Monday Night Raw
September 9, 2013
We’re live in Toronto and we get right down to business, because the mother fuckin’ RATER R SUPERSTAR IS BACK! Out comes Edge and the Air Canada Centre is going crazy. I like him with short hair. Wow Tony Chimel is doing ring announcing, this is a special night. He’s here to pimp that “Haven” show on SyFy, but who gives a shit why. He instantly adds energy to the show. Edge deserves moments like this. He busted his ass for 20 years, and now he’s a HOF. I see a black carpet and stools, which means we get the return of “The Cutting Edge”. He says, “It’s moments like these that remind me why this is home.” Edge says he was requested by the COO of WWE Triple H to come out tonight because it’s good for business. He says, “He would like a reunion tonight, but not with his best friend Christian.” It’s with his former “Rated RKO” partner and WWE Champion Randy Orton. Edge says he’s known Randy for a long time and he’s got nothing interesting. Edge says, “I know Randy cashed in MITB, hell I wrote the blueprint for cashing in Money in the Bank.” Edge decides Randy Orton won’t be his guest, it will be Daniel Bryan. The crowd goes crazy as the #1 contender for the WWE Title on Sunday at Night of Champions. We go back to last week when Big Show had to knock out Daniel Bryan for fear of being sued. The Toronto crowd is awesome so far tonight. Bryan repeats what Triple H said about getting hurt if he didn’t give up his WWE Title shot. Bryan says, “They don’t understand there’s satisfaction in the struggle.” He says no matter how many times I get knocked down by everybody, and Triple H holds him down Randy Orton will lose Sunday in Detroit. Edge says he sees a lot of himself in Bryan, wrestling in armories and barns. Edge fires questions off about Bryan winning Sunday until he’s interrupted by the WWE Champion Randy Orton. Orton says the only place that still gives a crap about you is Canada. He says it’s a shame Edge’s body failed him at such a young age. We get loud “RANDY SUCKS” chants. Edge says you’re supposed to be the face of the WWE, but you act like another body part. He rips Cowboy Bob Orton, and then says that Orton is Triple H’s puppet. He says Triple H knows business, but he sucks at picking talent. That brings out The King of Kings. I love how they use the King of Kings theme now that he’s a heel. BOW DOWN TO THE KING. He wants Edge to say what he means to his face. So Edge says Triple H said for years guys like myself, John Cena and Chris Jericho. Triple H says he admits he was wrong about them. However he says that the “Rated R Superstar” was an abject failure, and Edge didn’t draw a dime. However the jury is still out on Daniel Bryan. So tonight, Daniel Bryan will face US Champion Dean Ambrose. Ambrose will have the Shield, but Daniel Bryan will have Big Show in his corner. Triple H says he’s not a dictator as the crowd chants “ASSHOLE”. Edge says he didn’t have to marry into the company to succeed, he earned his HOF ring. Triple H says he knows Edge’s “stack of dimes” neck can’t be touched, but the people he loves can be. With that the Shield comes out dragging a beaten down Christian. Edge runs up the ramp and we go to break. That was a great opening segment and Triple H’s reign of greatness is in full bloom.
Back from break and Triple H and Stephanie are laughing it up when Edge barges in and immediately the Shield protect the COO. He tells Edge that he has no right to do what he did tonight. He says Toronto is “his city” and then throws Edge out of the building. This is awesome.
MATCH: Curtis Axel vs. Kofi Kingston
Paul Heyman looks like he hasn’t shaved in weeks. Kofi wins by disqualification. WINNER: Kofi Kingston
Heyman and Axel argue briefly, then Axel goes after Kofi and Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise.
We get a vignette on Goldust, who returns tonight to face Randy Orton, with his brother Cody’s contract on the line. Great move here.
We return from break and apparently Paul Heyman slipped and fell on a wet spot in the hallway. Axel and a referee help Heyman to the trainers room. Heyman says he has his own doctor.
I just noticed Lawler has a WWE polo shirt on instead of one of those ugly t-shirts. We go back to last week and the Big Show/Daniel Bryan/Triple H saga.
Big Show is in the locker room when Booker T walks in. Booker tells Big Show to think about his family and not let his pride get in the way. Big Show says pride is pretty much all he’s got left.
We get a quick video piece on the Wyatt Family.
MATCH: Dolph Ziggler vs. Bray Wyatt
I’m sure a boatload of people are pissed off at this one. Why does Dolph have to lay down to the up and comer here? That’s Triple H for you. Tremendous. Roman and Harper are bringing up the rear. Bray dominates early but Dolph makes a comeback out of the break. The numbers game catches up and Bray wins with his sloppy finisher, Sister Abagail. WINNER: Bray Wyatt
The family stares at the prone Dolph.
Edge will be back on Smackdown this Friday.
We get a recap of Booker and Goldust’s awesome run in 2002-03.
Paul Heyman and Curtis Axel is back in the ring with some guy that looks like a combination of Damien Sandow and Sylvester Terkay (credit Justin Rozzero). Heyman rips the Canadian Healthcare system. The doctor is Michael Kershenbaum. What a great name. His injured knee from falling backstage precludes him from wrestling Sunday at Night of Champions. He says he’s going home to New York and recuperate. He tries to leave but out comes GM Brad Maddox with Dr. Samson the official WWE doctor. Maddox says Heyman can’t bow out of the match unless Dr. Samson tells him so. Paul is hesitant but he sits in the chair. Dr. Samson works the knee over and Paul is skittish about the whole thing. Dr. Samson concludes there’s no swelling or bruising so the knee is fine. Heyman is pissed and then out comes CM Punk to a big ovation. Punk runs in with a kendo stick. He cracks Dr. Terkay in the head and Heyman runs off. Axel bolts too which leaves Punk with Dr. Terkay. He beats the doctor down with the kendo stick.
MATCH: Layla, Aksana, and Alicia Fox vs. Brie Bella, Natalya, Naomi
Oh shit, the Bellas are turning face. This is total bullshit. AJ says she has the date she won the title tattooed on her neck. That’s cool. The announcers are laughing at AJ, totally no-selling this storyline. They pretty much say being on “Total Divas” is better than being Divas Champion. What the fuck is wrong with these assholes? The babyfaces win. WINNERS: Not me for watching this crap
We get another Goldust vignette, this time on his in-ring record.
MATCH: R-Truth vs. Alberto Del Rio
We get an inset video interview with RVD, very nice. They of course meet at Night of Champions for the World Title Sunday. The Toronto crowd is getting like the IZOD crowd after Wrestlemania but this time the guys are selling as much as that time. Decent enough match, as Del Rio wins with the armbreaker. WINNER: Alberto Del Rio
Zeb Colter is in the ring with Antonio Cesaro, ripping into Canada.
MATCH: Antonio Cesaro vs. Santino Marella
What? Dr. G’s favorite wrestler makes his big return. Cesaro gives Santino the longest Tilt-a-Whirl in WWE history, a good 30 seconds. Santino recovers and takes control and we do see the Cobra. Cesaro blocks it with an uppercut. Cesaro gets upset on a reversal and roll up. WINNER: Santino Marella
MATCH: Damien Sandow vs. The Miz
Mr. MITB has a mike and he says when he cashes his briefcase in, he will assume his throne. He might, after he jobs to everybody on the roster. He will definitely lose this match. Miz is dominating the match early. Sandow gains control and works Miz over with strikes. The Toronto crowd got excited about something off camera. Dammit I hate being left out. Miz regains control just as Fandango comes out to dance, as we get some Canadian Fandangoing. The distraction to Miz allowed Sandow to get a cheap roll up for the win. WINNER: Damien Sandow
Only way Sandow was winning that one. Fandango says his name and walks away.
Renee is backstage with Goldust, who’s looking trim. Goldust admits he was the screw up of the family. Cody has done things the right way, and Triple H has embarrassed the Rhodes name. Tonight Randy Orton will not forget the name…GOLLL….he’s interrupted by Triple H. Triple H says the weight of the world is on Goldust’s shoulders. Triple H hopes Goldust doesn’t let his brother and future sister in law down.
MATCH: Goldust vs. Randy Orton
Goldust wins and Cody gets his job back. Cole says in a wwe.com interview that the issues with the Rhodes and McMahons started back in 1977. I doubt that’s true but at least they’re using the real timeline. Orton takes control from the get go and doesn’t let up. Goldust made a couple of comebacks and the last five minutes was fun TV wrestling as both guys went back and forth. Orton mocks the crowd by chanting YES YES. He goes for the RKO but Goldust hit Cross Rhodes for a two count. In the end, Orton hit the RKO and got the three count. Sorry, but Orton had to win. WINNER: Randy Orton
Orton grabs a mike, stands over Goldust and says, “It looks like your dream of saving Cody’s job has been shattered.” He says Daniel Bryan’s dream of winning the title will be shattered at Night of Champions.
We get a vignette for Los Matadores.
Backstage Goldust is distraught over losing. Stephanie walks up and mocks him and calls him a loser. Please get her off camera, she’s horrible.
MATCH: Rob Van Dam vs. Ryback
Alberto Del Rio comes out before the match, and calls RVD a washed up loser, and Ricardo is a peasant. Ricardo should go back to Tampa or something. He’s kind of rudderless when not with Del Rio. The match goes back and forth until Ryback is disqualified for crotching RVD on the steel post. WINNER: Rob Van Dam
Ryback drops the Shell Shock anyway.
Stephanie walks up to Big Show and tells him he can’t touch the Shield in the Bryan/Ambrose match or he’ll be fired. It will be bad for business.
MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose
Just announced, there will be a Tag Team Turmoil match on the NOC pre-show to determine the #1 contender for the Tag straps. It’s the usual company teams, and I pick the Primetime Players. Big Show has to sit in a chair and watch everything with interfering. The Shield mocks Show and stalk Bryan throughout the entire match. So King says his luggage was lost, which is why he’s wearing the company polo shirt instead of those gaudy things you can buy at Hot Topic. Bryan and Ambrose could have (eventually) a PPV match for the ages. This match is getting pretty close to that. Bryan gets the Yes Lock on Ambrose but he reaches the ropes. They go back and forth until Bryan reaches that point and starts kicking Ambrose in the ribs over and over again. Reigns and Roillins try to interfere but Bryan ducks and Reigns spears the steps, then Rollins dives into the table. Ambrose regains control because of it. Out of nowhere Bryan wins with a small package. WINNER: Daniel Bryan
The crowd chants YES but then out comes Randy Orton. He dives into Orton but the Shield takes over Bryan. Big Show grabs the chair he was sitting in and was about to strike everybody but he stops, realizes and drops the chair. Orton hits an RKO on Bryan. Triple H and Stephanie come out and Hunter says fuck your morals. Go back in the ring and knock Daniel Bryan out. Big Show hesitates, but Orton gets in his face and tells him. Orton and Big Show go back and forth, and Show’s hesitation gives Bryan enough time to recover and drill Orton with a knee to the face. He holds the belt up and the YES YES chants are rampant. With that we’re out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: So finally the end of Raw goes Daniel Bryan’s way, which means he loses Sunday. How remains to be seen. Pretty good go home show and a nice appearance by Edge.