside because he has something to get off his chest. Orton says last week Stephanie gave John Cena his title rematch for the Royal Rumble. Orton’s pissed that the Authority didn’t consult him before making that decision. Orton says he has proven himself against Cena already and he wants the decision reversed. Flair says in his day being World Champion meant working seven days a week and proving yourself. He says Orton did a great job beating Cena at TLC so face Cena again. Orton says everyone had Flair’s back and he was the most overrated superstar in history. Orton tells Flair to leave the ring. Flair says Orton was handpicked because he had the goods but he also had an attitude problem. Orton and Flair are about to go when out comes the other guy who had off last week. John Cena comes out and heads straight to the ring. Cena hugs Flair and says every time Orton opens his mouth he reaches a new level of scumbag. Cena puts Flair over as the greatest, then ask Orton if he wants to go “old school”. Orton walks away. Solid opening segment to start putting this rematch over.
Wow Michael Cole and JBL are wearing old school Superstars blazers. Awesome. Jerry isn’t with them, as he had health problems earlier in the day.
We go back to last week when Daniel Bryan became a Wyatt.
MATCH: The Usos & Rey Mysterio vs Wyatt Family
Out comes Daniel Bryan in a ripped warehouse-type outfit like Rowan. We get some early action, then Rey is in the ring with Daniel and Rey tries to reason with him. Bryan starts going off on Rey with knees and kicks. The ring is old school with the blue WWE logo circa 1993, and the red, white and blue ropes. The Usos with a roll up on Harper, in my opinion an upset. WINNERS: Usos/Rey Mysterio
We have the old school Raw music tonight too. I’m glad they did the big R-A-W letters. We need Sabu to come back so he can dive off them.
The Animal returns…January 20. Cole announces that Batista will be in the Royal Rumble.
We go back to Raw last week where Damien Sandow beats Great Khali to keep his job. That tool Brad Maddox is backstage saying there will be a Khali/Sandow rematch and he talks to the three guys who the fans will vote for as special referee: Bob Backlund, Arn Anderson or Sargent Slaughter. Kane then comes in to give Brad crap for badmouthing him behind his back last week. Kane says he can take Maddox out with either words or violence.
Big E. Langston is walking backstage, and he sees Nikolai Volkoff singing the Russian National Anthem, then sees the great Ted DiBiase, followed by his awesome Money Inc. tag partner, IRS. Money Inc. should reunite and face the Rhodes Brothers for the straps.
Big announcement by WWE in Vegas Wednesday. It will be the launch of the Network.
MATCH: Big E. Langston vs. Curtis Axel
Ryback is at the announce table, where he makes a tasteless comment about Lillian Garcia. Standard fare, and Big E wins easily. WINNER: Big E. Langston
Langston and Ryback are locking stares. New IC Title feud?
Back from break and the ring is adorned in plaid. You know what that means? CUE THE BAGPIPES. The mother fuckin’ HOT ROD is back. Rowdy Roddy Piper returns and it’s time for a little Piper’s Pit. Piper looks a bit deranged tonight, which is exactly the way he should be. He gets five words in when the music blasts and Piper’s guests, the Hounds of Justice, come through the crowd. Ambrose wonders who the old guy is with the microphone. Ambrose says if he was around in the 80s, Piper wouldn’t have lived to 112. Ambrose could be the modern day Piper. Piper says only one guy can match him on the microphone and that’s CM Punk. Rollins says this isn’t 1985 and the Shield won’t fall for any tactics. Piper says Ambrose and Rollins couldn’t beat Punk, but asks if Reigns beats him tonight does that make him better, does that create cracks in the Shield. They start circling Piper, until CM Punk comes out, with the New Age Outlaws! Hell yeah this show was booked for me! They clean house.
Incidentally to honor Old School Raw tonight, I’m wearing my Coliseum Video t-shirt.
We go to last week on Raw when Brock Lesnar returned and made his mark.
MATCH: Sin Cara vs. Alberto Del Rio
Del Rio has been off the past few weeks. He lost back to back weeks to Sin Cara and left for a while. Del Rio actually beats him with ease. WINNER: Alberto Del Rio
He says nobody is going to be talking about Batista after the Royal Rumble, because Del Rio will eliminate him.
Daniel Bryan is telling Rowan and Harper to let him participate as he can learn and teach. Bray Wyatt says next week Bryan will team with him.
MATCH: Real Americans vs. Rhodes Brothers
Goldust should get votes for MVP of 2013. Man he’s been awesome in every match he’s been in. As much as I love “highly competitive matchups”, we need some old school jobber squashes to really bring us back. Where’s Freddie Joe Floyd, or Sal Gee or Iron Mike Sharpe? Fun back and forth match that had the RA dominating the action until Goldust made the man-sized comeback and helped the champions to the victory. WINNERS: Rhodes Brothers
DDP is in the house doing his yoga and in walks Booker T. They goof about DDP Yoga and then in comes our man Farrooq for a nice old school DAMN!
MATCH: Great Khali vs. Damien Sandow
Slaughter wins the vote for special referee. Big shock. I voted for Double-A. I’d have marked out for Sandow to be dropped by a spinebuster. Sandow’s trying to cheat but Slaughter won’t let him. Eventually Khali wins with the chop to the head. WINNER: Great Khali
Sandow gives Slaughter the business, and he gets pissed off and slaps the Cobra Clutch on Sandow.
Back from break and we’re joined by the beast, Brock Lesnar. Paul says Brock is the self-proclaimed #1 contender for the World Title. Heyman says old school has nothing to do with legends, it’s when one man is king of the mountain of sports entertainment. He says Brock believes Bruno and Hogan are old school. Steve Austin is old school. Austin’s name still brings pops, always will. He says the winner of the Orton/Cena match will have a target on their back from the self-proclaimed #1 contender. He reminds us what Brock did to Mark Henry last week. After some more vitriol, Henry comes out and they start to brawl. Lesnar puts the Kimura Lock on and breaks Henry’s arm. As Lesnar is walking down the aisle, Big Show’s music plays and the big guy walks up the ramp. Lesnar backs up and gets in the ring. He baits Show into the ring, then ducks out the other side and leaves. Lesnar tries to sneak up but Show grabs him and throws Lesnar out of the ring. They should re-enact 2003 and have the ring collapse.
MATCH: The Bellas vs. Alicia Fox & Aksana
We’re going to have Brie Bella become a Wyatt? Cole is putting the engagement and this storyline together? Ugh, why bother. Typical Divas fare, as Aksana gets the win when Nikki goes for a cross body and Aksana ducks. She pins her out of the miss. WINNERS: Alicia Fox & Aksana
MATCH: 3MB vs. Too Cool & Rikishi
We get an old school insert interview with 3MB. Time to kick it back to 2000, which is the last time Rikishi teamed with Sexay and Scotty 2 Hotty have worked together. I’m surprised they allowed Grandmaster Sexay back in the building. Then I remembered he came back in 2011 for the Lawler/Cole feud. Speaking of, Cole goes “Remember Sunday Night Heat?” as if none of us have ever heard of it. Of course Scotty does the Worm and the place goes nuts. Do we see a stinkface tonight? We have to. Rikishi pins Mahal with a butt drop. WINNERS: Too Cool & Rikishi
As expected, we get some dancing afterwards.
Back from break and out come the legends we’ve seen tonight, led by the Godfather! One time he should come back as Papa Shango. Of course we are interrupted by Bad News Barrett in his new raised podium. Barrett says it’s a momentous occasion but there’s bad news. Flea markets were in a frenzy because the legends weren’t there to sign 30 year old photos for the seven people who know them. Barrett says the WWE Universe will forget their names too. This character is growing on me.
Back from break and I had been waiting for Mean Gene Okerlund to come out. I’m actually glad tonight is in Baltimore, as TNT used to be shot here. They need to do Old School at MSG. Mean Gene pimps his hotline, 5.99 a minute. That was awesome. Mean Gene introduces the New Age Outlaws, who of course came out earlier. The schtick never gets old…THE D OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO DOUBLE G. The Outlaws intro our main event.
MATCH: CM Punk vs. Roman Reigns
Punk’s kicking the old school Ribera Steak House jacket. That’s the steak house in Japan all the wrestlers go to. This is a great spot for Reigns, as he gets the least amount of singles matches. Punk has been taking a tremendous shellacking the past several weeks. He probably needs an extended break. That quickie vacation he took back in April & May wasn’t nearly long enough. The other two Shield members take out the Outlaws. Reigns goes for the spear but Punk ducks it and almost steals the win with a roll-up. We’re getting some THIS IS AWESOME chants. Reigns hits a spear and gets the win on an injured Punk, furthering the potential Shield breakup. WINNER: Roman Reigns
The Shield is in the ring but out of nowhere we get our final legend, Jake “The Snake” Roberts! How fucking cool! The place goes bonkers. Jake looks great! Punk and the Outlaws take out The Shield and Jake drops his snake on Ambrose. Now that is an effective end to Old School Raw.
Scott’s Take: What a fun show with all the fun legends, capped off by an awesome appearance by the unrivaled MASTER OF PSYCHOLOGY. Is it finally Jake’s time to be in the Hall? Someone who is in everybody’s Hall of Fame is Graham Cawthon, purveyor of thehistoryofwwe.com. Here’s Graham’s Raw Tweet of the Night!
I agree, Graham. I agree.