The SmarK Rant for WWE NXT – 1/29/14

Taped from Orlando, FL

Your hosts are Alex Riley, Tom Phillips & William Regal

The Ascension v. Two Jobbers

The geeks in question have such ridiculous names that they don’t even get a ring intro and the announcers only mention them in passing.  Something “Ikareno” and “Culari” or whatever.  Much more interesting is that the Ascension are already the longest reigning NXT tag champions EVER, at 120 days.  They finish one of the poor doofuses at 2:15 with the Fall of Man.

Meanwhile, Sylvester Lefort auditions new guys, but turns down the first one due to cauliflower ear.  I don’t blame him, that’s just gross.

Corey Graves returns from purgatory, having recovered from a concussion, and he’s still harboring a grudge against Adrian Neville.  Apparently we should stay tuned.  Okey doke.

Corey Graves v. Camacho

So with Fake Sin Cara off to the big show again, Haku Jr is on his own in NXT again.  Graves holds a headlock but gets chased out of the ring.  He clips the leg, however, and finishes with the Lucky 13 leglock at 1:15.  The skinny jeans really ruin the badass image for me.  ½*

Meanwhile, Antonio Cesaro is tired of hearing about Sami Zayn and really the interviewer is beneath him anyway.

Meanwhile, the auditions continue with creepy Sawyer Ford.  Not going well for Lefort thus far.

Bayley v. Sasha Banks

I’m assuming that Summer Rae getting called up to Total Divas will write her out of the NXT storyline once and for all.  Bayley goes after Charlotte at ringside, allowing Sasha the chance to attack and take over.  Renee Young, awesome on commentary:  “I don’t know if any of you guys have had a girlfriend…probably not…but they remember things!”  Sasha holds a straightjacket hold on Bayley, but Bayley makes the comeback with clotheslines and a back elbow.  The other girls brawl at ringside, and Sasha gets two on a rollup, only to see the HUGPLEX finish at 2:52.  So the Bayley path of rage continues!  *1/2

Colin Cassady v. Tyler Breeze

Weird dynamic here because the crowd really loves both guys, so it’ll be an interesting challenge for Breeze to get people to boo him.  But man, his Blue Steel look at the hard camera just kills me.  Generous stalling from Breeze to start, prompting a SELFIE BATTLE and potential walk-off.  Hopefully Breeze can turn left.  And finally we start, allowing an irate Breeze to attack in the corner.  And Cassady punches him IN THE FACE for two.  That won’t end well for him.  Colin continues with a new deal where he does the “SAWFT” chant and then hits Breeze with a forearm for two.  I like that one.  Big boot gets two, but Aiden English pops up on the screen, threatening violence to Enzo, like he’s a helpless damsel in distress or Zack Ryder.  This allows Breeze to hit the Beauty Shot for the pin at 2:38.  Wish they wouldn’t do that kind of Sportz Entertainment finish on this show.   *1/2

Meanwhile, Colin checks on Enzo, who was apparently threatened with violence by English.  Although nothing actually happened to him.  Hmm.

The Miz v. CJ Parker

Miz throws chops and slugs away in the corner, then puts him on the floor with a dropkick and baseball slide to follow.  Back in with a sunset flip for two, but he can’t get the figure-four and Parker gets a high kick for two.  Running knees get two.  Miz comes back with a neckbreaker for two and goes to work on the leg, but Parker keeps fighting him off.  CJ to the top with a flying bodypress, but Miz rolls through and finishes him with the figure four at 4:30.  **

Meanwhile, Mason Ryan agrees to join the Lefort team…if Sylvester can beat him next week.

Bo Dallas v. Danny Burch

Adrian Neville signs his half of the championship contract, but Bo apparently wants to show his stuff first.  So Dallas proceeds to squashing Burch as Regal notes that Bo has held his title longer than any title he himself held.  I don’t think that’s true – he held the TV title for a LONG time in 93.  Anyway, Dallas finishes with a butterfly suplex at 2:30, signs the contract, and then attacks Neville from behind, leading to a brawl to end the show.

Felt a little angle-heavy this week, especially with a pair of distraction finishes and a MAIN EVENT CONTRACT SIGNING.  Still the best show on TV, though.