The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 4/17/14

Taped from Orlando, Florida

Your hosts are Tom Phillips, Byron Saxton, Renee Young & William Regal

Colin Cassady v. Aiden English

The word in the locker room is that Aiden now believes himself to be an upper echelon superstar.  I believe that’s code for “he’s doing a job tonight”.  Aiden pounds away, but Cassady gets the SAWFT boot for two.  Cas has the size and catchphrase but he’s just terrible in the ring thus far.  But it’s a start.  English catches him with a cheapshot and throws down in the corner, then goes to work on the neck.  I love that Regal is so charming and informative for Renee Young and then treats the other two nerds like crap.  English tries a bodypress and gets caught, but escapes and rolls him up with the tights for the pin at 4:07.  So I guess he really is an upper echelon superstar!  Just like the locker room scuttlebutt!  ½*  Cas really needs his partner back.

Meanwhile, Tyler Breeze gives the interviewer his own intro via smartphone, and then leaves again after giving us a sexy pose.  This cracked me up for some reason.

Meanwhile, on some other network, Paige steps up to the big leagues and wins the Divas title.  Paige and her beautiful pair of…belts…has words for the BFFs and every other challenger.

Camacho v. Oliver Grey

The crowd chants “King Haku” which makes me wonder why they don’t just dump the lame barrio gimmick and embrace the bloodline.  Prince Haku Jr!  Camacho gets a powerslam for two and a running samoan drop for the pin at 2:02.  Man, Grey just got SQUASHED there.  Like, zero offense.  That was quite the comeback match.  DUD

The Ascension v. Wesley Blake & Cal Bishop

I feel like they should find something for Blake because he’s got a decent look and size.  Usual destruction of the poor geeks ends with the Fall of Man at 2:14.  Not only are there no serious challengers, but there’s not even any other TEAMS!  DUD

Meanwhile, Charlotte puts Sasha in her place and takes over leadership of the team.

CJ Parker v. Great Khali

Khali smacks Parker around in the corner and dumps him, but CJ goes after the leg to take over.  And then in the crowd’s defining moment thus far, they chant for global warming because they hate Parker so much.  Khali gets annoyed with him and finishes with the tree slam at 2:33.  Fun destruction of Parker.  ½*

Meanwhile, Emma has not found a tag partner for next week…or HAS SHE?

Jason Jordan & Tye Dillinger v. Baron Corbin & Sawyer Fulton

SAWYER FULTON?  I think their name generator is getting worse.  Jordan and Dillinger are a couple of former Ascension victims who are now apparently doing the generic non-threatening “young gun” blowjob team gimmick to hopefully give the Ascension a more interesting foil.  Sure, why not.  The babyfaces double-team Corbin, but Fulton takes over on Dillinger with some generic power stuff.  Baron gets a delayed suplex for two, but goes up and misses an elbow.  Hot tag Jordan (or “JJ” as some call him) and he throws a bunch of dropkicks before the babyfaces finish with a double team DDT at 4:30. This was like every dark match tryout before Smackdown you’ve ever seen in your life.  *   Hey, it’s new faces, never a bad thing.  Baron Corbin really has the most interesting look of the bunch, though.

Adrian Neville v. Brodus Clay

Neville goes for the sleeper to start, but gets thrown around.  He dives off the top and gets caught in a suplex in a nice power spot for Brodus, and that gets two.  Heart punch and Renee DIVES on the pre-emptive Bon Jovi reference like a soldier sacrificing herself on a grenade for the sake of everyone else.  That gets two.  Clay with a butt splash for two and he chokes away in the corner, but Neville escapes the powerbomb.  Dropkick to the knee, but Clay tosses him, so Neville keeps coming with a springboard forearm and goes up with a 450 attempt that misses.  Brodus chases him out of the ring with a headbutt, but misses a dive off the stairs and Neville beats the count at 6:38.  Wasn’t exactly Sting-Vader but I don’t think they should even touched until the next NXT special event to begin with.  **

Everything was short and sweet this week and although nothing was earth-shattering, it was the usual fun and breezy show.