Scott’s Impact Recap 9/19/13

The #1 contender airs his grievances to the boss, and she definitely responds to them.  (Courtesy TNA Wrestling)
The #1 contender airs his grievances to the boss, and she definitely responds to them. (Courtesy TNA Wrestling)

Impact Wrestling
September 19, 2013
St. Louis, Missouri

We begin with Magnus commenting on his loss to AJ Styles in the BFG Final. Bobby Roode gets in his face and tells Magnus to stop whining. Magnus shoves Roode and then Bad Influence attacks Magnus. A brawl erupts and officials come to break it up. We then get a video recap of No Surrender and we head back into the arena. AJ Styles will go face to face with Dixie Carter tonight. Speaking of Magnus, he heads down the aisle. Magnus says everything hurts and he can’t chew food right, because he just missed being #1 contender. Magnus puts AJ Styles over and wishes him well at Bound for Glory. Magnus says he has another issue to contend with. He says Bad Influence jumped him like cowards in the back and he challenges any of them to come down and fight. Kazarian comes down and Magnus starts beating him down until Daniels and Roode come in to make it 3 on 1. We forget what group Magnus is in, and out comes Sting and Samoa Joe to run the heels off. Sting challenges Roode and Bad Influence to a six-man tag match.

We get a video package on AJ Styles and his issues with Dixie Carter. They will be addressed tonight.

Chris Sabin is talking to Manik about being a fan, but saying that he created the X-Division and if it wasn’t for what Sabin did earlier this summer Manik wouldn’t be champion. Sabin says “You’re Welcome”. Sabin is turning heel, and acting like a douche. Who cares.

MATCH: Jeff Hardy vs. Manik
Velvet Sky is Sabin’s girlfriend? No fucking way. They come down the aisle and watch the match up close. I hope Velvet Sky doesn’t turn heel, I like her as a babyface. Manik should win this match and be put over by the veteran. Jeff got this from guys like Triple H and CM Punk. Time for him to return the favor. Manik is dictating the pace here, but of course Jeff makes a comeback and wins the match. Nice job forwarding the company’s younger guys douche bag. WINNER: Jeff Hardy

Jeff helps Manik up but he can still go fuck himself. Chris Sabin then attacks Manik, which is no shock.

We see Dixie Carter arriving earlier today.

Back from break and Sabin tells Velvet he wants to leave. He then tells the interviewer that no one respects him in this company and that includes the fans. I hope he mistreats Velvet and she dumps his pitiful ass.

KNOCKOUTS CHAMPIONSHIP: Mickie James © vs. ODB
The news floating around wrestling makes this match pretty predictable. Mickie dominates the action early but ODB makes a comeback with some kicks of her own. Mickie did the old Finlay move of sticking ODB in the apron to keep her from moving. The match moves back into the ring and both continue to go at each other. The referee’s last name is Stiffler. I laughed out loud at that. ODB makes a Hogan-esque pumping up, if Hogan had big boobs. ODB keeps going right at Mickie and hits the BAM out of nowhere and gets the three count to become a 4-time champion. WINNER, AND NEW KNOCKOUTS CHAMPION: ODB

Eric Young and Joseph Park come out to celebrate when those two assclowns Robbie E and Jessie Godderz come out to give shit to the freaks. Joseph Park (a terrible character incidentally) yells back at them. Eric Young defends his wife’s honor with a match.

MATCH: Robbie E vs. Eric Young
Why are these dumbasses still with the company? EY wins with a roll-up. WINNER: Eric Young

Robbie E is furious and says that match didn’t count. He didn’t want EY, he wanted to face Joseph Park and he calls Park a fat bastard.

MATCH: Robbie E vs. Joseph Park
Ugh why is this segment continuing? Now Park pins Robbie E with a roll up. WINNER: Joseph Park

Robbie E and Jessie Godderz attack EY from behind and they hit some double team finisher. They head outside and throw Park into the steel post. He probably got busted open so he can do that Incredible Hulk thing and he sure enough he becomes Abyss. He gets in the ring and cleans both guys out. EY gets back in the ring and Joseph Park snaps back into it.

We get a video package on the Aces & Eights saga with Bully Ray.

Back from break and Hogan is with Dixie and he wants to know what’s up with AJ. God his acting is pretty awful now too. Talk about checking out. We head into the arena and the World Champion Bully Ray comes out with Miss Tessmacher and the three remaining Aces & Eights. Bully Ray says the audience is proud of their World Champion. He asks where Ken Anderson is. He does the same crappy questions, then puts over Miss Tessmacher. The other guys are pissed, as he continues to drool over her. Wes Brisco is pissed and Bully tells him to shut up. Garrett Bischoff says the club has done everything for him and he doesn’t care anymore. Bully Ray tells both of them they were nothing without him and if they get out of line again he will slap them. Knux asks Bully Ray “will he slap him too?” Knux says there were 25 members of this group and now there are just four because Bully Ray cares about Bully Ray now and not the club. Knux says “The old line in the club from the beginning is bros, not hos.” Bully pushes Knux and says not to call Brooke a ho. Knux charges and Bully runs off with Tessmacher. This was bound to happen and much needed too.

Backstage Sting is lamenting that Angle is gone for the time being and Rampage is training for his MMA fight with Tito. He puts Magnus over, as does Samoa Joe. These factions need to end, and hopefully they do at Bound for Glory.

MATCH: Hernandez & Chavo vs. James Storm & Gunner
If the Mexicans win this match they get a future World Tag Team title shot. Chavo needs to go to the garbage pile with Robbie E, Jessie and any losers. James Storm? THE MAN. Chavo can’t fight due to Chavo being injured. Gunner says he wants to fight tonight. Storm will drink beer.

MATCH: Hernandez vs. Gunner
I’ve actually looked forward to see these two hosses battle. Both guys get their shots in until Hernandez hits his dive over the top rope to take control. Hernandez really deserves a singles push. Not sure how his promo skills are but he’s got the talent for a guy that big. Unfortunately he loses here as Gunner hits a running knee lift for the win. WINNER: Gunner

MATCH: E-G-O vs. Main Event Mafia
I thought Roode hooked up with these guys so he can win the BFG Series? Well that’s over now, I thought he’d have turned on them by now. Honestly all six guys in this ring can work. I think Kazarian is so underused in this company. Nice move where Sting comes off the ropes but Daniels trips him and holds his leg so Kaz can drop a leg on Sting. The pace is typical six man tag fare, where EGO dictates the pace and Sting is the face in peril until the hot tag to Magnus. Magnus hit a great top rope elbow but Daniels breaks the pin attempt at 2 ¾. Sting hooks Daniels in the Scorpion Deathlock. Magnus protected Sting from a Roode baseball bat shot, but then Roode pinned Magnus for the 3 count? I thought Sting and Daniels were legal? I’m so confused here. WINNERS: EGO

Wow, TNA just did a series of replays recapping the match. That’s rare for these guys. They took the time to recap the match.

We return from break and its time for the showdown. Out comes the #1 contender for the TNA World Title, AJ Styles. AJ talks about Nashville in 2002 when he and others started this company from scratch. Then she said Dixie Carter came along and everything was ruined. AJ says Dixie took all the great X-Division guys from the mid-2000’s out and other guys came in for “two year vacations”. AJ says this has pissed him off for a while. Out comes Dixie Carter, who’s trying to cut an emotional promo here about being responsible for this entire company and she is holding herself accountable. Then she snaps and turns heel, calling AJ “average”. She says she can’t remember the last 5-star match he had, and that he’s “The Marginal One”. Styles tries to respond but Dixie shuts the show down. With that, we’re out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: That was a very awkward end to the show. Dixie is terrible, although I say she did give it a go. As long as AJ beats Bully Ray at Bound for Glory, I’ll accept whatever these last weeks of Impact bring.

Author: Scott Criscuolo

Scott Criscuolo is a co-founder of the Place to Be, co-host of the Place to Be Podcast, and was in the radio business for 10 years. He loves all things pop culture, and someday he will be the ghost writer for Triple H's autobiography. Send Scott an email