Scott’s Smackdown Recap 6/14/13

Team Hell No and Randy Orton face the Shield in a six man tag main event on Smackdown.  (Courtesy WWE)
Team Hell No and Randy Orton face the Shield in a six man tag main event on Smackdown. (Courtesy WWE)

Friday Night Smackdown
June 14, 2013
Greensboro, North Carolina

We have our opening video package preparing for Payback. Oh and Team Hell No is with Orton, and they face The Shield…again. However we open with right now the hottest guy in the company…Daniel Bryan. The YES YES YES YES chants are rabid in NWA country. Cole and JBL welcome us to “Flair Country.” Bryan has the mike and says, “If you asked me when I first debuted if I would be the World Champion, he would have said “Yes.” He can win the tag team titles with anyone on the roster, but with the Devil’s Favorite Demon? No. He puts over Team Hell No as one of the best ever. With that, Bryan calls out his partner, Kane. Out comes the Big Red Monster. Kane says, “Now isn’t the time or the place for what you want, it’s all about tonight’s six-man tag.” Bryan wants to do this. Bryan says, “Team Hell No went on one hell of a ride, but after Sunday I will be partners with someone else for the tag titles.” Kane asks if he’s breaking up. Only WWE can turn a simple promo into a gay joke. Bryan says he and Orton will be called “Team RK-No”. Kane thinks they can’t win, and the weak link stuff starts again. Bryan will defy it on Sunday. Now Bryan is implying Kane is the weak link. This isn’t working. Kane wants to chokeslam Bryan but out comes Randy Orton. He stops Kane because he needs Bryan for Sunday. This whole promo is a mess. Meanwhile on the screen, The Shield are laughing. Ambrose says, “Every superteam that’s been put together has gone down because we are unstoppable. Tonight will be like every other night.”

MATCH: Sheamus vs. Antonio Cesaro
Ah, what I look forward to every time I watch a WWE show. A Sheamus squash, particularly against a guy who’s clearly the better wrestler. Before the match starts, out comes “Da-Moe” or whatever the hell Sheamus calls him. Sandow says, “The man across from you speaks five languages, and you can barely handle one. Sunday I will host your Irish Wake.”   Sheamus is bleeding from the shoulder from a shot to the steps. That may lead to an infection, maybe he needs to take the rest of the year off? The match isn’t a squash, I’m being facetious. Cesaro is doing all the work like the good heel he is. They are in the corner, and Sheamus hits a Brogue kick out of nowhere for the pin. He’s got a Jim Duggan-esque TV record the past 8 months. Probably like 50-1 or something.

Sheamus celebrates on the ramp and gets blindsided by Sandow.

Back from break with another awesome Wyatt Family promo. “Monsters are real…”

We go from a Wyatt Family vignette, into a CM Punk vignette. That double of greatness cleanses that Sheamus crap I just watched.

Backstage Teddy Long is on the phone pimping those stupid Hardees burgers. Wow that’s a heart attack waiting to happen. He’s about to eat one when World Champion Dolph Ziggler enters.  Dolph is pissed that he hasn’t gotten the big return he wanted and he has yet to wrestle in a match. They leave, but as Teddy is about to eat, Big E comes back and eats half the burger. That was funny.

MATCH: Great Khali vs. Heath Slater
What is the point of this? I think 3MB has run its course and need to go away. I agree with the rumors that Drew McIntyre should dump these bums and join Paul Heyman’s crew. The match is shit but Slater actually wins the match! Wow a booking swerve! Wow!!!!

MATCH: Alberto Del Rio & Chris Jericho vs. Dolph Ziggler & Big E. Langston
It’s nice to have the World Champion back, and to recover from his hiatus to maybe not lose the title until the end of the year or even the Rumble. Cole says,“Punk-Jericho will be the highlight match on Sunday”, No shit sherlock. The heel work between these three is incredible, with AJ slapping Jericho and Langston drilling him into the barricade. Del Rio gets a cheap roll up on Ziggler for the win. Which means Dolph wins Sunday.

We recap that god-awful promo from earlier tonight.

Renee is with Jericho, who pimps the match on Sunday. Heyman interrupts and says best of luck Sunday and offers his hand. Heyman says, “Punk feels luck is for losers and Jericho needs a lot of it.” Jericho drills Heyman in the mouth with the mike.

MATCH: Aksana vs. Kaitlyn
Coming off her embarrassing moment on Monday, Kaitlyn wrestles tonight. The champion just starts beating the crap out of Aksana, and then when the referee tries to break it up she cracks the ref in the face. Aksana storms off and the match is I guess a no-contest.

We have a vignette promoting the predictable and probably boring Cena/Ryback match. Lumberjack? That is not a PPV stipulation. That’s a house show stipulation.

MATCH: Curtis Axel vs. Wade Barrett
Matches are sponsored now? Christ, even TNA doesn’t do that and they need the money? What happened to this company? They have the food on the broadcast table. Barrett gets the mike and says, “This match shouldn’t happen before the match Sunday. It makes business sense to save all this till Sunday.” Suddenly out comes the #3 most annoying guy in the company behind Cena and Sheamus, The Miz. He makes fun of them both for not wanting to wrestle. Miz starts a “FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT” chant. So I guess they’ll fight. The match is quick and with a lot of action, and Axel gets the shocking win.

Miz slides in and hits Axel with the SCF. Barrett retains, that’s my pick.

Vignette #2 for the Wyatt Family. Maybe they’ll kidnap Cena, Sheamus and Miz to the swamp and feed them to the crocs.

MATCH: The Shield vs. Randy Orton & Team Hell No
Should I just cut and paste any of the previous 345,454 times these six have wrestled? Maybe they heard me complement the company that at least the matches are different. That doesn’t mean to keep doing the same match over and over. I would have easily taken a Rollins/Bryan rematch tonight. Didn’t WWE listen to how everyone LOVED that match Monday and it was the highest rated segment of the show? The Greensboro crowd has been red hot tonight which has helped the show immensely. They need a PPV back down there. Chaos all over the place and its Rollins and Reigns alone. Rollins goes to the top rope, but Kane throws him off and Orton RKO’s him in mid-air. Bryan puts Rollins in the No-Lock and…Rollins taps out. Yes, finally The Shield has lost and in this instance it makes perfect sense. Bryan looks strong and the crowd goes bonkers. What an ending. With that we’re out.

SCOTT’S TAKE: Payback Sunday will be like any other WWE secondary PPV the past 6 years. Average. The build tonight was nice and the crowd was off the hook.

Scott’s Smackdown Top 5:
1) Dolph Ziggler
2) Alberto Del Rio
3) Dean Ambrose
4) Daniel Bryan
5) Rollins/Reigns

Author: Scott Criscuolo

Scott Criscuolo is a co-founder of the Place to Be, co-host of the Place to Be Podcast, and was in the radio business for 10 years. He loves all things pop culture, and someday he will be the ghost writer for Triple H's autobiography. Send Scott an email