Monday Night Raw
June 24, 2013
Charleston, South Carolina
We open with a montage of last week’s saga with CM Punk, Paul Heyman and the F-5 heard around the world, followed by Mark Henry and his fake-out on John Cena. We’re live in Charleston and Michael Cole welcomes us to Raw. We open with the guy who ended Smackdown last week, Daniel Bryan. Tonight he faces Randy Orton for the third time in seven days. He defeated Orton by count-out Friday night but wasn’t thrilled with it. He wants to say something. He says “People think I have a complex or have a case of Walking Man’s Syndrome.” He says “I was not an extra in The Hobbit”. He’s not happy with count-out victories. He says “I will not be satisfied until I pin him or make him tap out in this ring.” The YES chants start. During the chant the VOICES start, and out comes the Viper.
MATCH: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
Wow, they’re opening the show with this. That’s cool, a nice hot start to the show. Orton takes the mike and says “Shut up and Fight”. Bryan gets started with a flurry. They brawl outside and Orton throws him into the announce table. This seems like its going down the “no-contest” route and sure enough the bell is rung and they keep brawling. Looks like probably a double-DQ.
More officials come in to try and break this up while Orton and Bryan keep jawing and throwing punches.
Back from break and “Brickie” are chatting. Daniel Bryan bursts in and wants another match with Randy Orton. Brad tries to talk out of it, so Bryan wants either Orton or Brad. Vickie gives him Orton. Vickie laughs at Brad for freaking him out when Vince returns! The USA Network-booked portion of the show has Vince talking about small people with psychological problems or some other junk. Why does USA think more McMahons will make the show better?
MATCH: Team Rhodes Scholars vs. Sheamus & Christian
Lawler just said that Sheamus & Christian could be the most popular team of all time. Gimme a break. These are the kinds of stupid comments that make me mad. That’s pandering. The match is average, and Sheamus Brogue Kicks Cody after heel miscommunication.
It’s announced that Sheamus will face Damien Sandow in a Dublin Street Fight Friday on Smackdown. We know how that’s going to go.
Backstage CM Punk is on his cell phone texting or tweeting when Vickie Guerrero comes over. He asks if Paul or Brock is here and she says no. She’s putting him in a match tonight, and he’s ignoring her. She says Excuse me and he yells Excuse me back! He says tell me if Paul or Brock get here.
MATCH: Kaitlyn vs. Aksana
Kaitlyn starts fast but suddenly her music plays, and out comes AJ in a muscle outfit with the same two-colored wig. Kaitlyn takes a moment to crush Aksana with a spear to win the match.
AJ has a mike and pretends she’s Kaitlyn. She mocks her for having no dignity and thinking someone liked her. Then out comes Big E. Langston in his slick pants and flowers. They re-enact the embarrassing moment two weeks ago. AJ says (as Kaitlyn) “Since I’ll never be Divas Champion again, I’ll just be the butt of AJ’s jokes.” Great promo as AJ has gotten out of her slump and become pure gold. Notice they’ve separated themselves from Dolph Ziggler?
We continue the great vignettes of the Wyatt Family. The world NEEDS MEN LIKE ME!
We go back to last week’s Raw when Mark Henry feigned retirement and then crushed John Cena. This vignette has clips from the past incarnations of Mark Henry’s career including Sexual Chocolate.
MATCH: Chris Jericho vs. Alberto Del Rio
I love how a white scarf designates face and heel. Ah the little things. Ziggler has been cleared to go, so at Money in the Bank Ziggler gets his rematch for the World Title. The announcers are saying that Del Rio turned on the fans because they turned on him. That’s pretty much true, so at least they’re making sense. I hope they don’t add Jericho to the match at MITB. Ziggler needs the stage to himself. Del Rio has his heel black tights on. These guys to have great chemistry, so maybe a feud down the line could be possible. Del Rio has the advantage late and goes for the Armbreaker but Jericho reverses to a bulldog. He goes for the Lionsault but Del Rio lifts the knees then gets the Armbreaker on. Jericho moves and moves and moves until he hits the ropes. He reverses into the Walls but Ricardo comes in to whack him with the pail and get the DQ.
Dolph Ziggler then runs in after the bell and attacks Del Rio, giving him the Zig Zag. Afterwards Jericho and Ziggler go nose to nose and returns Friday Codebreaker with a Zig Zag tonight.
Backstage “Brickie” continue chatting when Triple H comes up to them. He heard a rumor that the Daniel Bryan match will be cancelled. Vickie repeats Vince’s crap about Bryan being an embarrassment. Triple H says “Ultimately the WWE Universe should get what they want. They should have the chance to also pick the stipulation.” Triple H rips Brad’s shirt. So the storyline will be Triple H’s theories are good and Vince’s are shit? Kind of like reality.
Back from break and Lawler is in the ring with “Brickie”. They’re about to announce the launch of the WWE 2K14 and the contest to create the alternate cover for the game. Vickie takes over and she does the same schtick. This is getting old. She brings up the Bryan/Orton match and what the stipulation will be. Street Fight, Lumberjack Match or Falls Count Anywhere. Wow her voice is on the ultimate levels of nails on a chalkboard. She had her own cover of the game, and it has Triple H, Vince and Stephanie on the front. Oh brother. Brad says he came up with his own cover. It has John Cena, CM Punk and Brad himself on the cover. Jerry cuts the crap and we see the actual cover. It has….THE ROCK? Are you fucking serious? THE ROCK??? I am NOT buying this game simply on principle. A fucking part timer is on the cover? Believe it or not, I would have been fine with Cena or Sheamus on the cover than a PART TIMER.
MATCH: Ryback vs. Great Khali
Hmmm, interesting. I guess he’s staying a heel? Ryback wins with Shell Shock. Why is Khali still wrestling? He can’t even walk.
Back from break and out comes John Cena, the WWE Champion. He talks about the WWE Title and how winning it gives you respect. He says “People who have done real retirement speeches pored their souls out and last week Mark Henry made a mockery of it.” He continues on about kicking Mark Henry’s teeth down his throat and the usual boring junk. I love how John Cena giggles his way through promos with cliches and then gets tough on the last line. He says “We’re in the middle of whoop-ass season.” Wow he’s got that much stroke he can steal Austin’s catch phrases? That bastard.
We get an updated vignette on the return of Rob Van Dam.
#1 CONTENDERS TRIPLE THREAT MATCH: Tons of Funk vs. 3MB vs. The Usos
So some dude from Tennessee won a Sandy Auction to come out with Tons of Funk. He looks like an idiot, but good for him. The money went to a good cause. 3MB? Really? I thought the Prime Time Players deserved the shot here. Doesn’t matter the Usos are probably going to win. They certainly deserve it. The Usos win quick, wow that was a throwaway match. So they are the #1 contenders.
After the match, the obligatory Shield appearance in the audience. They didn’t say if the Tag Title match will be at MITB or just “in the future”.
The Call on DVD. Who cares? Paul Heyman is here and he looks antsy.
Back from break and Heyman comes down the ramp to a chorus of boos. We go back to last week and Brock Lesnar’s attack on CM Punk. Heyman says “I’ve been dogged with the same questions about last week, and admittedly I’ve ignored CM Punk this week. Let’s do this face to face.” So out comes The Second City Saint himself. Punk grabs a mike and JBL smells a rat. Punk says “You wanna air dirty laundry in front of everyone.” He tells the story of back in 2005 when he signed with WWE and when Big Johnny was in charge of talent, and he shuffled Punk to OVW. Punk says “CM Punk wasn’t supposed to succeed in WWE and Paul Heyman was flooded with notes saying to cut the kid loose.” He says Heyman has believed in him the entire time. He says “ I have two things to say to you Paul. First tell Brock Lesnar I’m coming for him. I will do whatever it takes to bring the Beast Incarnate down.” Punk continues. “Regardless of what people said you never did me wrong Paul. So tell me whether you sent Brock after me or not. The truth.” Paul denies he knew Brock was there but Paul says “When you said last week that Brock needed my help, you picked a fight with the Beast.” Paul says “Wonder why Punk and Brock were never in the ring at the same time? Professional jealousy between the two of you.” Paul’s dream is to walk with CM Punk down the aisle in the main event at WrestleMania. Paul says he loves Punk. Paul says “Everyone here is going to tell you to get rid of me. My fate is in your hands.” Punk waits a moment, a long moment. Punk says he’s sorry he doubted him and gives Paul a hug. That was a fantastic promo by two top stick men.
MATCH: Darren Young vs. CM Punk
Interesting combination here, as DY doesn’t usually get this kind of high profile singles match. He did fight Cena a few months ago on Raw. DY hit some gutbuster move out of nowhere and almost stole the match. That’s mostly Punk, but we’ll give DY credit. Punk hooks the Anaconda Vice and DY taps out.
Titus O’Neil comes in and the PTP’ers start double-teaming Punk, but then Intercontinental Champion Curtis Axel comes out to help Punk out and clean the ring. Heyman comes in and tries to negotiate the situation. Punk looks annoyed, or half-annoyed.
Backstage Vickie is looking for Brad when oh Christ Stephanie is here. This is ridiculous. Come on USA Network get your fucking hands out of this show. We don’t need these goddamn McMahons. Well except Triple H. Stephanie wants to announce the MITB participants.
The Bellas are passing out WWE magazines to the front row crowd. They should stick to doing menial work like this. They can’t do much else correctly. With that out comes Stephanie, because why have someone who’s actually on the roster do something, when a McMahon can do it for you? She talks dramatically about MITB. She’s now announces the participants: CM Punk, Daniel Bryan, Sheamus, Randy Orton, Christian, Kane and Rob Van Dam. Wow that is a fucking loaded MITB match. If Sheamus wins I riot.
More “Brickie” chatter when Ryback comes in and cuts another mediocre promo about getting screwed and wanting another title shot. Chris Jericho comes in and is pissed he’s not in the MITB match. Ryback cuts him off and they start jawing with each other. Vickie makes a match at MITB with the two of them.
Mark Henry is in another suit, but I bet no retirement speech tonight.
Back from break and CM Punk and Heyman are talking, where Punk is upset that Axel butted in. Paul understands that so next week on Raw it will be Primetime Players vs. Axel/Punk. Punk’s pissed but he’ll do it because it’s a fight. Punk says he will take out Brock Lesnar, win MITB and be WWE Champion again.
Out comes new #1 contender Mark Henry with a shit-eating grin on his face. He says “I know people are upset because I used everyone to do what I had to do.” He’s not apologizing to anybody. He says “People have been telling me my whole life what to do and what defines me.” He says everybody are his puppets. He will be coming home, as WWE Champion. This has been a well-formatted Raw with promos and matches placed properly, except all the McMahon crap.
We have our second new vignette for the Wyatt Family.
Voting continues on the Bryan/Orton stipulation for later tonight.
Friday on Smackdown a Fiesta Del Rio. He did it as a face, now he’ll do it as a heel. Plus Sheamus and Sandow in a Dublin Street Fight.
Jerry’s in the ring to announce the stipulation and it’s a street fight.
STREET FIGHT: Daniel Bryan vs. Randy Orton
This should be good. Orton works Bryan over good early on in the match. Bryan continuously stops himself from going through a table outside but Bryan does a slick move where Bryan slides in between Orton’s legs, goes outside and power bombs Orton into the table. Bryan finds a kendo stick and combos kendo shots and gut kicks, but Orton reverses a kick and suplexes Orton into a table in a corner. They spend the rest of the match really beating the snot out of each other. Eventually Bryan gets Orton in the No Lock but Orton grabs a kendo stick and starts whacking Bryan’s face to break the hold. After a kendo shot knocks Bryan down Orton sets up for an RKO but Bryan with a backslide for 2. More kendo shots back and forth but Bryan puts the No Lock on. Orton gets the kendo stick but Bryan grabs the kendo stick and uses it as part of the submission and Orton taps out. Wow what an ending and a pretty awesome match. Great win to put Bryan over.
Orton stalks Bryan and gets into his face, but he shakes Bryan’s hand and leaves the ring. Bryan keeps celebrating and with that we’re out.
SCOTT’S TAKE: Well formatted show with a nice combo of promos and matches. The McMahons brought nothing to the table and should not be on TV. I love the MITB ladder match guys. What a combination.
Scott’s Raw Top 5:
1) John Cena
2) Mark Henry
3) Curtis Axel
4) CM Punk
5) AJ Lee