McGinn’s WWE Superstars Recap – 11/14/13

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“I’ll get back up, cuz my whole life I was lost but now I’m found”

Taped and spliced in front of the very best wrestling crazies Manchester, England has to offer, it is now time for WWE Superstars. While on a major European tour, you would expect the company to be operating with a skeleton crew for their online exclusive programming but au contraire! The E was bringing the goods this week so sit back, grab your Egg Nog (no, I don’t think it’s too early for holiday music and decorations in the stores!) and enjoy one of the few reasons why you need to subscribe to Hulu Plus right now! I can wait. I have all night. You ready? Here come’s your first match

Your announcers tonight are the Immortal Josh Matthews and your favorite and mine, Alex Riley.

THE FUNKADACTYLS vs. ALICIA FOX & AKSANA

It all comes down to this. For two straight weeks, Aksana and Fox have been owned by the queen diva of Superstars, Naomi. They tried using T & A, cat fighting, high impact aerial moves and finally some down right high school girl fight brawling and all they got for their troubles was a sizable booty to the face! Well now they team up here to take out their frustrations on the future Divas Champ (you heard it here first) and her partner Cameron. Since I have an idea about who is winning here, I’d like to pose this question. Assuming all things being equal as far as pay and actual TV time, would you rather be a WCW wrestler in 1997 that had no interaction with the New World Order or a 2013 diva who is not a star on Total Divas? Both are pretty thankless jobs but someone has to do them. I mean, I write a recap of Superstars after all so I speak from experience!

Anyway, a pretty entertaining opener as Riley again continues his great work putting over the Divas division. One thing I think that other announcers lack in recent years is the ability to give us background information on the competitors. Like Naomi was once an Orlando Magic dancer and Aksana competed in fitness competitions. She also incidentally triggered a “This is Awesome” chant when she did her patented seductive crawl around her downed opponent. I love the Brits! Meanwhile, we learn of Cameron’s antics on the reality show including being known for her many catch phrases like “Boy, Bye.” Well she screamed “Girl, Bye” before delivering a nasty DDT to Fox and from there you could count to 100. WINNERS: THE FUNKADACTLS

A nice showcase for Cameron after playing cheerleader the last two weeks and now it’s time to “get down for the funk of it!”

On to the Raw flashbacks beginning with the Rhodes Bros. going 2-on-1 against the WWE Champion, Randy Orton. At first I thought the plethora of handicap matches from Monday were just a sign of laziness but everyone involved ended up looking good in the process. I’m still amazed how great a team Cody and Goldust make. Dustin has really put his work in over the years and considering how messed up he was in the late 90’s, it is truly a wonder how he is even standing upright today. Orton takes a serious beating here after Big Show’s involvement. I hate to be a Debbie Downer, but I have as much interest in that match at Survivor Series as I would in seeing a documentary of The Great Khali. The English fans though were scorching hot over the chokeslam through the announce table so I’ll just move along.

We next see a commercial for The History of WWE DVD that comes out next week. Since I am a history buff – both real and revisionist – I will no doubt grab this day one. But I’m sure it will have nothing on our friend Graham Cawthon and his tremendous website thehistoryofwwe.com. Ring results, message boards, pay-per-view reviews, and much more, there is no better source for wrestling history on this planet and you can take that to the bank! And no, I’m not just saying that because I want Graham to send me copies of his new books, “The History of Professional Wrestling Volume 1 and 2.” But in all seriousness, I may not be here at The Place to Be had it not been for The History of WWE!

Moving on to more Raw action as your World Heavyweight Champion, John Cena, continues his superhero comeback by disposing of The Real Americans. They appear to be moving forward with a Cena/Del Rio showdown at Survivor Series which means, as expected, Damien Sandow’s run in the main event picture ended just as quickly as it began. In other news, Antonio Cesaro is wicked awesome if you will. I am seriously hoping he has a monster 2014. He is a pleasure to watch in the ring and the fans are loving his “Cesaro Swing” maneuver. I do think ADR will give Cena a good match in Boston in less than two weeks but can’t see a scenario where the Champ falters in Beantown.

THE GREAT KHALI & THE USOS vs. THE MIZ & THE PRIMETIME PLAYERS

I knew when I asked the “Higher Powers” to write a recap for this show, eventually I would face the bog of eternal stench that is The Great Khali. He is without question my least favorite “talent” on the roster and yet he still gets television time because he is big, goofy and dances for the children. I can’t stand him! In the same vein as Hacksaw Jim Duggan causing Scott Criscuolo to die a little inside, so too is my hatred for the Punjabi Playboy. With that all said, WHERE DID THIS MATCH COME FROM?? It’s all babyfaces all the time and these six guys put on a terrific exhibition to help warm up the Raw crowd. There even was the added touch of Miz doing the “Million Dollar” dance which probably caused many to lose their collective lunches.

The Usos are so entertaining and I tend to agree with the commentary that it is only a matter of time before they are wearing the tag team gold. This crowd was on fire as well barking along with Titus, belting out Uso chants, and going silent when Khali wished a “Happy Slapsgiving” to all three of his opponents. Everyone got their spots in late including Darren Young’s sick gut check finisher and a super chop by Khali but in the end it was a thunderous splash off the top by the Usos to pick up the win. WINNERS: THE USOS and that other guy

We conclude with another Raw highlight and you know it’s from yet another handicap match. What a marvelous finish to the Monday night program! As someone who already has his ticket to Survivor Series, I can honestly say, I’m more excited about where this Bryan/Punk vs. The Shield and Wyatt Family feud is going over anything that happens in either of the two title matches which are supposedly headlining the event. They are even teasing a possible face turn for The Shield when they duked it out with they Wyatts prior to teaming up against the faces. The announcing also deserves and A+ for this segment. All three of them were coming out of their seats and the crowd went simply bananas! They should make this into the biggest traditional elimination tag match in this history of the Survivor Series simply because I’ll be there. I mean the biggest Royal Rumble happened in Boston two years ago so the precedent has been set.

Fun show as always, minus Khali of course! Cheerio!

Author: Dan McGinn

Dan McGinn is a former Minor League Baseball announcer, a five-star General in the #sweatervestarmy and an all around babyface who you should be happy to take home to dinner. He also happens to write about wrestling.