Flick it, who wants to spend a half hour reading a long rambling review of a flick like, Zombeavers or Sharknado 3? Most people don’t just watch one good flick a week, we suffer through an array of films a few times a week, or daily like me. Some are good, some are bad, very few are great, and some should just go flick themselves for wasting my precious couch time. Anyone who has kids knows, finding quiet time to watch an entire movie from beginning to end is nearly as impossible as sharks surviving inside of a tornado. That’s not a great comparison, because as we all know, the ice in the upper atmosphere allows them to breath out of water. Any marine biologist can confirm this, just ask!
I would like to try and save the world from wasting their time on a movie that will steal 90 minutes of your life like a succubus, or the wife, although I think both may be one in the same. But I joke, my wife goes out of her way to make sure we have time to go to the movies, and sleeps alone so I can stay up watching terrible movies to all hours of the night. I pretend I’m staying up in case the kid wakes up, but with the bad ass headphones I use, I probably wouldn’t hear anything anyway. In all honesty, listening to a screaming child for two hours might be more enjoyable then some of the films that are watering down the entertainment industry.
So flick me hard and call me Siskel, here are a bunch of movies I saw recently. Should you watch? Should you avoid? Really, who gives a flick! You’re going to watch and make up your own mind anyway, so think of this more as a guideline. At the very least, it might help move things up or down in your Netflix queue. Because when you work as hard as I do, you have plenty of time to rearrange your Netflix queue at least twice a day. Did you know there was a limit to the movies you can add to your queue? I know, because I hit that limit! And that is what makes me a valid source of information on what to watch, and what can go flick itself!
IT FOLLOWS
RATING – A+
There is no artistic way to put it, It Follows was AWESOME. With so much hype, I was a little skeptical. When critics and fans combine to love a horror movie, it’s usually because it doesn’t have the elements of horror that make it great. It becomes more of a drama with a scary scene or two. None of this is true for It Follows. It surpassed all of my expectations, and honestly will be on my top 10 movies of 2015. Easily the best horror movie of the year, and even better than The Babadook, and I’m a nut for Mr. Babadook. Truly, one of the best horror movies I have ever seen, as you can tell, I can’t praise it enough.
This film is a true throwback to the vintage horror films of the 80’s, especially Halloween. A slow moving and relentless entity constantly stalks those who break the “No sex” rule. If you have sex you will die trope is the main theme driving this, but it is so much more than that. You become engrossed in the rules of this horror movie, as this is one that intelligently follows them in great, innovative ways. It a paranormal thriller, it’s a slasher film, and it somehow finds a way to honor and respect the films of the past, while still poking fun at the genre. Insanely interesting, with moments of intensity and images that will never leave you alone, this is one horror film that will always stay with you.
This is a must watch for everyone, and from the moment it starts, you will be amazed and aghast. Stop what you are doing, and go watch this Motherflicking film!
MISSION IMPOSSIBLE: ROGUE NATION
RATING – C+
When Rogue Nation starts, it picks up right where the trailer left off. The opening scene shows how Tom Cruise is still at the top of his game as an action star. He is and will forever be a superstar action hero, since he has found the serum that allows him to look exactly the same as he did 25 years ago. But, once the plane scene ends, it’s straight downhill from there. While Rogue Nation is a highly entertaining film, with action set piece after action set piece, that’s really all it is. There is no substance, there is no comparing this to any of the previous films (except MI:2), this is just another forgettable summer action movie. Everything in between the action scenes, is confusing and ultimately boring. Simon Pegg is more involved here than any of the previous films, and for the first time in my life, I am going to say he wasn’t that enjoyable. Here, Ving Rhames is actually the one who gets the most laughs, but honestly, is just playing himself. And Jeremy Renner, needs a movie where he actually acts, because he playing the same Hawkeye character in all of these movies, which is Renner just playing himself.
Every few minutes, I kept thinking to myself, I really miss Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Sean Harris is the main villain, and was just so weird looking, I couldn’t focus on anything else. Where is his chin? Especially with Alec Baldwin’s chin in the same film, I just couldn’t get passed it. These Mission Impossible films need a stand out villain, and they are missing the boat not creating a memorable villain played by a popular actor. Still, everyone in this movie was passable, but none stood out. Except for Rebecca Ferguson, she demands your attention, and when she is on screen, you can’t look away. She is full of charisma, and is on her way to a great career.
Mission Impossible 3 and Ghost Protocol are the stand outs, but Rogue Nation for me, ranks just above Mission Impossible 2. It’s a weak film with enjoyable action and a splash of fun, but I wish I waited to rent instead of wasting a night at the movies. I should have seen Pixels instead.
SHARKNADO 3
RATING – B
Chris Jericho, David Hasselhoff, Ian Ziering, Frankie Muniz, Mark Cuban, Mark McGrath, and every other single character in this film, are recognizable popular figures, and make every moment extremely fun. You really have to use that term loosely, popular figures, because, no matter how cool it is, Tara Reid is still in it. Sharknado somehow found a way to become more than just a ridiculous SciFy movie, it has become a pop culture event. An event everyone wants to be a part of, because it’s pop culture fast food, and everyone loves it, even though they feel disgusting while watching, and especially awful when you finish it all. I’ve always loved movies like this, midnight movies to be watched intoxicated with a group. And in all honesty, you can tell a lot about a person with their reaction to you mentioning Sharknado. Want a secret way to know if a girl is stuck up? Ask her what she thinks of Sharknado!
This was by far the best in the series, especially when Tara Reid gives birth inside of a shark, as it falls from outer space. It is the most ridiculous movie I have seen in a long time, but it’s also somehow incredibly enjoyable.
THE GUEST
RATING – B+
The best movie streaming on Netflix I’ve seen in months. Maybe it’s because my expectations were so low, or because I knew nothing about it, but what a wonderful surprise. This is one hell of a bad ass movie, one that makes you clap and cheer out loud. I’m not familiar with the star, Dan Stevens, but I certainly will get excited when I see his name attached to future projects. It has shocking moments, hilarious moments, and a handful of memorable moments. Great acting, great film-making, one I can’t recommend enough.
This film is one bad MotherFlicker!
WWII FROM SPACE
RATING – B+
This is a documentary for any history or war buff. It’s innovative and informative, and downright cool to watch. It dissects World War II, and shows it from the perspective we have now, looking back with new computer technology.
It really displays the heavy weight this war had on the entire world, and truly gets across how much the involvement of the United States changed the world forever, from within and outside the country.
I highly enjoyed this, and definitely recommend to anyone that has any interest in a topic like this.
SEX ED
RATING – B
Another Netflix gem, the “I see dead people” kid is finally acting again, and this time without Kevin Smith. Haley Joel Osment has actually become better with age, and was fantastic for this role. I thought this would be a silly movie, good for a few laughs, but it was so much more.
It had a great story, and was filled with heart. Ultimately it’s about the ups and downs of a virgin teaching sex ed, and his coming of age finding himself and who he is in life. It’s filled with great hilarious characters, and a film that deserves to be way more popular and relevant than it actually is.
MONSTERS: DARK CONTINENT
RATING – D
The tag line for Monsters: Dark Continent really should be, “They can’t all be winners!”. I am a massive fan of Gareth Edwards’ Monsters, and was quite excited for this follow up. Ten minutes into the movie, I was no longer excited. Too be honest, I only made it about an hour into this movie before I turned it off. It was a crappy war movie, with literally, aliens in the background. In my mind this is the definition of false advertising, and the only true statement is that this movie sucked, it sucked a lot. This is one to avoid.
ZOMBEAVERS
RATING – C-
A ton of my friends watched this, and told me to be intoxicated and tired when I watched this. I followed their instructions, more then I should have, and still, wasn’t that impressed. It was silly, it had moments that were funny, but overall, didn’t have the enjoyment level of a Sharknado. It took me a few tries to finally finish it, and I was more relieved I could move on than anything else. This is never a good sign for any movie, even one that’s called Zombeavers. But, at least it met my expectations. I expected a crappy movie, and I got a crappy movie, just one that wasn’t very enjoyable. The characters were overall the problem, as some were just so dislikable, it was so painful to watch, and wasn’t even that rewarding to finally see them die. This is one you could skip, and just pretend you saw it.
WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS
RATING – B+
I started with a great movie, so let’s end with a great movie. What We Do in the Shadows is something special and unique. Twenty seconds in, I started laughing out loud, so much so I thought I was going to wake up the rest of the house. I didn’t stop laughing until the credits started to role, and have thought about it and laughed many times since. I don’t want to describe too much, but its about a house of vampires, and the documentary film crew that they allow in to follow them around. It truly felt like, what if my friends and I suddenly became vampires and decided to live together, and all the outrageous and hilarious antics that would ensue. Each character here has a history, since they are immortal vampires after all, and how the decades of violence and boredom have shaped them growing along with society to its current day.
This is one of those movies that gets better the more you think about it. You will never look at vampires, or werewolves, the same again. I watched another vampire movie, a serious one, a few days after, and had to turn it off because this movie does kind of ruin it for you. It makes horrible villainous characters, into ridiculous spoofs of themselves. Twilight will never be the same again, and we are forever grateful.
Do you agree? Are you running out to watch some of these, or delete these from your Netflix queue? Who gives a Flick!
Stay tuned in the coming weeks! Who Gives A Flick – Part Duex!
