Given what happened on Impact tonight, I know that I made the right choice to switch to NXT and never look back.
Taped from Orlando, FL
Your hosts are Rich Brennan (?), Alex Riley & Jason Alberts. Do we really need another whitebread announcer who sounds like Tom Philips/Byron Saxton/Tony Dawson? THEY’RE ALL THE SAME DAMN PERSON.
Adam Rose v. Danny Birch
The theme song is BACK. Phew. And the crowd starts SINGING it during the match! This is gonna get over huge on RAW. Rose hides in the ropes, which offends the British jobber, and Rose takes him down with an armbar. My mind is still blown at how fast and effectively he changed the character over. Birch fights back, but Rose gets mad and chops him down, into a broncobuster and spinebuster. Middle rope elbow finishes at 2:55. Get this guy to RAW! *
Meanwhile, Corey Graves points out that a win is a win is a win.
Bayley v. Sasha Banks
Sasha attacks and gets a rollup for two, but Bayley gets her own for two. Sasha faceplants her for two and chokes her out in the corner for two and we hit the chinlock. Does Sasha ever wear anything but hooker red lipstick? It makes her look kind of like a tranny. Just saying. Bayley makes the comeback with a corner clothesline and back elbow, but runs into a boot in the corner. Sasha wraps her up in a straightjacket hold, but the Bayley to Belly finishes at 3:14. Bayley is becoming quite the powerhouse. *1/2
Sylvester Lefort v. Mojo Rawley
Wait, did the storyline with Lefort and Mason Ryan ever pay off with anything? It seemed like they were gonna introduce someone as a foil for Ryan and then it was never mentioned again. As I ponder that, Mojo squashes him dead at 0:45. And then Brodus Clay, angry at the world, comes out and beats the shit out of Lefort as well.
Meanwhile, Oliver Grey returns from purgatory and gets into an argument with Camacho.
Meanwhile, The Great Khali meets Bayley. CJ Parker is disgusted by him. Luckily Bayley has been studying Punjabi and translates.
Bo Dallas is here and it’s time to OCCUPY NXT. So the crowd stands up and turns their back on him. That is so hilarious. “I GAVE YOU COOKIES!” So I’m guessing that’s it for Bo before he goes to the big stage and bombs. Bo throws a tantrum, and this brings out JBL (“You don’t have enough people in there to occupy a see-saw”) and books him against Justin Gabriel.
Justin Gabriel v. Bo Dallas
Apparently Gabriel is a 3-time tag team champion. Really? Is that really a thing I missed when I wasn’t watching? So Bo runs away while the crowd changes their mind and decides they want cookies after all. Bo goes to the headlock and gets chased out of the ring while the announcers have the STUPIDEST conversation. This might be the worst combination they’ve come up with yet. Justin goes up and gets caught, and Bo chokes away on the ropes. Suplex gets two. Chinlock-a-Mania and the crowd is really bored as Gabriel makes his comeback and it dawns on me that this is apparently the MAIN EVENT. That’s how you know the show is a writeoff. Gabriel with a springboard bodypress for two, but Dallas gets a neckbreaker for two. Gabriel with a northern lights suplex for two. He whiffs on a moonsault and Bo tries the DDT, but Gabriel gets a small package for two. Bo takes out the knee and finishes with the DDT at 10:10. Yeah, that really showed Bo there, JBL. **
Eric Young did not win a World title on this show, so it’s still the best one of the night by default. But really, Bo Dallas v. Justin Gabriel as the main event? And we’re supposed to be looking forward to CJ Parker v. Great Khali next week? It’s a shocking week when NXT is by far the worst show I’ve watched.