5. Bret Hart vs Vince McMahon — WrestleMania XXVI
59 points, ranked by 5 of 10 voters, highest ranked by Glenn Butler and Chad Campbell at No. 1
Glenn Butler: When Bret Hart was announced as a guest on Raw in January 2010 (opposite TNA’s first Monday-night show with Hulk Hogan), longtime Hitman fans were excited to see how the show would play out. What they got was a segment with Shawn Michaels that provided closure to their on-screen and behind-the-scenes rivalry in a classy and dramatically efficient way. The on-screen and behind-the-scenes rivalry with Vince McMahon, meanwhile, came to a head in this absolute disaster at WrestleMania XXVI. Vince and Bret’s exposition dumps at the beginning of the match about screwing and buying off the Hart family and double-crossing and double-screwing go on for approximately five years and are startlingly stupid. Vince is a sixty-year-old man who can’t do nearly as much as he could in his past matches working with a bunch of fifty-to-sixty-year-old men who can’t do a single thing, plus The Hart Dynasty in a limited role. Each segment of the match is repeated five times and gets more boring each time, from the weak crowbar shots to Bret’s Sharpshooter teases. Bret grabs a chair, unfolds it, and sits down to catch his breath for a few minutes while Vince crawls around. By the time the finish finally comes, the crowd can hardly be roused. Hart would go on to have a good (if short) run as General Manager of Raw and a shockingly good US Title match with The Miz, and remains a consistent presence on DVD and Network documentaries, not to mention the closure achieved just from his presence. So there have been things to redeem Bret Hart’s return. But by the beard of Zeus, who wanted to see this? Who bought WrestleMania to see this? Who spent twelve years waiting for Bret Hart to return to do this?
4. Akebono vs Big Show — WrestleMania 21
69 points, ranked by 8 of 10 voters, highest ranked by Nick Duke at No. 3
Todd Weber: Sumo is a respected sport in Japan (likely due to its traditions being ingrained into Japanese culture), but outside of that context, it’s pretty ridiculous. Man mountains of scantily clad flesh simply try to move their equally massive opponent outside of the circle…and that’s it. Akebono versus The Big Show from WrestleMania 21 is basically the visual equivalent of listening to Nickelback for two straight hours. This thankfully brief match features two obese men in diapers pushing each other until the Japanese one wins. Okay, then.
3. The Undertaker vs Big Boss Man — WrestleMania XV
93 points, ranked by 9 of 10 voters, highest ranked by Andrew Riche at No. 1
Andrew Riche: Full disclosure: I watched this match on a scrambler box, and I still felt like I got ripped off after I was done with it. The hype for this match was considerable because at that point, there had only been two Hell in a Cell matches on pay-per-view, and they were both unforgettably violent encounters. Both of those previous matches involved the Undertaker, and he was back in action for the third go-around, this time alongside Paul Bearer as the leader of a demonic cult called the Ministry. The Big Boss Man was still a decent hand whose on-air role was as an enforcer for Vince and Shane McMahon’s Corporation. When the Ministry began to stalk Mr. McMahon, Boss Man was enlisted to battle the Undertaker in the intimidating cage. The storyline did not make a lot of sense, and the match they had at WrestleMania XV in Philadelphia made even less sense, a very sluggish match involving a tired vet and an injury-riddled Undertaker that stunk up the joint. The lasting image did not even occur during the actual match. It was after a pinfall victory by the Undertaker when he tied a noose to the top of the Cell and hanged the Big Boss Man. What was supposed to come of as awe-inspiring wound up being one of repulsion and tastelessness for a match that was thankfully less than 10 minutes long. WrestleMania XV was a bad show as it was, but this match made it unforgettably bad.
2. The Undertaker vs Giant Gonzalez — WrestleMania IX
103 points, ranked by 9 of 10 voters, highest ranked by Ben Morse at No. 1
Ben Morse: The idea of a bad Undertaker match at WrestleMania would, today, be a near impossibility. “The Deadman” shows up every year to perform, and gets his pick of top-notch dance partners to make history with.
It was not always that way.
After working with tenured veterans in Jimmy Snuka and Jake Roberts in his first two Mania appearances, ‘Taker ran up against the nearly immobile Giant Gonzales his third time out. God rest the big man, but few guys could carry him to anything watchable, and at this stage in his career, the no-selling, plodding Undertaker—more of an attraction than a wrestler—was not the guy to try.
Following several minutes of agonizing nerve holds and overblown facial expressions from Gonzales, he would use chloroform to put ‘Taker down and leave the not-even-considered Streak thankfully intact. Undertaker would gingerly wobble back to the ring after and get his heat back, but we were far removed from his entrance with a vulture, far and away the highlight of this encounter.
It would be several years before the WWF would become a bit more judicious in selecting Undertaker’s opponents, understanding that while he was a master at playing his character, the restrictions that created meant he could not be a miracle worker—yet.
1. Michael Cole vs Jerry Lawler — WrestleMania XXVII
108 points, ranked by 9 of 10 voters, highest ranked by Wayne Maye, Justin Rozzero, Greg Phillips and Jordan Duncan
Nick Duke: There are times, much like the booking of this year’s WrestleMania main event scene, that the booking should be so clear and obvious that it’s impossible to get wrong. This should have been one of those instances. Lawler and Cole had such a clear and obvious ending. Yes, I know that wrestling should seek to surprise its audience at times, yet I’d argue it shouldn’t come at the expense of logical storytelling. This is an example of WWE simply over-thinking things. Rather than Lawler just beating the hell out of Michael Cole, they actually attempt to work a full match, complete with Cole working Lawler’s ankle. Granted, that wouldn’t be so bad if it weren’t for the fact that Cole’s ankle lock looks loose as hell and the announcers even make fun of it. Then, there’s the fact that the match lasts more than 15 minutes. I was there live in the crowd that night, and I’ve never experienced a match that could make 15 minutes feel like 45. When the finish finally comes, it should have ended there. However, as I said, the needlessly convoluted booking gives us the anonymous general manager overturning the decision and awarding the match to Cole. Stupid match and stupid, stupid booking.
Well, that about does it for the Place to Be Nation’s 15 worst matches in WrestleMania history. To see each voter’s ballot and the full rundown of point totals, check out this link.
