Welcome to Seinfeld: The PTBN Series Rewatch! On a regular basis, JT Rozzero, Aaron George, Andrew Flanagan, Jordan Duncan and Jason Greenhouse will watch an episode of TV’s greatest sitcom and provide notes and grades across a number of categories. The goal is to rewatch the entire series chronologically to see what truly worked, what still holds up today, what feels just a bit dated and yada, yada, yada it will be a great time. So settle into your couch with the cushions flipped over, grab a Snapple and enjoy the ride!
JT: Ah, how do you choose here? All so good. Kramer was awesome with physical comedy and quick hit responses to Jerry’s grilling questions throughout. Elaine and Jerry was really damn strong as well. Hell, even Marcelino was really funny! But, I think George takes this one. Him finally finding the perfect love before having it all fall apart and then sandbagging his girlfriend’s parole while also giving life lessons to a man on the precipice of baldness was the Life of Costanza all rolled up into one hefty episode.
Aaron: Perhaps it was his childlike excitement at the prospect of fugitive sex. Perhaps it was his sheer ecstasy during the suggestion of Celia rejoining her gang. Either way it’s George.
Andrew: I’ll go with Kramer. He starts out really hot, talking about sweatshop eggs, walking over the booth, and staring down the business end of a rooster. He stays strong throughout, putting in really good scenes with Marcelino and Jerry. And diving into the ring to save Little Jerry is probably the most heroic act of the entire series.
Jordan: For most people, this probably seems like a Kramer episode. For the bald community, this is a George showcase. Yes, yes, he wanted conjugal sex with a hot prisoner, that’s standard Costanza fare. But when we touch on the topic of baldness, well, I feel as if the show is written specifically for me. For that reason, my vote must go to my bald brother.
Jason: This is a close call between Kramer and George, but I’ll go with the George by a slight edge. He was great rolling off all of the pros about dating a woman in the clink and killed it preventing Celia from making parole. Also, his pep talk to Kurt was tremendous.
JT: I enjoyed everything but the Little Jerry stuff was my favorite. I thought Marcelino was a really strong guest star and had some good cutting one liners. All of the interactions between Jerry and Kramer were aces and the training scene along with Jerry’s “Kramer… be careful” line are personal favorites. TAMALE!
Aaron: I really dug Yerry trying to follow all the madness that his friends are up to. He’s too tired to explain their ridiculous schemes to each other and his journey is perfectly encapsulated with “Conjugal visit sex? Fugitive sex? I don’t have time for this I have a cockfight to win.”
Andrew: They all have their moments, but I think The Little Jerry is the strongest overall. The storyline covers a lot of ground, going from Kramer wanting fresher eggs to Marcelino blackmailing Big Jerry into taking a dive in a cockfight, and Kramer taking a pecking for his little friend is fantastic ending. It’s one of the more frenetic, absurd storylines I can remember, and I enjoy it all the more for that.
Jordan: The Little Jerry storyline is great – from Kramer being confused to what cockfighting actually is to George’s slowed down tamale line, it’s really funny. I enjoy that it’s all based on a bad clown check that has shamed Jerry beyond belief as well. The fact that Jerry buys into Kramer’s craziness for once and actually gets a little more crazy than Cosmo himself is a nice change of pace.
Jason: George dating a convict was lots of fun, but it has to be The Little Jerry here. Jerry and Kramer training Little Jerry for the big fight is one of my favorite scenes from the series. Marcelino added a lot to this plot as well playing games with Jerry about taking his bounced check down.
Ethical Dilemma of the Week
JT: Was one year of happy marriage to Kurt worth it as a trade off to a lifetime of being wed to a (likely) angry bald man? I know you are getting desperate Laney, but come on. Hold on just a little bit longer!
Aaron: While this may not exactly be a moral or ethical dilemma I’d like to examine something that I feel needs a little more scrutiny. Does Elaine have any clue how long it takes hair to grow out of someone’s head? There is no way, NO WAY, she’s going to be around long enough to see Kurt’s hair grow back to its former glory. We’re talking a good year and a half to two years if everything goes right. Elaine doesn’t have that kind of patience for men. She can’t even wait ten months for the man to get out of prison.
Andrew: Is it ok to participate in a cockfight if your bird is really good at it? Nah, man. That’s messed up. I’m all for respecting cultural differences, but I think we’re better off as a society if we don’t force animals to kill each other for our amusement.
Jordan: Why do people constantly confuse me for Jason Greenhouse? JUST BECAUSE WE ARE BOTH BALD DOESN’T MEAN WE ARE THE SAME PERSON.
Jason: Do all bald men look alike? As a bald man (by choice) I have never been confused for another bald man.
Relationship Scale (Scale 1-10)
JT: Celia was great, George should have stuck it out with her post-hoosegow. She was cool with him having fun with the boys! And she was pretty attractive too. Take the plunge Georgie Boy! Relationship Grade: 10-14/10
Aaron: For all my hating of Elaine’s potential mates this year I’ve got to say I liked Kurt. If only he’d been more protective of his driver’s license. Never give your wallet to a woman gents. NEVER. Relationship Grade: 7/10
Andrew: George’s Caged Heat fantasies skeeved me out a bit, but I can definitely see the appeal of conjugal/fugitive sex. I thought Elaine had a good thing going with pre-bald-diagnosis Kurt. Relationship Grade: 10 to 14 months/10
Jordan: George had something special with Celia – she was gorgeous, no threat of pop ins, conjugal visits were looming. It seemed so perfect, but let’s remember, she’s a convicted felon who willfully escaped from prison. If George wants to head down to the prison to fool around, he was missing out on the true prize – the warden! Betsy could have given George everything he could handle. Relationship Grade: Shawshank/10
Jason: Elaine should just make a copy of Kurt’s drivers license photo and pleasure herself to it every night. George could have saved all the lies about Celia from preventing her parole and banged ‘Ol Betsy. He’s done worse. The big question is, did Kramer, Little Jerry and Fusilli Jerry have a hot threesome? Relationship Grade: Cage-Free Farm Fresh/10
JT: The opening discussion about how long you wait for people was a good one; Marcelino posting bounced checks in his store is a great douche move; I love the “you’re still doing that?” from Jerry regarding the Foundation; George needling Jerry over his “clowns with balloons” checks; Kramer asking Kurt to taste his eggs and then stepping out over the booth was tremendous; Elaine’s dig at George’s scraps; George marking out over Celia being a prisoner; Kramer’s nonchalant “Well, not here” when Jerry asks if he has a fridge and then shoving the sack of chicken feed into Jerry’s; “Little Jerry Seinfeld”; I love the ongoing storyline of Jerry’s family pushing him out of comedy despite being very successful; Elaine’s apology to George after making the hair comment; Marcelino’s burn about Little Jerry and the bounced check was great; Kramer thinking cockfighting was like American Gladiators and then they way he described Little Jerry’s win; George sandbagging his girlfriend’s parole was so fucking devious; He then reverses course and is so caring and truthful with poor Kurt; Little Jerry’s workout; “Dog with a glove on his head”; The cockfighting Rocky knockoff scene was well done; Elaine bailing once she finds out Kurt will be in jail long enough to become fully bald was a good ending
Aaron: I dug all of George’s excitement at the prison. Yerry was bang on with the one liners and Kramer nailed the physical comedy stuff. Taking little Jerry for a walk is so wonderfully absurd. Only the K-Man could accomplish the long strides it took to sell the preposterousness of the scene.
Andrew: I had Kramer as the best character, but Jerry was pretty great in this one, particularly his anger over his parents sending him money. The training scene is a big winner, and Jerry’s delivery on the “I got a cockfight to focus on” line is fantastic. George’s consultation with Kurt about his baldness is a classic, too. The guest stars are all solid, and I especially enjoy Marcelino, even if a lot of the joke is his accent.
Jordan: Again, I really enjoyed Jerry getting super invested in the cock fighting. On one hand, it’s odd to see him involved in a Kramer story like this, but it speaks to who Jerry is as a person – a heartless monster who doesn’t mind watching animals literally kill each other. He’s more outraged at the price of Juicy Fruit than the life of Little Jerry. Oh, by the way, naming the rooster Little Jerry is fantastic, as is Marcelino constantly calling him Yerry. George barely containing his excitement in the prison visit, hoping to see hot catfights and riots was awesome – he was downright giddy! I liked him burying Celia in her parole hearing just to keep her locked up. The big fight scene at the end with all the slow motion shouts was great, and Tamale is a line that always makes me laugh. I haven’t talked much about the Elaine story here, but the best part was George giving his expert analysis of Kurt’s head – a classic horseshoe pattern.
Jason: George thinking he’s early after Jerry and Elaine bailed; Kramer calling out Jerry about his bounced check; clowns with balloons; Kramer asking Kurt to try the eggs; sweat shop eggs; Elaine being a honey; Elaine’s clinging to some scraps line to George; Marcelino not being above to policy; George asking Betsy where the yard and hole are; George calling Betsy, “Warden”; The Foundation not existing without George; George running down the pros of dating an inmate; embezzlement; Kramer shoving the chicken feed in Jerry’s fridge; Ed Roydlick; Jerry bickering with Helen; organ donor Kurt; Elaine gushing over Kurt’s hair; chestnut with auburn highlights; Kramer taking Little Jerry for a stroll; Marcelino asking if Little Jerry bounces checks; George bringing Celia cigarettes; cock fights only being illegal in the United States; Kramer thinking that roosters where gloves and helmets during fights; Kramer and George being clueless about Celia making parole and Little Jerry winning his fight; new deal? 85 cents for Juicy Fruit; Kramer’s rant about Little Jerry doing more with Jerry’s name than he has; classic horseshoe pattern; plans/schemes; “the gang”; Marcelino’s pimp leather jacket; Celia busting out; lean, mean pecking machine; Little Jerry making it from Jerry’s to Newman’s in under thirty seconds; the break-out, pop-in; “Escaped convicts, fugitive sex, I got a cock fight to focus on”; Helen and Morty sending Jerry $50; the cops mistaking Kurt for George because he’s bald; Marcelino flying his rooster in from Ecuador; Tamale!; Kramer saving Little Jerry and getting ambushed by Marcelino’s rooster; Kurt getting locked up for 10-14 months – the same time frame it will take for him to go bald.
What Didn’t Work
JT: Isn’t a bit odd that Elaine just took Kurt’s license; The timeline at the end makes no sense as Elaine notes that the cockfight is at 3:30AM but then the concurrent scene with Kurt, Celia and the police looks like its mid day and they reference that George is at the cockfight; Also did the police never bother going back to arrest the real George?
Aaron: Why would Marcelino ask Little Yerry to take a dive if he was bringing in that monstrous rooster? Yerry was right to call him out on the fact that a chicken can’t take a dive. Celia was waaaaaaaaay too good looking for George. Again.
Andrew: I feel like something is missing in the baldness storyline. There’s something funny about Elaine liking the way Kurt looks when he shaves his head, but being turned off when she realizes he is balding. But the episode doesn’t really touch on that at all.
Jordan: Sooo, Elaine doesn’t understand how long it takes hair to grow, does she?
Jason: Just a little nitpicking here… What were Jerry’s checks supposed to be? Does Kramer need a permit to have Little Jerry in his apartment?
Key Character Debuts
Iconic Moments, Running Themes & Memorable Quotes
– “Aw, these eggs are disgusting. This chicken should be ashamed of himself.” – Kramer
– “Anyway, they made this large donation to a women’s prison, and I get to go down there and check it out.” – George “That’s caged heat.” – Kramer “Yeah-hah!” – George “What are you gonna do there?” – Jerry “Nothing really, you know…just stroll around the cell blocks, maybe take in a shower fight.” – George
– “I only eat cage-free, farm-fresh.” – Kurt “Yes! These are sweatshop eggs.” – Kramer
– “What? Clinging to some scraps?” – Elaine “These are not “scraps.” These are historic remains of a once great society of hair.” – George
– “Thanks, Warden.” – George “Betsy.” – Betsy “Betsy.” – George
– “George is dating a convict.” – Jerry “Oh? What’s she in for?” – Kramer “Embezzlement.” – George “Sounds like a nice girl.” – Kramer
– “I’m not having money problems.” – Jerry “Enough with the comedy! You’re very clever, you should look into advertising.” – Helen “He never even called Ed Roydlick. They were looking for someone!” – Morty “I’m not calling Ed Roydlick. I’m doing fine!” – Jerry
– “The only thing that bothers me is that I’m just coming up with this now.” – George “Yeah, dating a convicted felon. I don’t know how you missed it.” – Jerry
– “So he just shaves his head for no reason?” – Jerry “That’s like using a wheelchair for the fun of it!” – George
– “Well, this is Little Jerry Seinfeld.” – Kramer “Little Jerry Seinfeld. Does he bounce checks?” – Marcelino
– “So Marcelino’s going to take down the check?” – Jerry “Well, it comes down if Little Jerry Seinfeld wins the cockfight.” – Kramer “Great! What?” – Jerry
– “The whole fight lasted two seconds.” – Kramer “How long do they usually last?” – Jerry “Five seconds” – Kramer
– “Hey, if you two are meant to be together… I’m sure the cops’ll pick her up on something.” – Jerry
– “Yah, yah! You see in Little Jerry Seinfeld the unlimited future you once had. Now, just because Jerry Seinfeld is a has-been, don’t make Little Jerry Seinfeld a never-was!” – Kramer “Kramer, give me that rooster!” – Jerry “Never! You hate him because he’s doing more with your name than you ever will! Yah-yah!” – Kramer
– “Hey, guess what! Little Jerry ran from here to Newman’s in under thirty seconds!” – Jerry “Is that good?” – George “I don’t know.” – Jerry
– “George, this is a little too much for me – escaped convicts, fugitive sex… I got a cockfight to focus on.” – Jerry
– “Marriage is a big step, Elaine. Your life’ll totally change.” – Jerry “Jerry, it’s three-thirty in the morning. I’m at a cockfight. What am I clinging to?” – Elaine
– “Look at the size of his bird!” – Jerry “That looks like a dog with a glove on his head.” – Kramer
Oddities & Fun Facts
– Kurt is portrayed by actor John Michael Higgins
Overall Grade (Scale 1-10)
JT: Another all time classic here in Season Eight. I love this entire episode and outside of minor issues with timelines and plot points, there was no down time at all. Every storyline was engaging and filled with memorable moments. Every line landed and made sense and the jokes were funny throughout. Everyone was the best version of their characters here, and completely true to form for all of them. Jerry was waffling but caved out of revenge, Kramer was bumping around and sucking everyone into good hearted insanity, George was deceitful and honest, hopeful and dejected all at the same time and Elaine is hopelessly desperate for an effective relationship that yet again was just beyond her reach. And Morty and Helen are still worried about Jerome’s finances. How can you beat it? Final Grade: 10/10
Aaron: This was perfectly solid and fun. Nothing more, nothing less. A good gauge for me with these things is how often I genuinely laugh out loud during rewatch. It didn’t happen so much here but I can certainly appreciate the greatness of the writing a comedic ideas. Final Grade: 7/10
Andrew: This episode is on the wackier side, and I am here for that. I enjoy the juxtaposition of a prison escape and underground cockfighting being played for laughs, while a man’s baldness is treated as the gravest condition of all. This episode has some all-time-great lines, classic scenes, and a good pace, which makes it a winner for me. Final Grade: 9/10
Jordan: I really enjoyed this one, and if there’s anything that lags, it’s the Elaine/Kurt stuff. It’s kind of funny, but it just doesn’t make a ton of sense. The guy LIKED being bald, now he’s crushed and giving up on life because he’s going bald? The weird proposal? Elaine thinking his hair would apparently grow in overnight? I dunno, too much of that stuff keeps it from being top tier for me, but the cock fighting and George desperately hoping for prison sex is a lot of fun. Final Grade: 8/10
Jason: This is another elite episode from the series. Excellent writing from top to bottom. George dating a convict to avoid having a normal relationship was brilliant as was Kramer naming his rooster/hen/chicken/cock after Jerry. Marcelino was tremendous in his one-off appearance (minus his cameo during The Finale). George treating minimum security prison as if it was maximum security was fun. It’s hard not to give this a perfect score as there was very little to complain about. Final Grade: 10/10