December 20, 2013
San Antonio, TX
The current WWE champs are as follows:
WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Randy Orton (12/15/2013)
WWE Intercontinental Champion: Big E Langston (11/18/2013)
WWE U.S. Champion: Dean Ambrose (5/19/2013)
WWE Tag Team Champions: Cody Rhodes & Goldust (10/14/2013)
WWE Divas Champion: AJ Lee (6/16/2013)
Side note: MERRY CHRISTMAS, YA’LL.
Last week on Raw, The Authority makes the new WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton face Daniel Bryan (the man he can’t beat fair and square) after John Cena requests the idea because Orton needs to prove to the Authority that he is worthy of being their champion. Just as it looks like Orton will face defeat, he low blows the crap out of Bryan for the DQ. John Cena came out for the save, but receives an RKO for his troubles. To close out the show, Orton holds up both straps while standing over the two top contenders.
Your hosts are Michael Cole and JBL.
Time for the show. The new WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton makes his way to the ring to tell us IN WORDS what we just saw. The only difference is that he says he beat Daniel Bryan, which is technically incorrect since he lost by DQ. Here to confirm to us that what Randy Orton said is technically incorrect since he lost by DQ, John Cena ladies and gentlemen. Since Orton took the low road, Cena queries Orton on how he wants to be remembered as the WWE World Heavyweight champion. He congratulates Orton on “showing up” at TLC, but then says Randy reverted back to his old ways the next night. Orton declares that Bryan will not be getting another rematch. Well, that causes Daniel Bryan to come out. YES chants are everywhere. He feels that Orton won’t give him a rematch because he’s afraid, but Bryan knows Orton is not better than him. Bryan says that he’s okay with Orton being the WWE World Heavyweight Champion right now even though he knows Orton doesn’t deserve it because he knows Cena will defeat him for the title some day and then give Bryan the first shot. Orton thinks that none of this will happen because he’s the “Face of the WWE”. Bryan checks with the fans to see whether or not Orton is the “Face of the WWE”. The answer is NO. Apparently, the Shield has had enough of all this talking. They come down through the crowd to go after Bryan and Cena as Orton slithers out of the ring. Before they come over the rail, CM Punk runs down to even the sides. EXCUSE ME! Smackdown GM Vickie Guerrero shows her ugly face and demands order. Therefore, she makes a six-man tag for tonight’s main event. SHOCKING.
– Non-title match: WWE Intercontinental Champion Big E Langston (w/Mark Henry) vs. Jack Swagger (w/Zeb Colter & Antonio Cesaro)
Zeb Colter wants Santa Claus deported. Cole finds that to be the most vile and evil thought in the history of mankind before ruining the Christmas of every child watching by calling Santa a “mythical creature”. JBL – “You’re going in and out of reality, Michael!” It’s not the first time he’s done that while on commentary. Last Monday on Raw, Big E destroyed poor Antonio Cesaro with a Vader-style body attack and the Big Ending. Standard stuff here. Swagger pounds on Langston for a while and just as he starts to come back, Cesaro jumps up on the apron to distract him. Henry knocks down Cesaro while Langston finishes with the Big Ending. (3:00) Average as can be. ¾*
– Brie Bella (w/Nikki Bella) vs. Tamina Snuka (w/AJ Lee)
Last Monday on Raw, Tamina gave Nikki a superkick square in the face, which then AJ made worse for Nikki with a Shining Wizard for the win over the Bellas. AJ – “If you watch that in slow motion, you can pinpoint the exact moment Nikki forgot math. It’s pretty great.” Cole and AJ discuss her getting pretty close to the longest single reign of the Divas championship behind Beth Phoenix (204 days) and Maryse (216 days). AJ says she plans on having the Divas championship on her deathbed. Tamina destroys Brie until she lands on knees when she tries the Superfly Splash. Brie turns her over and pins Tamina. (3:00) Brie shoves AJ down and hops back in the ring with her sister hoping to start a fight. Of course, the heels just point and yell from the floor. ½*
– Sin Cara vs. Drew McIntyre (w/Jinder Mahal)
Another cookie-cutter match to put over the babyface. Sin Cara armdrags and headscissors McIntyre all around before hitting the Senton Bomb for the victory in 2:00.
– Brodus Clay vs. Tensai
They’re putting the split-up match on Smackdown? Real brief brawling type stuff until Xavier Woods comes out with the Funkadactyls distracting Brodus and causing him to get rolled up to give Tensai the win at 1:30. Afterwards, Xavier, Tensai, and the Funkadactyls all dance it out. I don’t care about Tons of Funk, but surely a longer confrontation will take place on Raw, even though it will blow. ¼*
WWE celebrates Dwayne Johnson being mentioned in Forbes Magazine as the top grossing actor of 2013. Sad state of the movie industry, that’s for sure.
– Non-title match: WWE Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Goldust vs. Erick Rowan & Luke Harper (w/Bray Wyatt)
Since there’s not too many ways to stop Rowan and Harper, Goldust quickly becomes *your* face in peril as they give him a severe beating. Goldust tries a desperation crossbody and misses as he rolls out to the floor in front of Bray. The Wyatt family dare Cody to come help his brother as we go into commercials. When we return, we see the Gator Roll on Goldust. Rowan goes OLD SCHOOL with the claw hold. Goldust avoids a corner charge and tries to make his way over to Cody, but Harper cuts off the tag knocking him to the floor. However, Goldust grabs Harper for Cross Rhodes. That stuns Harper long enough for Goldust to reach Cody for the hot tag. Springboard dropkick, Booker T corner rollup, Disaster Kick, moonsault press – all the hits on Harper. Rowan nearly takes a double-team suplex, but pushes the Rhodes brothers away only to miss a clothesline, and take one out to the floor. Everybody clears out of the ring the hard way finishing with Goldust cannonball splashing Rowan. As he stands up, he turns around into a big boot by Harper. Meanwhile, Wyatt shoves Cody hard into the post. With Cody out on his feet, Harper pulls him back into the ring for the Discus Lariat to give the Wyatt family the victory. (11:00 shown) They have been unstoppable as of late. Bray looks to put the exclamation point on Cody with Sister Abigail, but Daniel Bryan runs them off with a steel chair in hand. Just a single heat tag match, nothing too amazing.
– The Miz vs. Damien Sandow
Before the match, Damien Sandow tells the people that none of them deserve Christmas, which is why this Monday on Raw he plans to “cancel” Christmas. The Miz comes out to play the ‘other side of the coin’ so to speak in support of Christmas. Isn’t he a heel? Even though this is a dumb stance to take, shouldn’t he be on Sandow’s side? I’m confused. It appears that Damien Sandow will battle Mark Henry on Raw in Santa Claus costumes. Sandow escapes the Figure-Four and rolls up Miz for the quick win in 1:30.
– Kofi Kingston vs. Fandango (w/Summer Rae)
They mention Fandango’s big win over Dolph Ziggler at the TLC PPV Kickoff. I’m just glad to see Summer Rae. Fandango misses a flying knee drop to allow Kingston’s comeback. Boom Drop connects, but Trouble in Paradise misses. No surprise there. Over on the apron, Fandango trips up Kingston and hits Beauty in Motion for the win. (3:30) Short and sweet. ¾*
In the back, the Wyatt Family attack Daniel Bryan and throw him off a loading dock. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down. So much for that main event.
– Handicap match: The Shield vs. John Cena & CM Punk
In Daniel Bryan’s absence, Vickie Guerrero makes this a 3-on-2 handicap match. Oh well. Punk and Cena isolate Ambrose to start. That takes us into commercials. When we return, Cena gets stuck on the wrong side of town. Reigns lands an awesome Superman Punch on Cena. Rollins hits Cena with one corner charge, but misses the second one. Ambrose cuts off the tag and brings Cena back to their side of the ring. Cena tries a desperation Attitude Adjustment on Rollins, but Rollins slips away and delivers an enziguri kick. Cena headbutts away a superplex from Rollins and hits a Tornado DDT on Ambrose. Hot tag to Punk. Suicide dive, springboard clothesline, running knee in the corner, Macho Elbow to Rollins. GTS is countered, but he nails Ambrose and Rollins with a DDT/neckbreaker combo. Reigns makes the save, which causes Punk to explode on him with punches. Eventually, Ambrose and Rollins beat down Punk and Reigns joins in until the ref calls for the DQ. (9:30 shown) As Cena thinks he’s taken care of Reigns, he goes into the ring to help Punk. Just when it seems he has everything under control, he turns around into a Spear by Reigns! After that, the Shield takes out Cena with the Triple Powerbomb. Punk continues to be assaulted until of all people Big E Langston makes the save and cleans house! Reigns and Langston have a stand-off, but Reigns decides to fight another day when Punk appears behind Langston armed with a steel chair. Another good not great tag match. **½
Final Thoughts: Definitely a passable episode. Nothing BAD, just not a lot going on. Perhaps something will come of this Big E Langston assistance to the top babyfaces, maybe it won’t since this is just Smackdown after all. Only time will tell. That is all for me until next week. Hope everyone has a safe and enjoyable Christmas.