McGinn’s WWE Superstars Recap – 12/26/13

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‘Twas the night after Christmas, and I didn’t get a Playstation, but all is right with the world here at Superstars Nation. Okay enough of that. Yes I realize this was posted later than usual. Perhaps I was much too merry at Christmas this year. But much like Darren Young, there are no days off and unlike Bob Cratchit, I don’t see the PTBN guys raising my salary. What you will get however, is another delicious edition of America’s favorite pastime we all call WWE Superstars. The only place where Divas are actually allowed to wrestle and former main-eventers go to die! And on that uplifting note, grab some leftover fruitcake and let’s head down to ringside!

Your announcers tonight as always are Tom Phillips and Alex “The Red-Nosed” Riley.

NATALYA VS. AKSANA

BREAKING NEWS: Aksana is single! Thanks to some tremendous reporting by my brother from a different mother Alex Riley, we found out that she describes herself as curvy, athletic and single and likes guys with brains. Well that’s me to a T! If I were ever to discover that she is a fan of a particular upstart pop culture website and she happens to stumble across the link for that site’s “Weekly Recaps” section and took time from her busy schedule of looking gorgeous to read that page’s Superstars recap, that would be the greatest gift ever received by your humble corespondent. And should she do all that on a weekly basis and goes on to admire a certain contributor on that page who is known for his offbeat good looks, delightful sense of humor and the ability to rock the sweater vest then that writer’s life would be forever changed. In other words, Aksana, call me!

Anyway, while Aksana is hunting for a man, Natalya still has her sights on winning the Divas Championship. It’s always nice to have a one-on-one match on TV when usually this division is used only for gimmicky tag matches and awkward battle royals. Riley doing no favors for my girl by saying she “has not been in the Divas title picture in a long time or maybe if ever.” The truth hurts but at least she gets TV time even in a “jobber to the stars” role of late. She does give Natty a rather sound beating for much of the contest but seemed more interested in posing and mugging for the crowd. Just when things were looking up, Natalya countered the Catwoman crawl kick into the sharpshooter and m’lady had no choice but to tap out. WINNER: NATALYA 

Another Total Divas victory. I liked the way Natty sold for the less experienced Aksana who pretty much dominated this match except for the closing moments.

Back from the break and it’s time for a Raw highlight of yet another six-man tag match from Monday night. At least it wasn’t another week of handicap matches. I guess this goes with the territory when your best heels on the roster reside in three-man factions. This time it’s the Wyatts vs. Daniel Bryan and the Rhodes Brotherhood. I think they stole the script from when Punk and the Usos faced The Shield a week prior because again our heroes fall victim to a blind tag. As much as I love the Rhodes, I see a tag title change coming sooner than later. I wish for a main event, pay-per-view worthy match between Bray and Bryan in the new year. The Wyatt Family look like monsters again and I love to see where this angle goes.

Some newcomer named Batista is supposedly coming back. Never heard of him but I see big things from this “Animal” which is clearly a tribute to George Steele. (Yes, I’m kidding!)

A few comments on the Christmas Raw Santa vs. Santa match.

-What a swank heel group Damien Sandow, AJ and Tamina make.

-This match was not for me but for the kids so I have no problem with it.

-I agree with JBL, who does give a toilet for Christmas?

-I definitely marked out for JBL’s commentary particularly when he likened this match to It’s A Wonderful life saying this was like seeing George Bailey fight Mr. Potter. He also compared Michael Cole’s career to a toilet. Hilarious!

-How can Sandow be the “Intellectual Savior of the Unwashed Masses” if he doesn’t know enough to pull the pin out of a fire extinguisher?

-I’m glad Christmas wasn’t canceled this year because if it was, I never would have received the greatest gift of my lifetime this year. Want to know what that was? Go to your favorite search engine and type in SupaBoy and I promise you will thank me later!

DOLPH ZIGGLER VS. ANTONIO CESARO (W/ JACK SWAGGER & ZEB COLTER)

Back in April when this website was a wild idea in a few very intelligent heads at Wrestlemania weekend and I was just a lonely guy with a Hulu subscription, I never would have imagined seeing this match for free on a secondary program. Dolph started the year leading a stable with current Divas Champion AJ on his arm and Big E Langston as his muscle. He beat John Cena in a PPV main event a year ago, had a decent showing at the Royal Rumble in January and won the World Heavyweight Championship the day after Wrestlemania. Now AJ has moved on, Big E is the IC Champ fighting alongside Cena and CM Punk, and Ziggy – still as popular as ever with the fans – is fighting in the last Superstars match of 2013. I’ll give the Show Off credit. If he is the victim of some backstage politics, injuries or just being shunted down the card because he can’t keep his mouth shut, it’s not affecting his work in the ring. The real winners here are the Superstars Nation because this bout was a gem.

These two go back and forth early with Ziggler strutting around and Cesaro taking exception to the showboating. Following a distraction by Swagger, Cesaro levels Dolph with a closed fist to the face and then imitates Ziggler’s booty shaking dance. After a commercial for a show about mascots, Cesaro is in complete control. He definitely tops the list of guys on the roster that deserve a title or a main event push. He has had at least two A+ matches this year including a bout on Main Event with Kofi Kingston and an outstanding engagement with Sami Zayn on NXT during the summer.

Ziggler dodged a back body drop by hitting the “Famouser” for two and then leveled Cesaro with a DDT for another near fall. He then went for the Zig-Zag but missed while clobbering Swagger who was up on the apron. Antonio caught him with an uppercut and immediately went to work. We see the return of the Cesaro Swing and then the Neutralizer and the Show Off looks up at the lights again. WINNER: ANTONIO CESARO

A very good match that was spoiled by heel interference. I’m glad we saw the swing though Dolph’s free fall continues.

We end the night with The Shield vs. Cena, Punk and Langston from Monday night’s main event. Big E in the deep end works for me. This was a terrific way to cap off Raw for 2013. The Shield can work with anyone and Langston deserves to run with the big guys for a while. Hopefully some of Cena and Punk’s mic skills rub off on the IC champion. I do find it funny to see Cena and Punk working together. I think someday those two will have to meet at Mania to solidify their rivalry as one of the best in company history. I also think if they were to ever bring back a “Mega Powers” storyline, those two would be perfect for the Hogan and Savage roles.

That does it for me in 2013. Thank you again for your support and have yourselves a wonderful New Year! If you need me, I’ll be brushing up on my Ukrainian!

Author: Dan McGinn

Dan McGinn is a former Minor League Baseball announcer, a five-star General in the #sweatervestarmy and an all around babyface who you should be happy to take home to dinner. He also happens to write about wrestling.