Who Gives a Flick – The Empire Flicks Back

The bad mother flicker has returned, and the saga continues, because for this episode… THE EMPIRE FLICKS BACK!  For the past two weeks I have been training, to be the Jedi Flicker the world needs me to be. While the Empire is trying to overpower the noble flickers of the universe, I crashed landed on Hoth. But instead of riding Wampa’s and fighting the ridiculously awesome AT-AT’s, I was captured by snowtroopers and forced to watch flicks like Blackhat. And believe me, I would rather be frozen in carbonite then be forced to sit through that Turd Ferguson ever again. I have set out on an interstellar journey, to help you navigate your way through the horrendous evil galaxy of flicks just waiting to flick you when they get the chance. And believe me, you don’t want to be flicked by some of the things I’ve seen.

In this edition, I did far more suffering at the hands of Darth Flicker’s bad flicks, then I did saving a galaxy far, far, away. It was the eternal struggle between good and evil, light and dark, Jedi and the flick side. If you only knew the power of the flick side shouts Darth Flicker in pursuit, when suddenly Han Solo and Flickbacca swooped in on the Millennium Flickon, to save the Galaxy. But one can never escape the terror reign of the flick side, or Michael Mann’s attempt to slowly turn us against each other while suffering through Blackhat.

Da Da dunt dunt dun na Dunt dun na na na dunt dun dun… wait. Flick off, the world is safe, it has been rid of the dark forces (except Blackhat), it’s time to know what to watch, and what is just a bad mother flicker.  Should you go out and watch some of these movies?  Your good friend here the flickmeister did, but I can’t say I care much for anyone else, because in the end, who gives a flick!  So get your Netflix queue rearranged and ready, because when we are done, you will know what to add, and what to shout at.. GO FLICK YOURSELF!


HitRECord

RATING – B+

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Without a shadow of a doubt, the first episode is one of the most entertaining things I have ever seen. It was incredible, and showcased the extreme talent of a little dude named Joseph Gordon Levitt, or JGL as he is referred to in our household. Imaginative, heartwarming, emotional, hilarious, and most of all entertaining. But then, the first episode ended, and the second started.

JGL has a great idea here, using a community of other people’s talents to piece together a super talented short film, song, or whatever he felt was the right form of entertainment. Since apparently JGL can do more than the Fresh Prince. The dude can sing, play the piano, do both at the same time, and even play the drums. I hope next season he starts his own one man band, and give Heath Slater a real run for his money. Although JGL has more talent in his tie then Heath will ever have.

But the first episode was unfortunately the highest peak the show would reach, and just trailed downhill from there. It never lived up to that first episode, but that episode was just so incredible, at times it didn’t matter.  This is still an extremely innovative show, completely original, and truly a wonderful idea brought to life in the best possible way.

This is a must watch for any fan of entertainment. So if your wife or girlfriend wants to do something fun this weekend? Tell her to flick off, you got some time to spend with your boy JGL.


WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER

RATING – B+

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And when your done watching HitRECord, it’s time to finish out the summer the only way we know how, the wet and hot way. If you haven’t watched it already (you should have dummy), you can dive right into this bad boy like H. Jon Benjamin into a pool of toxic waste.  I started watching this on a Saturday night, and finished it that same Saturday night (Don’t judge me I have a kid so I stay home on Saturday night, but I was up late! That’s a bonus, right?). This show is hilarious, and even though I’m not a huge fan of the original (it sucked), I can’t recommend this enough.

If you’re a fan of anything, you should watch Wet Hot American Summer. It’s got something for everyone, Bradley Cooper and Paul Rudd for the ladies (and some dudes), pretty camp counselor ladies (NOT Jeanne Garafolo), laughs, action, teenage angst, Broadway productions, and even murder death kills. I mean, in the same episode, someone gets turned into a can of vegetables, a little girl gets her period going into a bathroom stall and emerges a 40 year old woman, someone gets assassinated and someone is shot in the head, so I think you get my drift. I’m not actually sure that happens all in the same episode, but it all happens nonetheless.

Christopher Meoli and Jon Hamm save the day, because they are two wild and crazy guys!  Actually, they are the standouts of the show by leaps and bounds.  There isn’t much better than a ridiculous over the top comedic climactic fight scene. Paul Rudd is good at anything he does (including Halloween: Return of Michael Myers), and Jeanne Garafalo still sucks at everything else. Ken Marino, Jason Schwartzman, Michael Ian Black, Lake Bell, and about 62 other famous people none of us know by name. Those that we point at and laugh, “Oh, it’s that guy! I love him”, yeah, it’s a show filled with those kinda people.

This show is one you should go out of your way to watch, and be inebriated when you do, it’s worth the extra effort!


BLACK HAT

RATING – F+

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I only gave it a plus to add insult to injury. This was one big steamy pile of flickola, if you couldn’t tell already.  Thor and Michael Mann?  What can go wrong, the recipe for one bad ass meal. But, Blackhat does one thing right, and that’s proving a recipe for success doesn’t mean that’s what you will get.

I am such a huge fan of Michael Mann, and maybe that’s why I hated it so much, because it failed to meet any sort of expectation. Heat, Collateral, The Keep (a great old horror movie), The Insider, Manhunter, even The Last of the Mohicans are simply overachieving incredible films. But, that being said, his last few have fallen off immensely, Miami Vice and Public Enemies, weren’t that bad but not Michael Mann acceptable. And then, topping off the trilogy of stank, is good ol Blackhat.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”  What have I learned from Yoda?  Fear is the path to having to sit through Blackhat, the new word for suffering. From now on I will ask, “You look like you’re having a Blackhat day today”. Hell, is being in an endless movie theater for all eternity, and the only movie showing in every theater, is Blackhat. It gives me chills just thinking about it.  Clearly, as you can tell, I loved this movie.


WYRMWOOD

RATING – B-

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I read a little excerpt about this movie being just another standard zombie movie, and since I have to see them all, I watched it. And I’m glad I did, because this a zombie film with elements I have never seen before. I won’t mention them, this one shouldn’t be spoiled. Awesome opening scene, extreme violence, and zombies who breath smoke (or whatever it is), count me in.

This film somehow found a way to take the standard zombie flick, and made it original and fresh. It was a wild ride, with some serious hardcore violence, and a ton of weirdness splashed in throughout. Some of the elements I never fully understood, but this was one of those flicks where your mind shuts off and you sit back and enjoy.

Movies are ultimately for pure entertainment, not everything needs to be deconstructed and analyzed to the utmost extent. Wyrmwood was one enjoyable ride, that chews you up and spits you out, and gives you just enough to think about to make it worth your time.


CREEP

RATING – SOLID B

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A solid B, is better then just the standard B. Not quite a B+, but close enough!  I gave this one a shot because it was late and this movie is very short, only 77 minutes, and the dude from The League was in it.  Mark Duplass has made some really great movies lately, like Safety Not Guaranteed, The One I Love, Togetherness was well done on HBO, and a few others.   We can exclude The Lazarus Effect, because even though I watched it, it was such a blah flick that it wasn’t even worth mentioning.

I wasn’t expecting a lot, I wasn’t sure what to expect honestly, but this one delivered.  It even got me to jump a few times, and not with the typical scares horror fans are so used to.  This was pretty original, or at least it was made to feel that way. Duplass has a chance to truly shine, playing off type as an antagonist, all the while using his typical charm and humor to lure the viewer in. And once he lures you in, the evil starts to seep out.

Mark Duplass gives himself a thousand percent to this role.  Some of the things he does, really show that he is will to do anything and whatever it takes to make the performance great and memorable.  And he certainly does that here.  A super talented actor and writer, this got me very excited for whatever his next project may be.

This is a definite must watch for any horror or thriller fan. It’s one of those flicks, the more I think about, and the more time goes by, the higher and higher praise I have.


 RETURN OF THE FLICKI

An old school movie, we have all seen a hundred times, but haven’t seen in a while. The precious gems of our youth, do they hold up? Or do they fade with the ages? This week, features one that was extremely close to my heart.

PROBLEM CHILD

RATING – A

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When I was a kid, I watched this movie so many times, the film on the VHS tape started to fade. I was nearly afraid to watch it again, as an adult, because god forbid somehow this flick got ruined for me like so many other childhood favorites that just don’t hold up. But, I risked it all, risked everything like Norm MacDonald as Turd Ferguson on Celebrity Jeopardy. It was worth the risk.

It’s funny, Michael Oliver, who plays Junior, never did anything else beside the Problem Child series. I guess when you run around the bases clubbing the players with a bat, only to score and shout “Touchdown! Touchdown!”, you have reached the pinnacle of your flickin career. And Michael Richards stands out here, even if it is a bit unbelievable to see him trying to be a bad ass criminal.

Even though I think Problem Child 2, may win out as the favorite between these two, the original is still the original. This movie is so great, and it really comes down to one person, John Ritter. It sucks that we lost such a lovable actor, because he was fantastic at everything he did. It’s been nearly 12 years since he passed away, but it feels like just yesterday I was loving him in Bad Santa, IT, and of course, Stay Tuned. And if your reading this asking yourself, what the hell is Stay Tuned and what is this Problem Child you speak of, I give you your flickin homework.


 MISSED MOTHER FLICKER

It’s simple, this mother flicker came out, and this guy missed it.  So, since I have to watch everything, I am delving back into the past to watch one missed mother flicker.

FOUR ROOMS

RATING – C

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Everyone seems to love this movie, but I am not one of those people. Maybe because I am watching it now, and not when it came out in 1995? Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez are two directors I absolutely worship, and have made it a point to watch each and every last flick they put their names on. Four Rooms, was the only missing piece. For some reason, I just never got around to watching it, and I should have trusted my instincts.

Tim Roth was good, but was just too weird and eccentric for me. The witches portion was misery incarnate, and made me wish someone dunked me into a boiling caldron. I did find it amusing the girls who didn’t take their tops off, were the only ones I actually wanted to see naked. I was wondering if this was Quentin’s portion, but when no foot orgies broke out, I knew it wasn’t.

While I appreciated what they were doing here with Four Rooms, it just fell flat for me. I was happier to delete it from my queue, then I was while watching it.


 FLICKERMANIA!

FLICK FLAIR’S WRASSLIN FLICK OF THE WEEK

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SWERVED

RATING – A

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I flicking love this show, so so much. It’s stupid, it’s ridiculous, but somehow it makes me laugh harder than anything else I have seen or watched in months. Watching all the guys who get no TV time, getting punked and pranked left and right, is oddly gratifying. And it lets guys who are unable to show personality on television, prove they actually can display a sense of humor and bursts of personality. Especially Heath Slater, someone give this guy a chance, at least one.

When Xavier Woods shoots the baby powder mixture into Kofi’s face, I must have watched it ten times. Some of it is stupid, but that is mostly the women stuff. Paige is just beyond annoying as a human being, on Total Divas, Tough Enough, or this show, but she is certainly nice to look at. Still, even with that, this show is exactly what the WWE Network needs to be doing more of. It a quick show, easy to produce, and shows the wrestlers outside of the ring. Even though it’s still an act, it gives them a level of humanity watching them rib each other.


Are you running out to watch some of these, or delete these from your Netflix queue?  Who gives a Flick!

Stay tuned in the coming weeks!  Who Gives A Flick – The Third Flickmester and Who Gives A Flick – The Fall Flickerview

Author: Jay Martell